(no subject)

Hi,

It is possible to drink too much water, but you should aim to drink more if it is hot, like it has been today.

I read somewhere it dilutes something in the body so it doesn't work right if you drink too much....

How are you doing anyway?

take care,

-xxx- lillies

aw thanks for that hun :)

i'm doing okayish thanks. exams are stressing me out which has affected my eating. Getting discharged tuesday so im really worried about that. but on a mpore posative note i've been meeting this guy for a while and we decided to get together and he makes me so happy :)

how are you hun? whats going on with the psych situation atm?

take care xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi,

I'm glad you've met a guy - i'm pleased for you *hugs* I've only had one bf and that was when i was eleven, and i haven't had one since, which just shows how i don't fit in and can't socialise even more.

I'm not too good at the moment. I binge-ate really badly today and i feel really guilty and fat and i know that i have put on loads of weight. The psych. situation isn't going very well. I'm not sure how much i have told you because i reply to a lot of posts, but basically, my cpn thinks that i am going to pretend to feel suicidal to end up in hospital! I am really upset about that, and my school nurse thinks that i am going to need lots of support off various different people for years to come, so yeah...not too good. And my mum, well she thinks she understands me and she thinks everything is so simple, but it really isn't :( God i feel so depressed.

how are you anyway?

take care,

-xxx- lillies

Heya lovely!

I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to reply but i've been really busy!

Before i met this guy hun i'd never had a proper bf, and the ones i did have were *********! Hun it doesn't sho you dont fit in. okay maybe you cant socialise atm but that's cos your confidence is not so good, but with time hun it will, and you will find it a lot easier to be around people and even join in with them. I know it seems really dfar away atm, but i've been where you are, and i'm proof that you can live a normalish life, and you can be around people, and even be happy.

i do know there's no point in me telling you this but you are not fat! That's what your ed will be telling you, and i have no reason to lie to you...your ed has plenty of reasons, the main one being it doesnt want you to leave it. Me however i wont lie to you, and you deserve to be as happy as everyone else out there.

that's crazy what your cpn thinks! i rally dont understand pro's sometimes, their supposed to understand, and know how you feel but when people say things like that it makes you think....why are you in this job?

do you think you'd be better off in hosp? hun what your school nurse said about needing support for many years may be true, but i was told i would never get "better" . But i'm still here, okay not better at all, but i'm alive, i didn't kill myself and i'm not gona lie i did try to, a few times but i have made it through each time, and they say everything happens for a reason right?

aw hun i wish there was something i could do to make you feel better, your such a kind special person and you don't deseerve this! But dont ever give up okay, cos giving up will mean you have been defeated and you are better than any ed!!

me....i'm okay, very stressed about exams, but i only have one left now which is good. I know i've done terrible and will never get into uni (sat an exam today without any revision at all!) so i'm looking at my options.

oh and im also getting discharged tomorrow which im really scared about but i guess it had to happen....hope your okay hun, keep in touch!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi,

How did your discharge go? I know it is scary for you, but just think of it as moving to a new place, but i do think that you should get some more support, because i can tell that you still need it *hugs*

I saw my school nurse today, and she wants to have a meeting on friday with me, her and my CPN to discuss school, but i don't believe her to be honest. I did say 'i don't want any surprises sprung on me like what happened with you and my old CPN', and she looked guilty and made this sympathetic noise. And i also found out that i can't talk about what happened to me when i was younger for * years because of the implications if i do, so i know for a fact that i won't get better for at least * years. Can you imagine? * years stuck like this. I don't want my mum to know how i feel, so i am trying to hide it, and i can't tell her about the * years thing because she will freak out, so i am in a bad place atm.

I've started self-harming again.

My school nurse also told me that if i refuse water again then i would either have a drip put in me or i would be sedated if i refused a drip or some thing....god my mind is in such a mess.

-xxx- lillies

Hi,

how are you doing?

