1st day of IP treatment today-terrified!

Just given myself a good talking to and want to add a more positive post! Ok so here are some reasons to recover: -the world is amazing!!! I want to b around to see the sunrise,stars,waves on the beach, birds flowers... we can all find a little bit of magic in this world and we are so lucky to have it. The ED wants to take that away and its not going to!!! -family and friends- proof that life is better without an ED, proof that people don't actually get judged as much as we feel we are judged. A whole bunch of people to fight for- they don't want us to be ill, d They don't want to lose us! -God. I believe we are ALL loved. We are all special and God (whatever name u use) is always there for u. - future hopes. I want to help others, have a family, make a positive difference. I can't do that while consumed by an ED -experiencing life. EDs take all the fun, hope and life out of you. Life is amazing- let's all fight for a proper life, not a half life!!! We can do this! Love you all, please don't give up. YOU are important and valued and loved. Praying for u all!!! Much love, positivity dust and hig hugs :o) You are all superstars! Xxxxx

How's it been so far??? Are the people there friendly and nice? Supportive. I can't even begin to imagine how terrifying this is...I really can't.

But know that I love you and support you and that I'm with you all of the way. Every single step.

Much love, Adele x/x xxx

Thanks sooooooo much adele! I love u and wish u could have proper support too sweetie! I really do. How r u doing? Remember I'm always ALWAYS here for u! My 1st day has been really tough. My anxiety is really high. I feel awful about the meal plan but have done it so far without a fuss. I can't cry or express my emotions...so kind of feel like I'm exploding and its all tOo much. BUT the ppl are all really nice, especially the other newest girl who has been here 6 weeksshe has been so supportive! I'm on bed rest and watch. My room looks nice now and the grounds look gorgeous (from the window) I'm still not sure I can do this. It feels impossible. So many expectations! Ana is very angry at me :/ I feel so guilty moaning when I am so lucky with this opportunity!!! Sorry! I reaaaalllllllyyyyyyy want u to get the support u need and deserve adele. Keep pushing them to help u- don't give up. U r so special! Sending u sooooo much love and hugs All my love. U will get there- keep going hun. Maybe proper support is just around the corner. Xxxxxxxx

Goodluck Juliette xx I am so proud of you for being so brave and strong and going to IP in the first place.  I know you can do it. And the more you get into the normality of your meal plan, the easier it will become. I know it probably seems so far away now, but you will be free of this. You will. Are you in a specialist ED unit or general psychiatric unit? Just wondering as I was in a general psychiatric unit. You are amazing and wonderful, and so much more than your ED. Dont give up. Dont lose your hope. Fight. Fight for your life. xxxxAimiexxxx

Hey Juliette!!

So glad you're finally getting the help you need!! A million well dones for sticking with the plan!! You're amazing!! And don't ever feel like you're not worth all the support you're getting because you most deffinately are!! I'm so proud of you for being so strong!! Hang in there and everything will get a lot better. Just you wait and see!!

Grace xxxxxxx

hey juliette sweetie

well done on going to ip! believe in yourself. keep positive hunni u can beat this. millions of hugss xxx

juliette lovely! how are things going?! hun u deserve the support so much...am so excited for the possibilities ip has for you in recovery hun! and here for u whenever you need a rant or just a chat! U've always given so much support, now it's ur turn to get it :) love u loads, and hope that IP helps bring u to a place of recovery and freedom! i have total faith that u will beat this, just make the choice for u to do it now :) love n hugs and lots of sparkle! xxxx

Juliette, beautiful. I'm sat here and I'm crying...partly for you and partly for me. PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE ME that however hard this is, however many challenges inpatients throws at you, that you will cherish it and use the support, that every obstacle you meet you will give as much devotion and energy to as you give to everyone else.

You have fought for this opportunity, you have earnt it and you deserve it. This is your time to shine.

I love you so much...it hurts me how much you are hurting and how tough things are right now for you. I can't believe that things have got this far for you but I'm so pleased that now...finally..you have the ability, support and framework in pace to help you.

do yourself proud.

hugs xxxx

Hi aimie How r u hun? Thanks so much 4 your support. I don't feel like I deserve any help atm and feel very much a fraud. I'm in an ED unit within a psych hospital. Its a really nice place and every1is lovely :) Struggling with the food and anxiety and incredible guilt. Trying not t lose hope. Your words mean a lot :) thanks. Hugs. U r amazing. How r things with u? Always here 4 u xxx

Juliette, I remember feeling like that too. That I didnt deserve the help or support, that I was a fraud, just an attentionseeker wasnt really poorly at all. But none of that is true. It's just the ed making you feel like that. It doesnt want to lose its grip on you, it doesnt want you to fight against it, it doesnt want you to grow stronger, it doesnt want you to be happy, free or alive. So it will try to fill your head with nonsense. I know its hard to, but try and ignore it. Trust in those around you and reach out for all the support and help you can. The best thing you can do is be honest. I believe you can do this. Keep on going :) xxxxAimiexxxx

Hi aimie How r u hun? Thanks so much 4 your support. I don't feel like I deserve any help atm and feel very much a fraud. I'm in an ED unit within a psych hospital. Its a really nice place and every1is lovely :) Struggling with the food and anxiety and incredible guilt. Trying not t lose hope. Your words mean a lot :) thanks. Hugs. U r amazing. How r things with u? Always here 4 u xxx

Thank you so much every1 for your replies! U can't imagine how helpful they are! I go on to full portions tomorrow and I'll really draw strength from wot u have said! You are all fabulous people and deserve so much happiness! Please never give up, we will beat these demons together!!! Love u all. Higs and sparkles :-) xxx Grace- hi hun :-) how r u? Hope things r ok? Thanks so much for your support and kind words- they mean soooo much. I go on to full portions tomorrow :'-( I am so scared. I have eaten everything so far. Love u Xxx Goldcat- thanks so much for the encouragement, its much needed! How r things with u? Hope u r ok! Lots of love xxx Joey- I'm struggling sooooo much :,-( anna is really giving me a hard time over the food and bed rest etc. I keep trying to find inspirations for recovery but something always triggers me off in another direction of doubt. I'm sure it will get better though. The other patients and staff are really supportive and I have made really good friends with a girl who's been in 6 weeks and so is the 2nd newest. She has helped me LOADS! I am trying reallty hard to stay positive-your sparkles and lovely words r helping :) Thanks so much for being there 4 me. How are u? I hope everything is going ok for u lovely- keep fighting :) u can do it! Xxx Adele- oh hunny *hugs* u r so amazing. I wish I could get u the support u need too! U soooo deserve the hekp. I promise I will cherish and use this support- I know it is a fantastic chance. I have eaten everything so far, . I am really really trying as hard as I can. Pleasssseeeee promise me u will keep fighting for support for you hun. You deserve it so much. Its so stupid that they leave it so long before offering help. I hope and pray someone listens and realises how ill u r and offers u proper support hun. U really deserve a happy healthy free life! Always here for u lovely. Thank u so much for your amazing kindness. Love u millions xxx Aimie-thank you SO much! Your reply has made me feel so much better! Its so hard to believe that we r worth it isn't it? I really appreciate your words, they are sooooooo helpful! How r u doing hun? Any progress with the doctors etc? Always here for u love u! Xxx

Hey, Remember you don't always have to be positive. Just keep trying and working. Xxx

heya julliette sweetie,

hope u r doing okay and r getting the help u need and deserve!

we can beat this hunni. everyday work towards recovery. u can do it! i've seen the lovely advice u have given to others and u are a much cherished part of the b-eat fyp community :)

hope to chat again soon :)

and i'm doing ok thanks feeling quite positive. much love and hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

heya julliette sweetie,

hope u r doing okay and r getting the help u need and deserve!

we can beat this hunni. everyday work towards recovery. u can do it! i've seen the lovely advice u have given to others and u are a much cherished part of the b-eat fyp community :)

hope to chat again soon :)

and i'm doing ok thanks feeling quite positive. much love and hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

CS- thanks hunny. That actually means so much. Its great to be reminded that I am allowed to feel un-positive sometimes. I think sometimes I put too much pressure on myself to be cheery and happy on the outside. It means a lot to know I dnt hav t put on that front here :-) How r u doing hun? Hope u r ok. U deserve happiness, u really do. Keep fighting, we will get there! Xx Goldcat- hi sweetie :-) I am so glad u r feeling positive, that's great news. What's happening for u right now? Do u hav support? Hope your positivity is getting stronger each day :) we can beat this! Thank u so much for your kind words.they mean a lot! How r things going? Always here for u xxxxxxx

Hey. Just be yourself. Pretending never gets you anywhere good. In and out of hospital and here. How is IP going? Your incredible hun you really are and one day you will be free from this. Much hugs. Xxx

Juliette, you are totally amazing and what CS said is sooo so true, you don't have to be brave for us all of the time. I know that you must be scared rigid inside right now with ana battling back so hard...I'm here for you with open arms. I think that you're so talented, amazing, strong, courageous, brave...there are not enough superlatives to describe you. How has IP been going?? How has full portions been going??

YOU CAN DO THIS HUNI...WE ALL LOVE YOU.

lots of hugs, love and fairy dust :)

juliette sweetie how r things hope everything is going ok and ip isnt to hard 4 u  lovely like u sed see this as a posiitve opportunity to help fight ana u can can can do this and i believe in u

just refering 2 wht others have sed here u reli dnt have 2 b positive all the time we all understand how hard it is sweetie were here 2 help u u r so strong and so inspirational u reli dnt realise what an amazing person u reli are and how very proud i am of u im always proud of u no matte what u reli r lovely you reli r incredible here and i admire u for ure strength ure courage and everything about u ure fantasic and thee are so amny aamzing psoitive words i could describe u with there reli r juliette u reli are so fantasic and so kind and so strong and so supportive and i admire u for this hun we can most certainly beat this we reli can sweetheart theres so much more to life than anorexia like u have sed usrelf there reli is thers are dreams are futures our lives just waiting for us but theres hope we have the strength to get there there are setbacks along the way and sometimes detours but we can learn from these and keep trying we can can can do this i promise u hun u will get there

kepp smiling sweetehart and im always always here 4 u hun no matter what stay strong keep fighting and rmmebr what amzing things u have achieved and achieveing i love u so much hun take good care of urself

with much love hugs and kisses

emily xxxx <3 i love u soooo much xxxx

creideas_spiorad
Hi CS! So sorry i have taken so long to reply hun! How are you?
IP is really hard but really supoprtive. A lot of the time it feels impossibe, but i can sometimes feel that i can do it. You are amazing sweetie. Thanks for all your support! We can beat this!!!
I am trying really hard to be truthful and not pretend. Its hard cos my ED tells me that it is attention seeking, but as staff say- they are here tp help and they arent mind reasers lol.
How come you are in and out of hospital sweetie? I hope you are ok!
Thinkinng of you and always here for you. Keep fighting, u can beat this!
Lots and lots of love
Xxxxxxxxxxxx
Adele
Hiya hun! How are you? I am sooooo sorry i havent been replying, i had no laptop or internet cos they both broke!
IP is really difficult. Gaining weight has really thrown me and ive struggles a lot this week but i am still being a ‘good girl’ and trying as hard as i can. Thanks soooo much for your kindness. I think those words describe you too!  I hope you can see that! I know things are so tough for you atm but i also know that you can beat this sweetie. We can all beat this!!!
Hugs and sparkles
Xxxx
Emz
Hiya hunny
How are you doing? IP is soooooo hard, but i guess you know that yourself lol! But i know it is a really good chance to get better and i am starting to realise that without this, i wouldnt have survived for that much longer. I think that sounds really dramatic, but i also kind of know it’s true. Thank you sooooo much for what you said about me! I find it really hard to believe, but it means a lot to hear :o)
You are such a fantastic friend Emz! All those things you said to me are true for you. I am hoping to be on chat next time- so maybe we can chat then :o) i miss you all lots!

Oops I meant you not having to pretend in or out of IP and you don't have to pretend on here. I think you are a very strong person who needs to yell loudly when she needs support because there is nothing wrong with gaining support I makes us stronger. Sorry IP is sometimes really difficult but are you talking to the nurses and Drs when you don't feel happy etc... They are there to support you recovery even more than we on here are supporting you. You are not attention seeking your ED is wrong. It is a lie and you shouldn't have to deal with it alone. Keep fighting hun. The impossible will become the possible. Your doing really well trying to fight the ED. Keep fighting the battle. I have every faith that you Juliette will win over the ED 100:1 if I was a betting girl but I'm not. Take care. C_S. Xxx

Awwww thanks C_S, your post meant so much! Its so hard to feel worthy of help so thank u :-) how are u? U r amazing...keep going I believe in u too! U can beat this too lovely! Xxx

I'm struggling atm. But ok. I only say what I think is the truth. How's u? Xxx

thinking of u lovely stay strong xxx <3 all my love emily xxx :D WE WILL BEAT THESE EATING DISORDERS :D

hi C_S

im really sorry that you are struggling hin :( is there anything in particular? would it help to talk about it? thinking of you

how are you atm?

you can do this!

xxxx

emz- hi sweetie :) how are you?

i hope things are going well for you. i know it seems impossible, but you can do this- i have every faith in you! dont give up lovely

xxxxxxxxxxx

Juliette. How are you huni???????

 hugs xxx

hi adele!

how are you? im ok thanks...IP is hard but they say im doing well and im putting on weight etc. its soooooo scary and hard but i am determined to recover :)

i feel kind of numb at the moment.

how are you doing? ive missed you! hope things are going ok. you are amazing!

all my love

xxxx

Well that's good huni about the weight but knowing you have to and need to do it and actually doing it....it's two completely different things. I know how numb feels, I feel it now. Do you know how long you're going to be in IP for? Will you get DP and aftercare as well, you must, you deserve it. I love you so much, I think you're amazing.

I'm not doing so well, I want to break down and cry. I'm restricting and s/h .

hugs huni xxx I hope so much that oneday we will both get there.

xxxxxxxxx

im really sorry that you are feeling numb hun, its horrible isnt it? i dont know how long i'll be in here for and im not sure if i'll get dp or aftercare...probably not but im not sure.

im so sorry that you are struggling so much :( is there anything i can do? i wish i could help you- you are so amazing! i ish i could take all of your pain away.

how are things? love you lots

thinking of you

xxxx

hey huni. The picture that you inspired me to do is on creativity corner!! :) I hope you're ok, thinking of you.

hugs xxxxxx

Hi adele! I LOVE your pic of little miss land! Its fantastic!!! How r u hunny? So sorry its been so long since I last posted. Hope u r ok lovely. All my love. U r amazing! Xxx

Hey Juliette :) It's funny cos somedays, well most days are such a struggle but then on other days you kinda feel like you're 'coping'. All I know is that I can't deal with this struggle and constant turmoil, it's too hard. It affects every waking moment of my life,

Huni, how's IP going?? R u doing well there?  I just wondered, do you get to go outside and out and about ? I've never been but I get treated at an IP unit and it's like that there. I'm just being nosey really, cos I don't think that I'll get over this without some more intensive treatment...you know like nothing to concentrate on other than the ed, but I know I really wldn't cope with indoor life, so I just wondered really.

I hope you r ok, lots of love and hugs and sprinkles of +vity dust :)

aml Adele

sorrrrry fr taking so long to reply!!!

yes  comletely agree- some days are ok an others are awful! im so sorry you are finding things so difficult i wish i could help you somehow. you are such a star.

IP is really hard atm. my mood has plummeted recently and i am struggling a lot to see the point. there is a pathways system here which u can move up and get different 'priviliges' or things you can do. im allowed to wak for 20 mins a day and 3 lots of 1 hour a week atm. so i do get to be out a little bit. its a lot better than it was before.

i think IP sounds like a good idea for you. have you asked for it? it is good to be able to focus on it without all the other stresses of life.

love you lots and lots. hope you are ok.

hugs and higs and positive wish dust

xxxxx

Juliette!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay, I've been wondering wondering how you've been getting on. It sounds like you're doing really really well and after only 4mths too! I bet they've been a long 4mths though . Are the therapy sessions helping you witht the anorexia or is it still as terrifying as ever?

I've not been that good recently, but my gp is being really supportive. The clinic have told me that I've come to the end of my alloted therapy even though I'm still not well which they openly admit. It's been really tough dealing with that and what's more is my parents have found out .

Huni, I've got a post going on the adult boards now too, it's addressed to you, so hope you can find it. It's going to be my link between my friends on fyp and 26!

love and hugs, hope u r ok

adele!! :D hi! ive missed you!!!

im doing ok but struggling a bit. im now a healthy weight and starting to try to find my set point weight,

therapy is still really hard but good

im really sorry to hear that you arent good :( i really wish you could get into here!!!

has the gp been able to help at all? love u huni! big hugs!!!

keep fighting and stay trong!

xxxx