to lexy

hey gorgeous ...

thank you soooo much for your post *hugs* it means an awful lot.

I rang the beat youthline in the end last night as I couldn't cope on my own, and things have been pretty tough today, with even my therapist commenting on the fact that I was more anxious and more tired than she had ever seen me before =(

I can't tell you how much it means to me to have you here to talk to.

the problem I have at the moment is that I don't want to get better. I want this to be my life. things are so hard having to try and juggle everything, and it feels as though if I have one thing to focus on things would be so much easier.

take care sweetheart,

lexy -xxx-

ikno wat u mean hun but ther is life withiut the eating disorder

i cant write much i got admitted into hospital last night as i drank too much n took a few too many painkillers im out as i discharged agenst ther wishes they wanted me in another nyt but no way

i feel a bit mushed but the sad fing is i did it becus i didnt hav food as my conrtol i wouldnt let it b - so the moral of that is wen u feel u r beating the eating disorder make sure u get ur therapist to go through other healthy coping ways

i kno wat i did was not a gd idea and god the nurses let me kno - so angry at ther attitudes but anyway hun wateva u do wen u can fight it more is find a healthy way to cope first b4 u tell urself u will lose the eatingdisorder hmm i dunt fink im makin snse im sorry just a bit uhhhh at the mo as they wer like well if u want to b sat in here next week dyin as ur livers paked on then go - i went

hmmm im sorry hun im spose to b strong for u

i will be now i promis i will egt all the support i need around me i shall make sure i do and not pretend fings r ok

xxxx

sweetheart you do not have to be strong for me!!! you have to be strong for yourself!!

there isn't life without the eating disorder, but there isn't life with it. I don't know what to do =(

I've been given medication for my anxiety as well as my depression now.

keep in touch gorgeous,

I'm always here for you,

take care,

lexy -xxx-

hi

i feel all over the place

one minute i feel ok nothing seems that bad then bang everything hits me like and im left in such a state

i feel like if im ther for someone then mayb it wil help me stay fighting tht little bit mor - dus tht makes sense? i want to help u becus wen i was rea;;y strong readin wat u put made me feel sad as i can relate to it so much

i hope ur new medication works hun

i am still keeping strong on the eating its so hard but im managing it

there is life without it i promise its a dam hard life at times but there is one

it dus seem to take so much of life away wen ur suffering so badly i wish i could throw u a magic ball show u your future - onw without the eatingdisorder one where you do have a life

i thought what you said but i have seen i have a life ok its got ups and downs but thats life hun

i will b here for u to share the not so gd parts of life and the good parts take care xxxx

hey sweetheart,

*hugs* things will get easier ... I promise =)

I can't write much ... I can't think what to say ...

let me know how things are going,

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

hey hun u jst keep fighting

me im k i can feel so happy one hour and then the next everything feels so wrong and i just feel so bad and cant control my actions i feel like bursting into tears and just collapsin as i dont feel i can cope

i duno hun i fort everythin was ok for me maybe not maybe as one battle ended i have to start another

but one thing i am going to fight on i am going to keep going

take care all my luv xxx

hey sweetheart,

I can't keep fighting.

I don't want to keep fighting.

-xxx-

i know its hard hun so so hard but please dunt give up

you do want to fight you just dont feel like you do now

trust me hun things will get better

i dont know what to say hun

all i can say is i wanted to give up i didnt want to fight but i did and im better for it

i duno sorry not to help

i know what you mean and its a bit close to home at the mo for me to b able to give rational help

sorry hunny

hope things get better

im here for you xxxx

hey sweetheart,

thank you *hugs*

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

i thought i had replied sorry

u just keep going strong keep fighting however hard it is hun ther is always a reason to fight even if you cant see it

the future is unknown so you have everything to live for

hun it hurts like hell i know but it is worth fighting for - you wont always feel so bad i promise

the future is scary but wouldnt u rather keep fighting see what it brings rather than wonder ?? i panik at the future but im too much of a curious person to not fink wat it holds

ive just given up my job so now my future really is wat i want it to b and no matter how hard it is i want it to b full of happinness and free eating no worries about wat i eat or wen i eat and my weight to just be a number nothing esle

i wish tht for u to i really do

all my luv keep strong here for u xxx

hey sweetheart,

it would be great - but it doesn't feel like that could ever happen at the moment ....

really glad that you are still fighting though gorgeous!

let me know how things are going,

take care,

lexy -xxx-

wel i now hav my job again haha

i get a week off first tho which i need

so now i now what my near future holds but the rest is stil a journey i will take

hun this time last week i fort i was going to end up back feelin so low and rubbish i didnt know whether i could cope with life now i feel positive again i feel like i can cope now and that i will

i will keep strong always here for u just keep strong keep fighting - p;s u r strong wether u believ it or not u R

I can't ... I'm a complete mess and I get through to anybody on anything and I feel so alone.

lexy -xxx-

hun u may feel alone but ur not

always remember you have us on the boards!!

we are here for the highs and lows the positives and the not so positives

when you feel alone go on the boards and see the many many people here for u the people sitting here wanting to reach out to you and give you a hug

hun im here when you need to chat k i understand now its all too much but im here when your ready k? never forget that

xxxxxxxx

hey sweetheart,

*hugs* thank you so much!!!

my therapist has rung my mum saying how she is worried about me and I don't have an individual session on thursday anymore, my mum is coming with me.

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-