to much structure!

hia hunni

sorry your feelin this bad  hugs

im in the same situation as u hun, i dont see my friends as much anymore bcoz this is takin over my life.. do any of your friends know about your ed?

as for boyfriends, i feel exactly the same way. but hunni im sure your not as ugly and horrible as u think u are! god knows what boys want! when i was at a higher weight, no boys ever looked at me, now ive lost weight, they still dont! arghhh! anyway hunni, i dont really know what to say to make you feel any better, except there IS point in u being here, and im here if ever u need to talk x

sorry if this hasnt helped at all, but i know how u feel xxxxxxxxxx

I'm sorry you feel this way sweetie. I can totally relate, so just know you are not alone. This is what the illness does to us, it tells us horrible lies about ourselves. Just remember none of that is true. And whatever it tells you, tell yourself the opposite. So instead of telling yourself negative things (because those things are certaintly not true) tell yourself that you are beautiful and fantastic and brave and you are strong enough to come through this.

As for the guys.. they tend to like girls with curves. The mojority of guys don't like thin women. This is something I've heard a lot from the guys I know. It might not make much differnce to how you feel now but if you keep complimenting yourself, soon you'll feel much better and much more confident about yourself. Take care x

thank you so much for just replyn :) i h8 feeln so ugly n fat its horrible. most ov my friends no because iv bee in n out of hospital but i think in a way there sik ov me. i just wish i could feel nice about myself. xxx

how are u ?

shabba- thank you :) im gunna try and stay possitive its just so hard wen i h8 myself so much

xxx

Hi,

My name is Lillies, I had my 17th birthday today, and i have also been in hospital, once, last year  for three months, so i know what it is like to a certain degree.

My ED has taken over my life as well. People talk to me in the street sometimes, people who i don't know, and they say 'hi, how are you?' and i'm too busy concentrating on coutning calories or what i am going to eat for the day to answer them. I have no friends and i push all my family away.

Everyone says that i am thin, but i think that they are lying because all i see is fat when i look into the mirror, and i think they are all tricking me and pretending that i am thin when really i am grossly overweight. My mind is so messed up and it does my head in.

The best thing for you to do is to stay positive and to try and talk to your friends about how you feel, and explain to them that you are finding it hard with everything going on to go out with them, and say that you would like their support right now, or more support if you like. Ask them to come round to your house instead of going out or something, or ask them round for a sleepover or go out to the cinema and take your meal with you to eat in there.

Hope you;re okay and stay strong,

-xxx- lillies

I do like structure, well I don't think I actually like the idea of it as it does annoy me sometimes like if I want to go out at night but I know I have to eat.

But I like it in the way that I know it will make be better and it's not forever, if I keep eating then I will get more freedom and be able to have a lie in and maybe have brunch instead of early breakfast!

As for guys, they all like different types of girls, I would want to go out with a guy that didn't mind if I put on weight and who didn't want a skinny girl so there was no pressure on me, personally O wouldn't want a really skinny guy who was bony! I think they like to see a girl who enjoys food.

When I have been out with guys in the past they haven't minded my size, this was when I was a normal weight, one did say that I ate a lot, which I did but I like food! But I would get rid of a guy if he commented on my weight and wanted me to lose it as we are worth more than that.

I think that you have to be happy with yourself first before you can be happy with someone else, then if you are happy you will find the right person, don't go out desperately looking as when your young you have loads of time!

I'm 20 and like being single atm, you get so much freedom and more money to treat yourself and I feel independent!

Your friends won't be sick of you, they will care, maybe they don't want to hurt you or don't know what to say, it's much easier if you open up and are honest to them, I did this, I asked if they minded me talking about my illness and they are glad I do as they know I am getting better.

Plan things as well with your friends for when your better, short and long term, like we say we will go shopping in a month when I can buy clothes, then a night out, then a festival, then xmas shopping somewhere nice, then a themepark, then a holiday next year!!! It gives you an incentive to get better and something to work towards.

xxxx

lillies- thank you i know how you eel wen u say u push ppl away because i do it 2. its difficult because i cant eat infrount of ppl n i cant eat meals out i hav 2 hav certain foods that i cant get anywer plus im vegi so its even harder! i just feel lky i miss out on alot. i hope u r getn the support you need hunni. im here if u wanna talk yeah? xxxx

emma- thank you for your message u sound really positive nd that really nice to here, makes me feel lyk there is hope. its hard now at this age becaue we go clubn but its suh a hasl 4 me beacausei hav 2 mix all my meals around so i can go and im not allowd 2 go all da tie cos ov my low weight. thru da day wen i no im goin out i feel lky i hav 2 eat less s i can drink aswel.....just wish i could let go and hav fun 4 once. u sound lyk ur on da rite track but im sure u stil hav issues and if u wanna talk to me about anythin im here yeah. o can i ask if u dnt mind that is, what care do you get in adult service because im almost 18 and im worried i wont get any support? xxxx

I find it easier to eat around certain people, like my close family and best friends, I was out with my friend today and it took me twice as long as her to eat my *!

I know cutting back is a bad idea, I went out last saturday and I got quite tired but I know it will get better in time!

Yeah I still have lots of issues and I'm only 3 months into recovery and I dread having bad days, I get confused as I know I'm too thin and I want to be a normal weight so I can do everything I love, but I struggle sometimes as I get so full and bloated! And I have a tendancy to eat too healthily .

You will get support when your 18 it's just different, when I was younger I went to a child services who saw me weekly, when I was 18 the doctor referred me to a mental health team and they have a psychologist.

I found when I was an adult it's more in your control, as a child I didn't have a say in my treatment, as an adult I do and you have to get better for yourself I have found that anyway it is me deciding to get better now and I am doing more myself to get better so hopefully I will stay better this time!

Just see your doc and see what they say about what servixes are around xx

u sound just lyk me wen u talk about getn bloatd n eatn 2 healthily, plus i hav irritable bowl syndrom aswel so it makes it all 100 times worse. i c a dietition and my diet is now difficult because everythin is so low fat/ low calorie. i strugl a lot of the time wif how i look. my weight is low but i cant face being fatter. u sound very supported and i hope wen im 18 i get the same help xxxx

Hi,

How are you doing?

I'm not going to go into my problems because you've got enough of your own if that's okay? I don't want to bring you down with me when you need to stay positive.

I'm going into adult services in ten months and i am so scared, because i;m used to things being done for me. I want to stay a child.

take care,

-xxx- lillies

I did like child services as they were quite strict and had my parents involved, I just did as they said and got better quite quick but I have relapsed twice and now I can finally feel as though I am getting better for myself and hopefully it will stay that way.

I have a fear of growing up too, I think I'm scared of what the future holds but I am 20 now and I know I really need to grow up and I want a life now and not to be ill anymore!! xxxx

Hi,

I'm glad that you're trying so hard to get better Emma, well done and i am pleased for you *hugs*

How is everyone doing?

take care,

-xxx- lillies