***twinkling***

posted: 17.06.2008
message:

Hey hun

Yes very long time since we last spoke!!

2nd year of uni all over now... time to relax for a bit! Exams were v v v v v  strressful and had a few 'blips' but back on track now and ready to use my summer to get myself sorted :)

I dont come on here much anymore... just to chat to u lol... so sorry if it takes me a while to reply!!

Hows things going for u??

x x x

posted: 05.07.2008
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Hey sweetie. Good to hear from you – it’s been too long but I’m glad that you still come on the board to talk to little old me! And don’t worry if it takes you a while to reply – I’m back home for the summer and so I’m rarely online – I miss wireless broadband internet! Sob sob.

 

I have to say your last post was so ‘descriptive’! lol. Several months and that’s all you tell me! What happened to the novels?? Did mean, nasty uni steal them from us??

 

The second half of uni has been well… eventful… I started clinical placements after easter and halfway through my second week had to be taken home for “exhaustion and stress”. Long story short… spent the rest of my clinical time on reduced hours (was working part time), wasn’t assessed, had many many meetings at uni with my course leader and my clinical educator tutor, and as a result my course is now being extended and I’ve got two placements to re-do. Uni did want me to take a year out but I couldn’t face it, not graduating with my friends is hard enough but behind a year behind was even harder to think about. My clinical educator tutor has been amazing through it all and thanks to her, subject to me going through a few things over the summer like an occupational health assessment, fingers crossed I should be allowed back on placement in September.

 

Strange thing is, I know that part of the reason the stuff with my placements happened was because of everything I have put myself through for the past four years, but despite all the stress I was going through my ed didn’t get worse. Yeah I got thoughts of restricting but I never acted on them. And in a way it made it harder to deal with, I couldn’t say how stress and anxious I was (I still can’t completely if I’m honest) because all I could think was that ‘I’m not stressed, if I was stressed I wouldn’t be eating. I am eating therefore I can’t be stressed’

 

I was seeing a uni counsellor but I hated it and was only going because of the pressure from my course leader, every time I saw her she would tell me how counselling was the most important thing. My course leader wanted me to continue with counselling over the summer, luckily for me I’m not, but I’ve got a review appointment in september.

 

So.. to summarise.. it seems that I have managed to screw my uni course up – well done me.

 

How is everything in the life of Laura? Any plans for the summer?

 

Take care

 

Love and hugs

 

Angel xxxxxx

posted: 18.07.2008
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Hey!!!!

Yes sorry that other message was quite short lol...there was a reason for that but i cant remember now... sure it was that i had to go out or something lol. Well, ive got nothing to do today so just sat in bed, relaxing, so thought id write u a nice long story for u to read when u next come on here haha

Sorry about what has happened with uni... i really hope occupational health clear u though so that u can start placements again in september.... just try so hard to prove to them that ur fit and well to do it which im sure u will be!! I have faith in u.... *hugs*

I can totally relate to when u said that ur eating hasnt got worse therefore u think that u cant be stressed.... i was reading what u had written thinking that i could have written that. During exams i was so so stressed but my eating was fine, coz i kept thinking 'ok, need to eat to keep energy up etc etc', but i turned to other 'coping' mechanisms which werent very good and restricting would have probably done less harm! Oh well, done now, drawing a line and moving on. I need to get myself sorted now... just turned 20, i cant live my life turning to unhealthy ways of coping with my feelings. I still have so many things trapped down inside though that i need to just be able to get out. I honestly dont think i will fully recover without getting some support for the things underneath. Im not seeing anyone still though... ive been waiting for a referral for a few months now.... is getting beyond a joke. Ive not seen anyone since about march now and im really finding it difficult keeping all my feelings and thoughts inside instead of being able to get them out. I have no one to turn to though, no one that i can talk to and they would fully understand. Well, ive got friends that i could talk to who really understand, but some things i dont think i can say to someone that i have more thn just a 'professional medical' relationship with if u know what i mean??

I saw my uni counsellor for a while and i didnt think she helped at all, she just kept saying to me 'yes that must have been hard' etc... like no feedback what so ever so i felt like i was juts wasting my time and effort talking to her. Im hoping that this referral comes through soon though, im so desperate to talk to someone and get some support. Things feel like they are getting too much and so many things r trapped in the 'silence' in me. I feel like they are building up and building up and at one point something is going to explode.... i need to get them out asap.

*Has turned into a bit of a rant here... sorry lol*

Ive just come back from Zante.... came back yesterday. was hot hot hot...and ive got a nice tan :p. Went to see my little sister in her school show yesterday and some of the teachers there that i used to work with when i was on placement in college were saying that i was looking very healthy.... dont know if thats me in general or the tan lol.

I got my uni results back.... got a 2.1 so quite pleased with that. I didnt sit a couple of the exams due to some 'complications' lol, but everything worked out well in the end and i dont have to sit them in the summer like was originally planned. Soooo i can have my summer off now instead of having to revise... woop

Going back to work next week... am actually quite looking forward to it, im missing the kids lol ( i work in an after school club... cnt remember if ive told u before?). Cant wait for the summer though coz will be working on the play schemes again... :)

Do u have any plans for the summer??

Just about to press submit but im going to copy this all first coz knowing me, the internet will crash and i will lose this all and not be a very happy laura lmao :P

Hope ur ok :)

xxx

posted: 18.07.2008
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Now u will regret saying that u didnt have a long message from me before  haha :P

xxx

posted: 27.09.2008
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hey laura

i dont know how often you check the boards nowadays but i am soooooooo sorry that i haven't reply for...well.. months!

how was your summer? i didn't really do much this summer, was just at home recovering from my second year of uni. and so i feel in a better place now. oh one thing i did do this summer.. which is actually quite exciting... i started dancing again (i used to dance before i came to uni). ive changed dance style... i now do Ballroom and Latin. everyone in my dance class is older than me... like 40+ but they are all really nice and my teachers are lovely and i get on really well with them.so happy to have dancing back in my life.

ive been back at uni since the beginning of september after spending most of the summer fighting with my course leader to come back as she wanted me to take a year out and i didn't. and im even on placement! only done two weeks of placement so far but it's going ok i think and im starting to see my own patients. just finishing a two week break from placement at the moment though as my supervisor went away on hol so Ive ended up with two weeks off in the middle of my placement. i was living at home whilst on placement as the drive to the hospital is then shorter (oh yeah i passed my test in the summer!) but i came back to uni for the past week to see my housemates and catch-up with some other friends and now don't want to go back home.

how are things with you? what happened/is happening with the therapy referral? i was supposed to have a counselling appointment a couple of weeks ago but i cancelled it as i didn't really see the point in going. think i might be getting referred for CBT though.. not sure if it will help but I suppose theres no harm in seeing.

well done on your results for last year by the way... im still a second year at the moment because im behind on two placements but fingers crossed by january i shall be a proper third year. cant believe this is my last year of uni... have dissertation and everything to do. what about you?

hope all is well in the life of laura... update please!

love and hugs

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx