"Your looking well?!?!" grrr i hate that phrase

heya,

don't worry about it hun. if you don't think she knew you had an ED then it was probably just a passing comment that she would say to anyone she hadn't seen in a while, i even said something similar to someone i hadn't seen in a few months, it doesn't mean anything bad, in fact she didn't even look at all different than she had done the last time i saw her so it meant nothing!

she definitely won't have thought you're fat at all, it's a really nice, positive thing to say, i'll bet you look great and that's probably what she was thinking :)

there's no need to restrict because of this, just try and see the positive side of it, and if it's really bugging you too much then just try and stop yourself from thinking about it at all.

take care xox 

i definatly feel like that .

as in my head thats what i think too....well done for getting back to your ideal  weight tho that must of taken loads of hard work hehe

its not stupid you feel like that but please dont let your ED ruin how far you've come xx

hey hun,

firstly, sending u massive hugs! I can totally empathise with how u r feeling, and please pelase dont let this make u relapse, its soo soo positive u r back to a healthy weight

i also found it triggering, and i got this alot recently when i went to my uni ball. It was just after i had gone home and gained alot fo weight to stay out of hospital, and i felt so self-conscious because i felt huge, and i was in a relatively fitted dress, and basically it was my worst nightmare! And then all night everyone was going on about how great i looked, how i looked better, etc etc, and of course, only someone with anorexia would take this as a negtive

if i put my rational sense on, your friend wont have menat you looked fat, and neither did mine. I know i am still medically underweight, even if i feel big, and ur ED will just do anything to try lure u back in...

my friends just said i looked happier, i had more energy, my skin was brighter, i had a hint of colour in my cheeks for once instead of being grey (um thanks!) that i didnt look like a zombie.... they still said i looked stupidly thin, actually, so there we go, there is me panicking i now look obese, and they werent actually referencing to my weight at all, but all these other things

i reckon your friend probably was thinknig the same, especially if she didnt know about the ED. Also, its just one of those things u say to people isnt it? "oh hi, not seen u in ages, u look fab" etc ...

hope ur ok xXxXx

Hi,

I agree that this phrase can be taken completely the wrong way. I was mortified when people started saying it to me, but now i know that they are only glad that im healthier.

Well done, and dont let this get you down- you're fab

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I totally agree with u if anyone says it to me I think they are calling me fat too! I dont like it when people say I am looking "healthy " either.

I know they are only trying to be nice but it does get you down.

Try bot to let this effect you too much as you are doing so well!

Love Jenny

im so glad someone else feels this way... i get really stressed out when anyone says i look well beacuse i just see it as i look fat. things for me have been really bad recently and iv hadto take time out of college and do all my exams out of college and now i dont wan to go back beacuse im gunna hear "eee u look well" and its gunna make me struggle even more! sometime i just wish people wouldn't talk to me at all!

xxx luv sarah

I agree; "you're looking well" is just the same as "long time no see" or something like that. I think it actually has nothing to do with your appearence (not saying that you aren't looking well; you might be gorgeous for all I know, but whatever).

But it can't really be taken as an insult if you look at it rationally.

But yeah I understand these comments; I had a hard time with my Grandad, who really doesnt understand EDs at all; he's a really old fashioned, blunt person. Couple of examples:

"By, Aiden, the way you're eating, I can't believe your not 10 and a half stone already"

and "By, Well you're certainly getting fatter son"

Thanks Grandad...needed that....These (among others) did cause me to temporarily relapse, but you've really got to be rational about these things; people are trying to compliment you, so you have to try and feel good about yourself :)

that must have been really difficult for you im glad you were able to get through it though. some people just don't say the right things at all do they. theres a girl in one of my lessons at college (im not sure if she knowsabout my ED or not) and she constantly comments on my appearance and it really bugs me and upsets me but i just can't say anything.... i just bubble up inside.  if you dont mind me asking what helps you feel better about yourself, appearence and yourself as a person? x x x sarah

NB this is still Aiden I just had to make a new account for some reason

To be honest I'm fairly lucky in the fact that before I had the ED I had quite afew friends who were always there for me, (why? I always asked myself, because I'd isolated myself more and more during my decline) which kind of made me feel better. Plus, I've always had pretty high grades; during my ED is took some science GCSEs and got full marks which really gave me a boost when I needed it.

In terms of appearence, I guess I don't feel good about my appearence; I just try and tell myself to focus on something important when i get...well, you know.

but you're right about people saying the wrong things. Its a shame though because you know deep down they're trying to be nice but they end up having the opposite effect...

yea friends are very important beacuse theres somethings you want to justlet out and family just dont cut it. i isolated myself too and my friends still stuck by me. well done with your grades thats really good : ). i did gcses with my ED and i did well to even though i missed most of year 11 at school. iv just done my AS levels in hospital so i hope those grades are ok : S. do you ever get told you work to hard? since iv hd my ED i push myself so hard to try and please everybody (especially with college work) and its really difficult at time. i wish i could channel my problems with my appearenceinto something else iv tried but i dont no how to do it.

 xxx stay strong

sarah

I'll bet you've done great with your AS level Sarah. I can totally relate when you talk about the working too hard stuff; since I had my ED through my GCSE years i pushd myself massively with coursework and wouldnt settle for anything less than full marks where possible; as a result i got A*s in everysubject for coursework except in one maths piece where I simply cracked.

