eating in front of people... why such an issue?

Hey I know what you're saying it seems to be a problem accross the board with people with EDs for some reason. My limited advice to you on this is that firstly, you'll find that people dont judge; they've probably got their own problems and issues, and secondly, if you're finding it hard if other people leave food, remind yourself that you're a recovering anorexic and is trying to gain weight, whereas they are only looking to maintain their weight. Plus, it might be worth thinking that they might have eaten more during the day: they won't be on meal plans and may eat more earlier if they are hungry.

And about your sister; I bet your not even remotely ugly, and I know that the "nobody cares" part is completely untrue: your family cares, your friends care, the people here care, and i care. So don't get yourself down. As much as it sounds like a huge cheezy cliche, love yourself for who you are, because you've got so much potential. Best wishes, Aiden

hey yeh im defo the same,i cant stand people seeing me eat incase they think im greedy, its the same if i have 2 buy food from a shop,i always get in2 a major panick an have 2 leave empty handed,even wen i no i wont b eating the food. i guess its very odd the way our heads work. my boyfriend who no's about my ed can never understand wen  i go on about not wanting 2 look greedy, i dont even like eating with him, also ages ago wen my ed was just starting, a friend was going on about cals an how if ur short like me then u shud eat less cals for ur daily intake thing, i think tht worries me alot cos if i ate the same as 1 of my friends im worried they will think im more greedy cos i shud b eatin less than them,if tht makes sense lol, i rambled a bit there, hope ur doing ok, wud b nice if we cud chat more xxxxxxxx

your feel of lovely positive comments and put a smile on my face with your advice. i wish i coudl love myself for being me but it's so hard at times. im sue you have felt like this before. this problem is pure evil and i feel for every person who is going through it. just to let you know im all ears if you need o talk to me xxx sarah

can i ask if you got and help for your feeling towards your appearance from anyone? you dont have to tell me if you dont want to dont worry xxx

utterly understand hunni, its mad isnt it?

do you get aswell sometimes you could kill for a pudding its like if ive gotta put on weight i mite as well have some bloody good food but on the other hand its like no way everyone else isnt having one they think im greedy and you feel so massive

its mental though i think the key to stop these thoughts and what i found really helpfull is to write them out when you think them and you look back and notice so silly they really are in a way, you look at them and think no one is thinking that i doubt they care

and most probally its them envying you iif they are thinking anything, wishing they could have a gorgeous figure

hugs and kissies

xx

also sorry to be like all going on never compare yourself to others write the thoughts out and each time you think of something good about someone else write a compliement about yourself, it feels weird but it means your never putting yourself down when you think good things about others

xxx

also sorry to be like all going on never compare yourself to others write the thoughts out and each time you think of something good about someone else write a compliement about yourself, it feels weird but it means your never putting yourself down when you think good things about others

xxx

Wow, I just read your post and could totally understand where you are coming from. I thought I was the only one!

I find it really hard to eat dinner, because I'm always watching how my younger sister eats. I try to eat slower than her so I don't feel as greedy. I'm 15!

I can't eat while I'm out. I kind of fear I will be sick (that's how it started), but I also fear people will think I'm greedy and fat.

I feel ugly compared to my sister as well. She looks so sweet and pretty. But I'm beginning to understand that they are all just lies from the anorexia. I have to try and ignor them, turn them from negative to positive.

xxxxAimiexxxx

P.S Hope I made some sense?

I'll be honest; in terms of appearence I don't think I'll ever really feel good about myself; unless I get a positive comment from someone who is blatantly not just saying it to make my feel good and who doesnt really mean it.

My only advantage with putting on weight and appearence is that I'm a boy; so when eating I try to eat  in the hope that its muscle that im putting on; which will i

*continued on from last post I accidently pressed shift then enter*

hope will look better than I am now. And to save making loads of posts i have weekly weights, so ye good luck with urs as well. all the best, Aiden

02jransom, (sorry i dont know your name). i have a huge problem with the foods i eat so i wis i could just have a pudding....if you feel like you want one you should challenge your worries about what others will think because thats the only way you can get better :) xxx

Aimie, thank you for your post you made me feel less alone with my sistr troubles. i dont no why i compare with her so much i just feel so horible in comparison and i cant do anything to make that feeling go away. i feel like a mess at the minute and my life is in pieces and i cant fix it. my restricted diet, my negative thoughts towards myself, and my weight been low is really took over everything and makes it impossible to live a reasonable happy normal life. i am missing out on so much and i get angry with myself because as much as i want to be able to have a normal life i cant because of my 'routine' its like a safty net for me. xxx

i fell exactly the same when u say u feel guilty when u eat.. when i ate around my friends i felt more ok but i felt tht they wer tlkin about me even though i new al tht was in my head (i just confused myself sayin tht! lol) but when i was around family memeber (not my mum and dad and all) bt like uncles i would feel reli self conscience of what i was eating 2!

