New to beat

hey

im left a bit confused by all u wrote as i understand it u hav a frend who has anorexia and u want to help n b ther for her but others r makin it difficult - so called frends of this girl n u feel tht they hav disrespected her n r angry at them ??

hun ther r ppl u can tlk to on best ways to help ur frend

u say the nurse didnt help much - is ther a chance u could see her jst one to one cus wat she may say to a group may b diff to wat she can offer u as support - to a group they hv to try n keep to basics n stuff timing issues n tryin to b extra sensitiv incase sum1 ther suffers - we neva talked bout it at skool but wen it came to it the teachers i had to spk to didnt realy understand but they culd still offer advice - like they culd research into it or would hav access toresources on it

i hope ur frend contined to get better

That's the gist of it.

Thankyou

hey sweetie,

it sounds as if you have been a great support to your friend and I am sure she is really grateful for all your help - I know I have been incredibly grateful for my friend's support!!

I think one of the most important things to remember is that things are not going to change overnight and it may take a long time for your friend to recover, but this illness is not them, and underneath it all they are just the person that you loved and cared about before this illness came along, and eventually they can be that person again, although a stronger, happier version of that person.

am always here if you want to talk about anything sweetie,

take care and let me know how things are going,

lexy -xxx-

Well since then, she's been going to a centre 4 times a week, and coming in to pick up work on Thursdays. She didn't come in last Thursday (a day before my birthday), but only because she's finding it stressful, which I suppose has to be expected. She came over yesterday (the day after my birthday), and we just talked and did some cooking. I'm pretty sure she's getting better though, she definitely knows that she's ill, and she ate some food that she didn't have to, so yeah, she's getting somewhere :D

I've heard that the average recovery time is over 2 years, so she's doing great at the rate she's at now, and I'm really happy for her.

I've told her that I don't see the illness as her herself, just something standing in the way of her and everything else, she told me that she can tell me aything, so I tell her how I feel too. She appreciated it, I can tell :)

Thankyou for your support xxx 

awwww hunni, that's fantastic news!!! =D

I am sooo pleased that things are getting better. there may still be days where your friend seems to go back to her old behaviours, but this doesn't mean that she is going to be like that forever, she may just relapse occasionally.

It's really good to hear that you are still seeing each other and you are still doing things together such as cooking that other people would try and avoid at all costs as it shows that you believe she can beat this illness, which she can.

you are an amazing friend and I am sure she appreciates all that you are doing for her!

take care sweetie!

let me know how things are going,

lexy -xxx-

She's always been into cooking, we hope to do food tech for GCSE together, I think that when she first started eating less she thought it was fine because she was always cooking.

 But yeah, she is definitely getting better, though not everyone sees it. She's still really boney and cold all the time (either that or she uses a scarf and coat to cover herself up), but she asked for an easter egg when she saw some of the other girls in our class :) I was talking to some of them over the internet yesterday, and they thin she's still really bad, but the fact is, she's not, and she's hope to be back at school by her birthday in 2 weeks.

In the meantime, I'm going to write her a little letter and send it to her via the post as a nice little surprise :) 

I don't know about your friend hunni, but your idea about sending her a letter definitely made me smile!! it's such a thoughtful idea!

I can see how much faith you have in her hun and I am sure that means a lot to her!

it's lovely to hear such positive news.

you are an absolute angel to have stuck by your friend throughout this

keep in touch sweetie,

lexy -xxx-

I saw her today.

I was at a friend of both of us' house, and we decided to visit her. She was finishing lunch, and she looked surprised to see us, maybe a touch jelous. She was nice though, she gave me an *** and some homework she'd finished, and I tried not to stare, but I think she'd put on some weight facially.

 I didn't say anything though, because of the song Courage by Superchick (Then someone tells me how good I look and for a moment, I feel happy, but when I'm alone, nobody hears me cry), instead I told her her top was nice :)

I'm learning, but I'm getting a bit wary now of how people will react when she comes back. Everyone in the class knows now, which means that everyone in the year will soon find out. But if they do, and it leads to them all saying "Are you better now?" and "You look much healthier now", maybe she'll take it the wrong way (like in the song), and get upset again :/

Ahh meh, we'll cope
Thankyou for being so nice
xxx

I think I'd be surprised if a couple of my friends turned up at my house as well to be honest lol.

it's only reasonable that you are worried about the reactions of others sweetie, but as long as you are there for your friend then I'm sure she will feel as though she has the support she will need to get through it.

you're welcome hunni,

always happy to chat, and you've helped me to see that there some wonderful people out there.

take care,

lexy -xxx-

Today is her birthday. She went to London with her family. She didn't come in on Thursday though. I thought she was getting better, but now she's gone into the centre 5 days a week, rather than four. We have the SATS in two weeks, and if she misses them, or fails because the teachers haven't been giving me work, even though they've been told to, she'll end up repeating the year. Which will mean our lunch-times will be different. I won't be able to eat with her, or see her at lunch, or really anytime through the day.

hey sweetheart,

I don't know about the centre that your friend is at, but the centre that my ed team were thinking of sending me to had facilities for you to take any exams that you would have been taking elsewhere, and so you could still carry on with your studies.

it's good to hear that your friend went out for her birthday even if she hasn't been in school as at least she is still going out.

let me know how things are going sweetheart,

take care,

lexy -xxx-

I went to her house on Sunday and she just looked so better facially. Her arms still had bones jutting out, but she's definitely getting better. She hasn't been able to watch tv or anything for ages because of her attention span, but about 6 of us chipped in for a box set dvd for Christmas that we only gave her now, and her mum says she's watching it :D

She said that she would refuse to go to the centre over the holidays, but when I called up to find out if she was available, her mum said she was going in anyway

So though she's not getting her own way, she's getting better :) 

hey sweetheart,

you sound a lot more positive than your last post.

it's really good to hear that your friend is getting better sweetheart!!

its going to be a long and bumpy ride but she will get there!

let me know how things are going,

lexy -xxx-

We did some cooking on Tuesday, and she actually ate the same amount of food as me. Though when we were watching TV she stood up, she almost seemed like she'd never been ill.

Really, it made me so happy.

:DDDD 

awww sweetheart!!! that's great!!!

sooo glad things are getting better!!

keep me updated sweetheart!!

lexy -xxx-

This is going to sound really selfish, but I'm going to say it anyway. In my very fist post I mentioned another girl with an ed. My friend has been off for just over 10 weeks now, and from what I've gathered she's making really good progress. I don't know what clinic the other girl went to when she was off last year, but she's not doing too well. They have different outlooks to their eds, my friend's is very deep set.

But, now there's ANOTHER girl with an ed in our class. No one really knows why because she doesn't talk, but she's been self harming for months now, and she really hasn't been looking after herself. Some people think its for attention, but I'm not going to go accussing her if it's got the possiblilty of being deep set too. What's really bad is that she knows exactly what the consequences are from being a close friend of the other girl and she's already killing herself one way...

Basically, I'm scared for my friend. What if she's made really good progress and when she comes back, she's face to face with 2 girls and the competition they seemed to have before gets stronger? 

 I don't know if the third girl's getting any help, but right now all I am concerned about is the threat of my best friend getting a relapse and being taken out of school AGAIN.

hey sweetheart,

it doesn't sound selfish at all! If anything I would say it sounds the opposite!

you are just worried for your friend, and that is completely understandable.

let me know what happens hunni,

take care,

lexy -xxx-

We went shopping today. We started at my house, with another friend too. I saw her get out of the car with a drink, then it was gone when she turned round from the bin. She rejected offers for food while we were all eating, but I supposed that was to be expected.

We went shopping, and she found a petite hoodie.

She tried it on and was pleased when she fitted in. Later on she told me that she was happy because the centre she goes to's scales were off the weight they should measure, so she could get out earlier. I told her that she'd need to keep putting on weight after she was out though, otherwise she'd be straight back in again, and she understood. She was eating when we were out, maybe because everyone else was, but she did eat rather a lot considering. We went back to another friend's house and she ate with us again, just small stuff, but she still ate. We were still eating when her Mum came to pick her up, and she was so pleased she couldn't hide it.

 I'd call this success, I think she'll be back at school soon. She was taken out of ita long time ago.

=D sweetheart, that's fantastic news!!

It's really good that your friend understood when you raised your concerns with her, it shows that she is trying to control the illness, rather than letting the illness control her.

let me know how things are going,

take care,

lexy -xxx-

Going back to the other girl with an ed, we went to the head of keystage or whatever she is, that's been organising eating supervision etc, to talk about the girl. I really do think it's only for attention. When she thinks no one's watching she stops doing the anorexic traits which makes anyone who sees it think that she's being stupid. Really, if she has a problem, I could understand, but she won't tell anyone!

I used to be quite good friends with her because we're on the same bus, but I could never hear what she was saying because she was so quiet, and now, whenever we confront her, she says a sentence or two then turn away and twitches.

Everyone in the class knows that the two real anorexics are what they are, and even the boys can see what she's trying to do - get herself an ed. The flaws of her plan are that:

• She knows exactly what'll happen to her: shorter life, pain...
• She knows that this is really selfish considering we have two girls who ARE ACTUALLY ILL in the class.
• Though we can't really stop her, she now knows that we won't exactly be supportive of what she chooses to do.
  
• She knows that the school will come down hard on her, and make her spend her lunch in the office too.
• She's recently got a best friend. Is it not unfair to put so much strain on her?
  

She seems to think that having an ed is a choice, rather than an illness, which you wouldn't expect from someone supposedly close to a suffering anorexic. We've told her all the reasons she can't do this in a way that she couldn't hold us against - we told her what she needed to know, but without being mean.

It sounds like you've done all you can sweetheart, now she has to decide for herself what she wants to do.

try not to worry about her and focus on helping the friend who wants your help hunni.

lexy -xxx-

 I went to her house today to drop off some letters from school. I waited at the friend who walked with her to and from school's house until I assumed she's be home. She says she sees me in her taxi coming back from the centre sometimes, so I worked it out just right :)

Her mum saw me walking along the road and I went up the path. She was on the phone so she mouthed "Surprise her" and pointed to the kitchen, so I went round the corner and shouted "HALLO!"
and she was like "WUH!". It made me smile just seeing her. She was chopping up vegetables, so she's still having close contact with food, which is good. One of the letters I gave her was about a school trip to a theme park. The centre's obviously a really good one because she needs permission to go out with school on something like this, so now she's got something to aim for too.

She's got some good friends there too, I think, and I'm not jelous like I thought I'd be. I'm just really happy for how she's doing, which is well, she wan't moving around excessively or doing anything obsessive,

BWEE :D 

hey sweetheart,

that's fantastic news hunni!!! I'm soooo pleased for you!!! =D

lexy -xxx-

We went shopping at the weekend, she wouldn't stop at any stalls for sweet snacks, which is to be expected, and she bought herself a lunch that was healthy but fine. She's definitely on the mend now, but I know she could still relapse. The school's organised a trip to a theme park next month and her mum's told me that they're not going to be sure if she can go or not, at least until her check-up 10 days before we go. The teacher told me she probably won't be back til September, which I've come to terms with, but other than that, everything's happy :)

hey sweetheart,

I'm really happy for you =)

lexy -xxx-