The worst thing was when I took my second set of science modules (you know they've changed it all at GCSE level after you guys completed it) I was so *ed because I missed out a page of biology paper and dropped 2 grades as a result. Funny looking back on it.

I guess an ED gives you this passion for perfection. As much as its probably improved our marks its still far, far too big a price to pay, right?

Best of luck with you AS levels, and your A2 levels as well. I hope your doing OK with your ED too? 

its mad what some people say even if they know you have an e.d its even though your body may not be anorexic your head still is and when you are painfully thin people are carefull what they say to you but all of a sudden when you gain a few your completely normal and they what they like,

its fine though love everyone goes through it and probally what they are suggesting is that before you probally looked so ill and depressed and now you dont give off that impression take it as a lovely compliment

even though i know completely how upsetting it is like for instance my friend going "god you got your massive boobs back"

unhelpfull...

just stay strong though and remember people only are saying them as they think it helps and generally you probally look marvellous :)

and i doubt fat in anyway shape or form

hugs and kisses

xx

Thanks Aiden. it gets to a point where your bes just isn't good enough anymore. well if im being totally honest things aren't good with my ED right now i feel like im hit a brick wall and can't climb over it. i only came out of hospital a week ago (just a general hospital this time) they needed to get my bloods sorted and my weight stable so at the minute my weight is low and im trying to maintain it and its hard. im really scared of putting on more weight because i hate myself enough already and after my first addmition i was forced to get to a heigher weight (still not normal weight) and i felt like killing myself i cracked and lost it all again so this time i wanted it to be different i wanted m head to accept the weight.... im scared to lose becuase i don't know what they will do with me but im scared to put on becuase the hate for myself gets stronger. i am so stuck with foods too as i can only eat what i have on my set diet. how are things for you?

sorry for being so negative xxx sarah

Sarah, you're doing great to be out of hospital, just try and keep up momentum. It must be pretty horrible being trapped in a corner like you are; either way its not good. My advice is: gaining weight and feeling low inside, or losing weight and going back into hosptial-postponing your chance to have a fun and enjoyable life-, its a choice between the lesser of two evils. I know its not as simple as that (one thing that really annoys me is when you unintentionally lose weight and everyone has a go at you, accusing you of planning it) but its something to think about.

But one thing that has helped me and is apparently true is this: once you've got over this wall, and as you get over the following ones, that voice in your head and the hate fio yourself will get weaker. I hope that helps.

And as for food, I know it might not be so simple, but can't you vary your meal plan, if it has the same calorific value? Variation is the spice of life.

Things are going steady for me, thanks, but my next weight is on tuesday so ill have to see.

Don't be sorry for being negative, we all need to let it out.

I'm hoping things pick up for you, Aiden

thank you for all of the support your really helping me stay positive.... without it i feel a lot worse. im glad that you said cimbing the walls made the voice smaller for you because i was worried the voice would get bigger again. i hate re-lapsing it makes me feel worthless and weak. yes ino what you mean about losing by accident it really bugs me because everyone gets on your back straight away and sometimes its just the way your body works so try not to ge to down about it. i worry so much about fat content in foods as well as the calories so a panic trying new things. do you have weakly weighs? i get weighed on weekly so lets keep fingers crossed for both of us yeah? if you have anything you want to chat about or any questions feel free to ask or talk to me

thanks again xxx sarah

I totally agree! Whenever anyone says that I also think they are saying "you're looking fatter". My friends have been saying that I look a lot better but the thing is I don't want to look better! I still have a drive to lose weight and I actually want to look like an anorexic!

xxxxxxx

The same thing happened to me - I kind of got better for a while and friend of mine said "You look so healthy these days, you used to be far too thin" - this one comment made me relapse. Cos I thought the same way "Have I really gained that much?" and after that, couldnt stand my body and the way I looked. AGAIN!

Sometimes people think they are being helpful when they're not, but they dont know it  Try to think of it as they are not trying to hurt you or say youre fat. And its just the ED talking, making you think that.

Hope you feel better. xxxx

ok, i totally relate to this

why do people have to say, "you look well" or "you look healthy"???  do they not understand that it MAKES IT WORSE. i'm in hospital and being told i need to gain a considerable amount of weight, i mean, i'm still borderline hospitalisation again if i don't get my weight up, and people tell me i look well?  i just want to shout, "I'M NOT WELL!!!! SHUT UP!!! I NEED TO PUT ON WEIGHT, STOP TELLING ME I LOOK FINE"

i mean, it's not that i want to put on weight, but i cant deal with being told i need to put on weight, when everyone tells me i look ok!!!

sorry for the rant, it's just REALLY bugging me and holding me back at the moment.

xxx

i totall understand. i wish ppl wouldn;t say you look well or fine when you cant possibly. i would feel so muc better if people didnt lie to me and said i looked horrible! i used to ask my freinds what i looked like and the used to try and make me feel better and say i looked a little thin but pretty and stuff.... i then explained how things make me feel and asked for the truth andthey told me out right i needed to put on weight and that i looked far to thin and unwell. it make me feel so much better. im in the same boat s you at the minute.... im on the fence between home and hospital but we can stay on the goodside of the fence by making sure we maintain this weight. good luck im here if you want to chat  xxxx