counselling

Aww here4u! Im sory, things sound reli tough for u atm...it was reli brave of u to email beat btw....i no the ppl r all very nice bt stil it is kinda scary! Sumtyms counselling starts off worse nd gts better...the first tym if often kinda daunting cos u dnt no wot to expect bt if u found it tht upset then dnt put urself thru it again. It mite b worth giving it another go or askin to see a different counsellor...sumtyms it takes a different person to help u. Lyk i didnt lyk my last counsellor nd i didnt reli gt anywhere nd altho i probably nt reli gttin anywhere atm at least i lyk nd gt on wiv my new counsellor....

Its nt stupid to cry! Seriously i cry a lot nd its ok, especially if it helps. Hun, its nt their job to judge u nd im sure it was probably ur brain wrkin over tym nd mayb thinkin over things a wee bit too much, im sure they werent judging u. Oh i wish i cud say sumthing to make u feel better....pls dnt hate urself, u r a lovely person nd a super friend nd u dnt deserve to feel this way.

There is a carers message board on the adult message board, mayb u cud hav a look there nd post? It mite help u a bit?

Take care of urself, im always here.

Love jo xxxx <3

p.s. i missed u btw =)

Hi hereforyou, we've not talked before because i've only ever posted on here once or twice, but I've read some of your posts. I'm Hope btw, and I'm 16. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I thought I'd try and offer some support because I can really empathise with what you're going through, my best friend has ana too and although she's doing a lot better right now than she was this time last year I totally understand that feeling of helplessness having felt it myself in the past. I still do feel it tbh.
And I know when things were at their worst, (and even now at times) I'd have loved to have talked to someone who understood, so I wanted to let you know that I'm always around if you ever want to chat (:
Well done for emailing b-eat (: I have done once before, and I found it quite useful, but like Jo said, it was kind of scary...
And I'm dead impressed that you followed their advice and found youself some counselling, (I think I'd have been way too scared!) because it's really important that you remember that you need to look after yourself too, because you're important aswell, so seriously, well done. You sound like an amazing person, seeing as you clearly care so deeply about your friend and this is a difficult thing to deal with so you deserve support too.
Try and remember that it is not the counsellor's job to judge you and that perhaps you misenturpreted some of the things they said? I can imagine that in that situation I'd probably cry like a baby too (it's something I'm quite prone to lol) and when crying it's not always the best time to take in what someone else is really saying. Sorry if I'm totally wrong there. But try not to be so hard on yourself lovely (easier said than done, I know lol).
Sorry if this post is abit useless, i'm probably not very good at this lol.
But anyway if you want to chat, or tell me more about youself or your friend then I'd really love to try and help you, but I understand if you don't want to talk to me about it, seeing as we've not talked before. I hope you're feeling a bit better by the time you get this, you deserve to be happy and feel good about yourself, but I truly understand how difficult that can be to achieve when watching someone you love fight this illness and not knowing how to help. I'm thinking of you and your friend,  

Love Hope xxx

Hey jo,

sorry for the long wait 4 reply!! Thnks for ur support :-) i think as i said above tht the cousellor canceld my next app but today i got a letter through the post from her with more appointments on it!!! Ahh i can't get away from her lol hehe. I don't even know how she got my address! YOu don't have to say anything to make me feel better.. just being there helps :-) How are you btw... i have been rubbish at keeping up with all the posts lately :-$ xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey Hope,

It's nice to meet you! :-) I'm sixteen too!! YOu sound soo lovely it would be sooo nice to talk to someone in the same position as me and i will be here for you 2! :-)

lol it was really scary when beat replied to my email and when i talked to support staff in my school but they got me some "help". i am still not sure if it was the right decision really.

ok so i'l give you sum background info... and you can give me sum of yours?? well........ i mentioned to a member of support staff in my school tht my best friend wasn't well... she did not thank me for it!! tbh she still doesn't but tht is a decision i will hav to live with because health is more important than friendship maybe but it hurts to say tht lol. from then on it kept getting worse, she kept distancing herself from me and doing horrible things to herself. i felt terrible. we wud have these spouts where all we wud talk about is "ana" because i really wanted to understand what she was going thru. i even did research on it! but i did tell the support staff a few more things tht she was doing to herself tht she was obviously keeping secret.. s/h for e.g. Now she doesn't really tlk to her friends about it anymore,, i guess i am a bit frightened of asking. Like i wud lyk to know and keep understanding but i don't want to know because the whole thing is so terrible and thts when i just get upset with myself for being stupid.

Anyways i try and stay on the positives of life because i worry too much!

btw your post wasn't useless it was really lovely!! I am really soo glad i can talk to sum1 who understands. I think that is what i have been missing.

Thnk u guys soo much

speak soon

h4u xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Heyy h4u!!

Dnt worry...is ur computer being less grumpy nw? Wel let me knw hw ur nxt appointment, k?! I no its scary bt jst give the appointments a couple of goes nd see hw u gt on...if u dnt lyk it or its nt helpin then u cn always stop or change counsellors, bt its worth trying.

I noticed u saying to Hope saying tht feel stupid for gttin upset cos u want to understand bt at the same tym u dnt...im sory if i interrpreded tht wrong bt i jst wanna say tht ur nt stupid for feelin scared bout knwing more bout the ed or hw it wrks or wot it does to ur friend.....its natural nd u shudnt feel bad for it....eds r scary nd lots of ppl dnt want to knw bt ur reli brave for wanting to help even tho u put urself at risk of being hurt by the ed. Am i waffling? I feel lyk i am...sory.

Anywhooo...emm, im nt doin too gd atm =( The hols have startd nd everythings quite difficult.

Take care, love nd hugs

spk soon.

Jo xxx <3

Lovely to meet you too h4u and thankyou, you sound so, so nice too and like such an actually amazing friend so it would be really good to get to know you - we can try to help each other (:

From what you've told me I think that following b-eat's advice and getting help sounds like a good decision. Like Jo has said, if you give it a couple of goes and it's not working for you then you can always re-think it, but if there's a chance it will help then I think its definitely worth trying, so try and stay strong and give it a chance. It's such a positive thing that you are looking for ways to help yourself, because it's the best thing you can do, for your own sake and in order to help you're friend in the future, so well done and please let me know how it's going. I'm always here if you want to talk.

Also, thank-you for telling me about yourself and your friend, it sounds like you've been through alot and dealt with it amazingly, you should be proud of yourself. Sometimes I think we focus too much on where we've gone wrong and overlook the better things. I'm sure you've helped your friend more than you even realise, just by being there for her and listening. And although she might not thank-you yet now for telling staff at school that's just because she's ill right now and I'm truly hope the time comes when she gives you the thanks you deserve love.

And I totally understand what you mean btw about being frightened to ask questions. I often feel like that.. like sometimes when you're not sure if things are going well or going badly and it's like you don't want to bring up the bad things incase it makes it worse? Also I'm terrified of my friend distancing herself from me, sorry I haven't given you any background info, have I? 

My friend was diagnosed just over a year ago, but she had been losing weight for a long time and I still feel really, really, really guilty for not doing anything to help her sooner.
I did try and talk to her, (unsucessfully) a few times, but I didn't deal with it well and I'll always feel bad for letting her get so ill. In a way things got better after her diagnosis, she was admitted to an ip unit and I found it really hard obviously, being away from her and feeling totally useless/guilty, but she was so strong and did so well in her recovery and was discharged at a healthy weight after four months. Recently she's been losing weight again and it took me far too long to find the courage to talk to her about it because I was terrified of what would happen, but eventually I did and atm she isn't getting any medical support, which worries me, but she's agreed to go to the doctors if things aren't any better in a few of weeks. Only I'm scared because I think we'll probably disagree about whether she needs to go or not and I don't want her to push me away. And I don't want to push her into doing something she'd not comfortable with. But I can't stand by and do nothing. And it's a difficult balance, you know?
It's totally understandable that part of you doesn't want to know more about her illness. (I did research too btw! lol). But it's okay to feel upset, it doesn't mean that you're stupid, because you're not. You're very brave, far more so than me. And I worry too much as well, which doesn't help because my friend knows this and so is reluctant to confide in me. But tbh I worry most when she doesn't tell me things.

Anwyay I'm really sorry, it's late at night so I've been rambling, because I'm not good at focusing when I'm sleepy. So this is an insanely long post, well done and thankyou if you've actually managed to read it all, sorry if I've not replied to something! I'm half asleep tbh (:

Speak soon, take good care of yourself lovey, hope you're doing okay, and that you're as kind to yourself as you are to other people,

H xxx

Hi Hope....jst thot id say hi cos i dnt think we've reli spoken b4 bt lyk h4u you seem lyk a gr8 friend nd i jst wantd to say if u wanna tlk bout anything then im here =) Take care, look after urself. Love nd hugs, jo xxx <3

 Hi Jo,
thanks so much, that's really kind of you (: if there's ever anything you want to ask me about being close with someone with an ed, if you have a problem with your friends or something, then go right ahead, or if you just want to talk about things in general, i'm here too. I don't think we have spoken before.. but I've read a few of your posts in the past and you sound like a really caring, lovely person (:
Can I ask.. how do you find talking to your friends about you ed? (if you do talk to them about it) Does it help you at all? It's just that I personally find that I almost always feel better after talking to my friend about ed related things, because I want to understand what she's going through as much as I possibly, possibly can. (And whatever the outcome of the conversation it makes me worry less because if I don't know how things are I usually presume the worst, even though I try not to) But it always seems to make her feel so uncomfortable that I feel guilty for bringing it up and so then when I'm concerned I end up keeping it to myself for too long, because when she's seemingly happy I feel like by mentioning it I'm bringing her down.
Sorry for such a long post! I hope you're okay, take care,

Love H xxx

Hiya Hope :) Thk u...friends emm, cn b a tricky subject sumtyms so thks, it b nice to knw hw to dealw iv them sumtyms lol! U seem lyk a lovely person too :)

Wel...i think iv put my friends (especially my best friend) thru a bit of a nightmare the past few months...iv often refused to tlk bout anything or they hav found stuf out nd gone nd told an adult (very responsible of them nd i no they only did it cos they cared bt i felt very betrayed at the tym) or sumtyms i tlk to my best friend nd totally regret it later cos of the ana voice....however the last few tyms iv spoken to my friend i hav felt better, jst being able to tlk to sum1 nd knw tht they won't take any action nd wil (hopefully) jst listen is nice.

Im kinda incapable of actually spking tho (lol) i tend to write or email or txt my best friend.....nt sure y, its jst eaiser nd i cn think more. Do u think writing to ur friend wud b easier for the both of u??

When friends (or ppl in general) bring up ed stuf i find i sort of freeze....especially when it involves spking. I no tht i often pretend to b fine nd so as one of my friends put it "iv found out a lot about you in the past year nd dnt trust wot u say"....blunt yes bt to b fair to her kinda true. Anyway, wot im sayin is tht altho ppl wiv eds often pretend to b ok or happy.....if things r bad i will tlk bout it sumtyms. Omg, sory i feel lyk im reli waffling lol, sory.

U shud ask ur friend....wot she wud lyk u to do.....tell her tht u do reli want to help nd tht u'd lyk her to feel comfortable tlking to u bt if she doesnt then thts ok....u cud suggest she writes instead or tht u won't bring ed related things up unless ur worried.....i think if u try nd make sure tht she feels in control or hw nd when she tlks bout her ed then tht wud help....wot do u think?

I hope u nd ur friend r wel.....h4u, hope ur ok too :)

Love nd hugs jo xxx <3

Jo just read your post saying you're going on holiday and thought I'd say I hope you have a really amazing time, you deserve to. Look after yourself lovely (: 
Love H xxx

Hey hope and jo =)

hope:- your totally right about focusing on the negatives when there are alway a lot more positives.. i do it all the tym in this sort of situation!! and finding the balance between saying too much and too little is often hard to judge too!! I also find the balance between being a friend and listening to problems and almost becoming a "counsellor" when i try and comfort or find a way out of a situation. I am obviously not a counsellor lol but i find myself sumtyms saying things and then after thinking "i shouldn't have said that and should leave the advice giving to the consellor!"

