It's been a long time Since I've looked in the mirror And felt so vulnerable It's come back No more bone No more ribs Just fat
They watch me Smile Relieved that I eat Worry when I eat too much But I can't deal with that Because I'm already being watched Every bite, every swallow Every purge
No-one can understand The fear It follows me Makes me panick Screams at me Laughs I want it to stop Stop making me feel Suffocated
A bit of me Is coming back Caring for others Like I used to But with it brings fat Behind a mask It's fine Don't want to hurt Anyone else Anymore
But underneath The smiles, the kindness Hatred Towards me, the way I am Just want to feel loved Mean the world to someone Maybe that someone Is me
Reply post 1: (No Subject)
written by:It'sFate
posted: 15.03.2008 message:
Wow.
Powerful poem.
It feels like everyone is always watching me - whether i eat, how much i eat, whether i purge, whether i binge..
It's so frustrating, and i feel like it makes it harder for me to start to eat a little more.
Keep Fighting.
Love And Hugs.
Poppy
xxxx
Reply post 2: (No Subject)
written by:chalkeybaby
posted: 20.03.2008 message:
soph thats how i feel word for word. and im crying now, ive had the most awful day-week -month -year.and sometimes i can pretend it all away its amazing how powerful i am. and capable of anything.
i remember the day i said "i would never make myself sick" so well- but now its as normal as eating is to a normal person.
i see in you what you see in me-a human being i guess-and its so sad. cause sometimes most of the time i feel NOTHING. No love no hate no remorse.no happyness so sadness,no compassion no passion no NOTHING just this void this empty.
i love you and as much as u may feel like your no better or nothings changed like me.i no in some small powerful shift the pattern of beliveing in this illness has gone and now we hate it and WANT to change
thats big
and yes were left to pick up the pieces but help someone help hun- cause NOBODY deserves to be reduced to there knees like we have been. especially not someone as kind as you.xxxxxx
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