lottielou....xxxx

hey huni have nt check ed this part of the board in ages god job i did lol

well i ve been outta in patient at the local hospital for a month now

and was ment to go to an ED unit but got scared and refused to go...have u eva been IP in a unit ?? wats it involve??

recently took an over dose so things hav been pretty rough....no education no job just me and my ED

how things with u ??

x

Awww sweetheart, I am sooo sorry to hear you are struggling so much at the moment. Why does it happen to the ppl that least deserve it?

I am always here for you if you need to talk to someone, i hope you are fighting this ed hun.

Are things get any easier?

Hun please don't refuse treatment - it is there to help you? I have been in IP yes and it is hard work , I won't deny that but I honestly think it saved my life.

Hoep you are okay babe?

Any questions abot IP you have, I will try answer them? I have been there enough - lol.

Love you lots, take care - thinking of you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Hello my lovely,

i hope you are okay...if you get a chance just let me know please? I do worry about you, i hope you didn't have to go Ip - although i suspect otherwise.

Anyway i just wanted to say merry christmas as i'm going on holiday tomorrow. I hope you manage to enjoy yourself, try relax - you deserve as much. Enjoy your pressies aswell.

I will be thinking of you as always, take care of yourself.

All my love xxxxxxxxxxx 

hey sweety

god i aint been on this post in ages so sorry

xmas was hard i hav to admit i purged loads......i m still refusing inpatient , i get so scared of it....for xmas i got a new ipod so thats helping me relax a bit..still out of college/work but i ve been offered a place on a scheme that helps people with probs like EDs helps build confidence meet new peole try new things and you get paid if you complete it so might give it  a go.

wen u were IP wat was it like .treatment etc?? i ve only eva been in a general hospital on a kids ward so i dunno wat an special EDU would be like.......

have a nice holiday hope 2 here from u ...tell me everything wen u get back

loadsa love xxxxxxxx

Heya sweetie,

i am sooo sorry for not replying sooner...i haven't been well and haven't had a chance to post on here.  pelvic infection that has caused me soo much pain...grrr.

how are you doing lovely?

have you decided to do that scheme? sounds like a rely good idea and could maybe help you a lot?

sorry to hear christmas was hard....mine was ok, it was made slightly easier for being away and having my boyfriend there to distract me. although it got noticably harder once he left....

did you do anything for new year?

how are you coping ed wise? purging any less?

In terms of this ed...i thought i was doing well. I was eating at restaurents, eating a normal amount - ok admitedly not always 3 meals a day but 1/2 proper meals. I was eating infront of people. My weight had stabalized at a healthy place. Of course i was still being sick, but that doesn't affect me too much apart from maybe my insides. But then i went to this party on fri for an hour or so and a lot of people (my old friends mainly) commented on 'how much better i look', or 'how i healthy i look' or 'how i seem so much happier'...which is alll just another way of saying 'oh, you have put on weight'...it has hit me big time, i feel rely depressed and just have the mind set of losing weight now so next time they see me they can say the opposite. See what an hour at a party does to me?...great?

have you given any more thought to IP treatment? I won't lie to you...it is hard, really hard but it does help you sooo much. Personally i think you have to want to get better, and that is true of all treatments, there is no point someone forcing you to get better when you don't want it for yourself.

It depends on what IP you go to, they will always vary but the main focus of them is to have your meals there suppervised usually and following your specific diet plan (made for you)..they will also help you after you have eaten...trying to talk to you. like you know how after you eat, you feel terrible and that is what wil make you want to purge - they will try go through what actually about it makes you want to get rid of it. there is always someone to talk to you, whether it is a nurse, a therapist, a doctor..etc. you usually have different types of therapy, often you will see ur psychologist and psychatrist regularly, aswell as yoru nutritionist and physiotherapist if needs be. then you also have classes to give you something to do...music therapy, arts classes...etc

urm i don't know what else to say rely...if you have any specific questions let me know or if i think of anything i will let you know. but it does help you, the aim is to find the underlying cause of ur ed and try and face that.

anyway my lovely, take care of yourself...i look forward to hearing from you.

lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

heya

how u feeling after ur nasty pelvic infection ?? hope ur feeling better and not in to much pain hun

yep i ve decided to do that scheme i was telling you about, i m kinda nervous everytime i go take part but i m doing it all on my own so yeah i m kinda proud of myself really as my ED takes alot of independence away from me and i feel like a 5 year old at times....i applyed for college in september so i m exited about that already, as its something to work 2wards

ED wise i m struggling alot and i feel like no one even notices,i m restricting quite abit andit drives me mad that i dont nohow much i weigh

thanks for telling me about inpatient it was really helpful of u

and i totally understand how your friends made u feel

xxx

Good for you, i'm really pleased for you about the scheme and your college application...i think both will be really good for you and you can hopefully use them to motivate you into fighting this ed.

Is anything happening in terms of IP? I hope not, i know how much you don't want to do it.

I completely understand what you mean. You don't want people to notice bcoz you want to be abel to loose the weight but then again there is a part of you that wants ppl to notice, just so it makes you feel you are making a noticable difference and are losing weight. BUT (and there is always a but), they probs are noticing, they are trying to be careful how they react to it. If they aren't noticing, you can't blame them or say they don't care...they can't read your mind. You have to tell them how you are feeling and how much you are struggling. God, no-one around me notices anything...and that is after they have watched be in hospital many a times - you would think they would be looking out for it. You know that your ed makes you secretive. Why not try talking to someone hun?

