hi, need to let it out

hello, i havnt been on here in such a long time. i just had to come on cos im so depressed. Im 19(had an ed for nearly 3 years, bulimic)ive got so much goin on, i was in therapy this time last year an was ther 4 10 months, got discharged cos therapist moved to irland. since i was discharged i started university, did really wel, ate right an tha, felt happy. had afew relapses but got out ov them quick, but now wen i have a relapse it lasts for about a week, but its so bad. anyway im basically back were i started but probs worse.over crimbo has been arwful, ive lost my part-time job an im in uni tmw an dnt want to go, and i go on holiday in 4 days and i rly dnt wanna go, i havnt stoped crying, the thought ov wearing a bikini makes me sik, the fort ov wearing anythin revealing makes me sik. ive even started self-harming!!!  sumtimes it gets so hard i jus want it to stop, the only fing thts stopping me is my family, the thought ov how they wud b if i dyed, it wud kill them.

i jus dnt no wa 2 do anymore, im awaiting therapy of the nhs, but thats going 2 take about 4 months, im so scared about messing up at uni, an its so easy 2 on my course, i study art an its ongoing, if u miss a day, u miss alot!!!!so basically i have no were 2 turn, ive already lost my job, i cannot get kicked off this course. i binged everyday over crimbo, from crimbo eve to 6th jan, then i was ok, then binged this saturday an sunday an 2day. im such a fat looser.

anyway soz 4 the ramble, i jus cnt take it anymore, i thought writing it down wud help, it hasnt, jus made me more stressed lol.

lv danxxxx