Dani

Forgot to say there a post I've set up on recovery board. It has 4 names on none of which are yours but that's coz u weren't on chat the day we discussed it. Its for the oldies on b-eat us old guys who met a while ago ... Emma, you, tash, SF, becki. Quin etc... Its to help us all finally recover. Come and join in :). Hope camp goes well. CS x

hey hun,

how r u doing? update me on things, and feel free to hav a rant and rave or just talk abt anything u want :)

r u totally home for summer now?? i hope things r going well at home for u and tht u r managing ok, remember to talk to ppl if things r hard <3

did u sign up for the mentor thing? i dont really no tht much abt it, and i didnt sign up cos i decided im far enuf into recovory to not need it

thanks, the time at my grandparents was harder than home but i got thru it and coped quite well :) i am now extremely excited abt going away :D only 1 more day to go :D :D :D im off on wednesday, ill b back on monday tho ill b super tired, so ill post to u once ive caught up on some sleep :) will b thinking of u lots while im away :)

im doing well atm, basically im just excited :L i cant wait til wednesday so thts all im thinking abt atm, so im feeling gud :D

thanks for inviting me on to tht post, sorry i havnt replied much, i will try to

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxx

It will be a wicked week. I'm working instead. Hve fun. Talk when u get back? CS

hey hun :)

i had an amazing time :D luvd it so soo much :D i got to see my old youth worker there as well, which made it even more special :D :D

r u working anywhere nice??

well i am currently back, but im off agen in the morning, so we shall hav a proper chatch up soon, ill b home agen a week today :) please tell me how things r going for u tho, cos im doing really well atm, and tht puts me in a gud position to help u <3

i also picked up my AS results today, was super nervous but im mostly happy wiv my results now tho :) i got a * in maths, which im fairly happy wiv, cos i found it really hard and im dropping in anyway! i got a * in english which im dissapointed wiv, cos i already nu i had an *for the exam part from jan and i was told i got an * for my coursework as well, but it got moderated down :/ so my teachers gunna find out why and then we will work out whether i need to redo it... and then i got * in both psychology and sociology which im really happy abt :D so once i sort out how to fix my english ill b happy :) wot is it ur doing in september, postgrad psychology? :S

i hope tht ur doing ok hun? r u still at home, coping ok wiv tht??

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxx

Hey, I won't go into much detail about me because a week can be a long time but first of all...I'm glad your doing ok hun and that you had an amazing time also that you were able to see your old youth worker! I take it she and u had a good catch up over your amazing progress over the last year. Its amazing that you can renew faith and strength in yourself and everything around you. Weldone on your AS levels even though all the grades when first read it said ** then I realised after a while that Beat had modded your grades. Lol. Before the realisation I couldn't understand why you weren't happy with an ** in English as that is the highest you can get now. Lol. I'm a bit slow. I'm glad over all your pleased with your grades and this will put u in good standing for your A levels. I'm still at home and when I try to express myself my mum tells me I'm too old to act in that way so now when I'm asked what the matter is I say I'm tired. Although with work alot of the time its true. Went out for a celebratory mea on wed and thurs this week coz of birthdays and results. The birthdays were ok coz there was something on the menu I felt I could actually feel comfortable with eating!!! The results I panicked abit. When at home I'm struggling to smile and well yeah family are noticing. I'm just struggling a lot atm with thoughts constantly there in my mind and at work that is hard especially when I get people yelling at me down the phone and it often makes me want to break down and cry. Lol can you imagine what the person on the other end of the phone would do. Anyway back to point I never used to be like this last year or the year before and I'm in the same department as the last two years so I'm obviously more sensitive which I hate and that by itself affects my eating. I just keep hoping that today(everyday) is going to be a nice day ie one complaining person and the others all nice. I'm still doing my degree sept will be honours degree so will be my last year as an undergrad and I will have to work soo hard to get the degree I want...I need to go up one rather than down if I go down an overall grade then all this wouldve been for nothing. Have to stay at same grade or go up ideally I need to go up but we will see. How was your holiday??? How are u? CS

hey hunni,

haha, yes my grades were all modded..which means tht it totally doesnt make sense but yeah :L im mostly happy wiv them so its all gud :)

even wen its hard to express ur feelings, its best to try and let them out, even if its not in front of ur family, otherwise ur just gunna bottle it all up :/

well done, it sounds like u coped really well wiv those meals :) how is ur eating going atm?

how much longer is it til u go back to uni? at least ur family know tht ur not feeling too gud, its better than trying to hide it, r u close to anyone in ur family, to even just talk to them abt ur day or how stuff at work annoyed u or anything, so u dont feel totally alone?

is tht job just a summer thing while ur at home? i hope its not too stressful :/ try not to let it get u down, the people dont mean anything personally. even if u hav become more sensitive, sensitivity is a gud personality trait to hav, the job cud hav made u become really unsensitve to ppls needs and tht wudnt b gud, i know wot u mean tho, try not to let it get u down tho, is it something tht u cud discuss wiv ur support at uni? i hope tht ur continuing support wen u move back up there?

im sure tht ull do great in ur honours, uve done really well so far at uni :)

my holiday has been really gud thanks :) tho im not trying to catch up on all the work i havnt done yet :/ opps! im doing well thanks, i start college agen on monday, looking foward to seeing everyone but not the early mornings or all the work :/ other than tht things r quite gud atm, eating is going well and im mostly happy atm :)

hope ur ok, how r u atm? keep going <3

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey, Glad that you are still doing ok. I still have a few days til I go to uni. Or go back to it and I feel I can't at the size I am. My T is seeing me in a week and I can't let her. I'm so ashamed. My head is screaming at me. I'm at home still and don't want to cause any problems before I go up. I'm sick of being 2 people. I'm tired of fighting and I'm tired of spliting myself and distancing myself to the point I don't feel part of anything anymore or have a place anywhere. I just dunno feel really depressed more so with the weight gain. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.  CS x

I will come back. I will read anything you put on this post but I might not be able to reply. I need space to . I'm sorry.

hey hunni,

i am sorry i havnt been replying here, college has bin tiring me out alot!! hopefully ill get used to it soon! :)

YAY :D thank u hun, im so glad ur gunna come back, it was amazing seeing u on chat agen the other day. dont feel tht u hav to rush back, dont feel u hav to give anything or provide me wiv support, feel free wen ur ready to just come on wen ur ready, to talk or rant or to need help, please use this thread in any way tht will help u :)

dont b sorry, ur welcome to take a break, and take the time to adjust back into uni etc, take ur own space :) if ur really struggling tho, if u can come on and let me no, just so i can b here for u <3

how r things going wiv ur T? i hope ur settling bak at uni, and tht ur enjoying ur course :)

i am doing well atm, eating and things r gud, been happier this week as well so dont worry abt me, focus on urself :) come on wen ur ready, always here for u

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks hun. Glad ur doing ok.  C_S X

hey hunni,

its ok :)

how r u? hows uni going for u?

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey, Trying not to think of uni as uni. Just a hobbie otherwise I'd stress self out with grades. My last post on herr was modded. I've gone down hill and I'm failing at getting self back on track. I have to make up two essay qustions and all I can think about is food and that in itself will not be helpful but I can't help it. How's u? X

hey hunni,

as long as u still hav the motavation to do the work then tht sounds like a really positive way to think abt it :) how is uni going?

*hugs* i hope things r a bit better now? u still have help, yeah? i hope thts going well, just try to be as honest as u can, and let them help u

this might not work, but wen ur struggling to concentrate on ur work, cud u try to just write down ur thoughts abt food, to get them out, then u can think abt ur work?

hope things r going ok?

im alrite, strugglnig a bit wiv my body image, but im managing to keep my food at a healthy amount so thts something i spose, home isnt too great atm, and college is just hard work so not bin feeling to great this week, but im sure tht ill b fine

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hi,

I have lost all motivation for uni...today i was given some anti-d's.  Its stupid I have all my questions sorted I just feel like I cant write them and I just want to sleep all the time. I have so much to do and I cant seem to be able to do it.  I can't seem to think about anything...just feel numb and my eating is urm well...yeah.   Help isnt helping because I cant do the work either.  I had to fill out a depression and anxiety questionnaire that I am using in my main piece of uni work and I told her that and although I know what it does I haven't been able to read much into it...she smiled and said well if I see you pausing I will shout (she was joking of course) basically just answer on first instinct.  Its hard doing the course I am doing and then suffering from mental illnesses and knowing what each thing does in depth...It is not easy and I am really struggling with it.  Although finally a GP at uni was taking me seriously...shame she is just a locum...but I am to see her next week for a meds check and scores of the questionnaire.

How is college work?do you have a lot to do.  Remember that you are perfect how you are and nothing is going to change that and make you better...not even you so dont go back to the ED.  You know it is wrong and that it will not make you happy.  How is the counselling going?

Stay strong and take care.

C_S
xxx

hey hunni,

it was nice to see u on chat ealier, i hope tht ur ok? sorry i havnt been on here recently, am doing a bit better this week so hopefully ill b around a bit more, how r u?

how did the anit-ds go? r u still taking them? i hope tht there helping

how is uni going for u atm? hav u still got someone tht u can talk to?

i hope tht even tho the nice doctor isnt around anymore it will help u to remember tht there r some gud doctors out there :)

college is going ok atm, there isnt too much work atm although thtll pick up soon and revision will start in a few weeks :/ i also sent my ucas form off this week which is exciting :D i am still struggling wiv my body image, but i am still eating well, i just feel a bit like i dont wanna b, but im determined not to go backwards! im not having any actual help atm, but i hav ppl to talk to wen i want to :) i emailed my old youth worker last wknd, told her honestly how things r atm, she told me to keep strong and tht she wud get back to me properly soon :) home stuff is hard atm but other than tht things r going fairly well for me atm :)

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxx

Hey,

Hope ur ok.

xxxx

hey hunni,

im alrite, i feel ok atm, just hav a lot of work to do before christmas so im a bit stressed about that! still struggling wiv body image but im ok, just trying to stay strong and work thru it

how r u doing?

im always here if u want to talk abt absolutely anything <3

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey I'm the same although pretty much given up fighting How's u. X

Hey hunni,

I hope u had a nice Christmas? :) mine went better than I expected, I coped fairly well wiv it all and got thru, and im happy with my presents too which helps :)

I really hope that u havnt given up fighting, I know that recovery is long and hard and very tiresome, but please, fight, u hav to beat ur ED, it is possible. U deserve to be free of this, please fight <3

Wen u get back to uni, do u still have help there?

I hope ur ok, am always here to listen to whatever u want to talk abt or rant or moan or wotever even wen im not able to reply.

Stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi, Glad things are going better than they were for u and that you had a good christmas. I'm not in a talkative mood. Just bottling things up. Even when I go to talk about things something else comes out. I dunno I posted on a board with the intention to just let everything out but it is all on resolutions which is far from what was going to put. I just can't talk atm. Silly huh. I always used to be able to talk now I can't. C_S. X

Hope ur ok.

Hey hunni, I am sorry that I havent been here at all recently, even though exams are over college still takes over my life :/ I do still check the boards most days though, so if you ever feel up to talking, post and I will read it I am doing really well atm, apart from college always wearing me out, am dealing well with food and general stuff, how are things going for you? how is uni? I hope that you are ok ant still fighting even though things are hard Remember that I am always here to read posts and pray about anything you want Stay strong beautiful Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey hun,

hope ur ok?

praying lots, love you more <3

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey, There's a lot going on at the moment and things are up in the air and food urm well a friend is helping me. I can't say what's going on at the moment as it is partly out of my hands and can't say anything until its all finished but its scary and I feel guilt ridden and many people are making me out to be a bad person because of it. Mostly friends so yeah things are really tough atm. How's u? CS. X

Hey hunni,

glad u have somone helping you with food atm, is it going ok?

are you able to tell me whats going on yet? i hope ok ok? sorry ur friends are doing taht, no matter what their doing or saying, ur not a bad person, I know that, please dont believe otherwise <3

i hope that things are ok, are you home for easter?

do let me know if you want to talk about anything, anything at all <3

im ok, enjoying relaxing for easter hols, but need to get on with work soon too :/ things are generally good though :)

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey    no I cant really.  no one helping with food.   weighed self the other day and have pput on and i hate myself for it.

hows u?

xxx 

hey hunni,

*hugs*

im sorry things are so hard, please keep fighting <3

have you still got support through uni? if not please see ur gp, u deserve support so much

please try to remember that weight gain is positive, i know its scary but only cos the ED makes it scary for u, thats not reality, hte ED makes things wrong, its not real

please fight, talk to ppl, ring beat, dont give up, u deserve so much more <3

im ok, been enjpying the time off and lie ins a bit too much! not looking foward to the early start back to college tomorrow, its ok though, got exams next month but ok abt that atm :) and im ok :)

stay strong beautiful :) <3

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hope ur ok <3

Hey sorry. Things have been a bit manic what with finishing uni etc... I could be better. Not very well atm and I just want to give up fighting ED. Its something been thinking about for a while. How's u? C_S. X

hey hunni,

so sorry i havent been around for so long

im guessing ur living back home now if unis done? how are you finding that? how are you?

please dont ever give up fighting, its the ED that makes you want that, its not what the real you would want, please hold onto that and keep fighting :) have you got any support atm?

im doing well, enjoying my summer hols really :)

stay strong beautiful, i know you can do this <3

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Homes ok. Just have to eat and that's hard . No support anymore. Tried to get some but no one will take me. How's u? I've just graduated so that the end for me. What you got planned? Got court in august. X

Hey hun, Glad that home isn't too bad, I know that having to eat is really hard, but hopefully the stability will help you and your body :) Why will no one take you? Have you asked your gp? If you have could you try PALS? Congrats on finishing uni :) you've done really well, I know its not always been easy for you, but you kept going and got through it :) you should be proud of yourself, I am :D I know you may not want to say, but howcome you have to go to court? Hope it goes well for you I'm ok, on summer hols so not doing much, am going away again with my youth group in 3 weeks so holding on to that to get me through :) been struggling with body image and family stuffs but I told my old youth worker so hopefully she will be able to get me through :) its less that 10 weeks til my gap year starts now as well, really excited about that :D plus hopefully moving out will help with the family situation so hopefully things are looking up :) Hope your ok, message me whenever you need to get stuff off your chest :) keep fighting, you can do this :) Stay strong beautiful :) Danielle xxxxxxxxx