I don't know what to do anymore

Hey everyone, i hope you are all ok. I haven't been on for a very long time but I don't think i've ever felt so desperate. Basically, my counsellor left in november to go on maternity leave and i was not happy with it at all but there was nothing i could do. 2 days before our last session my grampa died. His was the first funeral i went to and it was horrible because we were so close, i was his favourite. So the one person i felt i could talk to and the only person i wanted to talk to was due to leave and it just didnt cope. I was meant to have a 2 month break from any therapy and then go back and have a new therapist however the company told me different things so they didnt offer me any appointments when i was told they would. Being 17 I'm at the cut off point from a child to an adult and now i'm currently being transferred. Since november i've had one family therapy meeting (which i HATE) a week ago. I havent talked to anyone for 6 months and i will only admit on here that i've struggled more than ever. I relapsed with my bulimia and self harm and now i'm starting to relapse into my anorexia. I'm so unhappy, i need someone to talk to but its not being offered to me when i need it now. i need some advice or support or just anything you can offer because i feel like im losing my mind. No one knows im struggling and i cant talk to my friends or family because im far too personal and secretive so my way of coping is by going back to stage one. I miss my therapist so much, she made everything make sense. I feel so lost, i don't know who i am and i don't know what to do. I've never felt so low. P.s, i've had an eating disorder for 3 years, first anorexia and then bulimia, i've suffered self harm for 5 years and depression for 2. I swear your teens are meant to be the best years of you life?