What would be your advice?

Thank you i need to do something to cheer me up! im gonna go nd do a painting!

Hope is ok with you, Lizzie xx

P.S. Well Done your nearly there!

you hun r a true inspiration

uve turned fings round and u seem soo sooo positive in this post

u speak so much truth and wisdom here gr8 advice tht if i read wen i first got the courage to go on the boards would of made me feel so much stronger - so u r doing a great fing

im now near enuf recoverd - wuldnt of dun it wid all support on here - from u n others so thanx

aww hun i cant describe how this post has made me smile so much

i am so please fings r better for u at the mo and i hope so much u can remain strong

always here for u 2

xxxxlollyxxxxx

look at the girls on here who say you are an inspiration. I no you feel stronger today than you did back allthose months ago but i also no sometimes you still feel scared.even scared that one day people will think you are no longer afraid. but you should know that as long as you continue to be your own friend your own god your own faith and hope, you will keep going even when you fall.

i loveyou so much so soso much and am incredibly proud of you. I am fighting my corner too and altho sometimes i dont like to admit it some days now i do win that fight.

I no we will never forget this painful period in our lifes and maybe we will always fight demons. but we will always be insigtful and full of such courage because of it

You are a star

You are a survivor

You are couragous

You are alive

You are sophie, and i am always here for her.xx

Emma...you are all those things and more.

I'm so proud you can admit that on some days you win the fight...I know how hard it is to do that because sometimes it scares you to admit it. But you are an amazing person

I am here for you always....love you so much hunni
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just wanted to say thankyou...

thankyou sooo much for this post. i cant really write more right now, but will try another day. but really thanks so much. it means a lot and well done for doing so well

lotsa love

hollie

xxx 

Hollie-you're very welcome...your words mean alot to me and i'm glad that my post was able to help you just a little.

Keep strong sweetie...here for you always

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hi sophie

u no u said talk, wich i guess i agree wiv, well i just wondered, do u manage to talk to ur family and friends exactly about what goes on? coz like i kinda talk, but dont.. in that my friends and family no theres a problem but i cant really tell them exactly what goes on, or what the pobelm is. my family no more, but im at uni and altho i can talk to them on the fone, its not the same as havin sum1 there. but i find it really hard to actually properly talk to my friends becoz i cant really admit to them that i binge. because n 1st year, i was kinda in control, i ate regular meals and snacks just not very much, which evry1 noticed and i still eat really small portions except now i binge as well, so obviously im a lot bigger than iused to be. i dont make mysef sick, i guess i have ednos or binge eating disorder, but im not sure what ive been labeled as! so they all know me as hardly eating anything and also as being really elathy (in that i ate healthy foods even tho i wasnt totally healthy as i didnt actually eat enuf and didnt have periods and my hands and feet always went numb) but since that is how they see me, how could i ever admit wot i do? so sorry rambled quite a lot, but basically do you tell ur friends about binging etc? and do they help?

im really struggling at the mo, i seem to go thru stages of being okish for a while and then stages of binging loads, hardly having any proper meals, crying all the time, hiding away and generally being really down. i find these times incrediably hard to break out of. and i guess i know that this is probably the key in some ways to me getting better. so do u have any advice on how to get out of these down times? coz i just dont seem able to do it.

sumtimes i just really feel like i need sum1 here with me, helping me through it who lives heres and can help me with my meals and plans and diaries, but i feel so alone at uni and home is miles away so i cant really go there. and its strange to go back after having been away for 2 years. i dont know what to do. and i dont think m really making much sense. 

im also really strugling keeping my eating diaries let alone sticking to my plan. i just seem to binge every day and it all just gets thrown out the window. how did you manage to do these?

im gona go now coz i dont really know what im trying to say, i just seem to be writing a lot of wafffle!!

hope ur doing ok sophie and keeping strong. im amazed and inspired by ur progress frm wen i 1st started looking at these boards. uve come such a long way and it guives me hope that maybe i can do it too.

lotsa love

hollie

xxxxxx 

Hey sweetie

Yes-I've told all my friends. And it's so difficult to...but it helps me soo much. Because they then understand why I may not eat something....they praise me and they are generally there for me.

