can someone help

congrats on signin up on here - it was completely the right thing to do cos the boards just give you so much support and because everyone on here knows what your talking about because they have or are excactly where u are.

My name is rachel and im 21 been using the boards since july/august. Sometimes i just read the posts cos i just dont no what to say. But it doesnt matter if u just read or post as well u do what u can.

how long have u been suffering? have you spoken to anyone or does anyone know? Don't feel bad about what ur friends are saying hun, if they dont know what your going through. You have just got to learn to love yourself - each day is hard but you just got to believe in yourself.

Take care hun xx

hey hun, well done for posting, i know people can make comments when they don't know what your going through but you gotta learn to ignore it or maybe try and tell someone you trust so you have some extra support. I know it's tough and you probly feel like you'll never get better but you will, just take one day at a time.

this ed makes you feel so lonely but it helps to post on here and know your not alone and just to talk and get everything out so always post if you need to, always here if you need to chat.

X

hi rachel,

thanks so much for replying,i have felt realy down lately.

i have been suffering with anerexia and slight bulimia for the past year now but very lightly. i could control it and felt that i was where i wanted to be. but in the last two or three months i have been realy bad.the voice was so strong and i couldnt control it. i got so week at the time i had to stay of school.i couldnt eat anything then but i did want too. i guess there wasent anyone to talk to or anyone to encourage me.

no, not any of my friends know about this but i think that they are catching on. im scared of what they think, if they are angry with me to lie to them about my condition or wether its something else.

my parents dont know ither.im terrified to tell them. my mums a nurse and if i ever get anything wrong with me she tries to scare me so much that i get better.that just puts pressure on.but i guess shes scared.

sorry to talk so much,i must be bothering you.please reply

mexxx

im really really sorry i never knew

please always remember i am always here if you want to talk...

beckyxx 

Hey hun.

sorry its taken me cople of days to reply - i always try to reply asap cos i no hwo important replies are to our cries of help.

has anything changed in the last few months that has made you become worse? sometimes things can bring it on so we pay more attention to the voice in our head than normal. with me i think i started restricting what i ate the extreme wen i was in yr 11 of school but then i began to control my  habits but then uni started and i felt like i had to make this extra effort to fit in. but i think uni did me good cos i started to throw myself into my work but now ive started work and things are worse than ever - i feel like people hate me and everything is going out of my control and the only that is controlling me is this voice in my head making me think if  i lose weight il feel much better. of course this is not true but believeing it is the hardest thing in the world...so guess what im trying to say with many words (lol) is has anything changed in ur life?

dont be scared about what ur friends think, they are probably worried about u. is there anyone who u feel u can confide in? Some people on the board go to the school nurse for help. If you dont feel like u can talk to anyone at school u have definately made the right move with signin up on here cos noone will judge u on here and everyone wil listen to u.

Im sure your mum means well, she just does not want to see her daughter sucked in with this illness cos its like a whirlwind - so hard to get out of. My mum found out by accident, and sometimes im glad she knows because she can be a pillar of strength for me and other times i feel like she is forever watching and judging me expecting me to just snap out of it so to speak. So i guess u because they want us to get better they think that placing this pressure pn us well help us - what they dont realise is that we need time.

You have no reason to apologise hun, ul notice my posts are always long sou  just post away - u r not bothering me at all, never think that! stay strong hun, always here for u if u want to chat xxx

hey

i know how you feel. i feel hideous and i can ony see myself as hideous. It makes me want to scream when other people say they are fat because i feel like so out of control. Everyone says i eat nothing and force me to eat.  Its just  a viscious circle. tash xx

hi everyone

im sooooo sorri that i didnt reply sooner but i have been soo busy lately and couldnt have the time to get on here.

thank you everyone for your comments and replys it realy helps know that others are willing to talk to me and try to help me.ill be posting alot more soon and ill make the time to write things.

to sunshine14 i want to thank you for your support and after some of the things that you have written i felt so relived and didnt worry about them as much thanx

to hope for life i want to thank you for your support even thou you was going throu the same thing and i just wanted to say well done for concoring this the many times that you have done.keep up the good work and youll pull  throu yet again.

to f12345 thanx for making me feel welcome here.

and for tashyxx your exacly right.my family are always telling me things like that and i feel so upset when friends start to talk about this topic when they dont know whats going on.they used to say how stupid it is and who would do a thing like that to themselfs.im just relieved when they stop.

thanx everyone     me.

hey hun thats alright, we all need a bit of time off sometimes. how have you been coping nd stuff?do any of your friends or family know yet? hope your doing okay, stay strong XX

hiya im so glad you replied!! i didnt think anyone would find this message and noone would realise im back or mabee thought i was ignoring them...i hope they all get their messages soon..

since i was last posting on the site, i got a tad worse and that stayed for a while but then i was better for about a few months..now im back at square 1.. worse than i hav beeen for  a while now; and i realy dont want to pull one of my friends down with me..its all a bit overwelming realy..hard to control like always

now im playing electric guitar and that helps me to get away...for a little while..and none of my family know anything; just one of my friends know and apperenly her dad found out as well.

anyway how are you? and i dont think ive asked anyone this but how old is everyone here? i hope your all ok.thanx for your support!!

me.xxx

dont worry, we all come and go, everyone understands!i wasnt on for the past few months either but everyones still here when you come back..

was there anything that made you get worse? what ed do you have if you dont mind me asking? dont feel like your pulling people down, youl find they want to be there for you and if you think about it im sure youd be there for them and do everything you could if they were going thru the same.its hard to accept the help sometimes but if its offered try and grab it..

yeh its nice to have something to help you forget, i have my dog :) , i always have him there so im not alone all the time as i tend to isolate myself and i also have to feed him nd stuff so helped me to understand when i was at my worst and i dont feel so much like i have to control myself because im focusing on him even though its only slightly improved me its better than how i was a year ago before i got him.

Im up and down alot, stopped seeing my physchiatrist a couple of weeks ago so worse since then, but yeh better than i have been so i guess thats okay. im 17, how about you?

XXX

hey,thanks for keeping in touch..again

yeah,there could be many things that could have made it worse but i wouldnt realy like to go into them right now,ive had a bad day...um,the ed i have is anarexia and slight bulimia but just slightly,,i just feel realy ashamed over it..

im sad to see that you got worse,i hope that changes soon,mabee tell someone that since youve stopped going that it made it worse,,but then good to know your better than you was.oh and im 13.(almost forgot.)

talk soon me.xxxx

its alright! sorry its taken me a few days to reply. dont worry, but im here if you ever want to talk about it.. sweetie, do not be ashamed ever.its not you doing this its the ed and i know its hard sometimes but you have to keep fighting against it because it lies and takes things away from you.have you spoken to your friend about it or does she just know by accident?

I dont mind being how i am now so much, i can cope, yeh thats a good idea in theory but i hate asking for help and admitting that i need it hence why i stopped going so until i get really really bad again and im forced to go then il just put up with it!not the best way to deal with things but yno, i feel like i dont need or deserve the help.

keep smiling :) , x x