Roxy999

Hey,

Im glad your doing ok. My CPN too was very shocked when she first read my food diary and she said 'you went a bit overboard there!' that really wasn't a very helpful comment at all, and just made me feel so s***

It does get alot easier after the first time. Also you may find that your eating habits don't change from week to week so there isn't really anything new to 'shock' her

If you don't want to go to the ED clinic again then i am glad, but are you sure it wouldn't help? Sorry i don't think i know much about your past, so i don't know whether the ED clinic helped you at all?

Its good that a councellor is going to monitor you weekly, do you have a good relationship with you councellor?

Yer im ok, no change really, if anything things are going downhill! Just very very tired and fed up. Friends really don't understand and that upsets me so much. I just go off at lunchtime everyday now. I prefer to be myself, you know?

Really glad your ok, good luck with everything

Love Roxy xxxxxxxxxx

Aww sorry to hear its going downhill for you, I wish I had a magical word to make it all better for you, I hate knowing your not doing well, but i can totally understand about being fed up with everything. I also get the whole wanting to be on your own thing, its easier not having to explain anything to people and not having to worry what people think...ALLTHETIME!.

I may try again with the ED Clinic when im feeling more comfortable with it.

I spoke to my councellor this morning and it was good. It bought things to light, eg the fact I ALWAYS have to please people and I never say no to anyone because I cant handle hurting them or them not being happy with me, which always leads to me binging and purging. Ive been trying to make people happy my whole life so I doubt i can stop nw, its just the way things are 4 me.

I guess I always fear people will think im weird or a freak or just strangly different. I know thats childish but i cant help it.

Anyway at least I realise this problem now and can add it to my ONGOING list of issues

Aint it amazing how the same 'issue' that can make you feel like you have all the control in the world can also be the very thing that sends you spiralling out of control till you cant see yourself ever getting a grip again? aarrrrggggghhh

ok END OF RANT lol

have a good day sweety you deserve it.

XxXx

Im pleased the meeting with the councellor went well! Even though its hard to face up to the reason(s) that contributed to the ED, it must be so helpful. At least now you know where you need to target, and your help can be more specific.

Talk about an ongoing list of issues, mine is pages long and i don't think it will ever end  It is so depressing knowing how many things i need to get over. Its probably the same for you?

Its not childish at all, wanting to please everyone. You are not weird, or a freak or anything like that. Please do not think that and do not believe people who tell you that.

Yer things are still going down down downhill!!! Not been a good day. I hate all the eyes looking at me, analysing what i am eating and watching me. I hate it when they watch me while i eat and then follow me to the toilet afterwards. I hate smelling of sick the whole time. I just hate everything, i cant stand it!

Ah, a rant feels so good!

Take care

Love Roxy xxxxxxxxxx