Sometimes I don't tell them about it all. Instead of telling them I've binged, I tell them I've had a 'bad day'. They then know not to push me that day.

The down times...hmmm..hun they are tough. But I think you need to look back on the days that you were doing soooo well on and think 'ok so today wasn't very good for me, but i managed to not do it then' Maybe think about why that day was bad for you. Did something happen to make you anxious or upset?

I write loads of poetry...that helps me to get out all of my emotions, and everything I cannot tell my family.

Hunni-you are making sense. No-one at uni knows about it? No-one you can talk to? Because I think it's important for you to have someone there. And I understand how talking on the phone is different.

The food diaries...I kept them with me. Basically...I wrote my breakfast down...and some days I could tell were gonna be tough so I kept them with me and wrote down as much as I could remember. The meal plan is a tough one...but you must remember it is not there to make you put on weight...it is there to help you lead a healthier lifestyle.

It's ok sweet...waffle at me anytime!

Take care
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hey

thanku for ur reply. no my friends dont know whats wrong, only that i have eating problems. but when i say ive had a bad day, i think they think that i just havnt eaten (which i would still count as a good day even tho i no i shudnt). just i cant bring myself to tell them whats actually happened when i say ive had a bad day. although i guess they cant help as much if they dont actually no wots going on.

i havnt done my food diary today, but i will try and write down as much as i can remember now, instead of just saying i cant do it.

ive put on weight with the bingeing, so id probably lose a bit of weight if i stuck to the plan, only part of mes not sure coz i find it hard to remember a time when i ate normally and what size i was then. i have a lot of weight changes in the last 4 years. it probably is the deaperation to lose the weight and get back to how i used to be that stops me from being able to stick to the plan. i dont feel like im me while im this big, im bigger than ive ever been and was always really sporty which now i just feel like a hypocrite if i go running coz i feel to big to be going. im not overweight, but i could do with losing some for me and my frame.

i know, i think the most important thing is to try and focus on being healthy, its hard tho! also i think actully and this probably sounds strange, but i need to get back my appreciation for food and cooking. which sounds weird since obviously i have problems with food and binging and to some extent food is my enemy, but i used to really like cooking and pride myself on eating healthily and cooking good food when friends or family were there. i wish i had someone to cook for, i think this would help in a strange kind of way. when its just me there doesnt seem much point or im tired so just cant be bothered. in some ways i wish i could just eat meals again, the reason why i cant is coz i binge. if i havnt binged im ok at sticking to the plan, just.. i always seem to binge. altho my cpn has said my meals are too small, but its hard to build the soze of these while im still binging. i wish i could stop the binging and then try buiding on the size of my meals.

hmm i just had a thought. maybe i will try asking a friend over 1 night a week (maybe the day i find hardest) and cook for them or with them. id need to decide what we had as i couldnt cope with some things, but maybe that would help. just start with 1 day a week and gradually build from there.

i think i will try and talk to my firends a bit more. ask them if they can help at all with sticking to my plan, since i struggle on my own and my family arent here.

thanku... uve got me thinking of ways to improve and things that are a bit more positive

how are you doing?

lotsa love

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ps...

i just filled in my diary for today and looked back over the past week.. i havnt stuck to the plans very well this week, but i have done 3 out of 6 days diaries, which is half so not soo bad i guess. i think i need to stop saying that i cant do them and just do it becasue i did just then and it wasnt as hard as i thought although it might not be compleltely accurate. and also todays binge wasnt as big as i was imagining either. although any binge is good and id like to cut it out, but it made me see things arent as bad today as i thought.

take care 

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Hunni...I'm so pleased to hear how positive you are being! ^_^

Don't think that you have to fill in the diary. Because if you focus on it....you will be focusing on the food intake obsessively. So just think whilst you're eating...eat slowly so you can recognise what you are eating....and write it down whilst you are eating. Then put it aside until the next mealtime. Hope that helps a little.