I have started to feel greedy as I have to eat more, at first I was eating with family, normal portions, not too many very high calorie foods. But now I have had to increase calories and to make life easier and so I am not bloated I have been trying to eat a lot more high calorie foods, only thing is I don't want everyone else in the house to feel like they have to have these puddings too and I feel greedy sat there eating a lot, especially in the evenings, but my mum says it's like my medicine and it's only for now and it won't always be this way!

When I eat out I always worry people look at me and wonder why I eat if I'm so thin and I worry friends think I should be eating certain things but usually people don't care and as long as I am looking well they let me eat whatever!! xxxxx

emma- u sound so much more confident than me1 i cant eat out at all and i feel lyk such a pain because my family enjoy it and they cant do it as much now. i feel lyk im a pain for my friends and everythin 2 because my life is so structured around a set diet plan and it makes doing things out of the blue impossible! i h8 how things are but i cant change them xxxx

hi little lady, yes you can change things just take your time.

Sometimes when I shop I take a * from home so I don't have the hassle of choosing then I find a bench to eat it when im out and I find no one really looks they are too busy with their own lives.

I was out the other day and was with someone who's had an eating disorder and we were both nervous about eating in front of each other and I was almost shaking and felt sick, but we were laughing, once I had taken one bite it was so much easier and now I feel I can eat in front of anyone, it was a hard thing to do but once it's done you will feel great.

Your friends and family will support you, maybe just have a picnic out, or a drink for starters then build up.

xxxxxx

thanks emma, i do take my own food where ever i go (i cant eat other things) but its just hard to do it when people are they i feel greedy and its annoying xxxx

Hey everyone

I'd like to think that I'm "recovered" from anorexia in my head because I no longer want to be ill and I do want to get better.  I'm willing inside to give it all up and lead a normal healthy life, however, something is stopping me and I'm not sure what it is?!

Reading your comments it sounds like you're all going through similar problems to me.  I'd say the main things holding me back are not the actual foods themselves, but having to eat around other people.  My automatic response when offered food is to say no, and if I have to choose an option i will ALWAYS still choose the lowest I can, even if I know I need more to get better.  I'm not sure if this is the right word, but embarrassment seems to factor hugely when it comes to eating in front of others.  I totally get what you mean Emma, when you say you feel like eating out people are looking at you wondering why you're eating, and when people are around you you feel like you have to choose an "anorexic" food...how do I get past this?  It's all that's holding me back...I'm sure!

Thanks alot! love Caitlin

xxxx

Hey its lizze, its nice to talk again!

I totally feel embarrased when i eat in front of people. If they know about my ed i think that i shouldnt eat in front of them because they dont think i eat, thats a typical view of an ed- i hate that!

I just feel uncomfortable too. Its like i know how fat i am and others can see what they see and they might think i shouldnt be eating at all. Ive been told im not fat, but hey, you never know if your mind is distorted do you?

Anyway, hope you are ok hunni, Love Lizzie xx

omg im so glad other people feel the way i do! its horrible.... i feel lyk because im anorexic everyone is focused on me when i eat. i avoid eating when anyone is around. at college i will only eat with 2 frind on a table where nobody else can see me. if i need to eat alone for any reason (lunch time lessons ect) i hav either skipd lunch and had 2 fit some of it in at some other time or i hav even eaten in a toliet alone before. so dont feel bad we all share your worries. my goal is to try and eat infront of more and more people slowly but i cant do it yet. if i find any ways of making it easier il be sure to share :) xxxx

Caitlin I want to get better too but I do feel like somedays there is a voice holding me back, I feel I have to eat quite heathily like *, the media doesn't help! Although to put on weight I realise I have to eat some this I considered bad.

I don't get too embarrassed eating in front of others but sometimes I think they might find the way I eat weird! I like to eat my * in bits! xxx

Don't worry

I think it's really quite normal to eat very "healthily" when you're in recovery, but the important thing to remember is that healthy diet actually means varied and all things in moderation, you do NEED some fat in your diet etc.  I survived of fruit and veg for AGES, and it just made me ill...maybe not so healthy huh?

I'm getting better at the eating in front of others thing, today I went out with my brother to the shopping mall, and had to eat sitting on a bench with him.  I felt like everyone was watching me eat, and I felt SO uncomfortable, but the point is that I did it, before I wouldn't have been able to even think about it!  I just tried to look out for other people eating whilst I was, and that really helped, because nobody was staring at them, and it actually looked like a really normal thing to do!

I eat my food in the weirdest ways and orders too, don't worry, but I think that goes with time.  I mean, I've FINALLY got over a really ridiculous one, but I still have order rules, and certain cutlery etc.  Just don't put yourself down by this, remember that you are eating, and that will keep you alive.  As long as you are eating, it doesn't matter!

Hope everyone is ok!

Love Caitlin

xxxx