IT IS WORTH IT !!!!

Love u so much, ur amazing thts all i cn say =) jo xxxxxxx <3

hunni thanks for this post =]

im 'recovered' now as well so know exactly how amazing it feels!!!! i agree that recovery is definately worth it, and im sooo pleased that your better now! you and all the other people on this website deserve to get their lives back so much and im really happy for you hun :D i hope everyone else can have the strength and courage as you to beat their illness.

love you sweetie, so pleased for you xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hii am new to beat, i got discharged from hospital after 5 longggggggg months in ther on friday!!

so i'm rocovering an just coming to terms withh my self. i feel sooooooo much better for it now & living life to the full.

i totally agree with u & no1 should give up! anything is possible if u try ur best!

xxxx

Thanks for this post

im new on here and currently fighting for recovery so any inspirational posts are helpful :)

how long did you have your ed for?

xxx

thankyou for this post - im new to this and have been trying to recover for 6 months now - hearing this is just an extra push! how long were you unwell for? any advice coz i cant seem to break the barrier and just follow my plans? xxx

thanks for the post, it makes so much sense. i have done it once before and i remember how good it was to be better again. However i have relapsed even worse than before, and need something to keep me going!

So i would have to say to everyone its so worth all the fighting, even though it may not feel like it. so keep your chins up cos you can do it!!!

sandy, that barrier will go eventually, even though it does not seem it now. just take every day one at a time, you will get there!

xxx

thank you chicken - i really really hope so x i am detertmined to beat this horrible thing! keep going yourself - youve done it before u can always do it again!!!

thanks for the support sandy, but im finding it really hard at the moment. Im now sat in an inpatient mental health unit and im scared! just want to get out of here asap!

but you have the fetermination and that is a really good thing, and i wish you all the best with it. keep in touch x

o my love - how long have u been in for? how old are you?

whenever u wanna chat im here for you - whos decision was it for you to go in?

thinkin of u xxx

ps u will get out of there - we will get thru this however long it all takes :)

ive been here since friday, it was suggested i come in cos they were concerned for me. just been waiting for the ed team for so long now they are really taking their time!

im 18 by the way, so everything is different now cos im too old for the adolescent stuff. thankyou so much for the support it means so much.

how are you doing? and how old are you?

stay strong xxx

heya

iv just turned 21! what do u mean by 'the adolescent stuff'??? whats it like there? what kind of things do u have to do? i hope ur ok...thinking of u

i feel terrible atm - i really need to put on weight to get back to college and feel normal again - but its difficult...i wish i could just feel my old self again and not care about what and when i eat...sorry to rant...just a bit low tonite as i had two appointments today and nothing seems to set me free tho i know it will and does help me.

lotsa love xxx

ps. sorry with all the questions x

well when youre adolescent everything seems to get done a lot quicker...here they keep saying "well on monday well have a meeting" and then "we have to wait for funding". Its horrible here, and theyre not really helping with my eating. im usually really down in the morning but ok once ive had visitors and that. but got some leave at the weekend so its looking up!

sorry to hear youre not feeling too good...meetings really put you down dont they? i know exactly how you feel about wanting to be your old self and all of that...cant wait, even though it seems like it never going to happen. ive found taking one day as it comes helps a bit.

and dont worry about all the questions! are you getting any support and that?

x

sorry iv taken a while to reply...hope ur meeting went well?!

yeh i do have support from my family and boyfriend but obv they dont fully understand...and i really like my nutritionist.

iv hada bit of a kick in the teeth as i cannot go back to college yet because of the lack of weight gain :( its all just so hard and confusing...

how are you getting on atm? are your friends and family supportive?

xxx

meeting went ok...theyre taking so long to do anything though. Ive got to wait till next monday for another meeting...i dont seem to be getting anywhere and they arent giving me help. just feel like they dont really care cos theyre taking so long, and we've tried to get them to even give me therapy and theyre not doing that. its useless. sorry about that little rant.

its good that you have their support, it can really help. what is it like having a nutritionist? i want one and they keep saying theyre going to get me one but i still havent heard anything. do they give you meal plans and things like that?

its a shame you cant go back to college. neither can i and it sucks :(  cos its really helpful for taking your mind off of things. but i dont think i would be strong enough to go in yet anyways.

im trying to eat more, but its a struggle and i dont feel like im getting anywhere, so im feeling a bit down. how are you getting on?

xxx

hey...yeh i have a rough meal plan and things i shoud eat!

if they arent giving u therapy or a nutritionist what do they actually do each day with you?!!? how does your day plan out? seems a bit unfair...dont worry about ranting i think im doing the same.

im eating more but its just like a vicious circle aaaah isn't it just the worst thing.

i understand what u mean about being strong enough...i went to perfoming arts school and i definately am not fit enough for my old course :( or probably mentally to go back in that environment but its still disappointing.

what were u studying at college?

hope ur feeling ok...speak soon - its nice to hear from u xxx

ps. we will get there and we will have to help keep eachother positive!

i just wrote you out a huge long message and my computer seems to have frozen :( typical!!!!

hiya...yeh im on a basic kind of meal plan!

if u r not having therapy etc how do ur days plan out there? seems abit unfair?

im trying to eat more too - its sucha vicious circle isn't it! we will have to try and keep eachother positive...

i know what u mean about college and not being strong enough - my course was performing arts and very strenous physically...i know deep down its right for me not to go back but its still upsetting...what were you studying?

lotsa love xxx keep in touch

yeah its pretty boring, which makes it worse cos it gives me more time to think and worry. i was meant to see a nutritionist fri or mon but they didnt turn up, and now i have to wait till mon to see the eating disorders team again for another meeting, to decide what theyre going to do. but yeah it seems unfair theyre still not giving me any help, starting to feel a bit desperate now!!!

how is the eating going? and how are you doing with the meal plans?

i was meant to start my engineering apprenticeship on monday, but obviously not up to it so have had to talk to them...hes given me 3-4 weeks, before we have to review it. so now im worried im going to lose it. how are your college with things?

xxx

hello iv hada horrendous weekend of tears and dramas, i feel so low...my mum lost it with me and i know deep down its cos she cares but sometimes she doesnt think before she speaks and says really hurtful things...all other pressures at home have got to her too.  i had to escape the house this morning, in tears and phoned my friend, she came picked me up...things are better tonight and i managed to eat my whole dinner with all the family :) i told my mum and dad about beat and they read bits of the carer pages...feeling less alone now.

sorry for rambling but thats just the general gist of it lol

i have another meeting with college on tuesday which im dreading - its so hard to be given deadlines and things isnt it. 

engineering sounds interesting - how did u get into that?

how are you feeling? things any better? thinking of u

lots of love xx

sorry to hear your weekend didnt go well-dont worry, it will get better. and you are right about your mum, its only because she cares so much for you.

well done for the meal! first steps are the hardest. and good idea showing your parents those pages...i might have to do that.

whats the meeting with college about? hope it goes well whatever it is! how is everything else going for you?

got into engineering at school - tech was my fave subject so just seemed like a good plan! im feeling a bit better i think...just trying to eat more so i can get to college. had a meeting with the eating disorders today, but they arent being very helpful. im being put on a 4-6 week therapy course to see if that helps me, then review it. just feels like theyre not doing anything quickly enough, cos i dont know if ill be any better by then, then ill have to wait even longer for more help. sorry for ranting im just getting frustrated!

xxx

hiya - sorry its taken a while to reply :( iv decided i hate food and i really am struggling with weight gain - i cant get my head round it - it makes me so anxious...

college meeting was really positive thanku, but i cant go back until im at my target weight bt its nice that they r being supportive. dont be sorry for ranting thats all iv jus done :( x

wow it sounds like a good choice and its something different and interesting! hows therapy going? how r u? thinking of u.

jus said goodbye to my boyfriend again - he is in the marines and was onli home for 24hrs so im a bit down about that too - he relaxes me how r ur friends? have u had many visitors?

xxx

i know how you feel about the weight gain...even a small increase in the amount i eat makes me really anxious and nauseous, which doesnt help! glad your meeting went well though, at least thats one thing you can worry a bit less about. so how long do you reckon it will be before you can go back to college?

wow youre boyfriends in the marines! thats pretty tough. does he go away for long periods? i had to say bye to my boyfriend too cos he went off to uni quite far away, so i wont see him much. do you get to speak to him often?

hopefully i am going to college soon, but getting worried cos im not near my target weight, so im nervous about eating, not being able to cope, what people might think, etc! im a bit of a worrier can you tell lol?! had my first therapy session today which i think went ok, and ive got quite a few meetings lined up with various people to sort everything out! most of my friends dont know whats going on cos i dont want to tell them everything, but i have one who was with me on the unit a few years ago whos being really supportive. do your friends know?

xxx

hi sorry for the delay... hope ur ok

college has said only when i reach my target weight - i was hoping for january...but most people think im kidding myself.

yeh he lives away in the week and comes home weekends...altho hes on a course all over at the moment so i hardly see him - hes in wales as we speak!!! i speak every day tho

dont worry about being a worrier - thats what im known for!!! we sound very very similar! hows therapy going? how did ur meetings go?

ye al my friends know - a few in particular are fantastic and obviously some dont get it at all lol

reply soon would be lovely to hear from you

hope ur well xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey! how are you? hows things going?

If you are determined to get there by January im sure you can do it - prove the other people wrong! but you take as long as you need, the course will always be there to get back to. what is it in by the way?

its good you get to seem him weekends and speak to him every day. How long have you been together? is he good with all the problems youre having? glad you have your friends support too, must be very helpful.

had my second therapy today, but i found it brought a load of stuff up which was kinda upsetting, so felt a bit poo since! but sometimes its good to get it all out i spose. just want it all to go away so i can get on with things!!!

speak to you soon x

hi im sorry its taking a while to reply iv been feeling pretty rubbish and this recovery stuff is just so tough isnt it! iv established me getting to college by january isnt going to happen - its a full on performing arts course with intensive dance training lol...im pretty upset but i think i was kidding myself and i obviously wasnt happy there...im hoping now to get a job in ***for a while and put my alevels to some use!

well thats enough about me? how are you getting on? any imporvements? hows hospital? i know how u feel about just  getting on with things...o i got a kitten on friday hes sooo lovely and believe it or not gives me something else to think about!

hows your family coping?

hope to hear from u soon, i have been thinking about u x

hey! sorry to hear youve been feeling rubbish and that college hasnt worked out for you - but its good you are thinking about getting a new job. Try not to get too upset about it though cos as you say, it sounds like it isnt the right thing for you now. But itll be nice to have something to do and have some money in this new job! have you found any going yet? What else have you been getting up to?

Awww you got a kitten! what are they like? ive got two cats who are just over a year old, so they are pretty energetic still! i know what you mean about them being a distraction...its nice when you can play or have a cuddle with them!

im not doing too badly thanks...no more hospital which is good! just have regular check ups and meetings to make sure im doing ok. started back at college part time, which was really difficult at first but im starting to get into it i think....just worried about going full time cos ill have to eat there which im terrified of!

my family are happier now i have started to improve with my mood and stuff, but still urging me to keep increasing and things, but i dont mind cos its understandable. how are you getting on with your family?

keep fighting, youre doing really well xxx

heya...how r u doing hun?

joined an agency and they are going to hopefully set me up for interviews...bit stuck at the moment and feel like im going nowhere...got a meeting tomo with nutritionist and old counsillor and my mum to see where we can go from here :( i should feel positive about it but i just cant seem to think much will change!

had sucha lovely weekend as my bf came home...was so nice. it was my friends birthday too, i went out and actually had a drink and enjoyed myself!!!

aw wow so u know what its like...hes gorgeous - i named him pickle and he is seriously living up to his name. i love him tho.

hows college going? how long were u in hospital for? thats such good news for u.  have u managd to eat at college now?

same with my family realli...am eating normal size portions of dinners and things but obviously still on my back for my weight to increase.

speak soon xxx any plans for ur weekend?

hey im not too bad and yourself? hope your meeting went well - have they sorted something for you? the agency sounds good - have you heard anything yet?

really glad you had a good weekend! did you and your bf get up to much? i am hopefully going to see mine next weekend- need to sort a halloween costume!!!

aww pickle thats so cute! what does he look like? mine are called ginger and spice (cats home named them!!!) and ginger is nearly twice the size of spice! they have these mad moments sometimes and run around like crazy, playing and fighting! and in the morning they jump on the bed and try and get your toes if they move lol!

college is going ok - half term this week! so maybe full time next week. i was in hospital for 2 weeks so it wasnt too long, but long enough!!!

this weekend i went shopping, saw mates and grandparents, so was pretty ok!!! what have you got planned?

xxx

hiya...im not too bad - had been feeling really low but im trying to get through and realise that ive got to try as life without anorexia must be better than this!

haven't hear anything from the agency for a couple of weeks but i suppose thats down to the times at the moment as not many jobs are around. ive looked into courses starting in the new year for singing and songwriting as its still something id love to do...i just realise that dancing and being back at that college i was at would just deter me too much and i know it would bring back bad memories!

oooo how was ur halloween? what did u dress up as? i didnt have a halloween party to go to but me and my bf had a nice nite in with xfactor!

pickle is still gorgeous, he is a tabby. ginger and spice are great name, i dont think we could cope with 2 of them bounding around! pickle attacks my feet in bed two and he got so wound up the other day and he (accidently) scratched my face!

i went shopping too this weekend but bought nothing - pretty depressing realli lol how about you?

how are you getting on with eating and everything?

speak soon xxx

o my meeting was ok a bit humiliating but ok - seeing a speicialist next week just to talk through my progress. my nutritionist got me a book to read called 'weighing it up' just started reading it - its really reassuring knowing your not the only one in this. hope ur ok and goodluck with college this week...

well done for trying to fight this - its really hard so you should be proud! keep it up you can do it!

shame you havent heard anything but i think youre right- theres no jobs around at the moment! though i have seen quite a few christmas temp jobs about so that might be a possibility? wow singing and songwriting sounds great! hope you find something you like!

i didnt stay at my bf's in the end cos i was too nervous, so i didnt end up going to a halloween party :( got to spend a few hours with him though so that was nice. when is yours back again?

this weekend.....went to see bf, and sunday a lazy day. been going full time to college the past couple of days but its very tiring!!! my eating has been ok, but not improving so not great. just too hard at the moment! hows things going with you?

glad meeting was ok, and that the book is helping you.  hope the meeting goes well! let me know!

xxx

hiya i am sooooooooooo sorry it has taken so long to reply iv had a few really bad weeks - altho im on the up now! 

hows college going? still going full time? not long til ur xmas break now lol :)

im seeing a proper counsillor now and doing cbt - but we had to go private as its sucha long waiting list - its soooooooo expensive but hopefully its what i need to get through this!

i had my first interview which went realli well - i was pretty scared but im glad it went well and now the first ones done the next will b easier...had some good news from college and got to film an advert for channel 4 yesterday - which was a much needed bit of happiness in my life!

hows u and ur boyfriend? mines away atm for 4 weeks!!!!

hope your okand i am sooooooooo sorry its taken a while to get back to u - thinking of ya xxx

hiya - i havnt heard from u in a little while - this is just a little message to say hello and i hope ur well and doing ok xxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey sorry i havent been on in ages things have been quite busy lol!!! so glad to hear things are getting better for you, thats great to hear!!! how are your interviews going? wow and advert - what was that for?!

good to hear youre getting cbt and help. the nhs are terrible for getting help when you need it! im seeing someone once a week now which is going ok but not as well as i had hoped- but gotta keep working at it!!!

college is going ok - full time now!!! tiring but enjoying most of it! and cant wait for xmas hols :D

yeah we're doing ok! finding a bit difficult only seeing him every few weeks, especially cos i find it hard to get myself up there and havent stayed overnight yet, so dont get to see him for very long :( how are you two getting on?

have you got an xmas list yet so santa knows what to bring you?!

hope you are well, sorry again!!!! x

hiya, i don't mean to but into the conversation, but i'm new to this website, and just by reading this a little bit i think it seems i feel quite similar to how you do.
but what i'm having trouble with is coming to terms with this disorder, i've been to counseling for a few months now and currently in the re-feeding process, but the more weight i'm gaining just makes me feel more anxious and this is making me question whether i really want to get better.

sorry to be writing my whole lifestory LOL just wanted to ask for any help or advice maybe?
thank you, and hope your doing okay

=] xx

hey thats no problem!!! nice to see new people! you are doing really well to be fighting this, you should be proud of what you have acheived so far. keep it up it is worth it!

ive found taking every day as it comes quite useful, as I find thinking about the future only makes me anxious! also, taking little steps towards your goals, as each one is an aceivement - it is very difficult to change things suddenly. My therapist gave me a good quote: "there is not just black and white, there are shades of grey in between".

can I ask how old you are and what you are doing at the moment?

hope to hear from you soon x

hiya, thanks !

yeah i can relate to that quote pretty good actually, and i do agree by taking each day as it comes does make things easier to cope with. i found that after reading a poem - i think it helped me argue in a way with the anorexia by imagining it to be a kind of another person living inside me if you get what i mean?

 yeah i'm 16, and i'm visiting a clinic weekly where i have counseling and stuff, and they have put me on a meal plan as they said i'd have to be admited to hospital if i didn't make a start with it straight away, and i've been on the edge of admition in the past couple of months as i find it difficult at home and being around people that don't understand how it is.

thanks for replying, xx

hey no problem!!! nice to speak to someone new!

you are doing well if you have avoided admission so far, thats the start of the battle! i have been in twice (one an ed unit and one general)  - the ed one was really helpful, but both were difficult. But sometimes it is the best option, so dont be too downhearted if you are admitted, remember it is not the end of the world and you will be home soon! but try your hardest not to, because having everyday distractions and people around you is helpful ive found. Whatever happens, keep fighting - you can make it through this.

anyway back to more enjoyable things - what have you got planned for christmas? do you know what santa is bringing you lol?!

x

hey,

yeah thanks, like i do want to avoid being admited, but the doctors i see seem to think i'm doing alright, so chin up for now!

yeah for christmas i have my auntie over from * which is good as i haven't seen her actually on crimbo for a few years so that all fun, and i have all suprises from santa this year lol, how about you?! hope it'll be a white one this year!!
xx

Hey, sorry to but in, another "newcomer"! But I've been reading through your conversation and I've been going through similiar experiences as you, you seem mature! I'm 15. I'd been really struggling on my own with my problems for quite a while, until recently, when I couldn't cope anymore and told my mum. She took me to our gp the next day - hes great and we're lucky to have him, I was refered to a nutritionist within a few weeks. I was diagnosed with Anorexia. The trouble is I don't feel like I have "Anorexia", yeah, I'm underweight and I've been through periods where I purged. But I actually like eating. This makes me feel very guilty and anxious and have really, really confused feelings. Sometimes I restrict! sometimes when im at my worst food is all I think about. Sorry for the major life story/rant! Just wondered if you have any useful advice. Thanks :)

thats great that the docs think youre doing alright - its a start!!! so how did your christmas go? did you enjoy seeing your auntie? and what did santa bring you?!

we're having a fancy dress party new years with family friends, but me and my boyfriend havent decided on costumes yet lol!!! what are you getting up to?

x

hi everyone! sorry chicken that i havnt been on in a while-couldnt realli face talking about myself as i felt like i was doing rubbish! my bf spoilt me rotten for christmas - very very lucky to have him! how r u and ur bf?

hi teesher and bulletproof...bulletproof thats how i feel i do like food its just i limit and restrict everything...i had this and eating makes me feel guilty etc and feeling like u dont have anorexia is apparantly normal...i know im underweight but i dont realli see it and definately dont feel it!

hows everyone coped over xmas?? any plans for new year?

hope everyones ok and heres to getting stronger for the new year xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

me again...

bulletproof...im trying not to label myself anorexic coz i hate it - try and focus on that its something youve got to accept u have at the moment and you need to get over it like a cold or a broken leg - this is something my counsillor said last week x

hey yeah it is a start, takes a long time, but i'm getting there hopefully!! 
my christmas was supprisingly better than i'd anticipated to be honest, i was freaking about a bit about the whole dinner thing, but i spoke to my mum and she and the family were cool and i had no more pressure than normal so things were okay. how did yours go and how are you doing now??
it was good to see my auntie, but she only stayed frr a few days and a flew by too quick!! haha, i done pretty well this year for prezzies, got a few books and cd's and bits and bobs lol you get anything nice? 

i'm going to a fancy dress party too! haha, mines rocky horror, but i din't have any idea for a costume to get, really need to find something soon though, ahah!! hope you have a good party
xx 

heeey bulletproof, well done for telling your mum and going to see your gp, its a massive step to get help, and to actually ask for it is really good, so you should take credit for that because its proof that you do want to get better!
and you can, but to be honest when i first got help i didn't actually want to eat still, but the thing is you have to really trust the doctors and nutritionists because they're only trying to make you healthier, and when you do start to get healthier you will feel the benefits. its a vicious circle and i didn't believe them when they said i'd feel better once i began to eat more normally, but i do and i realised it does make a difference.

to be totally honest theres not alot that will actually take your mind completely off food, but things like reading and music and just generally keeping my mind busy helped me a bit, but all i could do was fight it and make sure i had someone to keep a check on me that i had eaten/drank etc

but well done for getting the help, by doing that it really sounds like oyu want to get better, and thats the main thing!!
xx

hey everyone!!!

sandy: great to hear from you again! was starting to wonder where you were lol! nice to hear you got spoilt at christmas, what did he get you? did you have a nice time? yep we are both good thanks its nice having him back from uni! makes it harder when he has to go back though :( . so what else have you been getting up to?

teesher: glad to hear your christmas went better than you expected! and that you got some nice things!  have you sorted an outfit for new years yet? i think we are either going as bags of * or * lol! (cos its cheap and easy hehe!) . let us know how it goes!

bulletproof: Hi! nice to meet you :) sorry to hear things are difficult at the moment, but you will get there! something my physchologist explained to me which helped- was that like when someone is ill they take medicine to make them better, we need to eat as food is our medicine so we can gradually get better. hope this is some help to you too! how was your christmas?

speak to you all soon, keep your chins up and all the best for the new year! xxx

hi girls im really sorry to do this but im crying atm and i just wanted some help and support - iv just woken up from a really nice nite and all my friends were here and mum made * and forced one on me - im was terrified and started crying upstairs before being able to go back down after being calmed down to eat it... i am really struggling, i feel like i need some courage again - anyone doing well atm? i need some inspiration! hope ur all well - happy new year!

thank you and i am sooooooooooo sorry to have put that on ur all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey :)

Thankyou all so much for replying, some of the things you've said have been a major comfort! Esspecially today, having a hardtime with eating and its upsetting my mum too. When I eat I really, really appriciate my mum being there for me, but when I don't want to eat I feel really angry and almost resent her - one of the hardest things about this is my family, its like since i've been "diagnosed" the whole thing has become bigger and everyone knows. Sometimes I wish I never said anything, I know that it was the right thing to do but it doesn't stop me regretting it sometimes, on a bad day.

Sorry for the rant, needed it!

Sandy - I think you're so brave! Right now the thought of having my friends over and have my mum cook for me is enough to make me burst into tears too! The fact that you had your friends over and enjoyed it is great, just  the food being forced on you was one step too far at the moment.

Chicken and Teesher - Thans so much for your help, its really good to know that im not going mad with some of the things im feeling!

Feel abit better now :)

hii guys, kinda looks like we're all going through a rough patch at the minute then!!
i had my mum accuse me of being sick and even though i truley didn't she never believed me, i found it so frustrating and felt that no matter how hard i try and what i do its still not enough for her.
she also asked me to invite a friend to come over tonight which, luckily for me my friend was busy already, she doesn't seem to realise what the affect of accusing me of being sik actually has, and then not believing me when i tell her i didn't do it. just distorts all my feelings towards whether i actually want to get over this thing or not.

sandy: i agree with bulletproof, it was really good that you had your friends over, and its good that they're there to support you, but yeah i understand how hard it is, sometimes it feels like a good idea, then when it comes to being in that situation its just too much, and they don't realise that

chicken: i didn't end up really dressing up in the end haha, it come to the day and i was optimistic about whether i wanted to go or not as i felt a bit crappy about myself, but i ended up goin last minture and really enjoyed, and i'm glad i saw in the new year in a better frame of mind rather than just being home, made my feelings about this new year much better!!
bulletproof: i've felt the same how you've described, and its sooo difficult not to completely lose it with her at times i'm guessing? my mu tends to push me a bit when she thinks that i'm doing fine, so maybe try and talk to her more about how your feeling when you are struggling if you don't already, it might help. i also told my mum that i need her to be more firm with me when i said i wasn't going to eat and actually make sure i did because even though that was the last thing i wanted to do, i know i have to do it and if i'm going to get better it might aswell be sooner rather than later.

anyways sorry about the whole life story thing, haven't had a chance to get it out of my system, good luck to all of you in the new year and thank you

xx

hey guys! sorry to hear things are tough for you all at the moment - keep fighting i know you can all do it! x

sandy - dont worry you are not putting on us - its what we're here for!!! how have things gone since? just focus on the good night you had and try and forget bout the morning, its great that you had a good time!!! what are you up to at the moment?

so what are you up to at the moment bulletproof and teesher? are you back to school/college /work soon?

x

thank you everyone for your support - i felt so silly writing it down but i had to get it out of my system...im really struggling atm to stick to my diet plan but the last few days im doing pretty well and am getting some motivation back as i had lost a bit

hope you are all doing ok?

chicken hows college? havnt asked for a while...u still full time and everything? i take it ur boyfriend is going back to uni soon?  hope your ok... mines gone away for 3 months training :(

teesher - i know what u mean about being pushed, when its not in your control and things are sprung on me thats when i panic and as for feeling "***" about yourself...that is one thing we all need to beat - this is so not true...i bet we have so many things that are great about us we just need to feel good again and get back to being us without silly voices trying to run our lives!

bulletproof - i cant totally understnad the family thing, this has put such a strain on mine and my mums relationship...i get so angry with her when i know shes trying to help and the last thing i want to do is upset her.

keep going girls - if uv got any good news it would be really nice to hear too - feel like some inspiration is needed.

love xxxx

thank you everyone for your support - i felt so silly writing it down but i had to get it out of my system...im really struggling atm to stick to my diet plan but the last few days im doing pretty well and am getting some motivation back as i had lost a bit

hope you are all doing ok?

chicken hows college? havnt asked for a while...u still full time and everything? i take it ur boyfriend is going back to uni soon?  hope your ok... mines gone away for 3 months training :(

teesher - i know what u mean about being pushed, when its not in your control and things are sprung on me thats when i panic and as for feeling "***" about yourself...that is one thing we all need to beat - this is so not true...i bet we have so many things that are great about us we just need to feel good again and get back to being us without silly voices trying to run our lives!

bulletproof - i cant totally understnad the family thing, this has put such a strain on mine and my mums relationship...i get so angry with her when i know shes trying to help and the last thing i want to do is upset her.

keep going girls - if uv got any good news it would be really nice to hear too - feel like some inspiration is needed.

love xxxx

hey sandy!
ahh don't feel silly writing it down! lol, its good to get it out of your system and we all have felt similar or the same at some point i'm sure so its good to just say that sorta stuff to talk it out
i'm glad your getting some motivation back, just keep working at it, and reminding yourself of the positives. i'm sure you can do it!

xxx

hey Sandy! Yep college isn't too bad thanks...bit weird going back after christmas off! kinda hard getting back into routine and that....but hopefully it will sort itself out soon! Meant to be starting wednesdays aswell now which I am a little nervous about cos I have missed all the work so far....but got away with it today due to snow :D Bf back to uni this weekend which kinda sucks, but he enjoys it so I'm glad he's having a good time. Just find it hard to go up there to see him, haven'y managed to stay overnight yet but thats my next aim!

woah 3 months training? thats a lot of training! will you get to see him during that time? Glad to hear you're getting some motivation back - well done for fighting on! Keep it up you should be proud!

Well if you want some good news for inspiration....I've managed to gain some weight (somehow lol!) - and if I can do it anyone can!!!

what are you up to at the moment? Hos is the job hunting and CBT going?

speak soon xxx

thanks girls!

its good to have these invisible friends isnt it sometimes to help eachother!

aw chicken i am so proud of you thankyou for sharing that - thats amazing im hoping to start gaining again and get back on track - woohoo to you.

im sure you will manage staying over eventually - what is it u are worried about most if u dont mind me asking? dont feel u have to answer...

nope i wont see him which is soooo rubbish - he has set up skype for me tho which were gonna use - but thats the best weve got at the moment.

job huntings ok and the counsilling is going alrite too - youre probably the same in wanting quick results so it can be frustrating and hard work but itll get there

keep well

lotsa love and good luck with wednesdays xxx

hey sandy! thanks I know you can do it too! And I know exactly what you mean about wanting quick results....i'm so impatient!!! Just want to be better now so I can do everything I want to this minute lol!!!

Cos I get really nervous if I feel even a little bit sick, I get really worried that it will happen if  I stay there for tea or overnight. So split 50/50 cos I want to stay but I'm holding myself back! But it affects other things aswell like going to college, or going out for meals and things. But hey ho I'll work on it!!!

Good to hear you've got skype going on, it's great to have! Even though it is weird seeing them on the screen lol! Where is it he is off to train?

So have you found any jobs that you are interested in? And how things going generally?

xxx

hey chicken!!!

enjoying the weather?! getting to work was fun today - my dad had to push the car out!

i know what u mean about going out and things.

its just so frustrating coz we do just want these feelings and thoughts to disappear but they just dont - i know they will fade and i THINK its getting better but well see....i think im getting less stressed out at dinner time which is making life at home a bit more relaxed and easier.

he is in norway and its minus 28 degrees - id die!

generally my moods quite low and i feel like iv gotta try really hard to motivate myself but im still determined. how bout u? on the job front iv found something that would be great but its pretty competitive and would b v lucky to get.

i hope u do stay really soon with your bf - hed love it. let me know if u decide to in the near future

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey! I'm kinda 50/50 on the weather....it got me a couple of days off college, but I can't stand the temperature and don't like going outside lol! Did you have a lot of snow?

Glad to hear dinner times are getting a bit easier - keep working at it and it will get better! I'm pleased for you!

Yeah know what yoiu mean about the moods....I find it really hard to motivate myself to go to college, and with the anxiety is not a helpful combination lol! But with you on the determination front....I know if I don't try it will just get harder the longer I leave it!

Wishing you lots of luck for getting that job! When will you find out? Usually takes aged unfortunately - they like to string it out don't they?!

Wow Norway! Is he enjoying the travelling and that? How is he finding the training? Minus 28 is a bit rediculous though....I can't even stand -1 lol!

I am planning to go and see the bf in a couple of weeks, but bricking it already lol! Cos my stomach plays up randomly (usually at the most inconvenient times of course!) so I worry it will happen there....... :(

So what have you been getting up to? hope all is well with you xxx

hey! hope you get this sandy - i havent heard from you in a while so i was wondering how you are doing?

speak soon xxx

hiya chicken - im soooo sorry its completely my fault i hadnt felt that great and i always feel like u have to be positive on here lol

how r u getting on? hope ur ok and doing well! any progress?

iv started family therapy which is quite good - helps mum more than me i think lol :)

ive been thinking about u tho because i was hoping you managed to go and see or stay with ur bf and ENJOY it?!?!!?!

im looking forward to seeing my bf now but iv still got a month to go :( he sent me a lovely charm for my bracelet for valentines day which was so nice...did u do anything nice at all?

lots of love xxxxxx

hey good to hear from you! sorry to hear you haven't been feeling that great - and dont worry bout not replying i understand!

how are you finding the family therapy? nice to hear you think its good - i used to hate it lol!!! and the charm bracelet sounds fab! whats it like?

i managed to go see my bf but i didnt stay cos i wussed out lol! but should be doing it next weekend cos its our 2yr anniversary! he came back home for valentines weekend which was nice, so we just chilled out most of the time! how you going with your bf? the skype chats going well? dont worry that month will fly by believe me!!!!

im not doing too badly thanks. managed to put some more weight on which had pleased my parents and nurse and stuff!!! but still struggle with some things but just got to keep working at it. How are things going with you?

xxx

hiya - just got back family therapy and yes i agree - today i found it horrible and totally draining...me and mum went! aaaah

skypes not the best - but its better than plain phone calls...thought atm were not getting much contact only once or twice a week...will b nice when hes home and things go back to normal...hopefully lol

im gonna be weighed tomo so i will find out if sticking to my new meal plan helps to put on weight...confused atm on how i feel - i guess ur the same.  met someone today - an elder lady of about 45 who binges and overeats - its weird to think people suffer by doing the opposite. it helps to think we are not alone i suppose x

goodluck for ur weekend and congrats on two years :) woo

how are you doing?

xxxx

hey! sorry to hear the therapy wasnt so great, hopefully it will be better next time! stick with it see how it goes, even though it isnt very nice :(

yeah im sure it will be better when he comes back - do you know when that is? how is he getting on?  i should be going up to see mine tomorrow for the weekend but im bricking it lol!

yeah i know what you mean.....i find it annoying that in magazines its all about diets and things, and there is nothing there to help us who are trying to do the opposite!  how did your weigh in go if you dont mind me asking?

what have you been getting up to? is the jobhunt still on?

im not too bad thanks, just trying to battle on! at the moment im trying to get back into 'normal' things, like going out for meals and staying over places. I managed a meal out, so thats a start! but still makes me really anxious and i dont want to do them! how are you with things like that?

hope you are well,

xxx

hiya!!!

how r u doing? welldone on the meal out - im doing that tonight with a friend- sometimes now i find that easier than being at home lol but i think its because i have more say on what im eating :( but at least im socialising! how did u get on away at the weekend? hope u enjoyed it

my bf comes home in 3 weeks now hes been delayed another week :( 3 months has gone pretty slowly but soon ill b on holiday and get some sunshine in my life!

i am still looking but to be honest i couldnt have full time job atm because of appointments and stuff - had a positive this week as a went for an audition for a singing college and got a place. it would start in october so i have something to aim for if i want it...

speak soon xxx

o i put on a bit which means next week the dietician will up my food intake most probably!

hey! im ok thanks and you?

how did your meal out go? did you have a good time? I managed to stay at his at the weekend which im pleased about! and quite enjoyed myself aswell so just got to keep working at it so its not a problem! have you been getting up to much else?

oh no delayed another week- that sucks! where you off on holiday too? is your bf coming with you?

well done on getting your place at the singing college!!! what kinda thing do you sing? i wish i could sing but im terrible at it lol!!! well october is quite a few months yet so i reckon you can do it if you want to! you deserve it!

have you got much planned for the wkend?

xxx

hiya!!!

wow im so pleased for you woohoo x i had a nice time with my friend, was a bit difficult at first as where we were planning to go was fully booked so we changed at the last minute but i coped and ate dinner lol

yeh we are going together - its coz obv we havnt seen eachother for ages...were going to tenerife :) can't wait for some sunshine, that always puts a smile on my face!

im a it down atm tho bcoz i thought id been good and id lost weight so everyone goes into panick mode...but my diets been increased and i think im doing ok! went for another job and iv got a 2nd interview so thats positive news i suppose! if i dont get this job im not going to look for a fulltime job for a while til im a bit stronger.  I've still got singing as an option too...thats the best option dont u think!

hows college? and hows everything going with you?! hope ur well

livvy xxx

hey!!!

glad to hear you had a good time with your friend!and well done for doing it!  where did you go in the end?

wow tenerife aounds amazing! have you been there before? ive never been anywhere like that :( maybe soon though when im up to it!!! and know what you mean about the sunshine though, can't wait till it comes out properly here! hope you two have a great time though! how long you going for?

nice to hear you are doing ok! dont worry about the weight drop, it happens to loads of people while youre on your way back up! i know ive done it at least twice, and although it is really disheartening, dont let it put you down, just keep on fighting.

hope your interviews go well! and i do agree, i think that is a goos idea :D

college is going well thanks! i have managed to catch up with everyone (and overtake some lol!) so thats a relief! just planning things to do for the next month! cos my bday is coming up :) apart from that i think im doing ok, just got to keep pushing myself to try new things and get back to what i used to!

how are things with you? hope you are ok!

xxx