Thats a good idea to invite a friend over. Thats my secret lol. Every morning since half-term...since my family have gone back to work and I've been on my own...My boyfriend has come round. He knows about my ed and he is sooo supportive...I can't praise him enough. And I can't binge if he's there...if he saw in that state!? it would be awful. He keeps me motivated.

So having a friend there could help. And I know it's difficult to tell them about the binging because you feel that it is shameful. But hunni its not. It's part of the illness...and please remember that it is an illness because it's not you. So you have nothing to feel ashamed of. Your illness does....I imagine my...give it an image. For me it;s a clown...I don';t know if it would help you to give your ed an image?

Maybe then you can imagine yourself giving the shame to them?

I dont know if I'm making any sense lol

And thats really good...ok so you binged but it wasn't as bad as it was before...thats a step to recovery hun. And if the binging worse today...thats ok too. Sometimes to get better you have to get worse. I know I did.

Take care love
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hey

i am feeling more positive, i know this comes and goes so im just going to work on keeping the positve for longer and try not to be so dissapointed when things slip again.

i am managing a bit better with the diary, still not great with the plan, but i spoke to my cpn on weds and shes gona go through the plan with me properly on monday and is also gona see if its possible to see a dietician at all to help me with it as i have been stuck at the same stage for quite a while now. 

i have councelling tomorrow and im gona actually try and tell her how the weeks been not just how i feel now coz at the mo im more positive but i think i still need to talk to her about before.

thats really good that your boyfriend supports you so much. are you sill doing plans and food diaries and do u manage to stick to it? also has the binging got less with the plan?

take care

lotsa love hollie

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hey sweetheart,

thank you soooo much for everything!!

I love you so much, and you mean so much to me!

I'm so glad you're nearly able to stop treatment hunni - remember that I will always be here for you no matter what *hugs*

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

Hi Sophie and Hollie,

Just wanted to say thanks for giving me a little hope that I might be able to start o break free from this horrible illness some day like you have started and continue to do. You are both an inspiration to me and you should be really proud off yourselves for not letting the illness beat youdown.

I am struggling with the bingeing at the moment but also purging is a problem as well. I have just come home from uni for the summer 2 weeks ago and things have been getting more difficult. I am home alone a lot and all I seem to do is move from one binge to the other and it is as if I am not really here, I hardly feel attached to my actions at all. I feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself for what I am doing when I feel anything all I can do to stop it is carry on eating which just makes it go on ....

I know what you mean about it being hard to admitt to the bingeing. I had restricting type anorexia for a few years and then my weight showed how I was coping and when I had a bad day people knew Id not eaten enough. Now I say I am struggling but they still think the same, that I haven't eaten but I can't bring myself to admit to bingeing and especially purging as I hate myself for doing it and I can't explain why I do it. I dnt want to lose weight and I dont enjoy it but I still carry on ???

I am wondering what is the best way to tackle this. I am open with my consultant and two of my friends but my parents are oblivious. They aren't very understanding of EDs despite being a doctor and nurse and their response has always been that it is me deciding I dnt want to recover and I need to take control of myself. I know no-one can do this for me but I truely want to be well and back to how I was pre-ed.

I wish I had someone who understood and could be here to stop me bingeing. I can't remember the last time I had a day where I ate healthily and proper meals. I will try to start a food diary tho and see if that helps me notice when I might be going wrong. My consultant suggested I go IP again for the third time bt I know I can eat when someone makes and puts a meal in front of me, its doing it on my own when I have to fight the urge just to binge that I can't cope with so I dnt know the best approach to take.

