I'm a mess.

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Original topic post: I'm a mess.

written by: laura23
posted: 28.07.2008
message:

Hi my names laura. Where do i begin? Basically I've had an ED for 4 years. I'm a mess. I used to be anorexic, and about a year ago i switched to bulimia but i'm still underweight, there's been about 3 days in the last year where i haven't purged more than 4 times. its litterally driving me mad. before i quit my job i was spending upto 30 quid a day on food. probably like all of us, our families dont understand but i just dont know how to cope with my mom anymore. she's given me an ultimatum - ive got to quit bullimia or i cant live with her. she's serious. i moved out at 16 for two years into a hostel then a flat but i moved back because i was lonely. it's just the little things she says like why cant u be anorexic again, it was cheaper for me. i say well if u dont support me and say things like that, im not suprised i hate myself. i could say a lot more but what's the point. she's constantly drinking and feels like she's dragging me with her. the rest of my family haven't heard my side though and say it's my fault that my mom drinks and is ill. they say im feeling sorry for myself, but when they say things like that, it makes me hate myself more. im 19 and i no i shouldn't be feeling sorry for myself. im not usually depressed although i have been. at the moment, i dont have a reason to recover. i dont want to keep trying to get my moms attention through bulimia and anorexia but i cant help the way i feel. i wish she could understand but she's too wrapped up in herself. beause im 19 my family think i should grow up but im not trying to gain my moms attention in a concious way, i no i should be strong but for way too long i was always trying to impress her, doing well at school, basically trying to perfect myself and she didn't care then so i gave up! there's so much more i could write, and worse which makes me angry as i wish other's could know how i feel, i feel so alone. i dont want to move out but i cant stop bulimia, i dont like myself so that'snot a good enough reason to get better and my family dont understand that. i said if i had a distraction or another type of love, like a boyfriend, it would be different but i'm not ready. i have another problem though, go clubbing 3 nights a week too and i know it's going to be 10x worse to give up  addictions, bulimia * and alcohol, i have no support from anyone as not one person in my life understands and i don't know where to begin. im a mess. please does someone understand?


Reply post 1: (No Subject)

written by: balletbun
posted: 02.08.2008
message:

o my goodeness sweetheart! u sound like ur suffering tonnes and all alone too. are you getting help from ny professionals?    familys can find it hard to understand eds, and ur family sounds like it has alot to deal with nyway. is there a close friend or gp u can try to talk to? (sorry, i dont know ur age?)

i know u said ur family think ur doing all ur purging etc for attention, but i hope u r clear tht it is an illness ur suffering from. if u had a broken leg,people wouldnt expect u to heal ur self but would get u help and support. u deserve help for this too.

babes, i know how u feel from swinging from ana to another ed. i suffered from ana for about a yr, and then (and now) i swung to binge eating (i dont make myself sick though) and major exercise.  i know what its like to hate urself, what ur doing to other ppl, and detest the practices u r doing,   wanting so badly to not be doing them, yet still clinging on to ur ed as if ur life (ironically) depended on it.  u r Not alone in feeling like this. eds tend to isolate ppl to, please dont be afraid of going for help- u obviously know something is up and ur not well.    all ur addictions maywell be rooted in the same cause. so if u can get help with ur ed- and find out the cause and how to deal with it, u may also find other things in life settle down aswell. it may take time. but i can see from ur message u r a strong person and can make it out the otherside of this!       im always here to talk. please do write back and let me know how ur doing etc.

praying for u! God Bless.

x x x mini x x x 


Reply post 2: (No Subject)

written by: Steph1
posted: 14.08.2008
message:

WOW you have been through a very long and stressful and tireing and everything else thats hard and im PROUD that you have done so much in that time. Leaving home at 16 and living in a hostel must have been hard and I can totally understand the lonliness I can also understand the lonliness even wen ur with ur family. Havin people around you doesnt mean ur not alone.

Bout you DO have us on hear And I will try my very BEST to reply to your messages as often as i can. As u no going to ur family is not helping u need to get profession al help and i know its hard and long and tiring but i promise u thAT If u do they WILL try their very best t help as u sed ur 19, im 20 and hav had mia 4 5 yrs so no hw hrd it is. Uve had both so musta bin worse at least i gt used 2 mia.

bUT SWEETY u DONT DESERVE THIS!

THIS IS NOT UR FAULT!

YOU DID NOT ASK FOR THIS!

EVEN THOUGH SOMETIMES U MAY FEEL U DO IT 4 ATTENTION......IT IS AN ILLNESS!

Ur mum sounds as though she needs help 2 and that is not ur cross 2 bear its hers.

again easier said than done but please try and separate urself from her problems and dont feel like u have 2 fix it cos u DONT!.

Please feel free to offload onto me weneva u want, its actually nice to hear  and tlk about other peoples problems with them than thinking about my own so again feel free.

hope I didnt scare u off with the cap lock lol just wanted 2 state my point. lol

Keep sweet, u always were and always r

Steph

XxXx


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