Hi's and help please!

Hi everyone, So I've used this site quite a while ago. I'm still struggling with what I was before... It takes a lot for me to write all this down, but if I do then I know it was real. So last May I was diagnosed with ana. I'd had 6 months of counselling before this for other things which were the triggers of the ana. I stopped counselling when I started therapy for ana as my therapist said it was best to. I stopped the therapy for ana after 2 months as I was going away and didn't think I needed it any more so thought it was the perfect chance to stop. I had put weight on but apparently to enough. I continued putting weight on and was a healthy weight by the September when I was starting uni for the first time. Since I've been away, I've put way over * on. I hate it. I don't know why, I just get urges to binge. I am so ashamed. I feel awful at the minute and it really upsets and frustrates me!! :( I fond it easier when someone is around like my mum for example, as I would never binge in front of anyone. But when I'm on my own, like the last few days... I don't know what to do/what it means? Why do I do it? Sorry for the massive post, I needed to get it out again, if anyone has had a similar experience, please reply! Thanks x