You have made me feel so much better, hope, and i thank you soo much for that!! What you said kinda ties in with what my counsellor said so i guess i just needed telling twice!!

I really hope that your friend sees the doctor and gets the help she deserves. She was strong enough to recover once and this will only make her stronger if she gets help before it gets worse i guess. You sound like a lovely caring friend and i hope you both conquer this :-)

speak soon & take care

xxxxxxxxx

Hey jo!

Yes my computer is less grumpy now lol you can tell because it let me write this insanely long post!! =s

My next appointment is in a couple of weeks but hopefully it will go more smoothly than the last one! Will let you know how it went :-) You're not waffling!! Everything you said made complete sense and helped me understand what i am feeling so thank you

aww hun i hope you are feeling better now?! I think holidays can be daunting for everyone: being away from routine etc. I hope your holidays are going well though. Are you going anywhere nice? I don't think i am going anywhere.. maybe just some days out... hopefully shopping!! lol

speak soon

love and hugss

xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi h4u nd Hope! :)

Hw r u both?

Aww Hope, thks for ur wee message bout my holiday, thts so kind of u! Im bac nw bt im going camping tomoro nd im absolutely terrified cos there is loadssssss of  food nd im goin to HAVE to eat it....as in hav no choice nd im so worried. Anywhoo, hw r u? Hope ur well....always here if u wanna tlk :) Lyl xxx

Heyy h4u! So hav u been to ur appointment yet?....i knw its been a wee while since we've spken.....if u hav then i hope it went smoother nd if nt then gd luck!

Im pretty sure this is gonna b modded bt here goes....we went to *, twas very pretty, interesting nd had lots of nice shops lol! Im nt doing so gd atm bt i'l b ok....gd days, bad days...u knw.

How r u? Hope ur holidays r going wel :) Lyl xx

Take care both of u

All my love, jo xoxox

Hi Jo and H4u,

Sorry I've not replied properly to the last couple of posts either of you have left, been really busy and gone on holiday a couple of times, only got back yesterday. I've had a really good time but now feeling a bit worried because my friend and I agreed a few weeks ago that we would wait until now to see how things went before she would consider going to see a doctor. Sorry I'm ridiculously tired, barely slept for the past two weeks really lol, so this might not make sense. But basically I want her to get some professional help and I'm pretty sure she's going to insist it's unecessary.

Anyway, enough about me lol, how are you both doing?

Jo - I don't think you'll get this before you go camping but good luck, I'm thinking of you. Let me know how it went? Also thank-you for the post you left about talking to friends about things. I didn't get to see it before I went away. Thank-you so much for the advice. I have actually written my friend a letter, kind of encouraging her to go to the doctor but also reminding her that whatever she decides to do I love her and I'll always be here for her. Now I just need to pluck up the courage to give it to her.

H4u - How is the counselling going? I hope you and your friend are both doing okay and that you're remembering to take good care of yourself as well as your friend. If you want to talk about things then I'm always here (:

I hope you're both enjoying your holidays, you deserve to be having a great time (: Thinking of you both, speak soon,

Love H xxxx

Hi Hope :)

Dnt worry bout nt replying properly, i hope u had a gd hoiday! Did u go anywhere nice? I understand tht ur worrying bout ur friend bt make sure u take care of urself too, u hav to b well to help her...try nd b a gd example to her...im sure u r alredi bt jst mayb make it obvious bout wot is healthy nd stuf :) As for the doc, i think its reli caring of u to go to all tht trouble to try nd help her...ur a super friend! Remind her tht she doesnt hav to anything more than jst go nd see the doc....jst to find out her options nd stuf, she isn signing up for anything!

Aww Hope, tht sounds lyk a lovely letter...dnt worry, i no ur brave enough to give it to ur friend, go on....im sure she will appreciate it.

Thks for wishing me gd luck for camping! Tbh it went horrendously...a lot of me freaking out inwardly, tears, purging nd s/h :( So eh cud hav been better... Im going to a music festival this wk cumin so tht shud b gd nd then its my birthday...bt nt sure if hw much im looking forward to it! =S

Hw r u?

Take care

Love jo xoxox

Hi Jo,

I had a really good holiday thank-you. I went with a few friends to stay with our friend who lives in Spain and it was really lovely. There were a few stressful moments around eating with my friend who has an ed, but we managed okay in general and she did really well tbh because I'm sure she was feeling under quite a lot of pressure.

I'm really sorry you didn't have a good time camping. *Hugs* Are you feeling any better now? I hope you have an amazing time at the music festival, you deserve to lovely. And I can understand you feeling nervous about your birthday, try not to put too much pressure on yourself, because it's just another day really, and then it might be easier to enjoy it.

If you don't mind me asking, what treatment are you recieving for your ed and how are you finding it?

And I'm okay thank-you.. stll trying to plan when I'm going to give my friend this letter lol. I saw her yesterday but we were with lots of our friends and I didn't really get the chance. But thank-you for what you said about it, made me feel loads better.

How are you?

Take care

Lots of love, H xx

Hi Jo and h4u,

sorry this is really selfish of me, because I'm sure you both have enough to deal with, without having to listen to me, but I just wondered if you could suggest any ways for me to try and get through to my friend? I managed to give her the letter but as far as I know she still hasn't read it and isn't planning on doing so anytime soon. She keeps telling me she doesn't want to talk. I don't know what to do. I accept that this is so, so difficult for her right now, and I can wait until she is ready to open up to me, but what if she never does? I don't know how to help her when she's shutting me out like this. I sound really accusatory.. don't get me wrong, I understand that she's ill and it's not her fault, I just don't know what to do right now or how to deal with this. She had a doctors appointment today and it's hurting me so much that I don't know how it's gone. I love her so much and I just feel so helpless. I'm sorry this post is really selfish.

Jo - I hope you're doing okay, read one of your other posts and it sounds like things are really difficult for you atm. Stay strong lovely, and don't feel you need to rush to reply to this at all. Focus on yourself hun, take care. Things will get better with time, just keep going. And I'm always here if you ever want to talk to me about how things are with you btw,

Lots of love, H xxx

Hello Hope :)

Hey, dnt be sorry hunnie...u r not being selfish at all, k?! Hmm, tbh its kinda a tricky question, im reli plsd to hear tht u gave ur friend the letter...i no it takes guts to do so gd on u. In the end its ur friends choice if she reads the letter nd accepts help...she may hav read it, jst mite nt hw to react....sumtyms when ppl show tht they care so much it cn kinda leave u speechless. She went to the doctor nd tht is reli reli gd...im sorry to hav to tell u this hunnie bt u may jst hav to accept tht u mite b kept in the dark on hw it went. If the doc is worried then he/she will hav tlkd bout her options. If u feel reli worried then u cud always tlk to an adult, her parents or a teacher....tho i'l warn u in advance u risk ur friend disowning u! U cnt force sum1 wiv an ed to gt better or to tlk to to accept....frustrating nd upsetting it may b, nd i cnt reli tlk cos im being a total hypocrite cos i dnt exactly tlk, bt i jst wanna say tht ur friend is so lucky to hav u Hope, she reli is nd one day she will realise tht nd appreciate hw much u r doin for her. Ur worried nd thts nt selfish...its jst nt reli healthy for u either. Try nd b a role model for ur friend, all u can do is b the friend tht u r....a gr8 one!

Aww im so glad u had a gd holiday, ur friend sounds lyk she did reli well too, thts gr8.

Sorry for all my waffle btw, i hope sum of it helps!

Im feeling a bit better nw thks... Thk u hun, i think i will hav a gd tym at the festival, lots of gd bands will b there :) Wot sorta music do u lyk?

Course i dnt mind u asking...emm, wel i go to this clinic twice a wk where i see a counsellor nd sumtyms a psych. Im ment to see a dietian bt i did go last tym, eek nd i go to my gp/nurse nd gt weighd, hav bloods done nd other things. Hospital too occassionally for ecgs....so yeh i hav a lot of support bt its nt reli helping atm. I feel so selfish nd gulity saying tht cos i shud b accepting the help im being given bt its nt as easy as tht! Iv been diagnoised almost a year.

Stay strong hunnie, everything will b ok in the end :)

Lots of love jo xoxox

Hi Jo,

Thank-you so much for posting back, you're honestly amazing and I appreciate it so much. Everyone on here is amazing and you can all beat this. Seriously the level of support that is being offered and recieved on here is truly the main thing that gives me hope right now for my friend. And try not to feel selfish or guilty, you're not a hypocrite at all, I understand that it's one thing talking about the right thing to do and totally another trying to put it into practice when you're in the grip of this illness. This isn't your fault, you know that, and you're right.. everything will be okay in the end. Keep fighting, because you're so kind and such a lovely person and you deserve to be healthy and happy. And thank-you again for what you said, it wasn't waffle and it did indeed help. And what you said about trying to be a role model really made me think.. I tend to overeat when I'm stressed about things, but I'm really going to try and sort out my eating habits so as to be a healthy role model for her.

My friend told me tonight that she has read the letter and written me a reply (: So I'm feeling much more positive.. Although I haven't actually got the reply yet. I'm still feeling a bit nervous, but better than earlier anyway. Today was difficult because it kept bringing up all the old feelings from when my friend was really, really ill last year and I'm very tired right now so kind of struggled to deal with it.

How are you doing today? I'm glad you were feeling a bit better, the festival sounds fun (: I like all sorts of music tbh.. I keep listening to bloc party atm (: What music do you like? Have you got any plans for your birthday? I hope you have a really good day babs.

H4u - not heard from you for awhile, thinking of you, hope you're doing okay.

Lots of love, H xx

Hiya Hope,

Nice to hear from you, thk you for all ur kind wrds, they mean a lot :) Im glad sum of wot i sed helpd, tho i think i do hav a tendency to waffle bt hey ho, my parents tend to gt a little frustrated when im on the phone for 2 hours hehe!

I think everyone deserves to be happy, no matter who they are or where they come from, wot they've done or who they've been. Everyone has the potential to change nd becum a better person. As long as ur happy and healthy, thts all tht matters.

Aww, im reli plsd to hear tht ur friend has read ur letter....i no waiting for a reply is nerve racking, iv had to a couple of times bt dnt stress to much...even if ur friend says a few things u may nt want to hear she has still read nd appreciated ur letter nd thts reli gd. Ur friend is obviously a reli strong person...she has beaten ana before nd i no she can do it again...unfortunately relapses seem to b part of recovery nd altho they rnt nice if u do it once it proves u hav the strength to beat the ed again. Ur friend will b ok.

Im ok...i gt my exam results today! I gt 2 As, three 1s and two 2s...im reli plsd in a way cos both the As i gt were for the 2 exams i actually sat bt on the other hand i did only sit two exams which is a bit *. Anywhoo, oh bloc party i lyk them too :) Erm, i lyk lots....especially stuf lyk the fray nd noah and the whale.

I was writing all my invitations today lol....jst having lots of friends over to my house...hopefully it will b a nice day nd things :) There will b food bt im making it all so it is safe nd ppl probably not notice if i dnt eat loads so it'l b ok...fingers crossed.

Hw old r u? I may hav askd b4 bt i hav a memory lyk dorie from finding nemo lol!

Yer, h4u....u ok? Is ur computer poorly again?

Take care both of you.

Lots of love, jo xoxox

Hi Jo, I'm here with kind words whenever you need them (: You're very welcome, after all they're all very true.

I tend to waffle myself tbh, quite alot. And yeah my parents aren't all that happy with the time I spend on the phone either. Unfortunately we get an itemised phone bill so I like to avoid the household when it arrives because they can see that all the calls are to my friends lol.

You're right, it is nerve wracking waiting for a reply, but I've felt a lot better today. Yesterday I kept just randomly bursting into tears lol, but today I'm feeling a lot more calm and I'm giving my friend some space until she's ready to see/talk to me, because I don't want to put her under more pressure.. But if I don't hear from her tomorrow I'll get in touch, I don't want her to think I don't care. It's hard to find the balance if you know what I mean. And you're right about her being strong enough to beat this, I just hope she realises that too.

WELL DONE on your results (: It must have been really, really hard studying and taking the exams while battling this illness. You should be extremely proud of yourself lovely! It proves how much you're capable of achieving, congratulations.

I'm 16 btw, but I don't get /my results till the 27th, I'm so scared! I take it you live in Scotland? My best friend is scottish.. I love the accent so much lol (:

Good luck for your birthday party, stay strong and try to relax as much as possible, I'm sure you'll be fine. How much do your friends know about your ed? Hopefully they'll all be understanding if you're finding eating difficult and I'm sure you're right and that you will all be having too good a time for anyone to notice anyway. Just try not to put too much pressure on yourself babs. Is this your 16th birthday coming up?

Take care, lots of love, H xx

Heyy Hope! :)

Hehe....i find myself creeping out of the kitchen when the post cums with phone bills lol! It always seems to either show the amount of tym i spend on the internet or phone calls to my friends hehe!

Im glad to hear ur feeling better. Aww, Hope u r such an amazing friend!...i no ur friend may nt tall u so atm bt seriously ur a lovely person nd i no in the end she will reli appreciate hw much support u r giving her. My best friend is lovely too but i find it hard to tlk to her bout my ana cos of her reaction....id lyk to b able to tlk to her nd i hav in the past bt she never says much so i always feel bad, lyk she doesnt care....i dnt blame her for nt wanting to listen to my problems bt it b nice to hav a friend who'd actually reply sumtyms....can u shed any light? Thankies.

Thank you! I am reli quite plsd :) Im gonna b 16 on Tuesday! Aww im sure ur results will b gr8.....wot subjects r u doing? Yeh im from sunny scotland lol....it is actually quite sunny atm hehe! Iv jst gone into 5th nd am doing my highers this...eek! Hehe,  Where bout r u from?

Thks for the luck...! Emm, wel basically all my friends knw sumthing bout my ed cos of hospital nd all so they dnt reli say much anymore. They use to which was awful bt nw they knw a bit its better :) Im reli gonna try nd enjoy myself!

Hw r u? Hav u gt anything exciting cumin up?

Take care

Lots of love, jo xoxox

Heya Jo (:

Thank-you so much for what you've said about me being an amazing friend.. I'm not sure how much i agree with you atm if I'm honest. It's hard to see that right now because I can't see whether anything I'm doing is actually making a difference, if you know what I mean. But I can honestly say I'm trying as much as I can, so I'm kind of trying to keep telling myself that I'm doing enough. Because after all we can only ever try our best. And in the end, hopefully, it will be enough.

As for your best friend, well done for trying to talk to her about things. Because personally I really feel it helps to talk about problems with your friends, but I understand how hard that can be when it comes to ed's so honestly, well done for even trying to talk to her about things and I bet she does appreciate it, even if she doesn't always really show that. I know that personally however big or scary the truth is I'd rather hear that than just get a fake, "I'm fine'. I don't mean that in a nasty way, because obviously there are always times when everyone pretends things are reet when they're not, but with the big things, especially health related things, I'd much rather know than be kept in the dark. Because not knowing is so much scarier.

My guess would be that the main reason your friend doesn't always reply is basically because she doesn't know what to say to help.
I know that sounds dead obvious sorry, lol, but what I mean is I know that sometimes when my friend talks to me about ed things (although thats not very often at all tbh) I'm always trying to think of what I want to say back, but then I'm also trying to figure out how best to phrase it so the ed can't twist it if you know what I mean.

it's like I'm trying so hard not to say anything triggering that sometimes it's difficult to come up with a reply in real time.. which is why I think email and letter writing are quite good. Because you can really think about what you want to say and how the other person will recieve it. Maybe you could try writing to your friend telling her how you feel (Personally I find letter writing very theraputic, even if I don't give the person their letter lol (: I love writing) and telling her that sometimes when she doesn't reply you feel like she doesn't care.

But honestly Jo, I'm sure she loves you and that she does care. You seem like such a genuine, lovely, caring person, and I can't imagine how anyone who is friends with you could not care.
I care about you already and I barely even know you! I'm sure it's not that she doesn't want to hear about your problems, just that she doesn't know how to deal with them. Which isn't very helpful to you, I realise, but ed's are difficult things to deal with after all. But try and tell her how you feel, because maybe she just doesn't know what effect it has on you when she doesn't reply properly.
...I think I've been waffling, sorry, I hope I've aged to shed some light there haha.

I'm trying not to think about exam results atm, cos I just can't tell at all how they've gone, and I know there are quite a few subjects I should maybe have listened more in lol.. but I took.. maths, english, science, IT, spanish, german, drama, geography and RE. And I have no idea yet what A-levels I want to take. I'm from rainy england (it's actually raining so much atm! it's like the weather has just forgotten it's meant to be summer lol), near *

I'm okay thanks, a bit nervy because I haven't had my reply yet. But I saw my friend today and she was fine with me which was a relief. I've not got much planned for the rest of the summer atm.. might be going away with my mum and my sister soon which should be nice. You have any siblings?

I've just realised how long this reply is, sorry about that, it's really late and I tend to waffle even more than normal when it's late at night lol.

How are you? Hope you're doing okay lovely,

Stay strong and take care,

Lots of love H xxx

Heey Hope ;)

Yer, i think i hav a love/hate relationship wiv the saying tht we can only try our best lol! I mean i like it cos its the truth bt then i hate it cos i am a perfectionist

Thank you for your advice and wise words! I think sumtyms we all know what needs doing, its jst putting it into practise that is hard! Lyk u i find not knowing worse - for example if i dnt hear from sum1 on here for a while i kinda freak out nd think the worst when the truth is they are probably jst on their hols!

Not knowing what to say works both ways by the sounds of it! When sum1 asks me about my ana i dnt know what to say lol...maybe thts hw my friend feels. Thks for pointing tht out :) I hav written to her a few times nd she often says to spk to my counsellor nd then the others things i say seem to wash over her, i guess thts wot hurts the most...jst nt feeling cared for when the truth is i know she cares bout me, jst lyk i care bout her. Oh friends....there r so tricky!

Aww, thk you for ur lovely wrds! Its funny, i care bout everyone on here so much even tho i hav never met any of you...i think tht jst proves wot amazing ppl you all are!

Lol, i think there are a few subjects i shud start listening to more this year....mostly maths...eek, i hate tht subject so much, numbers jst dnt make sense to me! Do u knw wot u want to do yet? When do u hav to choose ur A-levels? Im doing my highers this year nd they are basically the same as A-levels i think....im doing maths (help!), english (yey!), biology (dull), chemistry (ok) and history (quite interesting apart from the british history)...oh nd i got myself cornered into doing latin again...so yey, good tyms lol :O

Hw r u? Did ur friend reply over the wkend? I hope she did, its nice to hear tht she is being fine with you :) Nope, i dnt hav any sibling....im all on my lonesome lol! Hehe, i dnt reli mind...only things thts bad is tht family holidays can b a little dull nd parent orientated lol!

Im ok...got blood tests tomoro which im a little worried about bt apart from tht its okish =S

Take care,

Lots of love, jo xoxox

Hi Jo,

How did your blood tests go? I know my friend really doesn't like having them done so I hope everything went alright.

You're right.. friends are very tricky. I did get my reply over the weekend but it kind of didn't actually respond to most of what I'd said tbh.
It was basically saying that she doesn't want to talk to me about her ed and that I can support her by distracting her from things. I know it shouldn't have done, but it kind of upset me.. just because right now I really feel like shes pushing me away and kind of like she's not taking this seriously enough. She's still trying to pretend it's not much of a big deal and that really scares me. So right now I'm trying to work out if I should reply and tell her how I'm feeling. I don't want to make things worse or make her feel like I'm nagging her, because I'm scared it will make her distance herself from me, but I hate this feeling of doing nothing.

She has another doctors appointment in a couple of weeks though and she's going to start seeing someone regularly now. So hopefully now she's being offered the right help,things will start to improve. I'm just worried that she doesn't really want to recover yet and I get more worried beccause I don't know how she's feeling. But I realise I just need to wait until she's ready to open up to me.

I can understand what you mean about not feeling cared about, I get that too sometimes, kind of because I feel like I'm trying to help and my help's being rejected, which is silly because I know it's her ed and therefore not her fault and I know she does care really. But I think everyone gets scared that the people around them don't care, its natural.

As for A-levels, I still have no idea what I'm taking and we were meant to have decided before Christmas of last year! Atm I've said I'll do psychology, eng lit, eng lang, philosophy & ethics, and geography. But I'm only allowed to take four not five.. and now I'm thinking about taking maths too. I'm very indecisive tbh. Do you like English best? It's one of my favourite subjects (: I've read some of your poems on here before btw and they're really, really good.

How are you? Hope you're okay, take care,

Lots of love, H xx

hi jo and hope! i am SO sorry i haven't been on in ages :-$ how are you both? i hope you are both well :-) i have just finished reading through the posts: there are so many since i was last on here lol. this is kinda confusing but i'll try and say it: ok so what u have both been saying is kind of triggering 4 me although i haven't been fully aware of it. e.g. when u say that u try and speak 2 some1 and they listen and reply but don't really say much. i think that is what i do. and what if my friend thinks that? what if my friend thinks tht i don't care? i just don't know what to do! sorry, not a happy post 4 such a long time away :-s luv ya both xxxxxxxxx

Heyy Hope and h4u!

How are you both?

Hope...my blood tests went alright apart from my very bruised arm lol! But i havnt got the results bac yet so fingers crossed they are ok :)

I noticed you posted on the carers board on the other message board, i think thts reli gd of you btw cos they ppl on there are also very lovely - i hav tlk to a couple in the past :) So yeh, i hope they can help you too. I think the thing do to is keep in mind that your friend is going to the docs nd is seeing sumone to help her...that means she isnt dealing wiv things on her own nd even if she isnt tlking to you then at least she is tlking to sum1. I no that probably doesnt make you much better but you can't take on everyone elses problems (i always do this so excuse me for being a hypocrit) nd as long as she knows you are there for her then thats all you can do.

Your friend mite just not be ready to talk yet....sum ppl find tlking bout there eds help nd others don't nd for sum starting to talk can b part of recovery. Everyone's different so the best thing i can suggest is that you just "be" there for your friend...atm that is all she seems to want, so just distract her nd include nd help her feel comfortable just being a teenager.

Hehe, well id say stay away from maths! Higher is soooooooo difficult lol...tho im sure u r much smarter than me nd will breeze thru maths but it is still nooooooooo fun! Yer, english is deffinately my favourite subject....it just makes sense! Aww thankies, im glad you like sum of my poems :)

Im having a bit of a rubbish day....i had counselling where all i wanted to do was cry but i physically cant let myself cry infront of ppl so i jst felt rubbish nd then i came home nd cried loads, so yer not so gd :(

Hope your well. Hav a gd weekend :) Loveyou xxx

H4U...hey hun, how r u doin? Its nice to hear from you! Oh xxx, im sorry! I reli havnt ment to say anything triggering! Ahhh, help...sorry.

Ok, so im going to try nd rectify (spell?) this nd explain wot i mean exactly....i shud probably say that i am an extremely paranoid person so keep that in mind - i rely on other people to even begin to accept myself a tiny bit nd i tend to need other people to make decision for me etc. Anywhoo, the reason im telling you that is cos it kinda explains why i feel like people don't care when they don't reply nd stuff. The thing is that deep down i no people care bout me nd that it doesnt matter how much they write, they will always care. So emm, yeh...if it helps i know my feeling are often irrational but i can't explain or change them often.

And secondly...i am sure that your friend know you care bout her, ok?! And if fo a second she doubted that you did then it wud only b becos of the ed or that she cud b lyk me. You could try writing to her like Hope did? Tell her simply nd straight forwardly that you do care....?

Take care, hope your feeling a bit better. Loveyou xxx

Thinking of you both,

Love nd hugs, jo xoxoxox

Hi Jo and H4u, sorry in a big rush so don't have time to reply properly, just wanted to see if either of you had posted back before I went out then didn't feel I could not reply, if you know what I mean, but I'll write back properly over the weekend.

Jo- Fingers crossed for your blood test results, thinking of you lovely. Thank-you once again for your kind words. Really sorry that you're having a * day, *hugs* stay strong babs, I know you can do this.

H4u-  I was really happy when I saw you'd posted because I was getting concerned seeing as we hadn't heard from you for so long but I'm really sorry that you've been upset by what we've been saying. Hunny, I'm sure your friend knows you care about her, even if she doesn't always show it. You've been there for her through some very difficult times and she'll be grateful of that, regardless of the way you've dealt with it. I understand who hard it is to reply when talking about ed things and I tend to try and let my friend lead the conversation too. Now the ed could try and tell her that I'm not replying because I don't care, but I trust that deep down she knows the truth. And the truth is we both care about our friends very much. If you're still concerned then like Jo said you could try and write her a letter? I'm writing a second one to my friend atm.. not sure if I'm going to give it to her yet but tbh just writing makes me feel better.

Anyway, really must go now, running late as always.. I hope you both have a goood weekend, take care of yourself lovelies, thinking of you,

Lots of Love H xx

Sorry again my last post was all hurried-ey. I am actually always late! It's ridiculous (:

Jo - If you don't mind me asking about how long does it take to get blood test results, I know that my friend has got some tests soon, so I just wondered.  
Thank-you for what you said about not being to take on everyone elses problems, and dw about sounding hypocritcal btw! We're all very good at giving lovely advice and kind words to each other, it's just difficult to always take it on board. I know there's nothing else I can do right now but I just can't stop constantly overthinking it, just incase there's something I've missed if you know what I mean. I'm always paranoid that I'm not doing enough, or not doing the right things to help, but I know that really I just need to relax a bit so that I can enjoy spending time with her more and then hopefully we can get closer again and like you said I can support her by just 'being' there.
I spoke to her mum briefly the other day and she said that in the past week her eating has improved so I'm feeling a bit more positive. But found out today she's now going on holiday so I'm kind of stressing again lol, she's staying with her mum's friend so probably won't really be under as much supervision, so I'm concerned she's going to backtrack :/ And I hate being away from her - makes me nervous. But hopefully she won't be gone for long.
On the subject of school - there is no way I'll breeze through maths! Lol, I'm scared just by the thought of it. But everyone says its a really good a-level to have and on some psychology courses they like you to have maths or science and I'm not keen on science and am considering psychology at uni so... think I'll give maths a go. Maybe. Gosh I'm indecisive (: I'm sure you'll do wonderfully at maths and at english, at all of them in fact. You did so well in your last results and I can't imagine the pressure of having to battle with ana and exams, so it just shows how bright and hardworking you are (:
Anyway, how are you lovely? Hope you're having a good weekend babs, I had a really nice catch up with one of my close friends who I've not seen in awhile so I'm feeling cheered up atm. How are things? Feel like you're always so good to me supporting m with my worries and I'm a bit useles back! Sorry hun, I hope you're okay - here if you need me. xxx

H4U - Think I said most of what I wanted to say in my last post... I tend to ramble on ALOT, so I'll try and spare you my pointless ramblings here. How are you and your friend doing atm? If you won't mind me asking, are you still having counselling sessions? If so then I hope they're going well. You're a wonderful friend babs and I hope you're looking after yourself. Have you got exam results soon? Sorry, can't remember how old you said you were. Mine are less than a fortnight away now! Eeek.
Hope to hear from you soon,

Lots of love to you both, take care, H xx

Jo I'm so, so sorry! Just realised that I am absolutely useless and forgot to wish you a happy birthday on the 11th and to ask if you had a good day. I'm really sorry! My only excuse is that I'm very tired atm and keep forgetting what day of the week it is, let alone what date it is! But yeah, thats a rubbish excuse lol, sorry, I hope you did have a lovely day and that you're doing okay.
Thinking of you hun, sending belated birthday hugs, 
Lots of love H xx

Hiya Hope nd H4U :)

So sorry bout my terrible replying skills....haven't really been "with it" lately :(

Anywhoo, thks for the happy birthdays lol :) How are you both?

Hope everything wel. Take care nd spk soon.

Lots of love, jo xxx

Hi Jo,
I'm not too bad thanks, found out that my friend fainted at work the other day, so feeling a bit down. Partly because it's another reminder that her health is deteriorating and it just shows how far apart we've grown that she's not told me about it, sorry I sound so selfish there. I'm going to try and talk to her about things soon - I just find it so difficult and scary in case she pushes me further away.
How are you? Don't worry at all about not having replied much recently, I understand that things have been really hard for you atm, so keep focusing on YOU. You're so lovely and such a special person, I truly believe you can and will beat this, keep going babs. So if you don't have the time or the energy to reply on here I totally understand, but if you want to talk I'm always here to support you lovely. Hope you're doing okay, thinking of you, take care, lots of love H xx

 H4u - not heard from you in awhile, hope you and your friend are doing okay, thinking of you both, lots of love xx

Hi H

How are you? Im so sorry to hear about your friend...i don't think there is much i can say which will help except that maybe your friend didn't tell you because she didn't want you to worry...? I know that probably doesn't make things any easier but trust me sometimes all you want is for your friends not to worry cause you feel like a burden when they are worrying over you yet you can't see why they are worrying...am i making any sense?

I think the thing is that even if she pushes you away then just stick by her - im pretty sure you would, you obviously care for her so much nd by sticking by her even when she doesn't realise she needs you then it'l help...when she does recover she'll see just how lucky she is to have you around :)

Im a bit rubbish tbh...things have been all over the place these last few months - i barely know right from left (not that i really did before hand lol) :P I feel so low atm...i can't face being around anyone nd the slightest thing has me in tears, it sucks so much. I want someone to take this away from me yet at the same time i really don't...it's really bizarre being so torn between such a destructive way of living. I talked to my teacher nd he asked how eating was nd stuff...he said even though i was together now, soon my body wouldn't be able to cope with the little i eat...its scary but at the same time, i dunno...normal, i guess. Anywhoo, sorry im waffling on. Thank you for your lovely words...you're so nice! I really wish some of my friends were more like you! :)

Take care, how was your weekend?

Much love, jo xxxxx

Hi Jo,

Good to hear from you again (: I'm really sorry things with you are rubbish atm. I don't know what to say to try and help without souding really patronising, if you know what I mean, because I'm not a sufferer, so I know I can't even being to imagine how incredibly hard what you're going through right now is. So I'll just kind of try and say it anyway and I'm so sorry if it comes out wrong, thats the thing with t'internet, no tone of voice lol.
Like I said, I know I can't even begin to imagine how hard things are for you right now but from experiances of my friends ED I can kind of see what you mean about kind of wanting ana to go away, but kind of wanting to keep hold of it at the same time, because it feels safer? But try and think about all the things you can achieve without it. You deserve so much better than this ED hun, so stay strong. I read this quote the other day, 'the darkest hour comes before the light' and it really struck a chord with me, so just thought I'd share it (: (I love quotes and things like that lol). However dark it might seem right now remember it won't be like this forever. Sorry, if it kind of wasn't my place to say all that, idk, i'm a worrier lol and I worry a lot about saying the wrong things.

Anyway, I'm alright thank-you. Sent my friend an email earlier today, just telling her I'm thinking of her and her doc appointments and things and that I love her and reminding her I'm still here if she wants to talk. Idk if she's got it cos I've not had a reply, but I'm not really expecting one tbh. I'm just going to try and keep reaching out to her and be patient (I'm a very impatient person by nature, so this part's quite hard! haha)

And I think you're right - I'm sure she didn't tell me because she doesn't want to worry me, if only it worked like that lol. The less I know the more I worry, but nvm.

My weekend was okay, had our first sixth form social on saturday night, which was really good. How was yours?

How are you finding being back at school? I'm behind on homework already! And I've been late like 4 times and I've only been back a week and two days.

Thinking of you lovely, take care, lots of love H xx

hey guys,

i am so so so so so sorry that i haven't been on here in ages. I just couldn't bring myself to do it so sorry.

Counselling has still been ongoing since i last replied but my last apointment is next week. In a way i'm happy but i'm kinda scared to. I won't have anyone to speak to if everything goes wrong. it is stopping because i am managing my anxiety levels better but what if it all goes to pot when she is gone? ahhh

Thinks are really bad atm. i feel so selfish saying that. my friend has just gone really distant out of the blue... no talking or any communicatin what-so-ever. She practically said to my a couple of weeks ago that she thinks i don't care. I am just so upset.... i care for her so much.

But maybe i am doing sumthing wrong. I'm probably doing it all wrong. I feel so down graded all of the time. I have told her a million times that i am always there.... mybe it is because i am not on my phone 24/7 to talk..... should i be?

My counsellor keeps telling me that because of her illness she won't be thinking straight and that i should think of myself in a bubble if there are ever hurtful comments... the bubble protecting me from these... but it just isn't working atm. OMG. she will never forgive me. what if she hates me??

i'm just a mess

xxxxxxxxxx

H4u, I'm really glad you posted, been thinking about you, but you don't need to apologise at all for not having done so sooner, if you needed some time away then that's fine lovely, as long as you know there will always be support here when you need it.

How have you been finding your counselling? Remember that when when it's gone, if everything goes wrong you can still speak to people on these boards and the people at b-eat? But if you don't feel ready for it to end couldn't you possibly ask for it to keep going for a little longer?

It's really great that you're managing your anxiety levels, well done, you're having to deal with a lot and you should feel proud of yourself. I'm sure if you're struggling again in the future you'd be able to return to counselling?

If you don't mind me asking, would you recommend couselling? My mum mentioned a couple of weeks ago that maybe I should 'talk to someone' because she didn't know how to help me. (in less of a horrible sounding way though lol)

Don't feel selfish in saying how you feel, you need to take care of yourself too. Hunny, I'm sure you aren't doing anything wrong in the slightest, you are trying your hardest, and at the end of the day thats all we can do. I'm sure your friend doesn't hate you, she love you, but the ED is stopping her from showing you that right now.

I'm so sorry things are so bad for you atm babs, I wish there was more I could say that might help, but we're all just guessing our way through these horrible ED's aren't we.

Sorry I have to go now, I'll write more tomorrow, thinking of you lovely, stay strong and take care, H xx

*loves

I just want to add that it's okay to not be on your phone to talk 24/7. You are only human and it's not your responsibility to be there for her always. It is your responsibility to look after YOU though. You deserve to be happy H4u, and I know how hard that can be when comeone close to you is suffering but you need to make sure that your looking after yourself.

I really hope things start to improve for you soon.

There is always hope. Everyone can beat this illness, remember that, but in the meantime, you need to be caring for YOU, as well as your friend.

Keep posting if it helps, H xx

Heyy Hope nd H4U :)

How are you both?

I got slightly confused with the different username Hope lol...you'l hav to excuse me, i get confuzled easily hehe :P How are you doing?

H4U, it's nice to hear from you hunnie, please don't be sorry its ok...i just hope you can begin to feel more comfortable coming on here, we are here for you :)

Hope *hugs* thk you, dnt worry none of it was patronising (tho i know what you mean bout no tone of voice lol) Yeh, that's right...it does feel safer....i tried to explain that hospital made recovery seem safer but no one really listened so that was a bit of a wasted effort :( Pleaseeeeee don't worry! Hehe, im a worrier too...worriers unite lol :P But anywhoo....i love quotes nd saying too, i hav pieces of paper nd envolopes nd all sorts with sayings nd quotes all round my mirror in my room...its kinda comforting in a weird sorta way.

*sighs* i know i hav said this before but you're such a lovely friend.....you both are! I feel lucky to know you nd i think you're friends are lucky to hav you too.

Glad you had a good weekend :) It seems another week has passed since i last replied soooo.....how was this weekend? Lol. Oh im ok i guess....not really but hey ho. I feel so annoyed with my best friend, grr....i don't fit in with anyone nd well, everyone is growing up nd im not....im stuck. I really want to talk to my friend but i feel so so bad cos she never replies or doesn't say much if she bothers. She keeps saying she cares yet doesn't show it nd i don't understand anymore where i stand...i guess im just a bit angry nd hurt - no one helped me when i wanted help nd no one ever asked if i was really ok nd still don't (apart from the person who is paid to ie. my counsellor which doesn't really count) Sorry, i sound like such a selfish little kid :(

God, talking of sounding spoilt nd selfish...this weekend i was in town with my mum getting my dance clothes nd i got really upset cos i hav to wear this thing for ballet which makes me feel sooo uncomfortable...anyway i burst into tears in the middle of the shop nd looked like such a spoilt brat cos obviously no one knew why i was making such a fuss :(

Hehe, well at least im not the only one who is falling slightly behind with school lol. School is just manic.....there is so much work nd i hav lots of stuf after skl aswel plus appoints....oh its chaos :P Oh well, that's 5th year for ya!

H4U....how are you doing? I really hope you are feeling a wee bit better. Im sure thing won't go to pot once you finish counselling - you are a strong person nd you will get thru this as will your friend. Just keep in mind all things you hav learnt nd remember you can always go back to counselling if you want...there are no limits k?

Ah...ok, i feel a little bad now....kinda cos i hav done the same as your friend...not talking i mean. Put it this way....im your friend's shoes nd you are in my friend's shoes....awkward eh?! Never mind, we can work this out....at least now we can see both sides of the story. I said above bout feeling annoyed at my friend but i don't hate her nd im sure your friend doesn't hate you either...like your counsellor said its probably (altho i hate saying this) cos she isn't thinking quite properly...that isn't her fault but it isn't your fault either....don't forget that.

You are not doing anything wrong....please don't think that nd you hav to be on your phone 24/7 (you gotta sleep remember :P) Just, i dnt know....i don't want to say the wrong thing....just maybe when she texts you, try nd reply even if its just a couple of words....i knw that when people dnt reply to me i take it way too personally but thats just cause im over sensitive.

Here's an example.....when i make someone laugh or am inclued then it makes me feel really happy (like happier than is normal probably) but then when someone forgets me or says or looks at me as if im stupid or something i get really hurt....overly hurt.  That is just me....mixture of a lot of things but yeh...its no one's fault that i react the way i do....

I like the bubble idea.....keep working at it. Things will get better, i know what it feels like to be completely lost nd little broken nd messed up...i know how horrible it is but it can get better, i promise nd when you do feel better then hold on to it nd don't let go!

Take care both of you.

Love of love nd hugs, jo xxxx

Sorry for the confusion Jo, my fault, don't worry, I'd explain but when I tried to somewhere else it was modded out.. not sure why.. so I don't know if you'll get this

Anyway.. I'm doing quite good, thank--you for asking. I've decided I'm really gonna focus on kind of trying to re-establish the closeness me and my friend seem to have lost slightly admist the busyness of holidays and then school 

We went to the cinema at the weekend and it was really nice

I'm really sorry things are difficult with you and your best friend right now. I think sometimes it's difficult for relationships with friends to keep evolving like at the same pace as new situations do. Okay, I'm not sure if that made any sense, sorry, so I'll try and explain better. Like maybe, there was a time when you really didn't want to talk to your friend about your ED and so she felt like you didn't need to talk to her. So now when you do need her she isn't there because she doesn't think you need her to be? As in, the situation, the way you feel, has changed, but your relationship with her, hasn't kind of caught up with that yet.(sorry if that still didn't make sense to you btw) And I'm not trying to suggest AT ALL that its in any way your fault that she's acting the way she is - (I know how hard it is when you can't tell if someone you loves cares about you or not, it's not a nice feeling and you certainly don't deserve it.) just trying to offer a different prespective. But obvs you know more about your friendship than I do, so sorry if I'm totally wrong here.

But regardless of how she's acting I'm certain she does care about you. I know that doesn't make it much better, but try and keep hold of that. She's your best friend for a reason and I'm sure she cares, because I refuse to believe that anyone could get to know you and not care about you - you're honestly such a lovely person Jo.

Just an idea, but maybe you could try and arrange to do something with your best friend on a regular basis? Like going to the cinema, or joining an evening class or something? It could provide another opportunity to talk to her about how things are going? (I'm hoping to progress to going for a drink after the cinema so we can chat, even if it's just about the film)

Can I ask, did hospital seem safer because it felt kind of like it wasn't in your hands if you know what I mean? I don't think an effort to tell people how you feel is ever wasted, even if it feels like no-one's listening, keep going hun, even if you feel like your repeating yourself. The fact you made the effort shows how brave you are. Speak up and have hope someone will hear you in the end.

Shopping for dance things sounds like it must have been realy hard *Big hugs for Jo*. You don't ever, ever, sound like a selfish little kid. And try not to worry about the people in the shop (easier said than done, I know) Remember, the people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind. (that quotes kind of in fitting there lol). The people in the shop have no right to judge you - they don't know you, and you're not spoilt or selfish, you're fighting an illness, that's not your fault.

I seem to have written ALOT, sorry about that, I do tend to waffle. I hope there's something in there somewhere that helps even a little. Just realised I've typed and typed and not actually asked you how you are. How useless of me! How are you doing hun? How was your weekend?

Thinking of you lovely, lots of love and hugs, H xx

(seriously well done if you even read all that! I just re-read and I reeally did waffle lol)

Heyy Hope :) How are you?

I think if you wrote something bout the confusion then it got modded =S Im glad you nd friend had a nice time, sounds like a good idea bout establishing your friendship again.

Dnt worry, it all made sense...i think that is a really good way of putting things...thank you, yer perspective is a good to hav so i appreciate you explaining things from a different view point :) I emailed my friend yesterday with a poem i wrote bout a friend of ours who died nd we ended up talking bout things a little....i think she understands a bit more though she said she was gonna reply properly nd hasnt yet but im probably just being impatient!

Aww thks, that's really sweet :)

Well, we use to go dancing together but i had to stop nd altho im allowed to go dancing again im going to a different class. Im thinking of maybe tagging along to her class if im allowed...hmm, gd suggestion tho.

Yeh, in a way i guess hospital was safer cause i didn't have to make decisions...i mean my ed is partly do to with control so having it all taken away was very hard but at the same i think it is what i wanted nd probably still want. But also when i was in hospital all i wanted to do was be discharged nd go home (granted probably for the wrong reasons but even so) nd so at the time recovery seemed like a better, safer option than my ed cause it ment getting out of hospital. Does that make sense?

Hehe, you didn't waffle :) It was nice to hear from you nd you did help, anything but useless! Im ok thks, bit low but i'll be ok...i hav counselling tomorrow, i just...i dunno, grr i want to talk to my friend but im justing moaning so no wonder she doesn't want to listen to me.

Thinking of you, hope you're well. How was your weekend?

Take care, lots of love nd hugs jo xxx

Hi Jo,

sorry I've taken so long replying, been busy busy busy, so much more school work than last year! How are you?

I'm really sorry to hear your friend died, can't imagine how hard that must have been, and must still be. Has the friend you wrote the poem for replied properly yet? I understand what you mean about being impatient though! When I wrote my friend the letter/email I was on edge the whole time till she got back to me.

My weekends been good thanks, went to the cinema with my friend. We've been spending more time together recently which I'm really happy about. I know she's still struggling alot, but she's a lot less distant.

How was your weekend?

Sorry this is a bit of a rushed reply, I feel like I'm always in a rush atm lol, I hope you're okay,

Take care, Lots of love H xx

Hi Hope :)

No worries, i totally know what you mean bout school work! Hehe, i thought last year was bad...but oh no, they had to make this year the toughest! Grr! lol.

How are you?

Everything feels so empty :( There hav been a couple of young people where i live killed nd even though i didn't know them all its still horrible.....like i knew the girl who was in the other accident. We get through these things though....i dunno how we do but do. No she never replied, i don't think she will :( I feel so angry at her, not just bout not replying but everything....iv become so different from everyone i know, im still a shy little kid nd every time they talk about going out nd things like that i feel so miserable nd left out. I want to be part of it but at the same time i really don't cause whenever i am i don't fit in. Grr, she is ment to be my best friend yet all she does is hang out nd text nd laugh with other people. Maybe im just jealous nd a horrible person......i just want to be like everyone else nd not hav mental health issues nd be a complete freak :( Oh, im sorry Hope...ignore me.

Aww, im so pleased to hear that you had a nice weekend. I think it is lovely of you making that effort to do things with your friend despite how she has been with you sometimes. You'll both be ok, dnt worry :)

Didn't do much at the weekend, havn't done anything for a while recently.

Take care, speak to you soon. Sorry for being such a moan.

Lots of love jo xxx

 Hi Jo (:

I'm alright thank-you. My friend had a doctors appointment this morning (which I only know about because her Mum mentioned it to me) and it kind of bothers me because I really want to know how they're going, but I know she's not ready to talk about it. And I'd like to ask her Mum, but I don't think she wants to talk to me about it either tbh. So I'm just having to wait. It's hard because when all I can see is her getting physically worse I know she's hurting, but she seems so happy most of the time and it just makes me kind of feel bad that she feels she has to fake the way she's feeling around me. She didn't used to. Anyway, that's my little moan over (: I'm generally feeling more positive tbh because I'm finally coming to terms with the fact I don't have any control over my friends eating disorder. I know that sounds dead obvious, but I think part of me has been clinging on to the hope that there's something I can do if I just try hard enough. The same part of me that's certain that just 'being there for her' isn't enough. But I've kind of accepted that it's genuinely all I can do, the rest is up to her. It's kind of a good thing, because it's accepting that she's not actually my responsibility, but it's a bit scary cos it means admitting I'm pretty much powerless, if you know what I mean?

I'm so sorry your finding things so hard right now. I wish I could come to Scotland and give you a huge hug! *Special b-eat hug for Jo*
But you're right, we do get through these things, it's just trying to work out how. And you never need to apologise for having a moan, that's what these boards are here for, to be able to talk to people who care about how you're feeling. And if you're feeling like you need to moan then it's always better to get it out there than keep it bottled up (: And there is no way I'd ever ignore you!

I'm sorry your friend hasn't replied. I know how much that hurts - when you reach out to someone and they don't return the gesture. The first time I sent my friend a letter she said she wasn't even going to read it and it hurt me so much. But she did in the end, and I even got a reply, although not really the one I was hoping for. Sorry, I'm getting side tracked, what I'm trying to say is that I understand and that you should try not to lose hope in your friend. I'm not trying to excuse the way she's let you down, but don't lose hope that things won't get better between that two of you. I can understand you feeling angry with her, it sounds like she's not showing you how much she cares about you right now, and I know how tough that is, and especially seeing as you probably really need her support right now. It's not fair that you should feel left out because of this illness, but you could try and use it as motivation to keep fighting? And you're NOT a complete freak and you're certainly not a horrible person, you are an amazing, talented, caring, lovely person, who is suffering from an illness, it's not your fault and you can recover from it and as you recover you'll become a stronger person.

