BULIMICS

hey hun

well i m on weekend leave at the minute from inpatient treatment for my bulimia....i m not really thin i m juyst clased as normal and yeah if u looked at me you would nt know i had an ED

things just got to much to cope with at home and i got put inpatient due to how servere my binging and purging was

i m not on much at the minute but message me and i ll try and reply

xxxx

Hey,

Its a really good idea to start this topic. It is hard because we do look 'normal' and there arn't really any obvious signs of having bulimia....

I am also a healthy weight for my height and i too wear a normal dress size. I have been suffering from this for about 2 years now...the worst 2 years of my life.

I often think to myself i am not going to be sick tonight, but i can't stop myself, i can't resist it.  once i have been sick - I get a feeling of relief. I think because i feel so disgusted in myself for binging.

Anyway thats a brief bit about me, hope u r all ok

Love Roxy xxxxxxx

Thanks for your replies lottie_lou and Roxy. Hope you are both well.

My bank holiday weekend has been good in some respects, I went out with some friends and had alot of fun, but then I went into hangover mode, and when I go into that I just eat, and eat, and eat, and eat, and you get the picture! Except I didn't just eat, more binge, worse than normal, I couldn't get the food in fast enough, it's not normally like that, and then of course came the purging, I too feel that purging feels like a 'relief' and it is a way of coping for me with other things that happen in my life.

Lottie_Lou, how are you finding your inpatient treatment, I had initially looked into it but my PCT couldn't fund it. Do you think it is helping?

Take care

Kat x

hey kat, lottie-lou and roxy

i'm lil and sounds like i'm in a very similar situation to you all - i'm 23 and suffering from bulimia, it's been almost 3 years now (ever since i was discharged from the clinic after i'd 'recovered' from anorexia) 

my weight is also normal and on the one hand, being underweight when i was anorexic brought so many problems and i wouldn't want that again, but on the other hand, sometimes i think, i've just been so sick that is really hurts, i'm putting myself through all of this and i'm still not even thin. i know that's the wrong mentality but does that make sense to any of you?!!

not having a great time of things at the moment, am away from home and i just can't wait to get back and try and sort myself out.

hope you're all ok, keep fighting

lil xx

I'm not bulimic, I have EDNOS though, some days with anorexic tendencies, some days bulimic tendencies. I hate my ED, because I am too of a normal weight.

I had a bout of anorexia when I first 'started this' - and lost so much weight, and loved my skinny body. But then I started eating normally for a while and put weight back on. but I HATE my body so much now because Im not skinny.

I feel disgusted with myself because I feel im just not thin enough and never will be again. Im scared I dont get taken seriously when I go for help for this, because my weight is normal. I hate that. I never felt more control than when my weight was too low.

Looking at me, you wouldnt tell I had eating problems.

    Hello everyone,

 I am complety new to this site, I've been suffering from bulimia nervosa for the past four years or so. I don't actually remember when exactly has it started.  At the moment I am 19 and going to university in September.

  When I was younger I wanted to get as thin as possible, to 'be the best', to attract other people's attention, also because I used to be different and some people didn't like me. And I hated myself as well. I've been feeling like a jerk. I used to self-harm as well.  I even had to skip some classes at school to go home and vomit my food. I was underweight, but I couldn't cope anymore.

 Now after 4 years, I don't really dream about being skinny anymore, I'm ok with my body, although I do have bad days.  But still, it is a very strong physical habit and I really can't resist to binge and vomit.  I REALLY feel hungry and I can't overcome the urge to overeat. And I can't  stop vomiting, whenever I am full I feel arising pannic in myself  and I feel sick.

The thing that I hate the most about my condition is that every morning when  I wake up, I immediatly start analysing my life, thinking why did it come to this and obviously promising myself that today's gonna be better. And I never ever fulfill this promise.

I really want to recover. I don't want to devote all my time and attention to something as stupid as food, I want to be myself, without double life and secrets, share more time with my friends and family and stop thinking about my past!

It's nice to see that I am not alone, that all of you have similar kind of problems with food. I do hope we all will be strong and lucky enough to recover asap.

Really, my only dream at the moment is to BE HEALTHY (sounds like a magic word).

Lollipop and Lil you are oh so true,

To some because we are 'normal' we are not ill, doesn't matter that we binge to the excess and then purge, doesn't matter that we look in the mirror and absolutely hate what we see, because we are 'normal' size, just means there can't be too much wrong with ourselfs. We in some ways have to 'prove' ourselves-that sounds daft but I think you'll know what I mean- in order to get help we have to show that there is actually something wrong with us, basically binge and throw up in front of the assessors because they cannot physically see what the disorder is doing to us.

Anyway, I am slippin in and out of alcohol induced conciousness so need to slip away, it has tqaken me nearly 40 minutes to wrote this! Gotta go, sozzzzzzzzz

Kat

Hy I'm 23 and Bulumic, I've been binging and purgin for years, but in the last 3 months I've got really bad like doing it 2/3 times a day. I used to binge, and I mean like I'd have a mound full of choclate wrappers (or whatever I could find) in a semi circle around me. But recently I throw up even if i've only had someting little, or i make myself binge so that I can throw it back up... I have lost alot of weight doin this and part of me is really happy but then the more cautious whisper in the back of my mind says this really isnt good for you...... Yeah I do think Bulumia is kinda frowned upon by alot of people outside, like its a lack of control and that we're just being greedy, to be honest I wish i could stop eating completely...(not that I want to be really ill or anything) I hate the way I fixate on food

hey lottie lou

i can completely understand how you feel. when i 'started' i was anorexic for about 3-4 years, and got so thin i was admitted and then spent the best part of a year in a clinic. it was awful at the time, and i lost a lot of friends over it, and had to drop out of uni. i keep trying to remind myself of all the bad things that happened because of it but right now all i seem to be thinking of is how good it felt to be that thin and to be taken seriously, because now i'm making myself sick all the time and i'm a pretty normal weight, nobody can tell how much i'm hurting and i feel like i wouldn't be taken seriously if i were to go back to my old clinic. i think i'm gonna have to though because i can't cope any more on my own.

how did you go about getting help? i really admire you for having the courage to do it because you deserve it and need it. and as much as we felt in control when we were really thin, it was ana controlling us, not the other way around... just hard to remember that sometimes.

i have a family wedding coming up this weekend and i'm scared of being told how 'well' i look... i hate that.

hope you are ok hun, always here for a rant if you want!

lil xxx

Hi guys,

I'm also new to these boards...this is the first time I've ever spoke out about my bulimia to anyone, so first of all. thanks for listenining. It all started three years ago for me. I was extremely overweight...being at size * at 16 years old, and i used to get so depressed. I'd try exercise but then I'd go and eat loads of junk food after, so it didn't do much good.

I remember the very first time I threw up; it was after a *. I'd eaten so so much, and i was so full that i felt sick. I remember it made me feel so relieved, but I felt bad after. Even so, next time i felt full, I did it again, and again, until i was doing it after every meal.

I kept loosing weight, and it became a complete obsession. Last year was the worst, i was paranoid about putting on even a single pound. I was a size * and everyone would say i was perfect, but when i looked in the mirror i saw fat. I could see my ribs but still i saw fat.

 It wasn't until last month that i looked in the mirror and finally said 'what on earth am i doing to myself?' I looked normal, but there was such obvious signs of bulimia. My cheeks were so gaunt, i looked so tired, and run down. Somehow, i still don't know how i did it, it only took me a week or so to completely stop throwing up. I'd still have urges and my belly would still reject food, but i stopped. It's so hard, it's been a month now and i've put on *. I'm constantly looking in the mirror crying, but i'm hoping it's only whilst my body is getting used to food again. I'm balancing it out with exercise.

I have never told anyone about this, i'm so ashamed of myself. I can't even tell my boyfriend which hurts so much. He's always told me I'm beautiful, and I'd cry and cry thinking about how much it'd hurt him to know what i was doing to myself.

I know i'm on the mend now, but i'm still a bulimia sufferer. i still think about it all the time, i still can't help but over eat, but i'm just gonna keep going till i get better. This illness has plagued me and taken over mty life for three years, and i'm not gonna let it beat me.