Any more advice would be very welcome but just reading how well you're doing and the positiveity has really brightened my day.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Love Becky xxx

Hollie-heya hun,

Thats great hunni.....you're doing so well...and you will beat this I promise you.

I have a meal plan....but things are kinda crazy lately so I havent actually stuck to it. I see my dietitian today...probably for the last time. Although the past few days I feel like I'm losing control of my life and the little voice in my head is a little stronger than it was the past couple of months. I'm a little worried that I'm gonna relapse.

The binging does get less with the plan. It depends how my day goes...but even if you binge get straight back to your plan...because then you will feel in control and it will benefit you in the longterm

Take care sweetie

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Lexy-Hey gorgeous

Thanks hunni....how are you doing atm?

I don't know when I'll stop treatment....I have a review at the beginning of july...I dont think im ready yet. I've been having a tough time recently....i think my parents may end up separating....my bf will dump me soon if i don't stop letting my parents rule me.

So it's a lil crazy for me atm. I don't know whats going to happen and I hate the unknown :(

Always here for you too hunni....just because I'm coming to the end I'm, not gonna stop going on here :)

Take care love

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hey sweetheart,

erm .... not great if I'm honest, but it's my 18th today so I'm going to try and be happy! =D

awww hunni, bless you!!

let me know how things are going,

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

hey

sophie..  im still not doing that great at sticking to the meal plan but ive decided to have my main meals, no matter what and wherever possible have my snacks (although sumtimes i just cant like today i was at uni and we didnt get a breal for a snack). so despite having binged about an hour ago im still going to have some tea.  im prety scared, but if i dont do thid, i dont really know what else to do coz so far i havnt managed. so yup, gona have tea anyway in the hope tht this will help to stop my bingeing and wont just make me gain weight from eating meals AND bingeing.

maybe if things are a bit crazy for you, you could try just this too, to try and get back on track with it? i understand about the being out of control and crazy, just remember that these periods come and go and when your in the they seem like they r never gona end. other things can make recovery so much harder, but through it we will learn in the end how to cope with difficulties better and in a more constuctive way.  unknown is definately one of the hardest things, but maybe your plan could help give you some known and control, even if ither things are totally out of your control? i dont know. i cant really give much advice about eating plans and things since i rarely stick to mine. i wish i knew the answer.

one thing that helped me over the weekend though was going to stay with a friend. i just needed to be with someone and have a change of scenery. i had a binge free 2 days and stuck to my plan as i told her about it and asked her if it was ok with her eating at those times. could you maybe visit a friend who is understanding about your ed but who can help you with it without making a big thing about it and just have a nice couple of days with a bit of breathing space from your home environment?

also remember how welll you have been and are doing and how far youve come, and that if things do slip, you havnet lost everything and you can do better again. and that things will change, they always do. so you wont be stuck in this place forever.

i honestly think that this is possible, to recover from this. somedays im not so sure, but today i am. perhaps there will always be some issues there, i dont know, but i think nearly everybody has some issues with food or their bodies anyway. and sometimes i think that in the end, maybe having had an ed, but had help.. councelling and cpn, will in the end make me more sorted than most people who havent had an ed. who knows. im not quite there yet! 

and just so you know, i know i dont really know you, but from what ive read that you've posted on here, i believe in you and that you will recover.  please try to believe in yourself.

lotsa love hollie

xxx 

lexy..

firstly, HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!!!!!

i know youre finding it hard at the mo.. wot help are you getting now? do you have a cpn? coz basically ive got to a stuck point and havent really moved foward in a while, cant really stick to my meal plans, so i finally told her exactly what was going on and how hard i was finding it and shes looking into gettin more help for me. just wondered if that was possible for u too? she just was like, ok ur saying u cant do it. well its not working how it is at the moment, lets see what we can do differently to change things. could you maybe ask?

keep trying hunni, uve got the strength in there

take care

xxx 

becky.. you can break free from this, we all can, it might be one of the hardest things we do, but we can do it. i am glad if i have helped at all, even if it is just to give you a little hope, i think that hope is just so important. hope keeps you going.

ah yes, uni summer holidays! most peoples favourite time of the year, and 1 which i dread, because theres no1 around and i just get bored and have nothing to distract my thoughts. i understand how u feel. being alone makes things harder and being stuck in the house. at the moment im (not very successfully) trying to find things that i could do to fill my time. go to see friends or stay with them, volunteered at uni a bit (i havnt actually come home yet, tho theres not many people left at uni) trying to get a part time job altho that 1 doesnt really seem to be happening. and then going to a couple of activities in the evenings. is there anything you can think of that you could do? and i completlely understand the feeling of not really being there, its as if something switches or takes over.

i know, i often wish there was someone here with me, who understood, could distract me and stop me bingeing. do u maybe have some of these people, only its just they are not and cant be there all the time? i do have these people, but sometimes when im so down and they arent there coz they cant be that day, i feel so alone and forget that they are there. sometimes its a just keeping going till they can be there and also reaching out. for me, im lucky that my parents are understanding and willing to help, althou since theyve never experienced, they dont always get it or know how to help. altho my mum does go to a support group for parents coz she wants to learn how to help me better. but for me the main problem is im at uni far from home so dont see them that much. when i do go home, my mum will do what she can to help, but she too cant always be there and i need other people especially now ive lived away from home. being at home too much feels smothering and frustrating.  i also have a few friends at uni who know and understand as much as they can and try to help (althought they dont really know about the bingeing) but still, they are here, although they cant always be here either and at the mo most are on hols or at home. and my boyfirend helps when he can. i guess what im trying to say is that are there people who u can reach out to and who will be there sometimes, even tho they cant always be there and also that one person alone cant be everything u need, so maybe when sum1 isnt there, is there sum1 else u can ask? ok i dont think im making much sense any more.

as for being able to eat when sum1s there, if you can do that then for now is that ok and sumthin to build on? i cant really do things on my own either. and im ashamed to admit it coz it makes me feel like a failure, but actually i dont think people were made to be on their own so can you set up something that will inlude more people to help u whterh its family, friends or drs?

im glad it brightened your day, it brightened mine to read that id helped at all. keep strong.

lotsa love

hollie xxx 

Hey Hollie love

I'm ok...thanks for all of your kind words...you are so sweet.

How are you doing right now?

I find that I end up depending on family and friends. Tpday I'm on my own...hopefully I can hold it together.

Let me know how you are love...keep strong and keep smiling

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Lexy-Aw sweetie..hope you had an amazing birthday love!!!

How are things with you right now? I'm sorry I can't write more...I'm so busy atm....but I'm thinking of you always :)

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hey guys,

I'm sorry

nothing is helping.

dont know how much longer I can feel like this.

take care,

lexy -xxx-

Becky-I'm so sorry for the late reply.

It's not just you that has to take control of the illness....you need support in doing that. I hate it when I'm on my own because that is when I am at my worst.

Have you tried meeting up with friends or something? Staying away from the kitchen area?

The food diary is a good idea...but dont get too obsessive about it.

I think you need to talk to someone about the binging and purging. Please remember one thing sweetie-it is not shameful or disgusting. It is an illness. Have you ever imagined your ed? Given it an image...mines a clown..and I can see it in my head...and I argue with it. Tell it to stop controlling me...and I seem to be able to control it now. Maybe that would be helpful for you too?

HOw are you finding uni? Has the work been stressing you out?

Your parents...they are probably frustrated because they cannot help you hun. I'm so proud of you for being brave and telling your friends and consultant though-thats a huge step.

is there any hobbies you like to do....something that can distract you from being on your own?

I;m sorry I havent been much help hun....but let me know how you are

Take care gorgeous....keep strong.
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Lexy

Don't apologise hunni...you have nothing to be sorry for. Why do you think that nothing is helping right now?