Oh dear, I seem to have typed and typed and typed, sorry about that! I don't know how you manage to keep reading all my ramblings!

And my laptop is making scary strange noises at me!! :O

Take care lovely, thinking of you and sending big cyber hugs to Scotland, lots of love H xx

Hi Jo,

Just wanted to leave a quick post to say I hope you're doing okay. Don't worry about replying if you've got lots going on, I understand - I know it's not even been that long since you last posted on this topic, but I was thinking about you earlier so I just wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts and I'm sending you big cyber hugs.

Always here for you, take care hun and stay strong,

Lots of love H xx

H4u,

I don't know if you still come on here at all, or if you'll read this, but I really hope things have got better for you since you last posted. Remember you're not alone and I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to. Has your counselling finished now? I hope you're coping with everything and taking care of yourself (:

Lots of Love, H xxx

Hi again Jo,

I just wanted to ask you something, hope you don't mind, but I thought I could use the perspective of a sufferer. I really want to know how my friends doctors appointments have been going, but I know that she's not ready to talk to me about them yet (I've asked, tentatively, a few times, and she's asked for space, so I've backed of a bit now and am letting her approach me when she feels comfortable). It would make me feel better just to know how they've gone, so I was thinking of asking her Mum. I don't need details or anything, I don't want to pry, I just would really prefer if I knew how she was, physically. And how she's dealing with things emotionally at home when I'm not with her.

Do you think I should ask my friend if it's okay for me to talk to her Mum, or just go round when I know she's not going to be there?  On one hand I'd rather be honest with her, but I'm worried if I asked the ED voice would convince her I'm getting too close and try to push me away, if you know what I mean.But I wouldn't want her to find out afterwards if I didn't tell her and feel betrayed.

 You're very wise Jo (: and can probably imagine this situation from her point of view a bit better, so I thought I'd ask your advice.

 Lots and lots of love and hugs, H xx

Heyy Hope, im so sorry its taken me so long to reply! Iv been a bit snowed under but its the hols in a couple of days so i hav more time lol...no excuse tho, sorry.

How are you?

Aww, thks you are so sweet :) *big cyber hugs*

Ok, im sorry but i don't think im gonna ive give you the answer you are hoping for hunnie. I really don't advise you asking your friends mum how she is doing especially not without her "permission". I can see nd understand why you would like to know nd i know you have the best intentions so please don't take this too personally nd i promise i don't mean this harshly in any way.

It just, well...if it were me i'd probably never speak to my friend again if she spoke to my mum lol (though im sure your friend is much more forgiving than me :P) See, parents see things from a totally different perspective...as best as they try most don't understand there child's ed (from my experience that is) her mum might end up saying somthing to you like she is struggling or not trying when the truth is she is trying nd it might just end up worrying you more. Or if your friend is anything like me then her mum probably won't know what is really going on so its a bit of a lost cause.

I think you have to talk to your friend openly....eating disorders work by playing off people in a lot of cases nd also going behind people's backs nd lying is also a big part of ed behaviour so if you go behind your friends back (even with the bestest of intentions) it might just make things worse nd drive more distance between you. I get what you mean by the ed answering your questions but i think that is a risk you have take if you want to build up trust nd have your friend talk to you truthfully. Know what i mean?

Im not sure if im wise or if anything i hav said is helpful but i hope it is. I don't think i hav given you a very good answer either! Grr, sorry :( You really are such a lovely, caring friend Hope...im just not sure what i can say to make things better.

Take care, lots nd lots of love nd hugs jo xxx

p.s. i talked to my best friend btw (at last lol) it was nice :)

Hi Jo, I'm okay thanks, how are you doing?

I'm glad to hear you talked to your best friend, how did it go? I really hope things are going well between the two of you, I understand how easy it is for friendships to suffer because of ED's, even when both people have the best of intentions, it's no-ones fault of course and it is something that can definitely get better with time, as you probably know. Right now me and my friend are getting closer again, which I'm really happy about.

Thank-you so much for your reply and your honesty, as with all your posts it was most definitely helpful and personally I do think you're very wise Jo (: And don't worry I didn't take what you said personally, I really appreciate your reply ...I don't want you to think that I'm ignoring your advice at all, (quite the opposite - it really helped to hear your opinion) but I'm still considering taking to my friends Mum. I do completely understand that she might not know what she's talking about and if (and it's a very, very big if) I do have a quick chat with her I'll definitely bear that in mind.

And you're totally right, I know that it would be best to talk openly with my friend about it so as to try and build up the trust between us, but every time I've attempted to broach the subject she's asked for space, so I'm trying to respect that atm. I've reiterated to her that I'm here for her when she needs me, but I don't want to push her away so I'm trying to let her to come to me. It's a fine line between pushing too hard and appearing to not care, if you know what I mean?

Also, I was having a quick browse through the eating disorders section (I still go and read posts on there now and again, it helps me to kind of remember all the thoughts and feelings my friend's probably experiencing and when she was first diagnosed I found myself reading there really regularly, for the same reason, so I know a few of the names on there, and even though I think I've only actually posted there once, maybe twice, sometimes I kind of like to check how you're all doing. That sounds quite strange really, sorry, seeing as no-one there knows who I am lol, but seeing all the support that's offered helps me so much to think about how I can offer support to my friend) Anyway, my point was... the post that chalkeybaby left you caught my eye and I just wanted to say how much I agree with her. You really are a wonderful friend to everyone on these boards, you provide so much positivity, support and reassurance and I just hope you know you're so very important too and you totally deserve the same amazing amounts of kindness that you offer to everyone.

Take care lovely, thinking of you (:

Lots of love and hugs H xx

Hi Hope, how are you?

So sorry i haven't replied in such a while, things really are getting on top of me atm but no excuse.

Hows things with your friend? I hope she is doing ok nd that you aren't putting too much pressure on yourself.

Thank you for all the lovely things you said, it really means such a lot. Especially since things are so bad atm nd my friends (if you could call them that) really couldn't care less about the way they act towards me :(

Take care, lots of love nd hugs jo xxxx

Hi Jo,

I'm okay thanks, had a really difficult week with family things, and I kind of feel like I've let down my friend, cos she's had a tough week too and I've been being a bit selfish really, but I'm going to try much harder from now on.

She's doing okay, not great, but has just started a new diet plan and had a review at the IP unit she was in last year a few days ago and they didn't admit her - she's been doing well and following her diet plan for the past couple of weeks. Mainly, I think, so she didn't have to go back there, which does worry me a bit, in case now the immediate threat of IP is gone she starts slipping.

How are you?

You honestly needn't apologise at all for having not replied, you need to focus on taking care of yourself, it's okay to only post here when you're feeling up to it, but if you want support I'm always here for you, I realise I might not be much help because I can't ever really understand what you're dealing with, but I've got some idea and I'll always be here with kind words and cyber hugs if you need them, because you deserve kindness sweetie.

 I'm really sorry things are so difficult for you right now, stay strong and keep reminding yourself that you do deserve recovery. You are an amazing person, and you can do this, when you recover it will be worth all this pain and difficulty lovely - you deserve a life without this horrible illness.

 I'm sorry it sounds like you're not getting the support you deserve from your friends, have you tried talking to them about the way they're acting?

I really hope things start to get better for you soon, take care, 

Love and hugs, H xx

Heyy Hope,

Aww *hugs* hunnie, sorry you had a tough week...im here if you need to talk bout anything. You give me so much support nd you deserve to get support too...You are deffinately not selfish Hope! Im sorry your friend had a tough week but im sure she has a lot of other people around her who care nd who can look after her while you take care of yourself. Try not to feel bad...please ;)

Oki so gaining weight nd doing well to stay out of ip is not the best situation to get yourself into but maybe once she starts eating a bit better her mindset will change nd things...it could be the start of something nd it sounds like the ip people will keep an eye on her.

You certainly give your fair share of kind words nd hugs to me, they always cheer me up :)

Urgh, its just a couple of people...well specifically one person who is just being horrible nd i dnt knw what iv done wrong :( It was worst last week nd i kept bursting into tears in class...some what emabarrassing but ahhhh, if i'd done something wrong then id understand why they didn't like me or were angry at me but i haven't done anything to my knowledge! Its annoying nd if im honest it doesn't take a genius to work out that im not ok nd yet no one bothers to ask...im not saying id give a particuliarly elaborate response...other than "im fine" but...you know when it just be nice if someone asked...does that make sense?

Totally waffling now, so hows things with you now? Hope you are having a better week.

Take care, love nd hugs jo xxx

Here4u, im not sure if you come on here anymore but just wondering how you are? Hope things are going ok, take care of yourself. Love jo xxx

Hope you're ok too H xxx

Jo I am so, so, so sorry I've not replied in such a long time!

I've been really busy with school stuff and family things and kept not being able to find the time and I've been a bit poorly for a week now, but those are all rubbish excuses sorry! I hope you're okay? I've been thinking about you.

 How are things going with you and your friends?I hope you're getting all the love and support I know you deserve.

I'm okay thank you, not seen much of my friend because I've been ill and I went on holiday for a few days, but this morning she rang to say that she'd had an argument with her Mum so I went round to give her a hug and cheer her up. She's trying really hard right now and having lots of ups and downs, but generally doing okay I think. It's hard to say really because she has mealtimes with her Mum so I never know for sure how it's gone and she still looks underweight, but I know she's trying so, so hard which is the most important thing of course. I'm really proud of her.

She's going away for the day tomorrow with some of our friends and is a bit nervous about lunch, but she's spoken to the girl she's closest to out of the group and  they're going to eat away from everyone else so I think it should go okay, I wish I could be there, but it will probably be good for her to try and eat around someone else. Me and her had 2 meals together a couple of weeks ago and it went really well and I've offered to be there for more mealtimes if she's ready because she feels bad about how much time her Mum is spending supervising her eating. 

Anyway I really hope you're doing okay and fighting your ED, you deserve so much better and I know you can do this Jo, 

 Love and hugs, H xx

Hi Hope,

Hunnie, don't worry....i was just hoping you were alright, are you feeling better? Sending you a big get well soon hug (((((Hope)))))

Ooo, did you hav a nice holiday? Where'd you go? Hope ya did :) Aww Hope, you are actually the loveliest friend ever, thts so good of you to go round to your friends house nd be so good to her! She sounds liek she doing alright....like its gonna take a bit longer nd its gonna hav more ups nd downs but it'll be fuller, liek she wants this to be over now but before she was maybe not ready...does tht make sense?

Well, i hope things went well for her at the lunch with your other friends. The fact tht she has been able to eat with you is amazing, seriously it is difficult nd scary...your friend sounds like she is really making some progress :)

I ok...well, im not...my head is a mess but yeh...thts me :( I found something out about one of my friends nd i think you might be the only person who can shed some light on this nd understand...i found out tht one of my friends saw a counsellor cause of "things" nd it was hinted tht said things were cause of me...hope tht makes sense. I feel terrible, spking to you has shown me just how big an effect eds have on friends nd family nd i swore tht none of my friends cared bout enough to be affected like tht nd feel so terrible tht cause of what iv done she feels really low....i don't know what to do cause she doesn't know i know nd i cannot say anything to her but yeh....do you think i should talking to her bout my ed? Or should i just not say anything bout it cause it affects her?

Thk you for being so good nd reading all my rants Hope, you are so lovely :)

Take care, love nd hugs jo xxx

It's lovely to hear from you Jo after not being on here for so long (: just to warn you I can tell this is going to be a huge rambly post, sorry, in one of those rambly moods lol.

About your friend who's been to see a counsellor.. Well, first of all, try really hard not to feel guilty hun, I know that's so much easier said than done, but this ISN'T your fault. You didn't choose to be ill, you didn't ask for this and you certainly don't deserve it - it's an illness.. just because it's a mental illness it doesn't mean that her feeling this way is 'because of what you've done'. Please don't feel terrible about it, because I'm sure she wouldn't want that. In fact that's probably why she hasn't told you herself about the counselling or the fact she's feeling low.. personally when I'm finding it hard to cope with my friends ED I don't tell her because I don't want her to feel guilty. Now I'm pretty sure that my friend wouldn't be happy if she knew I was doing this, because she'd want to support me, BUT right now she has a hell of a lot to deal with anyway without having to worry about me too. But I know I need some support as well so I talk to one or two of my other really close friends about how I'm feeling (and you of course ) and I have once or twice considered seeing a counsellor myself. So your friend seeing a counsellor is a good thing really because she's been brave enough to make sure she's getting the support she needs and she's probably not told you about it because she was worried about how it might effect you, when she only wants what's best for you, obviously. 

Also, part of the reason why I might not tell my friend how much this is effecting me would be out of the fear that, like you said, she'd stop talking to me about her ED because it effects me.
Then again your friend could have other things going on in her life that are making her stressed and perhaps right now she's not ready to talk to you about your ED.
I'd suggest that you say to her (in person, or if that's too hard everyone likes good ol' letter writing!) that you know that she's been going to counselling and that you hope she's okay and you could just ask her whether she wants to talk to you about your ED? But remember that just because you know this, it doesn't mean that you are obliged to open up to her about it if you're not ready. So yeah, it's up to you really. But don't just automatically shut her out to try and protect her, because often not knowing what's going on is the scariest thing. I find it helps me a lot when my friend talks to me about her ED, but that doesn't mean that your friend will be the same of course.

 We both know that being close to someone with an ED is difficult at times, but personally I wouldn't have it any other way. That sounds wrong.. what I mean is, I wouldn't want someone else to be the person my friend rang when she was feeling down or struggling. I've always wanted to be there for her, I love her, and part of being someone's friend is being there when things are tough. And yes, right now things are tough for both of us, and I'm sure things are tough for you and for your friends too, but if she's seeing a counsellor it suggests to me that that's because she loves you and she wants to be there for you, but she needs some help with that right now. What I'm trying to say is, don't think that just because she's seeing a counsellor it means she wants to be any less close with you.

And last of all, (I really have rambled! sorry!) of course your friends care about you enough to be affected, I refuse to see how anyone could know you and not care about you, you're amazing Jo (: And the fact that you're worried about your friend right now just shows how amazing you are. It's your ED telling you that they don't care much and it's totally not true, I'm sure.

(Just re-read this and I've been switching from effected to affected the whole way through cos I forgot when your meant to use which! lol, sorry!)

Phew, I hope my ramble has helped slightly, not sure how much of it is actually useful lol, but there's my attempt to shed some light on it. I'm always here for friend related questions, or any questions really, but friend-wise I kind of know what I'm talking about (ish).

My holiday was lovely btw thanks (: And yeah, my friend is making lots of progress. She had a really difficult weekend, went to her Dads for the first time in ages and ED wise really struggled and I felt bad that I wasn't there to help, but I guess I can't be there all the time. And yeah I'm feeling much better, thank you for the hug 

Hope you're okay, I'm sorry your heads a mess, that's not you, that's your ED, keep fighting hun. Sending you a big keep going hug (((((Jo)))))

Take care, love and hugs, H xx

Me again :) lol. Sorry for posting again like five minutes after posting that stupidly long post, but I have a question.. 

(It could have been a question I've asked before, but asking again will probably be quicker than reading through everything that's been said on this thread, haha.)

I was just thinking about how I help my friend, and recently she's been really lovely and thanked me a lot for being there for her which means so, so much to me, but all I really do is offer my support a lot. And when she's feeling down try and cheer her up or let her cry and talk about it if she wants and give her a hug and try to offer my (not very good) advice.

But when I'm offering her advice/talking about her ED I always feel slightly awkward because I know she already knows it, if you see what I mean? When I say, this can get better, you feel like this because of your ED etc I know she knows it all already. So my question is, would it help you if your friends said these things? Or would it just frustrate you and make you feel like they don't understand that even though you know these things it's still not easy to necessarily believe them? 

And if you could ask your friends to do more to help you, would you? What would you ask them to do?

I feel like I'm not doing enough, I'm not sure why, maybe just because I've not been around for a week. And my old feelings of guilt have been creeping back, again I'm not sure why.

Anyway, that's far too much talking from me! Thank you if you've actually managed to read all that, you now officially deserve some kind of medal. *Presents Jo with shiny gold medal* (:

Love H xx

Heyy Hope! *accepts shiny gold medal from Hope nd grins :)* hehe, of course i read all your post, it made me smile nd chuckle a bit too...especially the bit bout effected/affected...i always get them the wrong way round lol!

Thank you so much for everything you said bout my friend, it really did help to know tht maybe its a good thing nd tht the world ain't gonna end cause she has seen a counsellor too....lol, i mean logically i knew tht but me nd logic don't go too well together atm!

Im not gonna say anything to her just yet....maybe if this is all behind us one day then i might ask but atm i don't think she'd want me knowing so im going to leave it....good ol' letter writing is brilliant though :)

I guess i just feel bad cause i never ever wanted my problems to affect my friends nd although i understand tht there might be other things going on for her i still feel bad cause it could be my fault...i don't know, maybe its a little similar to you feeling like you should help your friend more?...like, at the end of the day you can't help as much as perhaps you want but tht doesn't stop you always feeling bad?...sorry, if i shouldn't have said tht or hav got it wrong, its just the only way i could think of relating it....i guess we all hav logical nd illogical sides to us which can take hold...

Aww im glad you had a good holiday nd tht your friend is making progress despite having a hard weekend. Thk youu for the hug too! ((((Hope)))) :)

Hehe, i don't think you've asked tht before ;)

Yeh, i see what you mean....ppl with eds do constantly get told things tht they already know but i think there is a big different from hearing them nd actually acting on what we are told. I mean deep down, rationally most ppl know that you can't not eat, tht making yourself sick is extremely damaging, tht general abusing your body does not hav good consequences but its registaring nd processing nd stopping tht behaviour which is so hard.....So repeating the things your friend (or anyone else with an ed) isn't a bad thing...don't get me wrong, you may be better talking to a brick wall half the time especially if your friend is stubborn like me or in the grips of the ed....however, i don't think its a bad thing to repeat what she already knows, maybe one day it might just click. As long as you say it in a caring, non-judgemental way (which im sure you do) then it shouldn't do any harm...

I know from my experience when my friends say nothing it feels much worse, even if i roll my eyes nd ignore what they say it is nice to have someone tell you things can get better...its nice to know tht somone has a little faith in you. Like my teacher always use to say "you can beat this" but now he doesn't nd i feel like he has given up on me a bit...Its difficult to find the right balance i guess, cuase depending on what you say etc your friend might sometimes you feel you don't understand but she is probably, i say this in the nicest possible way, always gonna feel tht you nd your other friends don't understand fully cause you haven't been through it...does tht make sense?

Emm, well your asking me this q nd im probably not the best to ask since i talk as little bout my ed as possible nd am not the best at accepting help.....however, i can say that being offered is far easier than asking for it....at least i think it is nd im pretty sure i know a lot of other ppl who feel tht way too. Sometimes ppl with eds really want help but just can't bring themselves to ask for it cause it feels like such a betrayal of the ed...its like being in ip can make things easier cause you hav no control nd there is no arguing on the matter of food. I dunno if you could do this but maybe, if you go out for a meal with your friend or something, you could ask her if she'd like you to help her choose what she is gonna have?...little things like tht which get inbetween the ana nd her decisions...I know in the past one of my friends has bought something to eat nd i haven't despite her practically begging me too nd anway, what she does is sometimes give me like a quarter of what she has bought nd i can sometimes manage it....am i making any sense? Anywhoo, yeh i hav found tht helpful in the past :)

Hope you can make sense of my waffle :P

Please don't feel guilty, you are doing so much for your friend nd she is beginning to tell you how much it means to her so clearly you are doing a lot right by her :) Be kind to yourself Hope, you really are fab!

Take care, love nd hugs jo xxx

Hi Jo (:

I understand why you feel guilty love, but I want you to know that even if your friend is seeing a counsellor partly because of your ED I still think that she's incredibly lucky to have you in her life and to have you as a friend, because you really are such a genuinely lovely person - don't forget that. If you're weren't so amazing then this wouldn't effect her at all, she could just break away from you. If she's finding this hard it's because she loves you so much and so she should! (love you I mean lol) And the way you related it to my situation with my friend made perfect sense, don't worry. It's like even though we both logically know that feeling guilty is probably unnecessary and definitely a complete waste of an emotion because we can't do anything to change what's already happened, it doesn't just magically make the feeling disappear. Oh well, we'll get there in the end. This makes me think of something I read the other day... 'It will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end' ...or something like that. Sorry, that's slightly random, but I love little quotes like that. And it's very true (:

Only got time to leave a little post atm because I have so, so much work to do, but thank you for all your advice, I promise it all made lots of sense and it means a lot that you took that time for me, thank you.

How's your week been so far? I'm so glad it's nearly the weekend! 

And thank you my love, I hope you're trying to be kind to yourself too. Take care, lots of love H xx

Hi everyone

My mum takes counselling, does it really work? Is she wasting money...does anyone know anything about what counselling can do to you?

Thanks x

Hi Hope nd Freya,

Hope...heyy, long time no spk from my side again...sorry! Thk you for all your kind words...you always seem to know the right thing to say! Logic is so difficult to get your head around sometimes though...

How are you nd your friend doing? Hope you are remembering to look after yourself hunnie nd tht your friend is doing ok.

Hehe, i love wee special quotes...they are very true nd kinda cute lol.

Emm, well this week hasn't started off so well for me...actually it should have...its snowing up here nd we got the day off skl nd things but instead i spent the day in hospital having an ip assessment :( Not going into the general hospital this time but have been refered to an ip unit quite far away...so scared.

Anyway, enough from me...hope things are cool with you ;) When do your christmas hols start?

Freya...heyy hun, how are you? I noticed your post but haven't really been on here much to reply. Im so sorry your mum has anorexia, nd i can't imagine how hard tht is for you to deal with but i have anorexia so i understand a bit of what your mum is going through.

Counselling can be really helpful, its not a waste of money at all. Counselling helps you talk through your problems with someone who can understand nd help you to overcome your fears etc nd other things...its good tht your mum has support, she can get better. All you can really do is be there for her nd remind her tht you love her.

Take care both of you, lots of love jo xxx

Jo, I'm so sorry things are so hard for you atm darling! I read your post on the main boards, (hope you don't mind, I was having a little wander) and saw what you said about having an ip assessment, but I also saw that you said that you want to get better. Remember darling that that's the most important thing really. I think you're so wonderful Jo, especially for being strong enough to know that you do want recovery, because I can't imagine how hard that must be when the anorexia is this strong. But you are stronger. Remember that not only do you want it, you totally deserve it. In fact, you deserve to not have this horrible illness in the first place. I'm sorry you're feeling scared about the ip unit, that's totally understandable of course, but trust the professionals, they only want what's best for you. I'm sending you huge cyber hugs and kind thoughts ((((((Jo)))))). I have complete faith in you sweetheart, you can beat this. I hope you can feel all the love I'm sending to Scotland, if I could I'd get on a train and come and give you a real hug! Let me know how things go with the assessment if you can, I'm thinking of you darling.

Things here with my friend and I are okay. Could be better, but could be far worse. It was a birthday meal of a friend of ours today and she wasn't going to come at all, but quite last minute (a few hours before the party) we decided she should come, but just eat tea beforehand, so she still got to see everyone. It went well really, she looked a little uncomfortable at times, but nobody commented on the fact she didn't have anything, which made it easier and made me pleased with the understanding of our friends. And I'm happy she's making the effort to socialise with everyone, I think it shows that her depression is getting better. 

 I think that's enough from me for now! If I don't post again later this week then Merry Christmas lovely, I hope you have a very happy day and I'll be thinking of you. I know that ED wise it can be difficult, but I hope you don't put too much pressure on yourself, it's only one day, and you deserve to enjoy it. Take care, lots of love H xx

Freya, Hi, I'm Hope (: Jo is a very wise and wonderful girl, so everything she said about counselling is very true.
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? My best friend is anorexic so I can imagine some of how you might be feeling, if you ever want to talk I'm here for you darling, this must be really difficult for you. As Jo said, it's a really good thing that your Mum is getting support through counselling because it will help her in recovery.
Take care lovely, and I hope you have a very merry Christmas, lots of love, H xx

Hi i am 12 thanks i really appreciate everything you said:)

Merry christmas hun

love freya x

Just wanted to say a really happy new year to Jo and Freya and H4u and to anyone else that might read this and best wishes for the coming year.

Jo, thank you so incredibly much for being so lovely and supportive to me in 2009, especially when you've had so much to deal with yourself. I really hope that 2010 can be a wonderful, happy year for you and bring you closer to recovery because you deserve it so, so much hun. I really believe in  you Jo, you can do this.

I've still not decided what my new years resolution is going to be this year - keeping on top of school work probably, but my friends told me last night that hers is to stick to her diet plan (:

Love and hugs, Hope xx

Hi Hope <3 im sooooo sorry bout my terrible  replying skills....how are you?

Happy New Year nd a belated Happy Christmas too :)

Aww, wow...im so pleased for your friend hunnie, thts such a brave resolution she has made nd really positive. Do you think this is sorta a new start for her?...like properly this time? I hope so :)

I don't really do new years resolutions either....i never manage to keep them lol! But yeh, keep on top of skl work would be a good one though i have definately not managed to do tht!

Hope you are ok, are you back to skl? Love nd hug always, jo xxxx

Hi Jo <3

Don't worry about not having replied in a bit, I know how busy things can get, and it's always lovely to hear from you (:

How did your Christmas holidays go? Are you back at school? I've only been in for a day and a half so far because of the snow! But it's very pretty outside so I don't mind too much. Is there lots of snow where you are?

I was really pleased that my friend told me that was her New Years Resolution - I wrote her a letter on the first of January kind of saying that and with a little list of reasons why recovery will be worth it (having more energy, spending more time with friends, university etc) and saying that I'll always be here for her, but I still haven't given it to her. Whenever I write her a letter I get a bit scared about giving it to her, in case like I've said the wrong thing and she reacts badly. But I think I'm worrying unnecessarily really. We've been lots closer recently and she's been talking to me more about things and we've had a few meals together too, which is good, because I know that's quite a big step for her. She's got a review soon and she says she feels like she's not getting enough support, so she's planning on telling them that then. Although I think they might want her to go into IP again, which she doesn't want. (that was a long winded update - sorry! lol)

How are you doing atm hun? I know Christmas and New Year can be really hard times I hope things are going as well as possible.

My New Years Resolutions are already failing a bit when it comes to work! And I've barely been back at school! haha, never mind.

Take care sweetheart, love and hugs, H xxx

Heyy Hope :)

Emm, my Christmas hols haven't really been the best....they hav slightly improved now but we are back to skl on monday....i don't think skl is going to go to well for me either cos i feel things go downhill when i go back to skl. My mum was just saying today tht she wants me to come home for lunch but there is no way on earth tht is happening.

Aww, you are sooo kind Hope!....but i do think maybe you worry a bit too much, its not good for you hunnie....im sure your friend wouldn't react badly to your letter, she sounds like she has come a long way nd so has your friendship since she talks to you more bout the scary stuff so i think it'll be fine. I know you do trust her, nd tht its probably just the ed you don't trust but maybe i think she has more control over it than ever atm...tht she is maybe a bit more her so dnt worry....it'll all be ok :)

Hopefully they will only want her to go into ip again if she is clearly struggling a lot nd/or losing weight etc......i know just becos someone looks or seems fine doesn't mean they are but it is a really big thing asking for more support nd usually so hard to do when in an ed space of mind...so yeh, what im saying is tht tht is actually a really brave, positive thing for your friend to have done nd hopefully the ppl at her review will see tht too :) There's quite a few options other than ip aswell sometimes, you can get more intense op treatment nd dp aswell so maybe she'll get offered something like tht?...a compromise ;)

Emm, christmas didn't go so well...i got upset nd had to go home but thts over now...phew! New year was really quiet....weirdly so i think. Im going to a friends tonight, hopefully there won't be too many ppl cos i tend to freak slightly if there are lots of ppl who i hav to pretend to be fine infront of!...

Anywhoo, i hav majorly waffled here lol!....hope some of it makes sense!

Oh nd yeh...there is lots of snow where i live! Hehe, i built an igloo with my dad lol!.....im a child at heart you can tell :P Im hoping it will snow on sunday night some more so i don't have to go to skl hehe!

Take care, hope you are well :) Love nd hugs jo xxx

Hi Jo (:

I'm sorry your Christmas holidays haven't been the best hun. I was being a bit grinch-like in the run up to Christmas because of some problems at home (and there's so much compulsory family time at Christmas! lol) but I promised I'd really enter into the Christmas spirit next year to compensate :) Luckily, there's a whole year between now and next Christmas and I really hope that in this year you make lots of progress in recovery so you can have the happy holidays you deserve. (and I will do my best to be less grumpy next year!)

Why are you worried about going back to school love? Remember that your health is more important than school right now, in fact, your health is always the most important thing really. So try not to let the extra pressure of work impact your ED, easier said than done though I know. And don't forget that your Mum only wants what's best for you hunnie, because she loves you. Maybe eating at home might be easier than eating in front of your friends? I don't know.. I know it could well be a big, scary step, but maybe it would be a step in the right direction? I don't know, sorry, if any of this sounds at all patronising or is coming out wrong btw :/ I just know that you deserve so much better than this ED sweetie and if eating lunch at home will help you to eat it then maybe it would be a good thing. Is it you that doesn't want to go home for lunch, or is it your ED telling you that you shouldn't?

My friend goes to her Mum's work for lunch rather than staying at school; she doesn't feel comfortable eating in front of everyone and I think it's the only way her Mum trusts that she's eaten it. From next week (after our exams) I'm going to go with her sometimes - I offered a while I ago and she said she appreciated it but she wasn't ready for that step, but she suggested the other day that we give it a go  - which I'm really pleased about.

What you said about giving my friend the letter really helped thank you (: because you're right it's the ED I don't trust, not her, and it helps to make that separation in my head. And she is more herself atm and I guess even if it doesn't help her it can't do any harm, so I'm going to go for it. It was something you said to me that gave me the courage to give her the last letter, when things were much worse, so thank you again for that too, you really have helped me a lot Jo, thank you so much <3

Building an igloo sounds amazing! I'm impressed :D I'm really a child at heart too lol, unfortunately I've not been playing in the snow 'cos I've been at home 'revising' for my maths exam (but mainly procrastinating on the internet lol). I'm hoping for snow on Sunday too, that way after my exam on Monday I'll be freee (: haha.
*fingers crossed for snow for Hope and Jo*

I hope you've had a good time at your friends tonight. And that things are generally good between you and your friends atm, I know that ED can make things difficult sometimes, but I hope you're getting lots of love and support from them.

And don't worry all of your waffle made sense, I hope mine has! Sorry, if not (:

Take care love, love and hugs and hoping for snow for you (: Hope xx

to Hope,

i know you arent talking to me but thought i'd help you out. i have had bulimia for 3 years. my friend has knew for the most part, but i told her i recovered and never told her about it again. it is very, difficult to talk to your friend about. she NEVER talked to me about it, ever. so I thought she didnt care - and it upset me so much i just gave up with trying to get help from *anyone*. and before I read your post i didn't understand how difficult it was for the friend who knows as well.

whatever you say about it, she will totaly understand its hard for u to talk about as well. so any show of being there for her, offering her support and advice, will be so special to her even if shes heard it a million times before.

hope you and ur friend are doing well

xxx

Hi roadtozion,

Thank you so much for your kind post, it means so much (: 

I hope reading my posts and being able to understand things from your friends point of view has helped you - it is difficult when you know someone close to you is suffering from an eating disorder, mainly because it feels like there is so little you can do to help. I'm learning that just by being there, by offering support and advice like you said, I am doing everything I can.

Do you talk to you friend about your bulimia any more? I know it is extremely difficult but I'd imagine that she wants to be able to support you and it could really help you to have someone to talk to? The more honest you are with her the easier talking about it will be, you just need to build up that trust. I'm sure she'd rather hear how you're feeling than think that you were struggling alone.

From my own experiences I'd say that your friend probably never talked to you about it because she didn't know whether that would be okay with you. I am sure that she does care about you very, very much. For a long time I would never mention my friends ED unless she mentioned it first because I didn't want to upset her. I can understand how upsetting it must have been to think that she didn't care, but maybe it was just because she didn't know the best way to deal with the situation.

Thank you again for your post, reading it really need help, I hope you're doing well too.

I know I can't completely understand what you're going through because I don't have an ED, but I'm here if you ever want to talk, 

Love Hope xx

Jo - just to say I hope you're doing okay. I saw your post on the main boards saying you weren't going to be on b-eat as much so don't worry I'm not expecting a reply to this any time soon, but if you're still reading on here I want you to know that I believe in you and that I'm thinking of you darling, lots of love and hugs, H xx

Hi Hope :)

How are doing hunnie?

I spotted your post on the carers messageboard btw....just want to remind you how fab you are - as a friend nd also a person in general! Have i ever told you that? I think that is so caring of you to sit with your friend for some meals nd things...how is it going?

Just remember to take care of yourself too, ok?! And if your friend says anything harsh or gets upset at any meals then don't take it to heart, it's the ed not her but then i'm sure you know that.

Have you got half-term soon? We are off skl till Thursday here so that's pretty good :)

Hope you are well :) Take care, lots of love jo xxx

p.s. Here 4 You...i don't know if you lookon here anymore but just to say, i'm thinking bout you and i hope you nd your friend are doing ok xxx

Hi Jo,

How are you doing darling?

So lovely to hear from you :) thank you for your kind words, they really made me smile. And you are honestly pretty fab yourself! Seriously, the support you've given me on here has helped so much and I know you offer so much support on these boards, all whilst going through so much yourself - you are such a wonderful, lovely person Jo.

My friend and I had three meals and her afternoon snack together yesterday. It was the first time we'd had all three meals in one day together and she coped brilliantly. I realised that even though I thought the meals had gone well she might have been finding it absolutely awful and just hiding it well but I asked afterwards and she said she thought they'd gone fabulously. Of course I know she found each one difficult, but given the circumstances the day couldn't have gone better :) She's really trying to stick to her diet plan at the moment and seems to be doing well. I know she's finding it incredibly hard, understandably, but I'm so proud of the progress she's making.

And she said she was feeling much more like herself yesterday. This is full of ups and downs, but yesterday was definitely an 'up'. So I'm feeling happy atm.

I have got half term atm, yes. We go back on the 22nd - I've got loads of school work to do over the break though! How's your holiday going?

Hope you're doing okay lovely, stay strong, i'm always here if you want to talk about things, lots of love and hugs, Hope xxx

p.s. thinking of you to h4u, if you do read this post to tell us how you're getting on? always here to offer support <3

Hope- i would really like to talk to you. my best friend is suffering with ana and jo told me you had/are going through that with one of your friends, i feel like i was so alone and could do with someone in the same boat as me to talk too! write back soon if you could please, lots of loveee xxxxx