Sorry this was so long, lol!

I am 16 and I have only been 'bullimic' for 4 months now but it has been the worst 4 months of my life. It hasn't changed me alot pysically and if you saw me you wouldn't be able to tell by my body. It has changed me so much mentally I use to always be happy and now I am always so sad and depressed. It is all I think about I have GCSEs and I am not even thinking about them half as much as making myself sick.

My closest friends and my family have noticed the change in my personality and I hate the voice in my head for changing me so much. Today is the first day I have managed to see how much I have changed and it is not a good change. I am so scared and I feel so out of control and I am worried of what I am going to do next, as I have now started to hide my food.

Whenever I eat I feel so sick and it's such a temptation. My friend is trying to get me to go to the doctors or to a clinic but I feel that I am not ill enough as I have only been doing it for 4 months, although it seems like a life time. I'm scared of getting better and I don't think I am ill enough yet for professional help.

Sorry I have wrote so much, but today has been so bad.

Hiya,

hun i wanna tell you that you are 'ill' enough to get help now.

I understand how worrying it is to go and get professional help but it is not as scary as you think. Trust me, i was SO nervous before i went to my GP but it wasn't as bad as i thought. Maybe your friend could go with you to the appointment as well, it might make things a bit easier? Does your family no about this?

Please hun go and get help, because it will mean that you can recover quicker. 4 months is long enough for professional help, because if you think about it, it is not suddenly gonna go away. And it will just get worse and worse the longer you leave it.

I no what you mean about getting better, it is scary to leave what has come to be your 'normal' life. But this is not your normal life, try and think back to life before this ED.

Stay strong, always here if you wanna chat,

Love Roxy xxxxx

hey lil and everyone else

so yeah inpatient treatment ( i m on weekend leave at the mo ) ni dont really remember thow things got bad enough for inpatient ....i was already getting help so yeah had support and one day i just  had like a mental break down which just got worse

KAT... i understand how wit feels to be hurting so so much but be like invisible to everyone if that makes sense tthats horrible lil that the PCT would nt fund your inpatient stay , i d definatly reccomend it if poss i ve been in the unit 3 weeks now and yeah its definatly hard work but i feel like i m getting a true chance of getting better like i tried everything else and this is a real chance for me to change

Indiegal ....welcome to the boards i really want you to know that you should nt feel ashamed of having an ED its  not your fault and u deserve so much more

and to everyones else i really hope things get betta sorry for not being around much i lll post when i can

Hi everyone.

Hope you are all okay. I have had my appointment with the mental health nurse this morning, it went well, I took my mum and dad with me, they need to be more involved and aware of what's happening if we can even begin to get things back on track.,

They have suggested I start an 'emotional wellbeing' course to deal with my depression and occasional suicidal intention, and then I am going to attend a self esteem course with one of the local ED charities.

They have also said I can return to my nursing job- yey!! i have to go back on phased return though and with supervision. Even still, I am really pleased I can go back, although it's going to be wierd after 3 months off!!!

Best wishes to you all

Kat xxx

Hi again

Just wanted to share quite good news, that I went to the doctor for the first time today, to talk about my  bulimia. She was so kind and understanding  it gave me lots of hope, maybe I can really recover, because I do want to...

I will get all the tests and examinations(10 in total) and see the therapist next week.

I am quite enthusiastic.

Kisses for everyone!

Some other people have described what I have, I too used to be very underweight but I gained a lot of weight when I began eating normally eating again. I couldn't cope with being underweight anymore but I miss that so much. I now eat too much, or eat nothing and I purge frequently.

I find it hard to think about my ED because I don't feel like I look like I have an ED and everyone will think I'm being over the top. But I'm screaming inside really. I hate myself for looking this normal.

I have counselling but not for my ED, I wish I could find the courage to tell somebody how I feel. I tell myself that I will tell my counsellor but when I get in the room I bottle out.

I just pray that one day I will be okay and I will recover,  but it's taking years.

Take care,

xxxx

Hi - it's good to hear from you all.

'kissthese' - I have suffered wtih bulimia for 5 years now, and only recently told someone. It all came out in the open when I went through a really bad bout of depression. I was in a way, then forced to tell my GP, parents etc etc and actually, whilst it was difficult at first, it's been such a help since.

