hey :-)

Hi everyone,

This is a really great site.  I have been thinking for a few months now about seeking help and quite by accident descovered it this afternoon!

My name is Jane and I moved cities a few months ago.  I think it is the new city and new situations that has sparked a kinda relapse.

V briefy (for anyone with a few minutes spare) this is my situation:

My relationship with food has always been funky.  I think one of the causes, was when my best friend ran away from home (when we were 13) and I told myself I wouldn't eat until she was found.  I guess since then I have put too much stock in food (culinary joke there!) and use it to control my life.

I am quite a low weight but I do not consider myself annorexic and I have never thrown up deliberately - I have a bit of a phobia of throwing up! - and the funny thing is is that I do eat. 

I have to be balanced.  for example for each meal certain foods - lunch that is sandwich based etc and I cannot break the pattern or else I get panicy!  for the last three months I have worked minutes from my new home so I get to go home at lunch and nobody has to see me eat.  But I worry about when I work further away and have to eat in public.  What if I can't? what if I throw up?

aarrgghhhhhh.

It is these stupid thoughts.  I think, why am I such a slave to food, why does it bother me so much more than others?

I'd love to hear from anyone who might be able to identify with me.  Or just to vent back? I'd like to think if I made some friends who think the same as me I might be able to get through this.

Jane xx