Pelvic infection is gone, well i think. Not in any more pain but i didn't finish my course of treatment but i'm sure i will be fine.

Doing slightly better this week, i don't feel so depressed but i am b/p a lot. But in a way it has become so much a part of my rountine that i just figure it as normal behaviour and obviously so does everyone else. I think most ppl around me have given up on me and jsut accept it.

How are you doing this week? Feeling any better?

Been up to anything much?

Take care, always here for you

Lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

hey hun

oh my god i totally screwed up the interview for college i did nt realise it was a group thing and anyway i paniced and ran out so embarresin and really made me feel bad...nothings going on with IP at the mo , i kinda pushed everyone away when family problems kicked off , but parents are gonna take me back to pschiatrist cuz hav been acting really odd. So glad ur feeling betta tho hun nasty infection hope it is all gone but i guess no longer bein in pain is a good sign

babes nobodys giving up on you dont talk like that your a wonderful person i m sure they just dont know how to help, kinda like u said to me lol,  your a wonderful support to me hun really u r

have nt been up 2 much i got my belly pierced the other week ( it grew over b4 ) and really want my nose done now but super scared, kinda lookin forward to the weekend as i m going up to my boyfriends mum with him....hehe i love him so much ..

wat u been up 2 ?? hope your enjoyin life ( even with this nasty ill ness )

love u

xxxxxxx

Heya sweetie,

i am sorry for the late reply...my laptop has broken so on the skl computers atm...grrr.

how are you?

what have you been up to?

did you have a gd wkend going to your boyfriends mum? how long have you been with your bf now?

aww hun, i'm sorry the interview didn't go well. could you maybe try again or something? or apply elsewhere?

have your parents taken you to a psychiatrist yet?

i'm doing ok, same old really. stressed with skl, i just need to do better than i am doing but i can't find the motivation to actually do the work. grrr.

anyway take care, always here for you

lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

heya

no worries about the late reply i m a bit like that too, sometimes i come on the boards see all the newbies and feel like i hav no idea who to talk to or what to see, stupid i know , but its nice posting to sumone else whos been around a while

i have nt been doing much ED has taken a bit of a turn for the worse , i got a stomach bug and now i just cant bring myself to eat and if i do i feel such a failure

nope havent been back to pshciatrist, i ve seen some of team but got upset and told them all i never wanted to see them again so yeah i been skipping appointments, cuz like my fave doctor ( whos been there all the way thro )stopped offering appointments n just felt like if she cant be bothered or thinks i m well enuf then i dont wanna see anyone else

ok just realised i been rambling, been with bf for nearly 2 years so mmh he know s like everything about me

dont stress about skl hun its not worth being ill over

wb xxxxxxxxxx

p.s ( still have nt sorted college )

Heya sweetie,

aww sorry to hear you have taken a turn for the worse but can we clarify one thing - you are NOT a failure and i mean that 100%.... it is ok to have bad patches, but you have to learn from them that is all, it does not make you a failure. hell otherwise there wouldn't be anyone left who wasn't a failure.

i know what you mean i have got a stomach bug/food poisoning or something and rather than feeling sorry for myself about being ill, i was really pleased about violently throwing up. how twisted my mind is. don't think it is going to help me. it has depressed me though as i don't have the energy to go to the gym or do any work of which i have LOADS to do.

i completely understand what you mean about the doctor who gave up on you. its like you feel that you are not ill enough to have help. i still feel like that from when my clinic ditched me but hun u have to reaise it is not true, you need help and you deserve help. please don't struggle alone, especially if you feel you aren't coping.

is your boyfriend a good support?

are you feeling any better after the easter bank holiday? hope you managed to do some relaxing?

chin up gorgeous, you can get through this. you are strong, intelligient and beautiful....kep fighting. always here for you, take care of yourself

lots of love xxxxxxxxxx

hey darlin

yep my boyfriend is an amazing support and i dunno what i do without him,

with the whole doctor situation, it really is like i think i m not ill enough however i did tell my therapist what had happened and mental health nurse ( neather of them knew i d been cut off ) and they must of spoken to her cuz recently i got a letter saying i had nt been discharged from her clinic just that she felt i was doing a lot better recently and that if appointments were left open it would help me take more responsibility for myself ie ringing to make it when i need it, learning when to ask for help etc.....apparently its quite a commen thing to do with patients my age as it prepares u for adult services

easter was horrible babe i went 3 days with no b/p barely eating then easter monday i just caved and ate loads and purged loads but its ok i ve gonna try and not let it hold me back these things happen dont they

it my birthday in a few eeks and i ll be learning to drive ahh its such a scary but hopefully i ll gain some independence.....oh and i started this scheme thing i really like it theres only 9 of us doing it in our area, none of us ahv met yet cuz its mainly individual but we are all going to do a confidence and self estemm workshopw hich shud be ok , apparently we ve all had simaler issues....and yep there helping me get back into sport and stuff witch the ED team hav finally said i can do again

i hav some mouth ulcers at the mi from purging so that s kinda buggin me but overall i m feeling pretty positive....yay me  

how was ur easter?? manage to anything good?? or was it all work no play ? hope ur feling betta

xxxxxxxx