Mischief.

Hyia

I'm sorry things have been bad. It doesn't matter that you kept on forgetting. I hope your heads a bit clearer now.

Do you have long left at school? I had my some of my exams last week major scary, and my head was all over the place as well. So I've finished most of what a was doing which wasn't a lot anyway, but I fell to peices this week I think just not even having that tiny break from my head and the adrenalin I'd been living off ran out. Not a pritty sight.

Hows your mam? Mines a bit up and down a bit at the mo, but hey ho. My grandparents are okay.

Most of the appointments have stopped this week I only had one which was soo nice. How are yours going?

How are you? My head is all over the place I can't get my head round whats going on, not that anything is happening here.

Hope things improve for you soon take care

Mischief

Hey hun,

Sorry to hear that you are struggling sweetie, that's not great.

I finish end of July. I had to move all my exams round and everything, beens as things being bad, so was allowed to put some off until January. So, I had 2 this summer, and have done them now.

Glad your grandparents are ok, I hope your mum picks up a little soon, up and down isn't great, it can make it quite hard. Mum's not to bad, she's ok - I went out with her on Sunday so that was nice.

Appointments are going ok, I've got to see an ED Specialist now....  Goodness knows when though lol, but am very nervous about that though.

Head is a bit spinny - and I have been 'ill' recently -  !!!!!! So, yeah....not nice. But, I did survive.

Exams aren't great at the best of times, let alone when you're struggling with other things hun. I hope things pick up soon. *hugs*. xxxxxxx

Hyia Beki

I'm going to start this post the same way I start just about all my posts. I'm so sorry it's took me a while to reply whwnever I've tried to get on the site hasn't been loading up. SO anyhoo

Remember how far you have come hunni and although your struggeling at the mo you have done a lot. So don't feel bad for putting them off for a bit.

Glad things went okay with your mam

I hope things go well with your specalist. Have you seen her yet? At least they should be able to help you with all those issues. Try not to be nervous remember they are there to help you and help you get better.

Being ill isn't nice but at least your okay now and as you said, you survived. I wasn't too great after the english corse finished I just relaxed a little and was yack! I was still surpossed to be doing maths on a Thursday but I keep being unwell on that day or the day before. It's so annoying.

Take care hun huggles

Mischief

I shall begin by saying sorry for taking so long!!

I saw the Specialist the other week, she set me some stuff to do - I've got to stop counting cals, stop weighing food, and stop weighing myself - not all at the same time though, building up slowly..... So am pretty freaked!! I'm seeing her this Thursday though.

Well, everything has gone so much worse! I have been feeling so physically bad - faint, light headed, wobbly, I feel like I am gonna collapse and pains in my head and chest. Dad wanted to take me to hosp, but I said no, anyway.... finally gave in today and let him ring the emegency doc. He said it was probably Chronic Hyperventilation and to ring if it continued. Next thing I know, the phone rings at 10.45 and he wants me at the surgery at 11.15 for an ECG! Panic, not much!! Had it done though, the nurse was really nice. My heart was really fast - but I was nervous, and the voltage was very high? He says it most likely is Chronic Hyperventilation and if it continues I've got to go back. So, was a bit scary! I feel so bad though.... :(

How are you doing now hunni?

xxxxxxxxx

Hyia Sweetie

Thats very scary yep.

I hope the specialist helps, thats all she is trying to do hunni. I know that what she's asks might feel like "well why not just tell me to stop breathing as well" but you haven't always counted cals or weighted everything out.

I count cals sometimes as well I always read labels and those traffic lights GRRRRRRRR are terrible. Something I thought of recently made me laugh out loud though which was how silly cal counting is. There is something I eat which on the label has the cals to the point like you can really be that exsact! Or other things that contain a number of diferent ingredients and they end in a * or what ever it's just so silly can they really garentee that that bar of whatever is the same as the one next door, cause they won't be huuni.

I honestly don't say this to scare you. When I was seeing the dietition she said the same but at the time I didn't see the truth in it but now I do but I don't find it scary I just find it silly.

I honestly hope thats not a freaky thought, but cal counting is so silly I mean we the human race haven't done it for like gazilitions of years and we had less problems then we do now.

I do weight myself ALOT as well but I am trying to cut back on that as it just causes more distress so why bother, if I was tiping the scales at the other end and was about to become obese then I have a right to worry but at the minute putting on whatever is a good thing as it means that I am getting better and although mega scary I am never going to say it isn't I am now able to do things I couldn't when I was more underweight.

The numbers are unreliable anyway hunni, I have a set at home I get weighted at the drs and the dietition and my care co ordinator have all weight me on differnet scales, the dietitions and my old adolesent unit weigh about the same as my home ones. The drs wiegh a bit higher and the care co ordinators by *! now thats scary so really weighing ourselfs is a bit *.

Whether we beleive it or not our bodies will know what is right of us, regardless of number on scales or charts.

Remember also that your bodies water weight changes from day to day sometimes hour to hour, and that when you strat eating again your body goes YYAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!! and takes as much out of the food as it can. In time it will realise that you aren't going to starve it again and relax but at first it'll be so happy.

I hope I haven't freaked you out hun I'm only trying to help. As you can proberbly tell I am in a horribly possitive mood this morning well sort of. I have already had a break down this morning. I'm surpossed to be going out later and I'm not looking forward to it, but i need ot go shopping so .

Anyhoo I found a dog a week ago. Very funny I'd been out for a walk around the local lake and on the way back I met this dead sweet dog who came running up to me. She was dead skinny like litrally skin and bone but she was still dead jooly so I did what any one does in that situation. Called my mam. You could hear her over the phone as I'm going I've found this dog thinking well so leave her. I couldn't though she was in a really bad was so we agreed if she followed me home mam would take a look at her. So of course she did. We put her in the back gadern with the rabbit so she spent ages running round and round and round his run. I think she might has had her eyes on him for dinner.

Anyway he was too big for her, he really was nearly bigger in all ways then her. We took her to the vets I don't know what has happened to her since but she was so so so gourgous. I called her mangy dog but for some weird reason they renamed her Jess.

Wel thats about it from me

Take care hunni

Mischief

Awwww bless the little doggie!! That's so cute!!

No, it didn't scare me..... well it did. I know what you say is right - but it's just so hard to actually 'see it' if you know what I mean?

Ok, ok - today..... I HAD A BLOOD TEST!!!!!! I have refused them for so, so long, since I was 7 - and then they made me have them. I had magic cream lol! (How old am I!) Put the needle in - no blood came out, put another needle in - no blood came out, put another needle in - no blood came out. By the point I was mega faint..... so tried the other arm, put the needle in - BLOOD CAME OUT! Then I had to lie there for AGES cos I felt faint, then I felt a little better, sat up - and had to lie back down again! Lol. Then I was alright, so I sat up, felt alright - and then I stood up and went really faint again, so I had to hold dad's hand to the car 'cos I thought I was going to faint. It was horrible! BUT - I DID IT!  *proud* Hehe!!

I'm struggling, but trying. Went away last week, had a lovely time.

How are things with you - it was lovely to read your post and read that 'positiveness' seeping through. You deserve it. xxxxx

AAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW Sweetie bless

You story brought back so many memories.

 Well done you!!!!!!!!! Your not a wimp at all having the ointment I knew someone who had to have loads of blood tests and they still used magic cream. My dad still freaks out at needles anyway and he has to have loads as well, so I don't think it's wimpy at all.

How are your hols going? Mime kind of suck I've lost all umph and mam and me have been arguing loads, only cause we're both stuck in the house together I'm too hot (I have a real problem with the heat) and she's tired so we're a good combo plus a week full of apps makes for a happy home......not.

It's not too bad though at least I am getting out. I don't usually go out during the hols caus I don't know anyone where I live and i have been going round our local lake and I've had to do some shopping so I'm quiet chuffed. Now thats sad!

Hows things with you, are things going ok with the specialist? Remember hunni this is not forever you were free of this before and you can be again. Plus getting better means that you don't have to be a pin cushion

Take care

Mischief