What will my identity be???

Hey hunni, thats what im worried about i dont know how i will cope without it, what i will do or think, its going to be really weird!

Try not to listen to the voice, sorry i cant give more advice, lizzie xx

Hiyaaa Lizzie =)

it's ok (Y) It's just nice to know there's others out there that feel the same way to.

I'm just scared of who I will be without it because I don't want to be nothing..I need to be something - I just wish it wasn't ana which makes me who I am =S

Keep Strong!!!

From Laura xxx

hey

i'm new on here :/ but hope i might help a lil bit. i can understand what your doubting, in recovery i felt like i encountered this stage too like a brick wall. The ed gives you a readymade identity, i don't know bout you but it gave me a mask to hide behind, it gave  me something which made me feel i had a belonging. And without it i'd be no- one, i'd be nothing.

When we first start letting go it feels strange, a few times i then returned back to my old ways for a short while to feel safe and secure to say 'this is me', and i did feel like a blank slate, i didn't know who i was,why i was here, what i was suppose to do, it'd taken up so many of my thoughts and time. And for a short while i felt lost but then we encounter our true selves, which to me felt amazing.

Really it makes your identity the same, and robs us of 'I'. Without it after enduring the insecurity, we are able to truly able to find ourselves. Something the ed could never give us, and we're different from anyone else in the planet. Time is filled with pleasurable, unique things that we discover we enjoy, and we find a new identity, one that is much better and special than this.

Sorryif this doesn't help much, but i'm here if you'd like to talk. hope your well

Stay strongxxxxxx 

Awh thank u soooo much =) That's really inspirational!!!

I feel like that now and it's scary because I wish I could wake up and then suddenly find myself and then can start kicking ana for good - because in a way ana makes me feel safe because I know what I am, just like ready made stuff; u know exactly what it is and does just from reading the label (haha I'm not very good at giving examples).

Whta did u do to find urslef again? Or when times were hard how did u get through them? I try to get better but always seem to fall back into ana's arms but it's just because I'm scared of being none one. I'm 15 now (16 in December =D ) and I've had ana since my early teens 12/13 (but have thought I was fat long before then) so finding myslef is going to be a struggle because I don't really know the real me. So any advice or methods that helped u recover and find urslef would really help =)                         I keep a Journal and write in that when things become to hard so I've kinda got one thing (Y)

Keep strong & fighting

and thank u again!!!

xxx

I feel the same - scared - what will I be withouth my ED? Its like..its there, when nothing and no-one else is.

I tried explaining this to my boyfriend, but he didnt understand.

Although your ED makes you feel worthless etc.. its also like a security blanket, a comfort. Like an enemy and a best friend all at once.

*hugs* it really sucks don't it?! ana is sooo two faced (if that's the right word) as u say; it makes u feel safe but on the other hand completley worthless =/ it isn't goooddd!!!

that sucks ur bf don't understand but unfortunately boys I don't think understand ED's in general - Please don't take it as personal reaction that ur bf just had to u because as I said many boys just don't understand (although there are those out there that do!)

I soppose with the identity thing we've just got to break the cycle of being afraid/scared of being a no one because that's exactly what ana is about; it builds up everything on ur fear and given up that is soo scary but if we try and fight hard enough we can/will beat it =) *hugs* don't loose hope, it will happen one day (Y)

Keep strong & fighting

From Laura xxx

tehe i loved the analogy about the can. I really agree with you, it becomes like a fixed identity availible at any time or place which makes us to feel safe

but it also means that we are denying parts of ourself and not experiencing the full richness of our life. I can only talk from my past experience but for me it didn't hapen overnight, it was hard but recovery is, but is also one of the best things i've ever done.  I think as for what i did to find myself i endured it, its not pleasant straight off, i felt empty, but then something starts filling up its space eventually, it happens, we become curious to to new things that we wasn't before able to do because we were too numb or busy such as art, skating,snuggling up in the corner with a good book, discovering what it is we'd really like out of life and planning how we'll do it, and our favourite place to sit and think.

It must be hard for you since you started in your early teens, and that you feel you don't know your real self, how dyou think you'll feel once you discover yourself, you sound strong in getting better which is really good 

i keep a diary too i find it really helps me with what i'm feeling, it gives me a chance to delve into myself and be totally honest with myselfwithout worrying about being judged. instead of turning to to less helpful things i now turn to this as my new best friend, but one that helps me.

i'm rely glad tht my post inspired you, you can do it! :]  i'm here to chat, lemme know how its going

Stay strongxxxxxx