You can do this. You are so strong and amazing hun. I don;'t know what to say to help you...and i'm mad at me for that.

Please just remember if you manage to delay a binge or purging then that is one more step towards recovery. And if you eat a meal or something you are sc ared of it is such a huge achievement. I know you can do this....I'm here for you even though at times I don;'t knwo how to help you out.

Keep in touch love...I worry bout you too much to not hear from you for too long.

You are strong and beautiful hun....never forget that. Turn around and tell your ed that. Just try it. Scream it if you have to.

Anytime you feel low just scream 'i'm strong and beautiful and I can beat this'

Because you can....love you, take care
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hey sweetheart,

I don't know why nothing is helping - my depression is really bad.

I feel disgusting and I hate it!!

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

p.s. please don't be mad at yourself - you've helped me soooo much!!

Hey love

I'm going away this weekend...but if you need me then leave a message....i will get back to you asap.

Take care sweetie...stay strong...you can do this.

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hey sweetheart,

gone anywhere nice??

I feel happier, but my eating is very restricted again ...

hope you have a fab weekend beautiful!!

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

Hey Lexy :)

I just went camping with some friends and my boyfriend. It was great! And I think I've finally beaten the demons because I wasn't bothered about eating in front of them or anything.

I'm glad you are a little happier, and that you are aware that your eating has become restricted again.

Keep strong hunni, here for you always.

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hey sophie how are u doing? ive been really busy moving back home. got back yesterday so my rooms a total muddle at the moment. hopefully being at home for a bit will help, although i have to make sure i have things to do. im thinking about doing some volunteering if i cant find a job becasue it will get me out of the house and busy and i like helping people. how was your weekend away? lexy im glad you are feeling a bit happier try to keep going ive posted some postives which hopefully might help a bit take care both of you lotsa love hollie xxx

hey sweetheart,

broke up with bf yesterday.

struggling a tad.

missed talking to you =(

asking about inpatient tomorrow, sorry.

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

Hey Hollie

You sound like you are doing well :)

I'm ok...I'm a little bit down at the moment. I'm so insecure with my bf...and it's wrecking our relationship. I'm so ashamed cos I've been so mean to him lately and I really don't want to be cos I love him.

It's the same shame I felt after binging and stuff. I hate it so much

But good news...I may be discharged from my clinic today. I think thats good news.

How are you doing? Is it better being back at home?

Take care love
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heya yeh id say im doing quite well. i havent binged for a few days, although i have chewed up and spat out food a bit, which is a problem of mine, but i havent done it as much as sumtimes :-) sometime i just dont know what to do about food, like yesterday i had tea with my mum and then she asked if i wanted anything else and gave me all these different options and i wasnt sure i even wanted anything, let alone what i wanted and ended up geting all upset which now seems really silly! so i just went to bed for a bit to read and ended up going to sleep for a while and felt so much better after a nap. so im really pleased coz i think i dealt with that one ok! i understand the bf thing. ive been quite mean to mine recently and nearly ruined it all by saying sum stuff i didnt really mean when i was down (i had just binged, which i dont think is ever the best frame of mind). that made me realise just how much i didnt want this ed tho, because it has already screwed up so much of my like and nearly ruined sumthin that is really important to me. it made me much more determined to beat this because i dont want to be like that. is the insecurity and being mean to do with the ed? and can you explain to him why u have ben like that. sumtimes once people understand better, they dont mind quite so much. my mum always says that relationships are much easier when u are sorted in yourself and secure in urself. can u work on this and perhaps things will improve with r bf by themselves? wow well done. i think that is good new coz u must be doin well to be discharged. i could understand that u mite be a bit apprehensive tho. if u r discharged are u stil able to contact them if u need to? home is a bit better, altho ive got to find sumthing to do to keep me occupied in the day when my mums at work. i havent seen any of my friends as im too scared coz i havent seen them in ages and im much bigger than i was when the last saw me. :-( good luck at the clinic take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxx