A letter from recovery

Hi everyone :)

A little while ago I wrote a letter to myself to read when I was having trouble coping and keeping going with recovery so I'd thought I'd share a bit with you guys :)

Believe in yourself always. You are worth the fight, and someday you will learn to love yourself and be able to see past the broken exterior, and to recognise that it is never too late to try again. If you stumble, and then recover, then you should look back at that moment as a memory to be treasured because you triumphed against all odds. Think for a moment about what you could make of this day. Imagine that, this time, you exceed your expectations, achieve more than you ever dreamed possible and truly recover once and for all. Imagine how proud everyone will be, all those people willing you to succeed. Imagine going to sleep this evening knowing that you fought and that every precious moment was worth the effort, a thousand times over. Make it happen! There have been times when you've come so close to giving up, and so every moment that you live, every time you seize an opportunity and live life to the full, is a testament to your determination. Life isn't easy - you know that. But life doesn't have to be easy, and it's ok to struggle, to find things hard, and to fail sometimes. You don't have to be perfect and your best really IS good enough, no matter what the circumstances. Love life for the range of experiences it has to offer - the good times will be so much the better for it. And remember that things will not always be this hard, this is quite possibly going to be one of the most challenging and hard-fought times of your life, but when you come out the other side - and you will! - you will always be able to draw on the inner strength that you are about to find. Know your limits and don't expect too much straight away. If you need a breather - a few minutes to calm down - then don't deny yourself that basic need. You are no weaker than anyone, you have just had more to contend with than some and though you are not unscathed, you have made it this far, and that is all that matters. Let this be a good day. Focus on using every moment to give the world every possible gift you have, throw yourself into this life heart and soul and you cannot disappoint yourself. STAY STRONG! *Hugs* This is only a phase, it will pass and you will be ok. Breathe deeply and take the leap... NOW! Don't delay or put it off, make it happen!

Love always xxx

Yay! Happy thoughts :) Other than that big squashy hugs and playing my favourite music help keep me going! And knowing that everyone here is so supportive and lovely - thanks guys!! Love you :)

wow.

u r amazing. thanks 4 sharing =]

how u doin?

xxxx

always here sweetie =] yr letter is amazing and so inspiring =] thabk u s much for sharing it with us =]

love u to bits.

u can beat this!

how r u dong hunny?

xxxxxx

Hi Juliette :)

thanks for your post :) I'm struggling a bit at the moment... uni exams start next week and its so frustrating because i feel like ive kind of given up fighting my ed at the moment and accepted that i can't focus on both things at the same time, but i know i should be able to cope better than this! And im so mixed up because even though i always end up eating loads when im working, the ana thoughts are so strong at the moment and i just feel so ashamed of myself. Its horrible to feel so out of control, and to feel like everyone is judging you. And sometimes I just find it so hard that everyone promised things would be so much better when i'd recovered and yet i feel as though i've only got worse in terms of my mood and the way i feel about myself.

sorry, I'd really love to be positive and doing well etc. but its just so hard every single day :( But really and truly i love every one here for listening and understanding, it helps so much to feel that you're not alone.... so thank youuu :)

Think positive thoughts, we can do this my lovelies! Just keep fighting on and never stop believing in yourselves :D

Hugs xxxxx

wow that was really brave of you to share and truely inspirational well done xxx

Hi angel =]

sorry to hear yr struggling atm hun, i know its really hard during exam time. pls dnt give up altogether hun, eep yrself safe sweetie and make sure u keep going...i understand tho that uts really hard to concentrate on both at once.

dnt beat yrself up about it hunny, mabe nxt yr u will b able to do both? the important ting is to mae sure u dnt go backwards an make sure that after exams, u really concentrate on getting yrself well =]

please tho hun, keep yrself safe! remember rvising takes up alot of energy and u need to keep yrself going.

hun, i totally understan about the eating during revision- is coz yr brain actually uses ALOT of energy up when its working hard all day!!! so u do actually need the food.

i know it is really hard to cope wit the shame and feeling out of control and stuff...but remember its from anna, not u. u ae allowed to eat sweetie- its essential...could u hold on to that when anna is screaming her abuse at u? 

i know wot u mean about recovery and feeling like ppl lied...i feel like that atm...i feel like some days i am much worse than when i was ''much iller'' but i suppose its coz were not totally better? and coz anna is still there, we still have these horrible feelings... i believe that when u really are better- life IS so much better and happier =D. remember, recovery isnt all about weight gain- its probably more so about thoughts and feelings.

nt be sorry hunny, alot of the things u hve sed r how i feel...so thank u =]. u shouldnt b made to feel that u have to be positive when yr feeling really low. the truth is better sweetie =] try holding onto the fact that u CAN rcover and u deserve to have a haooy life hun...it will come :)

i love it on here too...coz ppl understand and i makes u feel less alone =] beat really is amazing! i dont know what i did before it lol.

like u sed...think positive!!! dnt hide the fact yr strugling but focus on the fact that yr strong and amazg and u will get better.

*giving anna a big kick up the bum for u*

u can do it hunny!

good luck in exams- rememebr they wont last forever !

how r u atm?

always here for u

love u lots

hugs =]

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Hi!

Juliette, thank you SO much for your last reply. I was feeling a little muddled when I wrote my last message and your post helped so much, especially the part about giving ana a big kick up the bum!! =] Hehe, wow that is definitely one of the things I am grateful for when it comes to recovery - getting my smile and my laugh back yay! Even if there are still hard days, I feel like I am beginning to enjoy life again, and to realise that it is ok (and probably even a pretty good idea!) to look after myself and have fun.

My exams finished yesterday morning so I am now freeee for a couple of months woo! *does a little dance* It was so lovely to meet up with some school friends afterwards and we had a picnic on the quad to enjoy the beautiful weather =] Good times!!

How are you my lovely?  Hopefully you have some awesome plans for the summer - are you off anywhere exciting or just relaxing?

Love you! xxxxx

P.S. Sorry it has taken sooo long to reply =S I can be a bit rubbish at keeping in touch when things get veeery busy as they did over exams!

hello angel hunny, u r very welcome =] glad i helped :)

yey!!! keep smiling and laughin...its the best medicine ever!!! im so glad yr beginning to enjoy life again...the hard days will get less too in time sweetie and yl b left with mostly good days! and yes, it is very good lo lookk after yrslef and have fun!!! essential even!!! i order u to have fun every day and look after yrslf!!!!

yip[eeee!!! well done for getting thru yr exams hunny! u r freeee!!!! have lots of fun! oooh how did the picnic go hun? cool!!!

i am good thanks =] ummm...hopefully camping and having fun!!! lol

love u too! u got any plans?

always here for u!

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Hey Juliette my love!

Thanks for your lovely reply, and sorry I haven't written sooner but I've let things get kind of out of hand this week and didn't really want to reply while I was feeling so low :( We had our college ball yesterday though, which was amaazing (stayed up till 5 this morning woop!) but I'm so confused because today I've found it so hard to cope and just ended up really depressed and eating too much AGAIN aargh! I would say it's just that I'm tired (understandable i guess?!) but it happens all the time... I just get these crazy mood swings and it's so exhausting when every day is such a struggle. Sorry sorry sorry... rubbish - i really didn't want to make this a depressing post oops :S I'll be off to bed now and hopefully will wake up all happified and ready to fight this once and for all yay! Hope you're doing well and looking forward to camping and having FUUUUUN! Sounds like a good plan to me :D :D

Love you, stay strong my lovely xxx

P.S. Oooo, by the way I just read your penguin poem, its soo cute and really really good! You have such an amazing gift for expressing yourself, and so many times your poems put my feelings into words far better than I could ever explain them!... make sure you keep writing hun, you're such an inspiration to us all :) 

hello angelwings :) lovely to hear from u!!!

dw about not writing...but hun, pls do write if yr feeling low cos if i can help in any way i really want to...and sometimes itjust helps to vent things!

ohhh wow! the ball souunds fab! 5 am! lol u dirty stopout hehe.

hugs hunny...things sem really hard atm for u, i hope u manage to work through it! do u have any support sweetie? maybe u could go to the doctors and ask for a referral to an ED specialist/counsellor...or at leat get some antidepressnts to ake the edge off yr low mood?

d u tHink the mood swings r ED related? i think it might be...bu not sure...

dont be sorry darlin! its not yr fault that u feel like this!!! did u get a good nights sleep? hope u woke up feeling refreshed and happy =]

i'm ok thanks =] really looking forward to camping! i think its about 3 weeks now!!! yippee!!!

lol im glad u like the penguin poem :) did it cheer u up? i hope it did!

i'm glad that my poems help in some way...by helping u to idenify how u feel etc :) i really want to be helpful to ppl on here...so if u ie my poems, i will keep on writing them lol...

i'll have to dedicate 1 to u!!!

hmmmm... cant think atm, but ill write 1 for u!!!

how r u hunny? big hugs! ilove u!!! u r amazing, keep fighitng...u cando it!!!

mwah

xxxx

ps. d u want to be a pink penguin with us??? u can come live on planet happines...which i think is the little miss post!!!

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Hi Juliette :)

Ooo, yups I'd love to be a pink penguin wooppeeeee! Planet happiness definitely sounds like the place to be :D

I'm doing ok(ish!) atm. Am currently doing a research project with my tutor which is amazing (cosmology, voids, the Universe- all good stuff!) but I haven't broken the news to my Dad that I'm now tempted to do a PhD... haha, I think he entertained a vain hope that one of his children might start earning some money at some point! Lol, oh well... at least I still have a few years to break the news to him gently :P

The only thing is that I'm still at uni whilst all my friends have gone home for the summer, and am having to look after myself for a month... so I'm trying to keep myself occupied and around other people as much as possible. Haha, even went to the theatre by myself last night, aren't I cool?! So things haven't been too bad, though I'm really self consious atm and keep thinking everyone is looking at me, and am finding it hard to cope with still putting on weight even though I don't need to... and no longer fitting some of my clothes sniff :( But I'm trying to persuade myself that having curves isn't the end of the world and that being really really skinny didn't actually make me pretty... or happy. Fingers crossed the message will sink in sooner or later lol!

I was referred to the ed clinic at the beginning of the year and saw them quite regularly to begin with because they were concerned i might need ip treatment... but i haven't seen anyone for over a month now :( I phoned up last week to make an appt and the receptionist said she'd get back to me but i haven't heard anything since then :( I had a really bad weekend and ended up feeling pretty ill on sunday evening (and so frustrating because I know that if i could only eat normally then I'd feel a hundred times better) so was going to make an appt with my gp but the last few days have been ok and I was all confused anyway because she'd probably have said I ought to talk to the people at the clinic and I didn't want it to seem like I was complaining... becuase they are really lovely, just have so many patients to see all the time. Lol, I overthink things waaay too much, that probably made no sense at all!! And tbh I think the real reason i didn't go was because I'd find it really hard to explain why I'd made an appt, because i just get so ashamed that i haven't managed to sort things out, or coped better. As for anti-depressants, I'm really not sure. If possible I'd like to cope without them, though its so hard sometimes.

Wowee, enough about me!! What about you Juliette, my love? How are you doing? Are you going camping with family or friends? Ooo, if the weather stayed this hot you wouldn't even need a tent and could sleep out under the stars hehe! I've always wanted to do that!  And yes please do keep on writing! Have you ever thought about writing other things as well as poems, or trying to get something published? Because you are REALLY talented :) And you have helped so many people here (me included hehe!... your posts always make me smile :D) so thank you my love! You are a star!

Love and Hugs xxxx

haha angel! hehe poor dad! r yr family addicte to learning? lol u could do worse tho :) the research project sounds amazing!

how come yr not going home? lol theatre is cool- alone or not!!! try to remember its theED tlling u that ppl r looking at u hun. it must be very hard putting on weight wen u dnt 'need' to anymore...but yr body will find its natural weight :) i am finding it really hard that clothes r getting tight too :( but see it as a positive...u can buy a whole new wardrobe!!!!!

and curves r beutiful and healthy...i know its hard to feel that..and i feel a ypocrite saying it cos i wat to los weight too...but they r!

how come the ED ppl havent seen u for so long? thats horrible that they arent supprting u...its esp important to support u now to help prevent a relapse.

so sorry that u had a bad weekend hunny :( hope yr feeling better...pls do make the appointment witht he GP and ring up the ED ppl again...the recetionist might have fogotten to pass yr message on. yrnot complaining hunny...not atall!!!! dnt think likt that!

i know wot u mean about them beingbusy...which is prob y yr phonecall has been lost in the system...pls ring again hun! remember its not yr fault that yr still struggling hunny...its the EDs fault and they need to help u to figt it completely.

i know wot u mean about antidepressants...i was totally against them to start with..but they do take the edge off and they make sure that u dnt get dependant on them or anything.

i'm ok thanks sweetie...plodding along hehe. camping with friends wen school breaks up i think :)

oh wow...i'd love to slee under the stars!!! that would be totally amazing!

lol its funny u saying abot getting things publised...sum1 else sed that to me too...but i dnt think my things r tat good! i am sort of writing a book too...but its sort of about me thru a made up perssons eyes...so i cant finish it till i am recovered lol...coz it has to have a happy ending!!!!

aww thanks :) im glad my posts make u smile! u r amazing too hun! i hope yr ok...always here for u sweetie! keep fighting, u can beat this!

lots of love from juliette

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Hi juliette DOH and angel wings, sorry for butting in lol.. (eek) but i saw the start of the post and was thinking about DOH and how i have never spoken to her (sorry) and yet she seems so encouraging and i was in awe i guess. Juliette I know you a little but would be good to get to know you more, i hope you dont think i am scary with my long posts lol. how are you? and finally angel wings- what you wrote was amazing and you should be very proud of that inner fight and understanding you have gained. yes that doesnt change sometimes it is still hard but it does proof it is worth it and something about the way you write reminds me of myself. so i wanted to say hey im emma and im 20- thanks girls! love me

Hi my lovelies!

Just want to say a HUGE thank you for everything- for being so supportive and understanding and listening when I'm feeling down or lonely. *Hugs* I LOVE YOU =) So don't go forgetting that okay?!

Juliette - glad to hear you're doing ok =) When you say you're off camping once school breaks up is that because you're a teaching assistant? Only I seem to remember you're a bit older than me? Sorry, I have an absolutely awful memory!! Haha, at least I'm blonde so I have an excuse :) I'm still at uni because of the project,  but i'll be off home in about a month for the rest of the summer... aaaaah can't wait to go on holidaaaay! I'm a bit confused about whether to contact the people at the ED clinic or my GP, but I guess I'll try and do one or the other tomorrow. Aww hunny, I'm so happy to hear you're thinking of writing a book... i think it really helps some people to let go and sort things out for themselves by writing everything down. And when it gets published (because I'm sure you're going to recover soooon, Juliette, and become a best-selling author yippee!) I'll buy lots of copies so you get lots of royalties hehe =)

Emma - Lovely to speak to you =)  How are you, my love? I'm flattered that you think I write a little bit like you - I love the way you put so much care and thought into your posts and give such amazing advice. So much of what you right is so inspiring and long posts are a good thing, my love! I love beat conversations, and everyone on here. Knowing you have a whole group of friends who understand and want you to recover is such a blessing =) Take care my dear, i hope you have a fantabulous summer planned!

Loveee xxx

hi cb! dw about joining the post!!! its lovely to hear from u! i'd love to know u better...how r u atm hun?

always here for u

xxxx

Hi AW how r u hun? yr very welcome and thank YOU!!!

yup im going camping in the hols cos i am stuck to school hols with woring as a TA. yup, im 20 :S eek!Juliette - glad to hear you're doing ok =) When you say you're off camping once school breaks up is that because you're a teaching assistant?

i think it wud b a good idea to ge in cntact with the ED ppl.

ye, i'm writing thr book to get things off my chest etc...lol hahaha ! i doubt it will make me rich! who wants to read a book by silly me?

always here for u...how r u doing hunny?

have a good holiday!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Juliette, I WANT TO READ A BOOK BY YOU!!

Lol, please don't say you're silly hun, your posts are so inspirational and lovely and I for one think you deserve to be rich =)

I had a really good day today yay! Was feeling a bit rubbish yesterday and plucked up the courage to email Samaritans to offload a few things and now I'm so glad I did, because I feel so much more positive and happified =) Just watch me get back on my space hopper and bounce bounce bounce!! Yippeee! Haha, lol, I'm a bit hyper...

I'm just a little scared that I'll wake up tomorrow and be back to where I was, and not feel like fighting :S But at least I'm completely 101% sure that I want to recover at the moment... so I guess that should help... and let's be positive and trust that things can only get better =)

Love you, take care! xxx

awwwww thanks hunny! i will attempt to publish my book as soon as it has a happy ending lol...i'll let u know!

really sorry i havent written inAGES!!! busy busy and well...i'm lazy and was too lazy to reply to all u lovely ppl...SORRY!!!

glad u had a good day! hope u have had lots more since then too...u deserve happy days! oh well done for e mailing samaritans! thats really brave of u!!! so proud of u and really glad it helped!

keep bouncng hunny!! hyper is gooood :) sooooo glad u r feeling positive! hope u still are sweetie!

u can do it hunny! i believe in u. there will be good days and bad days but hopefully the good days will get more and more...u will beat this hun...i know u will!!! kep fighting!!!

how r u?

always here for u

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julieeeeette!

I'm so happy to hear from you! don't worry about not writing... as long as it's because you're keeping busy and happy then that's fantabulous =) How was camping? Are you working again as a TA next year or going to uni or [insert other exciting activity here]?!

I'm ok thanks, plodding on and possibly making a tiny incy bit of progress *fingers crossed*... but I'm basically holding on for my appt with my therapist on tue to sort things out a bit more. She left me a really lovely message after I sent her a MASSIVELY long email explaining stuff. I'm now veery nervous about talking about it all, but I know it will probably help if I can :)

I'm still finishing up my project atm but have been keeping myself relatively busy going to the cricket on sunday with my Dad and then to see As You Like It  with one of my school friends (typical England, it was pretty wet, which made the open air theatre experience that bit more interesting- but it was so so funny and well acted that it more than made up for it!!)

Sorry have waffled enough, and am meant to be working lol, so will leave you to get back to your busyness... hopefully you have lots more exciting plans for the rest of the summer?

Lovee youuu, thank you for everything sweetie =) xxxxxxxx

HI Angel wings!!! how r u hun?

camping was really good thanks :) my eating wasnt too great...but never mind :P

nope...hopefully next yr is uni...so ive left my job for good! im gonna b training to be a teacher :)

oooh well done hunny! keep going! hope the progress keeps going :) u can do it hunny!

i hope it goes well with yr therapist- let me know what happens :)

hope u manage to talk honestly about everything!

i'm sending u a pink/green/blue penguin to sit with u and help u to open up to yr therapist!!! (have u read the penguin poem?)

good luck witht the project hunny! did u have fun at cricket and As u like it? yucky english weather :P

hey! u do not waffle! i love hearing from u!!! :) hmmm...summer....well...camping with guides on wed...sorting out uni things...making a scrapbook abum for my cousins wedding....ummm.... lol!

wot r u thanking me for hun? i havent done anything!

love u! always here for u!

how r u sweetie!

hugs :)

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hey Juliette :)

I'm really good thanks, just finishing my project and am going hoooome later this evening yay! Apart from the odd day I haven't been home for three months, so it will be nice to settle back into home life and relax for a bit :)

I'm glad camping was good fun, you deserve it sweetie! hope you found it easier getting back into eating routines coming home - I know you can beat this Juliette!!! I'm so excited for you going to uni, I'm sure you'll be a fab teacher!... what sort of ages do you want to teach?

my appointment with my therapist was ok, she was so lovely and helped me feel a bit better, and suggested I go on the waiting list for 'active' therapy so that I'd have more support from about nov/dec. (at the moment i only have 20min appointments every so often, so it's been really hard to make progress). But I had thought I was already on the list, and still find it confusing that you only really seem to qualify for this therapy course once you've put in all the hard work yourself and put on enough weight... and then you have to commit to at least maintaining....but I'm hoping it will help sort out the ana thoughts in my head, which are still ever present :S Ah well, we'll be free soon enough Juliette!

Your summer sounds awesome, lots of fun stuff planned by the sound of it!

Sorry for the slightly distracted reply, I have half a mind on packing and a meeting with my tutor in half an hour etc. lol, but I wanted to reply to your lovely post... and yes, I do have reason to thank you sweetie, because you've been an absolute star to me so THANK YOUUUUUUU!!

Much love xxx

hi ange wings :) glad yr rally good :D that has made me smile :)

have fun at home hunny :)

awww thanks four being so lovely!

i want t teach 5-11 yrs, so year1 -6 :)

glad the appointment was ok hunny and that she was nice and helped a bit :)

oh, thats not good that yr not on the list yet!! have they put u on now? hope so hunny! keep going- i know u can do this too!

i find the fact that u have to gain/maintain BEFORE getting help too...its so strange isnt it! i suppose there is logic in their madness though...maype :P

thats right hun- keep believing in yrself and fighting- yu WILL beat this!

thanks for replying even tho yr busy :)it means alot. i hope u have afantastic summer!!!

always here for u!

big hug!!!

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julieeeeeette! hehe i'm glad ur smiling sweetie :D

it's so nice to be home, and i saw a friend from school yesterday who i haven't seen in about four months, which was so lovely... and especially good to see her looking so well and happy and making leaps and bounds in recovery after she had to go into hospital last year. I'm just trying to hold onto that at the moment, because my eating has been going downhill recently and i feel like i'm relapsing - and the worst thing is that im struggling to see it as a bad thing, because it seems safe and i feel as though i just can't face fighting the voice anymore :( eds, eh?! aah they should be banned!! Hopefully going away on holiday will take my mind off things, i'm soooo excited yay!

ahh good choice, little children are the best! i helped out with a swimming class at my local junior school for a year and it was so much fun! they were all so lovable and funny - i miss them! i'd really love to go and volunteer in an orphanage or a school  somewhere- next summer maybe! :) and i know you'll be an amaaazing teacher, they'll love you so much juliette!

as i'm off on holiday for two weeks now, i probably won't be able to post until i'm back, but i shall be thinking of you having a fantabulous holiday and indulging in some much deserved relaxation and fuuun i hope :D

love you always, take care xxxxxxxx 

glad yr home and haappy :) thats great news aboutyr friend :) so encouraging too :D

oh no!!! hope yr not relapsing hunny!!! hugs! keep fighting...look to yr friend as an inspiratin...

could u talk to her about it? sometimes it helps to talk to someone face to face...i dunno?

hugs. i know wot u mean wen u say yr finding it hard to see in a bad way...remember thats the ED not u...if u let it take over it will rob u of so much.

Eds DEFINATELY should b banned lol!!!

keep fighing...u can do it!

oh thanks angel :P but i dunno about being a good teacher...hmmm lol

they r amazing tho...i love children...but it is hard sometimes wen their home life isnt good...that was the worst bit aout working in a school.

oooh hope u had a fantastic holiday!!!!!  hugs!!! i order u to have fun and relax and b happy lol...if only it were tht easy

love u lots

hugs

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juliette!!!!!!!!! ((massive hugs)), sorry i haven't replied in so so long sweetie. I've been feeling a bit low and confused but it's no excuse really :S how are youuu? wishing you lots of smiles and happiness xxx

hello angel :) thanks for the hugs, i needed that to make me smile...have been doing work for 4 hours now lol so im having a break.

dont worry about not replying sooner! i'm just as bad.

really really big hugs. so sorry you r low and confused

i'm always here if you want to talk things through :)

sending yu a happy fairy with lots of relaxing,clear thinking happy dust to sprinkle on you

i'm ok...struggling with a few binges and stuff, but ok :) how r u hun?

lots of love :)

juliette

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hiya :) aww, juliette I'm glad you're smiling... nice big cheesy grin please!! You definitely deserve a break after four hours work! Are you at uni at the moment? i'm feeling much better this evening. i went out to a dance class with my friend & we learnt a bit of the jive and the waltz which was so much fun! (My sister will probably be a bit jealous because she's a massive strictly come dancing fan!) Things have been quite good at uni so far, only i'm still frustrated that my eating feels so out of control, and that i think about ed stuff ALL the time even though i think most people think i'm 'better' :S but i have therapy tomorrow, and should be having weekly sessions from now on so, fingers crossed, maybe i'll be able to work through it and make a bit more progress... happy positive thoughts :D Juliette i LOVE my happy fairy & her relaxing happy dust! Awesome idea :D I am definitely feeling happified and shall send a a fairy your way so that you can share the happiness vibe too! Keep going sweetie, even when it feels as though you're struggling, chances are you're just being too hard on yourself and are actually doing AMAZINGLY well! Things will work themselves out I'm sure, and we'll come out stronger and happier :D Loveeee xxx

big cheesy grins all round :D i'm at uni...but not right now...its nearly 11pm and im juust finishing off my work.

i'm so glad u were feeling better and that dancing was good :D

i'm really glad that uni is good...sorry that eating is out of control tho :( it can be horrible wen you are struggling and ppl think you are better. can u get counselling at uni maybe hun?

oh thats great about the therapy :D how did it go?

glad the fairy heped to make you feel better :D

thanks for sharing the happy vibe :D

i had a great weekend, my friend came over and it was fantastical!

how r u hun?

mwah!

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aww, i'm glad your weekend was fantastical... hope you have another one lined up! what are you studying at uni? hope it's lots of fun as well as all the work :) therapy is good, it's just the applying-therapy-to-life-in-general that's not going so well, lol! but i am going to take a deep breath and hope that things will get better, fingers crossed :) Keep up that big cheesy grin :D xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hi lovely :)

i'm doing primary teaching :D

i'm realy glad that therapy is good...keep trying to apply it to life- it will get easier hun :)

how r u?

always here for u!

what have you been up to hnny?

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awesome :) primary teaching sounds like so much fun! do you get to practise teaching little ones as part of your course yet??! i'm ok, thanks, trying hard to keep going & stay motivated even though I had a bit of a panic when my first therapy session had to be cancelled yesterday, having psyched myself up for it, but i only have to wait until next wednesday, so it's not too bad :) and anyway i did indulge in some retail therapy and bought myself a charm bracelet, lol! what have i been up to? ... apart from work? haha, no it's not that bad! I've been going along to various churchy events, met my brother for a drink the other day, learning a bit of ballroom dancing... just bits and pieces to keep myself happy (along with my happy fairy of course!) :) hope all is wonderful in the world of juliette :D much love xxxxxxxxxxxxx

hi lovely :) sorry for not replying sooner!!!!!

i go into school next wednesday :)

have you had your 1st therapy session yet? how did it go?

how r u?

ooh retail therapyand charm bracelets sounds goooooooooood :D

i've been REALLY busy with work...so not done alot really...

oh ye, i got a referral to the mental health team here... so i had my first session last week which was good :)

sending more happy fairy dust :)

how r u?

mwah!

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Juliette

 omg, i have not spoken to you in agggeeeesss! 

How are you?

 Hope you remember me!

Love Gemma xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hi star!!! how r u?

its been too long! hope things have been goin ok for u!!!

big hugs!!!

juliette

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Hi juliette Yeah it has! I am ok thanks you? things are going really goo for me :) how are things with you? Love Gemma xxxxx

hey juliette! how did the school session go?? hope you had fun :) yup, i've had two therapy sessions now, they've been really good and things are generally getting a little better, though i had a big blip earlier this evening, so am just trying to keep going and remind myself that it's a gradual process. luckily my friend came over & we watched a film, which was great to relax and distract myself for a bit :) hope work has calmed down a bit and you still have time to enjoy yourself! do you have plans for the christmas holidays or are they set aside for some serious rest & relaxation? hugs xxxxxxxxxx

hi gemma :) i hope you mean good not goo :P  i can just imagine you stood in a room covered in green goo :P you are giggling tho so its ok :)

things with me are hectic (uni, placement etc) and overall ok thanks

what have you been up to?

hugs :)

xxxxx

hi angelwings :) how are you?

since my last post i've had the day in school and a whole week!!! it was really good to be back in the classroom again...i loved it! just not all the observations and writing up stuff that i had to do each evening lol :P

im sooooooooo glad your therapy sessions are good :) hope they help you!!!

well done for remembering that recovery isnt instant :) you can do it hunny...but dont be too upset if you have blips...keep picking yourself up and carrying on and you'll get there :D

did u have a good time with your friend? maybe u could have a list f distractions to do when yr feeling down or overcome with ED thoughts?

all my things for uni are due in on the 17th so i have loads of work to do...but its ok at the moment ... hopefully!!!

i'm going home for christmas and im looking forward to it lots and lots...but the ED part of me isnt atall...grrr

i think the holiday will be family and friends time, with uni work and relaxing time :P

how about you? do you have any plans for christmas?

how r u?

lots of love!

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Just Thought I'd Say That That Letter From Recovery Is Really Inspirational & I've Printed It Off & Read It Whenever I Need A Boost :)

Hope You Are Doing Ok & Getting Better.

XxX

hi drama queen :) how r u?

hope things are ok with you- have a good christmass!!!

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Hey Juliette, Happy Christmas sweetie! Hope it's fab and all your Christmas wishes come true :D I'm so glad to hear you enjoyed venturing into school again; are you allowed to take lessons on your own or more helping out with whatever they're up too? (Sorry I am, evidently, clueless!) Hope they were all little angels for you :P No working too hard in the holidays though, you're supposed to be relaxing!! Though actually i guess i can empathise as i have an exam in january :S oooo, have you had snow? any epic snow ball fights or impressive snow creations? My sister and I are both keeping fingers crossed for more this evening so that we can wake up to a proper covering on Christmas Day! We'll see... :P Hope home life is all going smoothly and you're feeling all happy and festive! Christmas hugsss xxxxxxx Hey Drama Queen, Glad you liked the letter sweetie! How are you? Hope you're having an awesome Christmas and enjoying the festivities :) xxxxxxxx

Hello angel wings!
Happy christmas to you too! How was it? hope you had a good time. We had a white christmas! Did you?
School was great. I dnt take lessons yet...but will next term eeeeek!
Hahah no im not working to hard atall...havent done ANY yet :~S
Good luck with your exam in jan! What is it in? Dont work too hard either!
SADLY NO SNOWBALL FIGHTS OR CREATIONS  : ( sorry for the caps lol.
Hope you had a lovely christmas hunny! Always here for you! How r u?
Big hugs

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Hi Juliette! Thanks for your post, it really made me smile :) Yay, good luck for next term then! Do you get to choose what subject you teach or is it just assigned? Hope it goes well :) And yes we did have a white Christmas, but only the little snow on the lawn that hadn't melted, so it wasn't quite as magical as waking up to newly fallen snow, but still, definitely appreciated!! Ummm, my exam is on a couple of physics topics (thermodynamics, quantum mechanics, maths methods & electromagnetism) so there's a fair amount to learn... i quite enjoy it actually, or at least I would do if I didn't worry about it quite so much ;P But it's not so bad, because it doesn't actually count towards my degree, so it's just really to make sure we're on the right track. Christmas was ok, but I wasn't really in a festive mood... I don't know, in a way it was fun, and good to celebrate just as we do every year, but I don't get excited anymore, and I feel as though I'm just trying to be happy so as not to spoil it for everyone else? Somehow the last two weeks or so haven't been great, and I couldn't make my last appointment with my therapist because of the snow. She's now on annual leave and off abroad for a bit - I don't know for how long, and it makes me anxious not knowing, and having to cope on my own at the moment :( Sigh, lol, look at me being miserable and it's the holidays! Ahh well, I suppose I should just remind myself that I only feel this rubbish because I thought I'd begun to make a tiny bit of progress last term after what felt like an eternity of trying... so I just need to calm down and get back to that i guess. Sorry for the epic rant :S Thanks for always being there Juliette, you're a star!!! Big hugs, stay strong sweetie xxxxxx

hello angel! how r u hun?

im not sure...we can only teach english maths and science because thats all we do in 1st yr.

eeeeeeeek! the physics sounds HARD :S  i did physics to AS level but it made my brain fizz hahaha. good luck! glad it doesnt count towards yr degree :)

i know what u mean about christmas... it is always the same and not that magical anymore lol. and the ED makes it less enjoyable too :( booooo hahaha! i find im always pretending to be happy to make ppl happy... i go over the top with 'oh wow! thanks!!!' a bit i think...but its better than being sad i spose.

i foind it hard being at my aunties...dunno why but it played on all my insecurities and i just wanted to go home.

eek! thats not good about yr therapist being away.

are u living away or at home during uni hun?

im proud of u for trying so hard :)

you are ace! rememebr that :) u can beat this!

always here for u

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Thanks for your post sweetie! Sorry i've been ages in replying - it turns out i have 6 hours of exams on friday so I am slightly panicking at the moment :( At least it will be over soon I guess! I went to see my therapist this morning and she was really lovely, saying she's proud of me and that I deserve to be free of this, but every time anyone says that I just feel slightly doubtful, and though I really do trust her and know that she DOES mean it, still I can't get myself to believe that I'm doing ok, or that I'll get there... eventually... maybe :S Oh well, deeeep breaths :) I hope you did manage to enjoy Christmas a little bit, and be happy for yourself and not just for other people, because you deserve that, you really do!!! And I'm sorry that you found it hard being at your auntie's - but you should be really proud that you went anyway, because hopefully the more we challenge our fears and insecurities, the easier it will be to face them the next time around. Don't give up hun, never forget that each little step is one step closer to being free of this once and for all :D Are you back at uni now? Have you been up to anything exciting? I hope all is going well and you're feeling happy and healthy :) Happy New Year! Let's make it a good one Juliette :) xxxxxxxxxx