I'm not too good

take care,

-xxx- lillies

hellow sweety!

omg i am so so sorry, i havent been on these boards in about 2 weeks, it's been hard not coming on after being on here everyday for almost 3 years, but i think it's for the best. Basically cos i'm useless to everyone on here cos i never get a chance to reply, and also because whenever i do post it's negative, so i figured staying around was a selfish move. but i had to reply to you! and i hope you forgive me for taking to long!

basically they wouldn't discharge me, i went in saying this is my last appt, and byt he end my nurse was saying that i'm not in a fit staate to make a decision so she's making one for me and i'm not getting discharged! that shocked me so much, so now i'm going back in 2 weeks from now...and that WILL be my last! tbh it felt a relief but i know i cant stay there.

hun whatever it is you feel you can't tell your mum...think it through, what will be the worst reaction possible? because you cannot do this on your own, and i really do think you need her support.

and hun with the sh, you really do not need to inflict more pain on yourself than you allready are. think of the damages you are doing, it's summer, your not going to want to be in long sleeves, or hiding from everyone, you really don't deserve to do it to yourself. whenever you feel your about to sh, try and distract yourself, i know it sounds nuts but it worked for me, try going for a walk, reading, put music on, come online, ring a friend, anything, just dont sh. And if you feel like you cant do any of those try using an elastic band, or squeeze some ice in your hand, and i know seeing the blood is the satisfactory bit so you could try drawing over yourself in red pen. i know it all sounds bizarre but none of these will cause as much damage and put you in as much risk as sh.

fluid is NOT going to do anything to you i swear.. on my life, drinking does NOTHING to your true weight, it may go up straight after you've drunk it, but what goes in must come out, and it does not make a difference hun. you need to try and keep up with fluid intake.

oh god i feel so guilty for not coming on here, i actually logged on now to leave a goobye message to everyone but i cant, not yet anyway....gimme an update hun...im so so so sorry!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi,

I will be devastated if you do go. I find your support really helpful and everything and it feels such a relief to talk to someone who knows what i am talking about, if you get what i mean. I find you really supportive and helpful.If you feel that you must go then you must, but i reallywill miss you *hugs*

Please don't feel guilty. We all have days where we can't face coming on here, for whatever reason that may be, and i sometimes don't come on here for up to five days if i am really busy or am ill or something. It's fine, so don't worry.

This thing i can't tell my mum....what my school nurse said about it confirmed my fear about it, and now there is no way i can tell my mum, because it would just destroy her, like it has destroyed me.

I'm not sure whether it is good news or bad news about not being discharged....but i still think you should go into adult services.

My school nurse got all worried about me because i wasn't drinking, and she kept on at me until i agreed to have a drink, and then she let me stay with her while she put some dates in her diary.....i did feel sick as well though.

I keep hurting myself....my school nurse said that she knows other children who do this and that it is often a sign of anxiety.

How are you?

stay strong,

-xxx- lillies

Heyy

the only reason i feel like i shouldnt come on these boards anymore is because i am so much better than what i was, and people on here are really struggling with their ed's, and i've been there but i'm not that ill anymore. And when i do read people's posts (i do realise how selfish this is) it takes me back to what i was like, and how my life was and i can't bear to think about it....so i feel completely helpless!

Hun you know this thing that happened to you? you say it's destroyed you, but if you're able to talk to it about your mum, then yes it will most prob hurt her, but being able to talk to her and her understanding will make it easier for the both of you. Hun keeping secrets is not always a good thing, and can sometimes make things worse.

i can't go into adult services....no way! i just need to be free of the whole system now....2 and a half years of constant appts are more than enough!

You really do need to try and keep your fluid intake at a good level, trust me i know you don't think they notice, but they do. Think of the damage your doing to your body allready, depriving it of fluid's aswell just isn't good.

i'm okay, been better, been working lots, which is good and bad cos it keeps me busy, but also i'm wrecked! friday i worked 11 hours and only had an hour break! But i need the money. But things are okay, i can't complain compared to lots on here.

More importantly how are you hun? hows things going? finished school yet?

take care sweety

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi,

This is only going to be short i'm afraid because i am about to go to bed (it's 11.20pm).

I'm really not good...i am drinking now though, everything is getting on top of me really badly.

I finish school on thursday, which is good.

How are you doing?

I'm sorry about your job being hectic, and i'm pleased that you are better than you were before.

take care,

-xxx- lillies

hey hun

im so sorry to hear your not doing good. But drinking i great! you have to keep it up hun, don't let your ed tell you otherwise.

hows your eating going?

hey hun

im so sorry to hear your not doing good. But drinking i great! you have to keep it up hun, don't let your ed tell you otherwise.

hows your eating going? How will you find not being able to talk to your school nurse? what support will you be getting over the summer?

are you feeling any better now?

i'm really sorry i dont know what happened there, here for you always hun, take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi,

I'm still drinking at the moment. It is really hard for me though :(

My eating is all over the place. I weighed myself at my aunt's and i feel so awful about it and i don't know how to describe how i feel, except let down by myself.

