Scared

Heya,

I have heard that treatment does help but that it is not alwayspleasent. They chose what you should eat and you have to eat it, if you don't they give you a drink to replace the calories you are ment to take in that meal. If you refuse that they may tube feed you. You are not allowed to excerise.

Take Care.

Work with them and you will be alright.

hugs

xxx

Hi sweetie, 
I know it's scary, Ana is a very very horrible illness and the consequences are hard to think about, yet eating again seems just as hard. It won't always feel like this though, I promise you. It won't seem like that now, but you have to trust those around you when they tell you, things will get better and you can beat this. Many have conquered eating disorders. The fear lessens. But only if you choose to change, to take the frst steps to help yourself. The more power she gains over you, the more scared you will feel and the less able you will be to start to change.

Don't let these scary feelings overwhelm you, you can use them to help you. Let them give you the strength to fight.. Focus on what she is doing to you,  you don't want that at all chick and you said you don't want to go away. By making little steps each day you can prevent that from happening.

We are in a very similar situation. I have been advised to go into inpatient care again and I visited a specialised ward on Tuesday. Now, I will be completely honest with you, that option will take away every last inch of control from you. The plan I was offered literally meant I would be powerless. 

It depends what you need right now. Having the control and responsibility taken may seem petrifying at first, but some people need it and find it really helpful if people make decisions for them. Yet, if like me you feel you need more independence to work through this, may be outpatient care is better? But to stay as an outpatient you know what you have to do chick.

I have come to the decision to stay as an outpatient. I'm using all my fear of what i'm doing to my body and the fear of ever having to go onto that ward to really try.

I'm also comprising slightly as I know single handedly I won't improve at home, so i'm sharing responsiblities with my Mum, which is really had, but I just keep comparing to what it would be like if I had to go into hospital.

Are you close to your parents? May be if you decide to stay as an outpatient you culd come up with a plan together?

My personal opinion is that if you want to get better you could do it as an outpatient (if your getting the right support) or  as an inpatient. But it is down to you chick. Follow your heart.

You can do this, and we are all here for you,

Please, let me know how things are going,

Rachel

x 

To Rachel...

Thanks so much for your post it helped me think more about stuff.

Well... my CAMHS team have signed me off school for the last couple of weeks - everything got on top of me and i was finding i couldnt cope with all the thoughts and feelings in my head. I also had to speak to a psychiatrist who said some breathing time might be good to see if i can maintain my weight before deciding whether inpatient care is the best treatment. If my weight falls at all though... that choice gets taken away  am sooo scared about that!  I have to visit the hospital soon to speak to a doctor there for a medical assessment and am really worried he will admit me or basically say that i need to go in. I do get support from being an outpatient although i have been seeing them for over 6 months and have not made any headway... still stuck in the "i dont want to change" thoughts... ana still has a strong hold over me.

You said again.... have you been an inpatient before? How are things going for you? I hope your getting good support and making some positive steps towards change. How old are you btw if you dont mind me asking?

Tasha x

Hey im lizzie, Just wanted to say im on the last thread until i get put into hospital!

Soooooooo scared too and really worried about what will happen. Im really worried and cant keep it in, ive no one to talk to, other than the hospital but i feel betrayed by them. Do you feel the same about your doctor?

Hope all is well, Let me now how it goes, weve got to keep smiling even though it is sooo hard!  Lizzie x

Hi Lizzie,

How are things with you? Still scared about going into hospital? Is it definately going to be that for you?

I know what you mean about feeling betrayed... its almost like i feel that i went to them (i see a CAMHS team) for help... well not willingly lol but now they are saying i need in patient treatment as the only way to get better - almost like what was the point of me going there in the first place?!

In the back of my mind one tiny part of me thinks it will be the only way for me to get my life back and still have a good shot at my future and career. Im so scared and worried about everything though.... arghh why does ana take over so much?!

Hope you are ok. Speak soon.

Tasha xx