I am getting the support I need and whilst I am not recovered, I have many good days, and I don't beat myself up if I have a bad day. I describe it as a 'blip'.

I am now able to be more open with people about my bulimia.

Well done bad_sister for getting the courage to tell your GP- it's not going to get sorted overnight but you have taken the first step, i'm really pleased for you.

Best wishes everyone

Kat xx

I have a question for you.......................

Is it possible to be putting on weight and positive for change, but still continue to binge and purge?

I have become so much more positive about things and taken steps to getting help but I continue to binge and purge on a regular basis, and I don't understand.

Surely, if i'm positive and liking the way I am, my binging and purging should be under a bit more control.

Look forward to hearing what you think.

Kat x

i think aslong as your positive theres more chance of you stopping the binge and purge cycle

what help are you getting ??

when i started getting help i used to hav positvedays and really bad ones but even on the good days i d binge and purge ...

i dont really know what to say to you kat but i really hope things change for you cand i m glad to hear your happy

xxx

I think it's definately possible, because it becomes habit. It's not that you want to purge to change the way you look, its because your body has got so used to purging that it doesn't know how to stop.

 I think that's the case anyway, most of the time i'd find myself hung over a toilet without even thinking about it. I too liked the way i was but just didn't stop binging purging

 xxx

 Let me tell you what, last summer I was feeling the same, I was finally putting on weight and feeling unexpectedly positive, I would smile every day without any reason. But unfortunately all my depression has come back with a double force when I realised that I still do have a problem. Purging is not normal. You can't be really free and happy without recovering, I think.

 But positive thinking deffinitely helps. I hope that you will take advantage on it and get better, darling!

I go from one extreme to another, I was all set to go out tonight with some friends on a Moulin Rouge themed birthday but I just can't make it out the door. Bought an outfit especially for it but I put it on and it just makes me look fat, so now i'm left in binging and purging whilstall my friends will be going out, having fun. I just can't do it.

So, i'll just sit here with my bottle of wine, and binge central food and continue to live my own sad little life.

Ps Thanks for your replies indiegal and bad_sister. xxx 

aw darling you mustn't think like that! I know it's so hard though,we all think too low of ourselves which is why we do this.

I think i've cried every day for the past week because i'm so unhappy with my weight and the way i look in clothes. I'm going on holiday in 3 weeks and the thought of wearing a bikini makes me crawl inside. I really don't know what i'm going to do.

 I'm sure all your friends would have supported you on your night out. maybe next time go, and it might have taken your mind off it. I understand exactly how you're feeling though. We're all here for you!

xxxx 

Kat,

Yeah, that's what I meant. I might feel very positive for some time then I can feel that I am getting back to black and this cycle repeats again and again... . it's such an addiction.

Thankfully I have my appointment at a clinic on Tuesday. Not that I am very up to going there. But my attitude is like: I already know very well what will happen if I don't get medical help, so I let's see what happens if I do. At least I will know that I tried......

MMMM, Well, another weekend, another arguement, another binge another purg :-S

My parent's just won't let me forget what I have put them through or how much I have to apologise for. It's like as much as i'm trying to move on they won't let, they just keep bringing up the past.

Ultimaely it's ends in me just leaving the situation and thinking negative thoughts again, stopping my meds and just wanting to sleep all the time so i don't' have to deal with things.

Sorry my peeps, youre all so special

xxx

Hey everyone,

This is the first time I have posted on these boards but I'm back home from Uni at the moment and am feeling really isolated as my family don't understand at all.

I have been struggling with what I think is becoming bulimia for the past few months. During my exams I just thought I'd put up with it until the holidays and then I could give all my attention to sorting myself out but now it is here I am finding it impossible to control my bingeing/ purging.

I was IP for 15 mths with anorexia just over a year ago but once I was discharged and had gained weight people all presume I am 'recovered'. I suppose I am from the type of ED I had before but now I am really struggling again and don't know what to do.

I know what you mean about people not thinking you are ill. I find it really hard to admitt to my binge/purging because when I have done I have been told that I have to take control and stop. If only it was that easy. I feel disgusted with myself in a way I never did. Although I would never want to be in the place again at least then I felt I had some self control aeven if really it was the ED in control. Now I feel weak and guilty that I am not stopping myself doing this.

Sometimes I can be feeling good about myself and happy yet I still binge. I don't understand why I do it as I am ok with my body and I'm happy with my course and friends at Uni. I just don't know what the best way to get help is.

Anyway, apologies for a negative first post, I'm not always this down.

Hope to get to know evevyone better.

Love Becky x

Hi Becky

Welcome to the message boards and well done for having the guts to speak out, I know it can be hard. I'm Lil, 23 and sound to be in a fairly similar situation...

I spent a year IP for anorexia and was discharged earlier than normal so I could start uni again.  Like you, I put on weight, everyone was like, oh great she's better... but then after 6 months I started binging and purging and it's still going on almost 2 years later.  I'm so unhappy with it, feel out of control and disgusting.  I don't know why it's happening either because I'm also happy with uni, family, friends... I just dont know.

If I were you I'd really get some help now, before it really takes a grip... we all know that the longer this goes on the harder it is to get better.  Is there anyone you can talk to, a good friend, someone in your family, or even a GP or someone at your old clinic if you're still in touch?  You can do this hun, taking the step is the hardest part but I'm sure you can do it.

Keep in touch

Love Lil xxx

Hey Lil,

Thanks for the msg. Helps to know I'm not the only one who has slipped from one ed to another. I do have contact with my original consultant and he is great with me but I don't know what kind of help I need.

he suggested I eat a limited diet for a while ie. avoid triggers but I couldn't manage to do it. After so many years restricting with anorexia my body doesn't take kindly to being restricted/ limited again and I ended u jus wanting to binge more.

I have made an appointment to see him anyway and discuss my options. I don't want to carry n like this all thru uni. Its harder to gt help tho than with anorexia as then I was een as ill but  kno people only kno if I say and tht isn't often as I feel guilty and horrible about what I do.

Are you getting any help off people? I'll let you kno how I get on.

Love Becky xx

HI everyone.

Well, as of tomorrow I shall no longer be living on my own asI have a housemate moving in, she obviously doesn't know about my ED and that's how it will stay. On ine side I fear that there will be less opportunity for me to purge but then on the positive side, I should hioefully be binging less, especially in the evening which is usually when my binging happens.

I hope everyone is ok, it's nice to speak to you all on the Live Chat.

Best wishes to you all

Kat x

Elo,

I havent been diagnosed with bulimia or anything but i binge and purge all the time...i eat under cals for a few days but then just end up binging and purging.

I agree...i find it so hard because im a 'normal' weight...infact im more towards the overweight.

I seem to b getting worse and its all doing my head in...just wish i could find help.

xxxxxx

Elo,

I havent been diagnosed with bulimia or anything but i binge and purge all the time...i eat under *cals for a few days but then just end up binging and purging.

I agree...i find it so hard because im a 'normal' weight...infact im more towards the overweight.

I seem to b getting worse and its all doing my head in...just wish i could find help.

xxxxxx

Hi everyone!

Hope you are all ok, I seem to be doing ok at the moment, started an 'emotional wellbeing' course yesterday as part of my treatment for depression, I am positive about it, I have to be, we did this meditation bit and I really got on well with it, I got home and downloaded a guided mediatation cd and wow, I felt so relaxed and comfortable.

I had a binge and purge this morning but i'm not beating myself up about it, I realise that things do not change overnight, afterall, i've had this for 5 years. I have been trying to contact my local ED association to sign up for a 'self esteem' course but they still haven't replied, it's annoying when you really want help and can't access it!

Anyway, hope you are all ok, hope to speak to some of you on the live chat later.

Kat xxx

I'm beckie and i'm 14. ive had bulimia for 5 months and it has really affected my weight and my family. I have a boyfriend who keeps tellin me im gorgeous and that i'm his baby. he knows that i'm doin this but it hurts him. some people think i'm anorexic coz my bulimia has caused me to lose about a stone and a half. these 5 months have caused me and my boyfriend to have a break but we spoke and we're ok now.

Can i plz have sum advice on this as it's slowly killing me???

Beckie xxxxx

Uh, talk about bad days!

I don't know what's happened but the binging and purging have gone to extremes! It's also like as much as I try to get rid of all the food I binge on I still keep puttin gon weight.

This is awful. I have to start having iron again as my levels are low. I fear that when I see my gastro consultant he's going to make  point of my bulimia and will soon stop offering them to me if I continue on the way I am.

Kat xx 

ok Im 20 and hav been bulimic since around 15 I find it hard ALL THE TIME, but im NOT ready to stop yet because i still think it helps and Its the only thing I can do that helps me lose weight as quickly as I want, Ive only just started to see a councellor andnow I ended up seeing a doctor whos refering me for an ecg cos councellor told me 2 ask for a electrolyte test and i did and the doc sussed me straight away.....the first couple of replys suggested that I could be made an inpatient I f it got 2 bad.....is that true?????

Hiya everyone, sorry i have not commented on this post for a bit!

Kat2008 - im exactly the same. No matter how hard i am trying to rid myself of the food i have eaten i am still putting on weight. I hate it so much. . It really is the most horrible (illness?)

Beckie - ED's do get in the way of everything! They eventually cause you to isolate yourself from the outside world. Dont let that happen to you. Just try and be honest with your bf, it is good that you have already trusted him with what is going on and everything, but let him know how you are feeling and everything like that. Hows everything now hun? Btw you may have an ED that is between ana and mia, have you had any professional help for this?

And to everyone else - i hope your all doing ok atm and that you are all still fighting!

Love Roxy xxxxxx

Indiegal, I can completely understand what ur on about and its nice that theres someone out there like me. I 2 am terribly overweight although ive been suffering with buli for 5 years now. Other bulimics out there are going threw what we are but I do think its harder for people to believe us when we look like we do. Its one thing being bulimic and a normal weight, but its a completly different game having a disorder that  stops you eating and keeping food down and still being fat on the other. I am not ready to give up buli yet because I am so big and promise myself that I will when I get to the size I want.

Let me know if theres any others out there similar 2 me

XXXXHUGZXXXXX

Oh dear- I seem to have had a bit of a set back.............. I find myself searching for*whereas before I had started to accept things.

My 'emotional wellbeing; course is going well but it's not helped with the ED- I have been binging loads and purging loads, it's the worst it's ever been, it's like a vicious cycle- I just can't stop.

I hope you are all ok and keeping well

Kat xxx

Kat, as you said this is just a set back so dont lose your way in recovery. You will get things back on track!

Even if your emotional wellbeing course is not helping your ED, it is making you feel better which is a good thing, so dont give up on it. Maybe if it is able to lift your mood then this in turn will help with the ED.

Just hang in there hun, hope your ok,

Love Roxy xxxxxx

Hi ALL!!!!

Just an update - The binge/purge cycle is still really bad. Don't know if you saw my other post but I had to go to A&E.

Everyday I wake up and tell myself 'today will be a good day' but always end up binging and purging. Sometimes I think I should just lock all the binge food up but know I would get to it. It's embarassing but I have sometimes thrown things in the bin (pacakaged) so I don't eat them and ended up fishing them out to binge on. That's disgusting- why did I write that, maybe it's to show how bad things get.

This weekend I am meant to be going out with friends tonight for a 3 course meal and Take That tribute- oh yeah!!! I'm looking forward to the music but not the meal as my friends have only just found out about my ED, literally within the last few days, and not because I told them, someone at work found out and it managed to circle round the whole ward! So I will feel like I am being watched- sometimes I describe it as it's like you're eating in a fish bowl! It's going to be difficult for me to purge after, especially as I have a lovely dress to wear and I don't want to ruin it! My sister invited me out tomorrow evening for a meal and initially I said yes but I then realised it would be too much so declined but that ended up in a row about how i'm 'not making an effort and don't want to get better'.

We'll see how things go.

Hope you're all ok and enjoying the summer weather!!!!

Kat xx

Hy Steph1, Im 22 and way overweight and i know that people just look at me and are like theres no way your bulumic and be that big. So I totally sympathise. .....how about you?

Yeah, totally Its what stops me opening up. This whle ED thing has also made me lose confidence in ways i never thought possible. I used to be loud, eccentric, happygolucky and every1 wud no when I entered a room. Now I barely talk, un unsociable, the people who do know dnt really wanna be around me cos its like thats all im about now. I dont recognise myself nemore and I wish I could be normal, but that was the old me and she left.

Now its just the bulimic me thats left.

Dunno if ur the same?

I have always been quiet, not that im shy or anything, im just soft spoken i guess. But yeah recently i just cant stand to be around people either, its actually a strain to be social, and chat to people. I just want to be on my own, and when I am on my own I'm sad about it..... food and my weight is never far from my mind, even when im wrapped up busy doing something else. On Sunday I was with some friends from Church and it was only after I talked to them, i realised how much i had been around them without really seeing that they are having  problems (parents, boyfriends etc) and i feel terrible that i hadnt noticed sooner. But its like im so struggling i hadnt seen what was goin on around me, and then i felt worse cos i was like oh gosh i dont know if i can deal with that on top of this, and then part of me says 'this is not all about you', but i still feel it.  You know what you (Steph1) was saying about only being Bulumic and having nothing left underneath. I've said near enough the same words before....But I have to believe that there is a way through this, well i hope there is

The worse moment for me with my bulimia was when me and some friends went out for ameal to celebrate one of our birthdays. My friend also went who suffers from anorexia, because it was our friends birthday and there was around 10 of us we didn't want to attract attenion to ourselves so we spilt a * after the meal i said i needed the toilet and got up to go and make myself sick in the toilets. My friend, who's birthday it was grabbed onto me and told me that i didn't need the toilet and too sit down because the desert would be here soon. I refused and pulled away and went to the toilet and made myself. When i came back to the table my friend who's birthday it was was crying and told me that i had ruined her birthday because i was making myself ill obviously infront of her. This upset me alot as i never hinted that i was going to the toilet to make myself maybe i did actually need to go? this effected me show much as i saw how on somones birthday i had 'ruined' it because of my disorder, it made me feel totally sh*t.

I need some help with my bulimia as im quite young and i feel fat. ive got bulimia but i need to stop.

Will someone please give me advive on how i can slowly recover from this as its causing everything around me to crash and fall.

Beckie -x-x-x-x-x-

Hi Everyone!

Hope you are all okay. I have had a bit of time away so haven't been on here for some time. However, I'm back with every intention of recovering.

I have started to go to support groups, they have open drop in sessions where you can just turn up and do what you want, play games, do arty creative stuff, just stuff to keep you occupied.

I'm bingeing and purging less, I have put on weight and whilst it is uncomfortable, if I want to beat this ED I need to accept it, and in time, I hope it will stabilise. At the end of the day you only live once and it's hard enough without having to fight a battle everyday.

I'm by no means 'recovered' but I am trying with the help of others.

Much love and support to you all.

Kat x x x

Hiya,

Ive just joined the beat website and found this post so thought I would say hi to everyone quickly. Reading everyones posts has made me realise im not alone with all of this binge purge behaviour etc. I first started binge purging at thirteen years old. I was very overweight at the time and thought it might help. I hated being sick and from then until I was 20 only did it very occasionally. At 20 I broke up with a boyfriend, found myself feeling very alone and very overweight and started binging and purging. Now its something that is a constant part of my life, and im hoping I might be able to finally get help, I have tried in the past but Ive always been too scared of letting go of this "control" over it that I think I have, and the thought of putting weight on again..and being "fat" is petrifying!

Lots of love to everyone, hopefully it gets better from now on!

xSx

Hiya Kat!

Ive been thinking i havn't seen you on here for a while! Im so glad you have come back with loads of determination and motivation to beat this. It is quite infectious, lol!

Aw cool, your support groups sound good! I am starting group therapy in a couple of months and im well nervous about it. Do the people at your group have ED's too?

Welcome springdaisy! I hope you find this website as supportive as i do. We are all here to support you, if you ever wanna talk to me or need anything just leave a message.

Hope your both ok,

Love Roxy xxxxxxx