I am seeing my school nurse on 30th July, which is good because i need someone to talk to. I saw my CPN on friday, and she was a bit sceptical of me :(. I'm seeing her again (my CPN) on 15th august.

I'm not feeling any better to be honest. My mood is really low, and i keep arguing with everyone, because i am a bitter and twisted person. My relationship with my mum is at rock-bottom, and i feel so alone and hated.

How are you doing?

take care,

-xxx- lillies

heyy hun!

how did it go staying at your aunts? how was eating there? I know it's hard to kep drinking when you really don't want to, but if you keep on doing it then it will get easier over time.

hun you should not feel let down by yourself at all. When you've got an ed you will not be happy with your weight. You can set a target weight for you, but guaranteed you'll get there and that won't be enough, so you'l have to keep on losing which is why this is so dangerous!

i hope it goes well with your school nurse, hun get everything off your chest. It's better like that.

No way are you a bitter and twisted person!!!!!! No way! this illness just changes you so much, it takes away your personality, it leaves you being someone that's not you. My relationship with my mother has been terrible! like just couldnt get any worse, but that was when i was at my worst, your mum loves you, and maybe she doesnt realise that it's your ed that's creating all these arguments, but it will get better, it really will.

I'm doing okay ta. Got discharged a week ago today, and i worked 42 hours last week, and i just havent had a minute to even let it sink in. And this week i'm working almost as many hours, but in a way i think it might be good cos i'd end up crying and i rally cant be bothered for that. I'm meeting up with a friend tomorrow though, she's ana aswell and she's stuck by me through school and everything! So going to see her for a catch up.

hope your okay hun, keep my updated and stay strong! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi,

It went okay at my aunt's. We did this adventure course, as my aunt is very unconventional, which was very scary, as you are 70ft up in the air and have to do free-falling jumps and zip wires and stuff, but it took my mind off things, so i suppose it was good.

Eating there was bad, as my aunt works during the day in the week, and i ended up binge eating on lots of unhealthy stuff :(

How are you doing? Are you glad you got discharged?

My mum doesn't think that i need to see my school nurse during the summer holidays, but i know that i do, because i find it hard to cope without seeing her. I haven't seen her for nearly two and a half weeks already and i am struggling. My mum doesn't know how bad i feel because i hide it from her.

stay strong,

-xxx- lillies

hey!

this is only going to be quick cos i'm feeling like shit! distraction is the best thin, always wanted to do something like that, im too chicken though!

i'm doing terrible, family life has gone bad again, but also i'm so unsettled cos i just want my a-level results now so i know if i'm going to uni or not, this waiting around is killing me! i dunno how i feel about getting discharged, trying not to think of it. I feel a bit detached from the world right now tbh.

if you think your school nurse is helping then go and see her. my mother never thought my psychiatrist helped and wanted me to stop seeing her, but at the time she did.

hope your okay hun take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi,

How are you doing? I'm sorry to hear that you aren't feeling very good at the moment *hugs*

I will be away until the 23rd on holiday, i'm really sorry xx

I got my a-level results, which were a mixture of e's and u's and a few d's thrown in and one b and one a (as results split into modules). Everyone thinks they mismarked my papers though. How did you do?

My family life is awful too - i keep arguing with my mum :(

-xxx- lillies

Heyy

I'm okay thanks, been better but been lots worse, so i shouldnt really complain. Hun don't be sorry your going on holidays, i hope you have a fab time, and dont let this ed ruin it for you!

Hun you can always resit your exams if your not happy with the results. It's not the end of the world, there are lots of options. You could send them back to be remarked? Hun doing exams are stressfull enough but doing them with an ed is so so much harder! Dont be too hard on yourself!

I did okay, could have done better, had BBD, the D was a suprise though cos i was expecting a U in RE, i never went to half the lessons, and really couldnt be bothered to revise, so it's amiracle i got that! But i got into uni which i am really pleased about! I've had all my confirmation letters, and accomodation forms which is making it all real. I'm realy excited, which is why i dont understand why i'm doing so rubbish in myself, and my eatings all over the place. Ah well, how are you doing now hun? hope your feeling a little better?

i know how u feel about family life being bad, Mine has been for years. Your mum loves you no matter what you think, and i know the arguments make things harder ed wise, but keep telling yourself you are an important person!

let me know how u are hun....take care!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx