inside out

thhis poem is ace. sorry u feel so low tho hun. is there anything i can do to help?

always here for u sweetie- u dnt ave to do this alone.

love ya

xxxxxxxxx

thhis poem is ace. sorry u feel so low tho hun. is there anything i can do to help?

always here for u sweetie- u dnt ave to do this alone.

love ya

xxxxxxxxx

hey hunni,

thanks :)

i feel abit helpless atm but meh :(

jsut havin a bad day :(

stay srong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxx

hope today is better for u sweetie

all my love

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey thanks :)

hmm not great :(

i binged n now im restrictin, i feel so bad :( so horrible :( too much work n jsut stuff :( im alone atm :(

how r u hunni?

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxx

hugs for u danielle. sorry to hear yr struggling. it wil get better tho- u r strong.

i'm ok thanks =]

always here for u

love from juliette

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey,

thx :)

i dont feel strong n i seem to b goin backwards atm but if u say so

well at least ur ok :)

here for u too hun

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

y u going backwards? recovery is full of highs and lows and steps forward and back, but u can do it- just keep going =]]

always here for u

keep fighting. i believe in u

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey,

im all ova the place atm :( i was slippin rite back, then i lost comntrol binged n then kept eatin loads for days, just secretly eatin stuff, not always binges tho :/ now i found control n am restrictin, its all a bit messed up :(

how r u hunni?

thank you :)

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxx

awww dani hinny how come? u sound like wot ive done!!! try not to restrict cos itlll lead to a binge- could u try to eat a ''normal'' amount? regular meals and snacks?

i'm ok...in a similar situation as u i think. put on weight and not happy...hopefully it will level off.

i havent been doing well with s/h either- hows yrs goin?

keep strong sweetie, we will beat this!!!

one day we will b free of ed and sh

love u lots

alwys here for u

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey,

its just all ova the place, i feel God was part of the eatin lots, tryin to stop me gettin too bad but i got even more annoyed at him, im now back in restrictin, well wen my parents r around i hav to hav all my meals n stuff tho i fink they r notcing somefins up agen :( im now restrictin agen

i hope u r able to accpet the weight uve put on n stabilse

my youth worker wants to get this sorted, i can giv it ova to God, giv him control n ill b ok lyk no ED thoughts for a while, but ive done it heaps before, it does work sometyms not for long, sometyns for months, it depends, but wots the point, it always comes back, i dont want to let go agen :( but my youth worker will tell if i dont sort it so it looks lyk i hav no choice :(

*hugs* y do u fink its bit bad? u dont hav to answer, its easter hols so im awful, worst its eva bin, but not 2day, not fink i will later im feelin ok so proud of myself :D

stay strong beatuiful

always here, luv

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

aww hun...i know wot u mean - i fell out with God alot too...well, not fell out but u know wot i mean. try not to restrict hunny, i know its alot harder than just trying but pls try! do yr parents know about yr ed?ll ova the place, well wen my parents r around i hav to hav all my meals n stuff tho i fink they r notcing somefins up agen

r u a chrisian danielle? i am =) and even tho ive been angry at God alot, he's heally helped me thru this. let yr faith help u 2 =]

thats really good that u can give it over to god for a bit =] . keep trying -

i know exactly wot u mean tho dani- its so hard to give yr ed away and give away the control it makes u feel that u have- =] u deserve all the support u need hunny.

things were probably bad coz it was holidays. being around my parents all the time and having to eat more, not having a routine, friends being busy sort of took its toll. i saw my psychiatrist too andhe made me feel so rubbish. grrrr! he was like ' that weight gain is too much...its impossible...which made me feel even worse about irt.

he just feeds me more antidepressants and expects me to be ok. he acts as if its my fault that im struggling =/ oh well never mind...dont have to see  him for another 2 months

how r u hun? u glad tha the holidays r over? i am lol. i needed a rest but im so glad to b back in a routine and ot of te house each day.

i am so proud of u! so happy that u were proud of u! hope u still r =]

love u lots and lots. u r amazing and u will beat this

praying for u =]

stay strong, you can beat this =]

hugs =]

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey hunni,

sorri its taken me a while to reply, havin to revise lots atm :( grr to exams, had my german speaking today, i fink it actaully went relai well :) so im pleased wiv tht, dont hav another exam until 13th may :) tho it is my worst subjuct :@ grr

yes i am a christian, ok so this is a kinda simpfied version of my ED story. i became ana around aug 07, i got worse n worse until jan wen God decided to heal me, i started eatin n the voice pretty much went, i thought tht wud b it, i was fine n wud b 4eva, i was fine for abit, had a slip up in feb n totally relapsed for a few days but let God sort it, its kinda bin the pattern since. ill b fine n eatin well n fings n then ana will sneak in or ill panic abt weight or go thru a tough patch n sllip back up agen, sometyms worse than others n sometyms longer than others, it just depends. often while im tryin to restict agen i drift from God, sometyms totally fall out wiv him n get reali angry, normaly if he tries to help n i reali dont want him to, or for some other reason n fings get bad but then God sorts it,

ive given up beliveing tht he cud sort it perminatly, i just dont belive its possible, ive kinda given up hope ill eva hav a normal relationship wiv food, even wen i am eatin rite, i still get weird abt my weight or some other stuff. atm ive just come out of the lettin God sort it stage, at the end of the hols my youth worker made me allow God to sort it n we kinda got there n then i spent some more tym last nite gettin it sorted betta. so thts great im just kinda not expectin to to last tht long. while i was prayin he sed tht he cud take ana from me preminatly n i sed no way, n he sed ok then not 2nite cos i want u to b willing or ull fall out wiv me agen but i promise i will do it for u one day. wen i told my youth worker she sed well wot abt nxt tym im round which is a week 2m, i sed i fink thts too soon, i sed id fink but i dont feel ready, no way, i thought mayb months or years til it actaully happens. i also dont trust God or belive he can do it, i relai dont n surely if i want it hard enuf, ana cud come back, im not ready n i jist dont no, i do i shud let him bit i dont want to n i relai dont belive itll reali happen :(

my parents got told the frist tym round, they dont no abt anyfin since, i told them i got healed, which i was but they neva belived it which was hard even tho they r christians :S they sometyms notice fings tho, they arent alwasy rite, they told me off for food wen ive bin eatin fine as well as wen im not :S they were startin to notice but hopefully itll b a bit betta now im eatin agen :/

yeah hols r reali hard for me :( its reali bad but i so much prefer bein in skool, i need it, cant cope at home :(

sorri ur psychiatrist made u feel bad :( i hated the 'help' i used to hav to get :( it was so bad, relai didnt help n made fings wiv my mum even worse than they were :( its not ur fault, ur strugglin, none of this is ur fault, do u c anyone else? more helpful?

thanks hun :)

how r u atm? hope ur doing ok, u can n will beat htis too :)

am prayin for u too :)

stay strong beautiful, always here for u

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

od will heal u un, in time. this is a quick reply but ill reply properly later =] u  amazing

so inspiring!!!

i love u

praying 4 u

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

glad yr german went well =] at least yr worst subject will b out of the way soon =]

i think god is healing u bit by bit hunny- giving u a rest from yr ED for a while so u can cope better? maybe the relapses arent relapses but part of the illness and yr still recovering...not just all at once?

i think if u let God keep helping u and u fight, u will beat this forever...t takes time tho. its normal to fall out with God sometimes, but keep him in the picture- keep listening to him and asking for help- he'll gove it to u =]

Glad yr letting god help atm- keep going =] u can do it hunny. i know its really hard- but trust him =]. try to realise that ana isnt good 4 u- and u dnt wanna keep it...GOd wont take it away while u steil want it, or need it as a comfort blanket. but he will take it away from u when u really want him to.

everything is possible with God sweetheart, he made everything, he heals ppl all the time...he can do this 4 u. i understand that u dnt want it to happen...that u want ana to stay...and its so hard to let go...but u can do it =]

and once god has healed u totally- u wont want it back hun...its the ana that says u wanna keep it, the ana that says he cant heal u, the ana that makes u wanna keep hold of it...when the ana goes- u wont want it bac...u will b free =]

could u talk to yr parents hunny? u need the support right now...dnt try to protect them...u need the support sweetheart, they will be ok...just think about yrself.

i know hols are really hard...the routine and business of school helps keep yr mind off things. things will get easier tho =] in time.

im ok thanks =] had a hard week last week but ok now =]

how r u doing sweetie?

love u lots...and god loves u too =] he'll never leave u hun.

you'll beat this...you will =]

always here...praying for u

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey hunni,

thx for ur reply, it is helpful but in a weird way, lyk i dont want it to b n i dont belive some of the stuff u sed n wot others r sayin to me

ive bin totally rejectin God, am at risk of my youth worker bannin me from groups . so im havin to pray before them but i dont want to b n in the past few days i hav givin up prayin at other points

my eatin is a total mess, i tired to let my youth worker help n cudnt cope wiv it so i let myself go agen, i n i shudnt but i cant help it

my youth worker shud b round for a long tym on tues, she wants to pray ova the house n probs for me too, dunno if im ready for tht tho, or if ill allow it to happen :/

how r u hunni?

stay strong beautiful

danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hi hun. completely confussled but its good it helped in a wierd way lol. yr youth worker shouldnt ban u from youth groups... y is she doing that? wot do u do at youth group?

dont worry hun, God will understand. he'll be there for u wen u fl ready to go back to him =] i feel pretty distant too...but i kow hes there.

if u dnt fel comfortable hun, ask her not to pray for yr probs. i never let othe ppl pray for me lol. i cant do with it! it actually scares me. i dunno y. i prefer to keep God personal to me and pray for wot i want to pray for.

y dus she want to pray over th house?

keep fighting hun. i hope yr eating improves...but dnt push yrself. do it for you- not any1 else. u know deep down that u need food =]

do u have any proffessional help? maybe u cold do with some?

always here for u sweetie- u r trying so hard and 1 day things will b better =]

alwasy here for u!

i'm ok thanks. plodding along lol

hugs hun

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey hun,

i hav exciting news for u :D no wait u were on chat on friday rite so u alreadi now, if u werent tell me cos uve missed out!

shes not gunna ban me anymore so its fine :D there r christian youth groups n i had bin rejectin God, but we prayed on tues n im gunna live for God agen, had an amzin experience wiv him on tues n am deffo gunna try n b strong for him :D

its not tht i didnt feel comfortable her prayin for me, i find tht easier than prayin for myself its tht i was tryin to hide form God n no he can do powerful stuff n i wanted to keep me ED but im so glad i let him sort fings out now, i asked him to sort it preminatly this tym which is an offer ive rejected in the past so im relai proud of myself :D

cos it felt bad spiritually, so we did n its bin betta :)

no i dont, i did along tym ago but it was unhelpful n i managed to stop :) urm i hav counsellng hopefully startin up in spetember whihch ill need as my youth worker will hav left by then :(

always here for u too n fings r gettin betta, n one day ull b able to say tht too :D

just keep plodding ;)

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

lol te news is great hunny =] well done u!

its great that shes not gonna ban u..but she shouldnt ave threatened u with that anyway.

ooohhhh hun, tell me about yr experience with God... if u dnt mind...i would really like to hear it =]

oh wowsweetie- thats a huge step to ask him to sot it premanently- thats amazing hun! ow r u feeling about it? u still feeling strong? i am so proud of u too! and i know God will be aswell!!!

wot sort of proffessional help did u get? sometimes it can b unhelpul, it depends who u get i suppose, ive hd a mix of good and bad...but im glad i have sum support now tho its not really very much. gud luck with the counselling =] awww how cum yr youth leader is leaving? =[ thats not good =[

r things still getting better? i hope they r hunny, u deserve the very best.

i willkeep plodding lol...like a donkey...and i know things will get better sum day...prob as soon as i let God actually take this away from me.

love u lots. u r amazing and an inspiration to me. stay strong- u can do this!!!

all my love]xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey hunni,

enjoyin the weather?! its luvly here, im to hot atm tho :/ just come inseide from tryin to get a tan, need to cool down, gosh it was hot out there! :)

mayb it was just a threat to make me keep some connection wiv God, it kinda worked, its the only reason i let him hav any part in my life, but its gud now, i am alot stronger wiv him :D

no its fine i dont mind :) um i dunno if uva eva done or seen prayin in the holy spirit this way so it mite sound weird to u, or it mite not :/ i stood wiv my youth worker n we prayed for a bit, i tend to fall afta a bit which she knows will happen so it was fine, i lay n prayed for a while,

we prayed agen last week, :D we prayed abt my s/h, still the same answer tht he wants me to work thru it but if i want help i just hav to ask. so im still s/hin but my youth worker sed she wont tell my parents but asked me to promise i wud tell her wen i do, i sed i wud, so fings r quite gud atm :D

thx hun, yes im still feelin reali gud abt it, im feelin alot betta abt my eatin now too :D lyk i was gettin lots of cravings n eatin loads wen i didnt wanna b but my body is realisin i am actaully feedin it now n its easier, i feel alot betta abt myself n my eatin :D

urm i saw someone at camhs for a while ages ago, therapist i fink :/ didnt lyk it, wasnt helpful, :( my youth worker has to leave  ive known for a long tym, its actaully happenin now tho :( she is lookin for a nu job, the church has just decieded they will advertise her job, hopefully to get someone else to start by september. even if they do itll take me a while ti trust them n ages to get to the point i am wiv my yuoth worker now, its gunna b reali hard, cos im extremely dependant on her n stuff so its gunna b so hard for me :(

im glad im an inspriation, im glad somefin gud is coming of all this :) hunni just keep ploddin for now , find someone u trust to even just talk wiv u at first? all i had to do was say yes to God, i get how hard tht is but sometyms u just gotta go for it n take the leap, its worth it i promise :D

im always here for u, i hope i can help :)

stay strong beautiful, luv u

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxx

hey,

my post was edited so it seems i cant tell u the best part of my tym wiv God, but it was amazing :D

xxxxxxxx

lol its odd to b too hot isnt it! its usually too cold! did u manage to get a tan?

really glad u r stronger with God =] that must b amazing to feel?

u know, i have never experienced prayin in the spirit and i suppose it is a little scary but only cos i dunno much about it. i bet being there is anythin but scary? i bet its really powerful. well done that yr telling yr youth worker about s/h =] do u ask God to help wen u need it? i know i dont as often as i should.

glad the eating is still good and yr body is getting happier with u lol...it is trusting u to feed it again =] so thats good =]   u should b really proud of yrself hunny- yr amazing =]

it must b hard knowing yr yW is leaving. maybe u culd work together to put in place ways u willcope?

will u still b ale to contact her when she goes?

sorry that the camhs thing wasnt helpful. is ther anything else u culd try just so u dnt feel as alone when she leaves?

u r an inspiration hun, but i would much rather that u didnt have to go thru this! u dnt deserve it atall.

i will keep plodding. i am praying a bit more and i hope i will get closer to God again. i used to go to a home group but things got in the way- sum moved, others got different jobs that were when we met...it just sort of fizzed out which is a shame coz it was good.

i havent really ever had a deep experience of God...except when my youth did an ovrnight thing and part of it was a room where u could pray and i had this amazing inner peace.

i wish i could hear about yr experience, glad it was amazing =]

how r u? always here for u sweetie

lyl

xxxxx

hey hunni,

sorri its taken a while, exams :(

i no, it was luvly those two days, i did tan but reali unevenly :( it hasnt bin sunny, well not enuf since so i havnt bin able to try n even up :(

it is amazing :D i had a blip last wknd :( i kinda lost God friday evenin, i got extremely depressed n fings went totally wrong, i binged a few tyms  n it jut went bad, i was tryin to stay strong n kept prayin but cudnt feel God n just lost control, i managed to let him help me feel a bit betta on sunday wen i did find him, i also managed to pray thru struff tues wiv my youth worker n hav bin betta since :)

it can b a little scary frist tym, but only cos u dont no wot to expect, but its amazing, i am reali used to it now, i hav done it alot, but mainly cos its the only way i eva manage to let God help me n i hav lots he needs to help me wiv, so basically thts how ive kept going. i get bad n then get encouraged to pray n ask for it to be sorted, hopefully itll b less of a pattern now i hav prayed for some fings perminatly :)

the first tym it happened to me in a big way i was at a big camp so i had seen it happen to others around me n felt ok wiv it, its relai not scary onces it starts tho. i hav delt wiv difficult issues this way so it hasnt always bin the easiest fing but i hav learnt to let it happen cos the end result has always bin amazing :D if u eva feel God wanting to do somefin n feel ready, let him cos he knows wot hes doing :D

erm i am alot betta at askin for help atm than i hav bin, but not as gud as i shud b, i struggle to pray for myself, so i tend to use prayers from books i hav which i read cos its easier for me tht way

hmm, my body seems to hav lost the plot agen :S eva since the wknd it has just bin gettin hungry loads, so i am eatin loads which i no is just cos my body for some unknown reason wants it so i dont feel too bad but it is gettin alot now :( i just seem to get hungry reali soon afta eaten even wen its a proper meal! :(

i am hoping she will help me cope wiv her leaving, i dont fink i can contact her once she leaves :( which is gunna b so so hard :( it has been confirmed tht the church will advertise her job n will try n appoint someone to start in september, i dont no if itll happen yet tho, am hopnig n prayin it will cos ill need to start learnin to trust them before i can reali talk abt stuff :/ erm i dont fink ill hav much else, i hopefully hav some counselling coming up, i shud also hav support at college if i need it

hunni u dont deserve this either but i hope tht both r situations can have some positive outcomes :)

hunni i am prayin for u too n i hope tht u can b closer to God :) its a shame tht kinda went, do u fink ud b able to start somefin up agen? we hav a girls housegroup my youth worker does every 2 weeks for us which is reali great but i dont no if a nu person wud carry it on, i reali hope a nu youth worker does, atm i am taken to it by my youth worker n she comes for dinner n to c my durin the aftanoon before we go n i dont wanna lose tht support :(

im glad u were able to feel his peace in u :) tht must hav been awesome :D i have learnt tht deep experieneces dont hav to used b at big events, they can b just u home alone, so mayb its somefin u cud pray abt?

yeah ive kinda answered how i am, im quite gud :)

how r u?

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxx

hi danielle =D how r yr exams goin hun? hope they arent too stressful!

lol have u got yr tan more even yet? i havent even tanned...i never do lol.

awww sorry about yr blip well done for trying to b strong tho hun =D really glad things r getting better again =]

i really hope things can get permanently now =] but it might take a bit of time to let u work thru things...so dnt b disheartened if things arent straight forward.

awww it must b amazing to feel it like that =]

i struggle to pray for me too..i feel selfish, but my mum sed something the other day that made me think- ''love yr neighbour as u love yrself.'' for most ppl that means love other ppl just as much as u love u, coz they love themselves more...but she sed it works the other way 4 me...i have to love me as much as i love others,.. and thats hard! so i suppose God wants us to love ourselves too...

yr body will settle down hunny, its just confused hun. once it realises u will feed it wen its hungry, it'll settle back to normal. sumtimes wen u start eating more, yr metabolism speeds up too so that yr body can repair itself quicker... does that make sense?

awwww i hope its not too hard wen she goes. i hope they get the new person soon so u can build up a relationship with them =]

hope the counselling goes well too =] pls do use all the support u can get if u need it =] i really hope the new youth worker carries on yr support.

today we did a youth service and it was great. thru 1 of the songs, i felt the words click and knew they applied to me...and i felt much closer for the 1st time in ages! i really want to start something up again...but i'll see. im hoping uni will open a few doors =]

hope yr still good =] always here for u hunny =]

im ok =] feeling a bit poorly today =[ but im ok lol

how ru ?

love u lots =] stay strong!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey hunni,

my exams r going ok, will b all ova in a week :D only 3 to go :/ not too stressed abt my 2 sciences but then ive got my clarinet grade5 n im not sure if ill pass it :(

hmm, ive kinda burned a bit n am not going kinda tanned, kinda peelin too tho :/ but ive tanned unevenly so its not great! lol

fings r ok eatin wise atm, im still eatin loads as my body is clearly still tryin to sort itself out :/ im coping betta wiv it now tho :) i havnt had any toher real blips so its gud mainly :) im just trustin its just tryin to get betta n let it do tht, its just hard wen i gert so hungry so often :/

yeah, mayb i shud try tht the rother way round too, weneva i c tht verse im always lyk well thts kinda easy cos i dont luv myself anyways! so ive kinda alreadi managed, but tht wasnt relai the point of it, i no i shud luv myself more its just hard :/

yeah, i told her the other day how im worried n upset abt her leavin, she finks tht i will cope, n tht God will get me to a place for tht to happen before she leaves :/ even if i cope wivout her it wont make the actual lettin go any easier, she means alot to me n its gunna b hard :/ im not sure if the church has started advertising her job yet :/ i am tryin to trust God tht he will find someone i can trust quickly, its hard tho :( the reasons i tried to get the counselling r much betta tho so i dunno if i still wanna go :/

im glad ur youth fing helped, do u still feel closer to God? i hope so :) i hav gud n not so gud days wiv God atm :/ i fink most unis will hav christian unions, r u going uni in september then?!

awww, i hope ur betta now :) how is ur eatin atm?

im quite gud, bit down atm, just a iffy day but i saw my youth worker yest which reali helped n fings r gettin betta slowly :)

always here for u, stay strong beautiful, ly

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

good luck dani!! hope the clarinet exam goes ok =] grade 5!!! i only got to 3 in piano haha...so well done!

lol poor u! hope the sunburn isnt too bad! my tan is out of a bottle and is horrendous!!! wont be trying that again in a hurry!

well done with eating sweetie! keep going, yr body will sort itself out soon =D give it time. well done for not stressing too much over it and not having any blips- thats amazing hunny! u can do this!!!

i know it is really hard being hungry all the time...i went thru that wen i started eating more...it does settle down i promise! give it a few weeks maybe. hug hunny, i know yr trying so hard and im sooooo proud of u!!!

lol ye, thats how i saw that neighbour verse...i was like, well, if i loved every1 as much as me, i'd go round hurting ppl!!! but wen u swap it round, it makes more sense i suppose! i know its hard to love yrself...could u maybe think of 1 thing each day that u r proud of yrslef for or 1 thing thats good about u? that might help? u r amazing hunny!

we did a similar thing on a youth weekend, every1 got a ccross on a string and they told the story of peter trying to wal on water and he did it then doubted himself and jesus saved him...they sed stop doubting yrslef and keep yr eyes on jesus not the obstacles u face...it was so powerful! and we prayed for help believing in ourself, then  we could wear the cross =D

hugs hunny. i hope things go ok wen she leaves u will cope, but yr right, its the fact that shes going and you'll miss her...hugs sweetie. i know wen i left camhs andit was bye forever that i was really upset...its not nice having to say good bye.

hunny, go for the counselling, it sometimes helps to talk things thru and u still have issues, like low self esteem and lack of self belief that need addressing...maybe u could focus on that?

i feel up and down with God...i keep distancing myself for some reason...maybe its just coz i dnt go to church much and im not getting my spiritual top up lol...is just hard wen church seems so...well...dead... they r stuck in the religion and yes, it is all from the bible, but it doesnt 'do' anything for me...i dunno...its hard to explain... i suppose it works fr the old ppl but not for me... thats y the youth service was so good!

i need to stop being so lazy and get offmy bottom and do something about it i think lol

yes! uni un sept!!! exciting stuff! scary but cant wait!

ye, im better =] eating is ok ish...its confusing really...

oh gotta go

hope yr feelin better after yr iffy day

hugs

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey hunni,

well i had it 2day, it didnt go great :/ but i thought tht last year n still passed so i hope i still mite! :/

aww, yeah natural is best, :/ amyway, no mine wasnt tht bad, just a bit red n then it wen i bit more tan lyk n i went out agen 2day n topped up a bit :) im not actaully tht tanned tho, just not totally white :/

im glad uve bin thru it n no itll settle down, it is kinda begining to mayb prehaps get a bit betta :D just a bit, slowly, i havnt bin as bad, tho i still hav bad points, most of the tym its not too bad anymore tho, im not gettin hungry quite as much :)

 hmm, c i fink tryin to find somefin gud id done each day wud help but then ill forget or make excuses, cos im lyk tht, if i dont wanna do somefin i try n talk myself out of it! :/ ok but how abt this, i am now free of exams, i hav got thru them all n yeah now ive just gotta wait for my results!

yeah, i find it so hard to belive in myself n to stop doubting God for tht matter! :/ i no i shudnt but i do. this was kinda weird cos last week at youth group we were doing trust n obedience n we r this wlnd too n my housegroup was on trust too n my youth worker is doing a talk abt tht passage this wknd, tho not here (at an interview fing) but its lyk God is totally trying to tell me to trust him, i no wot abt, its abt he is saying tht he will sort out fings wiv my youth worker leavin n finding a nu youth worker. its not tht i dont belive he can, i do, its more i dont want to trust it in case i get let down, lyk if i let myself belive fings mite not work out then at least i wont feel so bad abt it :( i am just so afraid im losing the one person thts kept me going n got my life back on track, n tht no one else will eva b able to help me in tht way :(

i mite still go, im just not massively sure, but i mite need them once my youth worker has left n i spose if i dont need it for long they will just do a bit n discharge me

yeah i sometyms distance myself too :/ i hav to try n stay close tho or fings just fall apart! i totally no wot u mean, my church isnt great n i mainly go cos my friends go but my youth groups r great so i hav somefin aimed at me too :D

im glad ur eatin is okish, i hope it gets to ok, how r fings? wot r u doing at uni agen? somefin to do wiv teaching or totally differnet?

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

haha dani! lol bless...i dnt tan either...ilook like a *bottle!!! i am soooo pale hehe my fake tan disaster is fading at last lol...i wore a dress today coz it was rally warm and u couldnt notice my legs were wierd lol

im glad the hungriness is settling down a bit :) gie it timehun :)

lol i talk mysel out ofthings i dnt wanna do too! bu give it a try hun :) try not to think too much about exams! hope u get the results u want tho!!

lol i think GOD is telling u to trust him!!! too much of a coincidence me thinks!

i know wot u mean hunny...if u fear the worst u cant be dissappointed...but u need to believe and hope too. wot if u prepare for the worst case scenario, but believe and hope for the best? then yr ready for wotever. God wont let u down sweetie...he might test u, but he'll always be there for u!

i think u should go to the counselling thing...see how it goes :) if u dn need it, u can leave or wotever :)

lol none of my friends go to my church anymore... its mainly over 70s that go...with a few 50+ thrown in lol...i am by far the youngest most weeks! i want to get my YG more focussed on GOd stuff...coz i feel likeits just a chatting time atm...but the newer 1s arent christian s it would alienate them me thinks :/ im hoping to organise an all night event tho...we did it before and it was amazing and i felt really peaceful and close to GOd

i'm ok thanks...how r u?

yep, im doing primary teachng with biology! yippee!!

lol

always ere for u!

xxxxxxx

hey hun,

sorri if i make no sense, my brain is too hot to function atm :( yeah i need to top up my tan agen but its too hot for words inside wiv windows open by a fan let alone sunbathing!!! :( glad ur fake disarster is fading :L

well it was settlin n then i messed it up agen :( i went cinema n meal wiv 2 friends to celelbrate end of exams n was ok eatin then n they slept ova n we had sweets which make me hyper n i lose my self control to stop eatin them, so i dont hav often but wanted to hav fun, so i had loads n was too hyper to sleep so had more!!! :@ :( got so guilty nxt mornin, messed up my eatin started ttryin to eat less cos i felt bad n fings got so hard, my youth worke toldme to pray abt it so i did yest n managed to get to a point of not restrictin my meals but still strugglin wiv the amount i still need to eat n stuff :(

yeah he is deffo tryin to point out i need to trust him, its just so hard n i dont wanna get let down n dissapointed agen :( i am tryin to hope at least i mite get someone else n itll kinad b ok :/

ill ask my youth worker abt going for the counsellin, she will probs say i shud, mayb if its only while i get ova her leavin n i spose they cud help wiv tht

lol u hav a fun church! :P we hav loads of older ppl too tho also families n we hav a fair amount of teenagers n gud youth groups so the youth stuff is great, the main church isnt teh best tho :/ mayb u cud hav most of it chattin, n then set some tym aside at the end of a bit of christian stuff. or hav 2 fings at once, christian n chatty room? all nite event sounds awesome :D

glad ur ok, im not great, the eatin stuff above mainly gettin me down :(

klies, i hope u enjoy tht :D

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 hi dani :)

dw about not making sense sweetie! lol ye, it can be too hot outside lol...i tent to hide in the shade...i dunno if is part of anorexia that makes me not just sensitive to cold but heat aswell? i dunno lol

ye, fake tan disaster has gone now! phew! hehe

so sorry that yr strugglin with eating again hunny, well done for eating thexxx...sorry u felt out of control...but remember its normal to eat more than usual some days! sorry it messed up yr eating tho hun :( r u doing any better now? well done for praying and managing to eat meals hun :) keep praying and trying hard to not stress over portion sizes! i know its really hard hun...take it a step at the time.

it will be ok hunny...u can do it!

love u soooo much!

ye, i think counselling is a good idea hun...it doesnt have to be forever :)

thats good that yr church has more young ppl :) actually today was pretty good :) i really prefer youth services tho lol...i just feel like th r more 'real' and not just religion without God.

ye, the all night things are awsome...im trying to get them to let us have another soon...but they dnt seem keep :( boooo! i am a juniour leader and my friend is aleader but to have an all night 1 we need a mal leader too...and thats where it goes to  pot lol hehe

we'll get there!

yr suggestions r gooooood btw!

keep fighting hunny- u can do it!!! i believe in u!!!! i really do!

hope yr feeling better sweetie...and hope food is getting easier :)

always here for u!!!

stay strong!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey hun,

i fink i was actaully inside but my room was just boiling! :O hmm i spose it cud b, lyk ive always bin sensitive to heat but i fink my ED did make fings worse! :/

erm, i hav managed to get it back under control, my youth worker prayed wiv me on tues :D erm, still hav to b careful tho, am just tryin to get back into eating  :( tis is basically my last chance tho, well its just tht i hav to prove to my youth worker i can keep myself under control n sort fings out myself n if i reali let myself go agen she will hav to tell my parents cos she cant leave n hav me stugglin to eat n for no one else to no abt it, so ive gotta prove to her i can manage safely long term :/

glad u lyked ur service betta, yeah its the same, my church isnt great wiv letting God actaully do fings,  its not the best but my youth worker has always encouraged me to pray wen theres not adults around etc :)

hmm, ur gunna hav to make friends wiv a young male ;) lol, we r ok now, weve always had male voluntiers n we hav had a trainee male youth worker wiv us the past year hu is staying around as well, so once we get another female youth worker we will hav both agen so thts gud, it does make trips n stuff easier :)

how r fings wiv ur eating? n u in general???

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxx

u ok hun?

stay strong beautiful xxxxxx

 I'm the same dani...really sensitive to heat since my ED...i wnder if they r linked?

well done for getting things back under control! so so so proud of u!!! hope u manage to keep at it!!!

do u think u could tell someone else anyway, just in case? as like an insurance for when yr youth worker leaves? u know...just as a but of extra support?

yr youth worker seems ace :)

things with eating arent great...but not too bad...i'm just sort of hanging on for my appointment in 2 weeks.

generally i'm good...except did a stupid thing and let a random stranger have my phone number...now he wont stop txtin me :/ grrrrr. i'm stupid! i jut wanted him to leave me alone and thats the only way i could think of getting rid of him. never mind... he'll get bored soon im sure

stay strong, u can do this! you re sooo amazing dani!

love u lots!

how r u doing with everything?

xxxxxxxx

hey hun,

they probs r, the gettin cold is so i imagine it works both ways!

thanks, im kinda strugglin a bit agen :/ just a bit, i got back to a healthy weight n tho its still low healthy its higher than ive bin for ages nd ive bin strugglin. i was doing alrite.

erm if we do get a nu youth worker i will probs tell her, my current 1 wud probs tell her to keep an eye on me anyway, if im not careful shes gunna hav to tell my parents cos she cant leave me lyk this alone, so i need to sort this out agen :( she also told me i hav to tell my college tutor or someone tht ive had an ED so they will no, i promised i wud so i spose ive gotta :/

she is absolutely amazing but shes only here for abt 3 more weeks n im away for 1 of them :'( reali srugglin wiv dealing wiv it :'( i did find out im allowed to keep in contact by letter so tht is somefin i spose, i wont b totally cut off :/ but shes not allowed to lyk b my support its just so i can keep in touch

hang in there hun, just keep takin small steps

hmm :/ im sure he will soon, hav u told him to stop textin u? if he keeps up for too long n ignores u tellin him to stop then tell him ull go to the police if he doesnt stop, if he still does go

ur amazing too hun!

ooh im going away friday wiv fam n then im only back for a few dyas here n there for a few weeks as im going to a couple of camps :D even wen im not here ill b thinkin n prayin for u, ill come on wen i can!

erm, im oksih, strugglin a home, hate it, dreadin the hol :( n my eatin is iffy as ive sed n yeah, just srugglin a bit, u?

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxx

oh no! so sorry yr struggling! well done for getting to a healthy weight tho sweetie! im sooo proud of u!! is it coz you have reached a better weight that yr struggling do u think?

good luck with telling the college tutou :) u can do it sweetie!

EEEK poor u! make the most of the 2 weeks u havewith her hun :) u will be ok hun. i kinow its really hard tho.

its good that yr allowed to keep in contact with letter :)

the man has stopped texting at last :) he obviously got bored :P

hugs hunny you r soooo kind! im prayin for u too sweetie

have a fantastic time on hols and camps!!!! hugs sweetie!!!!

hugs...sorry things at home arent that good :( keeepfighting tho hun- u will gwt thru this.

stay strong!!!

love u!

xxxxxxxx

hey hunni,

yeah it is cos im at a betta weight, im not used to it n paniced :/ i am doing a bit betta now tho, my youth worker sed i had to eat betta yest n she was round today n we prayed n am feelin betta abt it which is gud cos i hav to now prove to her i can actauly cope n will b ok to eat wen she leaves or she has to tell someone im strugglin :( so far ive failed to show i can last so now i actaully hav to, ive got 3 weeks n ive got to eat properly n fight the thoughts! its scary stuff!! :(

well im glad he has finally got bored!!! :)

thank u hunni, hugs n prayers headin ur way :)

how r u atm?

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxx

well done that yr doing better sweetie! u r an inspiration :) keep going cos i know u can beat this!!!

big hugs ma'dear you are truly amaazing. dont forget teres nothng wrong in asking for help. i always remembera joke i was told:

there was a man who fell off a cliff and managed to catch hold of a branch to stop him. he dangled there for a bit and prayed ' please God save me from falling to my death'

immediately, a ship passed and the sailor called up '1 sec, we'll get u down safely!'

but the man said, 'no go away! i'm waiting for God to save me!'

they argued for a bit before they sailed away

he prayed again... 'god save me!' and soon, a group of rescue men peered over the cliff and said,''hang on, well get u back up...dont worry.'' but te man said, no! go away...i have asked God to save me and he will''

after a while of arging, the rescuers left

the man was getting tired and kept on praying. a few seconds later, a rescue helicopter came but again, he refused help.

eventually, the man became too tired and could hold on no longer. he let go and fell to his death.

he went to heaven and saw God. he asked God, 'i prayed to you to help me, i trusted you, but you didnt save me...why?''

Godreplied,''what do u mean? i sent a boat, a rescue team and a helicopter! you refused all the help i sent!''

so really, God helps in lots of different ways, thru other ppl...so make good use of all the support u can get yr hands on hun...u deserve it!!! :)

sorry that took ages to say!

well...he got unbored and has been pestering me agen...but im saving the texts and if he carries on, i will maybe go to the police... im sure he'll get bored again soon lol

i'm good atm thanks :) just been away with guides on a residential...we were gonna camp but it was flooded so we stayed inside. it was great fun tho! i did a session on refugees, a making pebble pets thing and we all made fires and  cooked and had fun fun fun!!

how r u sweetie?

praying for u! hugs!

u can do this...keep fighting!

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey hun,

thank u, im still doing ok, am jsut tryin to plod along, the main family holiday is finally ova n done wiv! thank goodness, i coped ok n i ate ok n jsut glad its all ova

off to my camp on 3 dayss :D its wiv my youth group so will b awesome, will b the last tym i see my youth worker tho :'(

tht is a gud joke, it makes a gud point, yes i will try n let ppl help me, its just hard cos i find it hard to trust ppl n im losign the 1 person i can trust :( theres still no one bin found to take the job :( i dont even no if there hav bin applications :(

hmm, how annoying, i hope he gets unbored agen very soon if not i wud say do go to the police, saving the texts is a gud start.

i certainly hope my campsite doesnt flood!!!! theres no where else to go, well last year ppl were moved from small areas, the village we r in is known to b a muddy one! eeekk

sounds lyk u had a great tym wiv them, im sure stayin indoors was betta even if it wasnt as fun!

im mainly ok, lyk i sed just gla the hol is ova, got my camp to focus on, my eatin is ok, i am eating but still hav little fings i do, but compared to wot i hav bin im doing well. my youth worker will keep an eye on my at camp, we hav to eat the 3 proper meals n puddins n its wot i am mostly doing now anyway. she sed the rules for me will b the same as everyone else n tho i will hav her support this a strong chance to show her i can cope myself n am capable of managing wen she leaves so she wont hav to tell my parents

praying for u too, *hugs* how r u?

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxx

hi sweetie!

glad yr doing ok :) really proud of u dani!!!

well done for surviving the holiday :) and sooooooo proud of u that u ate ok etc :)

oooh have a great time at camp hun! i hope it is everything u hope!

i hope they find another youth worker soon! hope u dnt get waterlogged/muddy/wet etc !!!!

lol well the stalker guy got bored for about 5 days...but is back to texting.. he must have a very boring life lol.

thinking of u hunny! i know u can do it!

im ok thanks...going to uni sooon! soooooo excited!!! and nervous...but yeah lol

always here for u!

lots and lots of love!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey hunni,

camp was the most awesomest eva!!! :D luvd it so much, God did some amazing fings n im doing well :D it actaully wasnt tht wet or muddy which breaks traditions in a gud way :D

i hope they find one soon, but i now dont fink there hav even bin any applicants :( hmm, ahhh, i saw my youth worker for the last tym yest :( hm not gud but she gave me a 'book of encouragement' which is reali awesome :D

ok his life is clearly far too boring, if he stops and starts agen mayb go to the police cos this has bin going on a few weeks now :/

ooh wen do u start uni? and wot u studying agen? i forgot sorri!

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxx

yey! glad camp was great and u didnt get too muddy hahaha!

oooh wots the book of encouragement like hun? u ok?€

the stalker guy needs to get himself a life lol.

i start my course on 28th and doing teaching :D

hugs! u ok?

love u!

xxxxxxxxxxx

hey hunni,

im glad too, mud is jsut..well....muddy! lol

my nxt camp was even less muddy! but freezing at nights!!! :(

my book of encouragement, has some testimonies ive written n other bits from wen Gods done kl stuff. some chrisitian song lyrics n verses some pics n just kl stuff :) its got room for me to contiue it too...

erm im ok, depressed today n miss my youth worker loads :'( got my results yest,  am plzd :D got 2 cs, 2 bs, 2 as n 3 a*s :D

oohh 28th is today!! how was it? i hope u settle in soon n make lots of luvly friends :D do u no wot sort of age ur gunna work wiv once uve trained? i was helping lead 5-7s at my camp, so cute!

how r u doing? im home properly now, so am here for u weneva :)

stay strong beautiful

ly xxxxxxxxxx

wow your encouragement book sunds great :)

hugs about yr youth orker :( u feeling any better about that?

WEL DONE on your results!!! hahaha u do wot i did and put the lowest grades 1st...psychiatrists read something into that apparently lol hehe you should be very proud of yourelf hunny :)

lol sorry, its the 28th sept tha i start..i forgot t put the moth lol haha! i move in soon tho :D  the 9th i think..eeek :P

awwwww 5-7s r cute :) i want to work with the younger ones but like them all up to year 6 :)

i m on holidat atm...finding it hard eating but im ok :)

how r u huny?

always here for u!

xxxx

hey hunni,

sorri its taken so long to reply, hav either bin depressed or busy, hav started college now, is gettin my out the house at least but sooo tiring :( am still tryin to settle in

it is great :D thanks, erm still strugglin, miss her lots :( the church held interviews last wknd, dont fink they hav decided yet tho, so can u pray they make the right choice? am scared they wont n ill b stuck wiv no chance of any help :( im pretty sure tht at least 2/3 were male so not much hope left :(

thank u :) do u no wot they read from it cos i reali wanna no now? hmm, yeah i dont lyk saying the the other way round, i did the other day cos my friend sed hers the other way first so i thought id copy her but it felt weird :S

oooh it wud b the 9th today? so r u now in... wot? halls? flat? how is it? r u sharing wiv others? how did the move go, is this the first tym uve lived away from home?

how was ur holiday other than eating? i hope u hav found eating easier since coming home

im okish, jsut tryin to get used to college, strugglin at home, eatings gone slightly iffy, im just a bit all ova atm tbh :(

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxx

hugs danielle!!! keep strong :) u can do this hunny!!!!

the move was good thanks :) mum came up with me and we sorted my room out and stuff. i'm sharing a house with 24 other students it'll take some getting used to i think...but my room is nice... im just rubbish at making friends...but i'll survive hehe

eating is easie nowim home...except i have to go out for lotsof meals for good byes and birthdays etc...its hard lol.

im bac at home...moving in properly this friday :) really really nervous now though

hope u settle in well at college :) wot courses r  doing hunny? i hope thiings cometogether for u :) praying for them to make the right decision about yourth workers :) couldu not talk to a male youth woker? ours ismae and he's lovely...could u give it a go if they choose a male?

i think psychiatrists say wen u put yr lowest grades 1st its cos u feel like you have failed? or are showing you dont belve in yourself as much...smething like that lol.

aways here for u sweetie :) u r amazing :)

love u!

how r u?

xxxxxxxxxxxx

hey hunni,

sorri ive taken so long, college is reali takin it out of me!

glad the move went well, now ur back there, how r u settlin in? 24, wow! i hope its a big place! how is it wiv them? hav u started lectures yet, how r they? im sure ull make friends, i am :) hav u made some yet?

i hope tht u hav got thru all the meals ok n r coping wiv eating at uni? :)

im doing english, maths, psychology n sociology :/ they r ok, apart from maths, so much work, sooo hard, am stugglin n hate the teaher, am so close to droppin it! :(

erm they hav chosen a male, he will b for deffinate if it goes thru the church meetin, sure it will :'( the guy they chose, i cudnt talk to him, no way. the student one we hav hu is male i cud try but im not reali spose to, not in the same way. so i hav no one atm

this has reali shaken my relationship wiv God, i was tryin to trust him, its all falling apart, i dont no how to feel abt him, i want to trust him but its hard, i dont no

i do feel lyk i failed my english cos i wanted As not Bs :( i dont belive in myself tht much either, so either one lol!

home is horrible atm, i hate it here, havin such a bad day :'(

how r u

thanks for being here :)

stay strong beautiful

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 hi sweetie :)

how is college? hope its getting better for u lovely.

im settling in well :) only about 14  ppl hav moved in so far...bu the house is nice and big so its good :) i get on wit them all so far and they r really nice :) 

not started lectures yet...freshers on monday :)

im coping with food...think im maintaing. soo sorry maths isnt good :( dnt push yrself to continue if its not working but maybe give it till half term to decide?

how r u about having a male YW? so sorry u cant talk to him :(  wots he like?  big hugs hunny bee!! 

maybe gods plan isnt apparent yet? gkeep going beautiful :)

i know what u mean about B feeling like a fail...but remember its a really good grade AND u got it with so much else going on aswell hun.

eek wots happening at home? so sorry things r hard :( love u! always here for u. you are totally amazing.

god bless

love from juliette

sssssssssss

hey hun,

college is going quite well atm, apart from all the work! but am gettin used to it n settlin in which is gud :)

gud gud :) it must b weird living wiv soo many ppl! glad ur lykin it tho n gettin on wiv everyone :D

ooh r u lookin foward to freshers? other than parties n goinin out etc, wot happens or is tht it? cos lyk u hear on the radio abt freshers week n djs etc but thts all i relai no abt it lol. how r u wiv going out, as in do u enjoy it or does ur ED make it hard for u? i hope u hav a great tym :D

glad ur coping ok wiv ur food, hope ur still going strong? :)

yeah im gunna give it a bit longer, i am gettin used to it a bit more, its a big step up from gcse! i emailed my youth worker abt it even tho im not reali spose to n asked her advice n she sed if ur not gunna pick up anyfin else which i wudnt hav try it til half term at least so i am.

i havnt reali met him yet, only seen him once n didnt speak to him, he will b around 2m to meet tho. i no i wudnt talk to him tho, im not exactly spose to talk to him much abt stuff anyway but theres some ppl i no from jsut seein them i cudnt talk to, some ppl i no i cud learn to talk to, he is someone i no i just cudnt talk to.

his plan diffinatly isnt apparent atm! i hav no idea how he is gunna work out fings from here :( im just tryin to take fings a day at a tym atm. im barely talkin to anyone, beat is basically it n even here sometyms im findin it harder to express myself wen i used to b so honest here :/

in somefin else B wud hav bin fine, lyk im so proud of my 2 Cs cos i reali struggled in those subjects n was scared id get Ds, its just i reali wanted As in english n didnt get them :( i spose i was strugglin alot thru my exams n revision period so i did quite well

home is hard, i keep gettin into arguements wiv my mum :( we had 1 teh other day where she had a go at me for livin in my room all the tym n for not showing love of respect to her n not being part of the family :( its so hard wen i dont love or respect her n i dont wanna b part of the family, its so hard to fake fings so much all the tym to keep them happy :( but then the other nite she came up tryin to b all nice askin if i was ok n wanted to talk, she doesnt understand me, shes fed up wiv me, me wiv her, i cant talk to her, its all a mess, rest of them aint much easier :(

ur amazing too, thanks for being here :) luv u

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey hun,

im sure ur probs busy wiv gettin settled into uni atm n r very busy, just wanted to make sure ur ok?

here for u always

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxx

hi dani :) so sorry i hvent replied sooner! sorry to worry u. i was buriedin work and attempting to make myself socialise lol

glad college is ok :) u can do it hunny :)

ye, it is wierd livingwith so many people...like a youth hostel or something lol. most of them are nice, tho the bichiness has started which i hate. oh well :P

freshers was pretty rubbish...but it was ok :) there are parties, lots of intro lectures, registering, doctor registration, accommodation payments zzzzzz bla bla lol

now i've started its better :) ye, te radio lies...there was much more work and waiting about and listening and rules than parties lol

i went out a bit during freshers week and it was ok...but i havent been out since. i dont like getting drunk and i dont really like crowds etc so i tend to stay at home lol where i feel safe.

i'm actually doing alot better than i thought i would food wise :)

yep. a levels are a big step up from gcse...but you'll get used to it :)

haha well done for e-mailing you r youth worker :) i'm sure she didnt mind...infact im sure shewas pleased to hear from u :)

hope the new YW is nice. sorry u cant talk to him :( hope u find smeone else who u trust as much as yr old YW :)

well done for doing 1 day at a time hun, u ca do it :) oh hunny, i hope u can be honest on here..we're all here for u!!! love u lots sweetie

you did really well in yr exams to say so much was going on for u hun. im proud of u :)

so sorry home is hard. i know its hard to fake being happy etc, love u hun.  how come u cant talk to her? could u write a letter to say how u feel hunny? love u. you're amazing. always here for u

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey hunni,

its ok, i thought tht u wud probs b reali busy gettin urself used to uni life

college is going well enuf for me to b scared abt halfterm, tho i need the break ive always found skool hols harder cos im often home all day, skool n now college gives me tym away from my family n so helps me cope. so im just a bit nervous abt half term which starts 2m :/

im glad tht most of the ppl in ur house r nice :) i hope there isnt too much bitchiness tho! :/

oh ok, boring stuff too, i spose radios r only interessted in the music n party side of it all, lol, it doesnt sound as excitin anymore!

its gud tht u did go out in freshers, even if u dont lyk it tht much it probs helps confidence to go out sometyms even if u feel safer at home.

im glad tht food wise ur doing betta than expected, thts reali gud :D

i reali do hope i get used to it, most of them im gettin there, its just mainly maths i dont get at all still, well i get bits of it, not much, it doesnt help the teacher is rubbish! i just dont get the way she explains anyfin, it just confuses me :(

thanks :) well she neva replied to the emails i sent but it was agreed we wudnt email so i spose it is fair :/ but i got a letter from her last week :D which helped me so much, it was so gud just to hear from her! :D hopefully we can get a conversation going now shes settled in a bit :D

i dont reali lyk him tht much, hes a bit weird, but i hav only met him a few tyms, its just he acts lyk hes all close to us lyk hes bin around ages wen he hasnt, i find tht hard :( i hope so too, if i eva get it sorted n find tyms we can both do, i might b gettin counsellin somewhere near my college. only if i find the confidence to get myself thru the door, am so scared, i find even replyin to emails to sort it out hard :(

i can b honest wiv ppl here, its just im not always as willin to open up atm, writin to my youth worker agen helped, i can open up to her, i just got used to hidin away agen, ill try not too tho

thank u :) im alreadi scared ill fail my as ones tho, n i hav less going on now, i shud b able to do betta :/

i just cant, childhood stuff, im ok, i just cant talk to her abt stuff

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi dani,

Sorry AGAIN for the late reply hun

Glad college is going ok…how is half term going lovely? Is it the lack of structure that u don’t like? Or being at home? Or..?

I always found school holidays harder too. School was a good distraction for me.

Half term is nearly up…I hope it’s going well! Thinking of u.

The bitchiness seems to be calming down a bit now  I tried to keep away from it cos I like everyone and don’t want it to be like school woth all the talking behind peoples backs and stuff- I hate that.

Lol radios make uni sound like 1 constant party…and it can be…if u fail :S lol. I suppose it is what you make it at the end of the day. I have been out 4 times…the rest is work, living, loooovely walks by the beach, nprmal friend/young peoples stuff 

Uni is exciting tho  especially the moving out, independent living, meeting new people etc

You will get there hunny, remember a-levels are hard…and it takes a long time to adjust to the different way of learning…but it will come 

Eek a rubbish teacher at a level isn’t good! Hugs! Could u maybe ask friends to explain it to u…or a student in the year above?

It must have been hard that she didn’t reply to your e-mail hun. She prob wanted to but knew she couldn’t. its good that u got a letter and that it helped :D  

Sorry the new YW isn’t that good, hopefully he will get better as he settles in. maybe its time for you to sort of strike out alone and see that you can achieve a lot on your own?

Hope the counselling goes through lovely  you can do it!!! I know its hard…but try to make yourself go cos it might be really helpful. Keep praying and let God give u courage

I’m praying for you too :D

I know its hard to stop hiding from people. I think it’s prob part of the illness that we say we are ok even when we’re not

Just because you hsve less going on doesn’t mean A-levels get easier hun. Dnt be so hard on yourself. Try to set yourself small achievable goals and you will get there don’t expect perfection lovely…it IS hard. It’s a steep learning curve.

Hugs. I’m always here if u want to talk…but u don’t have to tell me J you are strong hunny and I believe in u totally

Always, always here for you…though I might be a bit slow to reply sometimes!

Keep fighting, you are amazing

All my love

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hey hunni,

so sorri ive taken agess to reply, ive had so much work recently n college has bin tirin me out ive hardly spoken to anyone here recently! :( its ok tht u replied late last tym, im sure u hav lots of uni work too!

half term is jsut hard, cos im at home so much n around my family so much, i get depressed wen i dont get out the house n see friends so i get reali down :( i got thru it in the end, had an manic work rush at the end cos i hadnt had the energy to do it earlier :(

yeah i hate it too, i hope tht all the bitchiness has stopped now n tht ur house is a nice place to b :)

hav u bin out much since? ooh lucky u to get a uni by the sea, i luv beaches! :D i cant wait to move out!

i fink i am gettin the hang of my subjects a bit more now, its all rather scary tht i hav exams in a few months tho! maths is going ok, i am gettin it a bit betta, me n my friend help each other, between us we get most of it! its just annoyin shes so rubbish, last lesson we did a test the whole tym, she got us to work all the answer out in groups first n then made us do it :S was easier for us but its not very helpful stuff exam wise!

i havnt heard back form her for weeks agen :( which is hard for me, i dont talk to anyone else so its just hard not having her around or even to talk to :( yeah i am going it alone, am going ok, am mostly eatin ok, well im maintaining my weight n tht but its jsut the thoughts :( i spose i am doing ok alone its just hard cos im usd to support :/ teh counsellin place sed they wud email agen wen someone is free to see me n they havnt yet, i hav no idea how long it cud b...

i spose, its just im such a perfectionist! its hard, i try to not expect much of myself, but deep down even if i get the lower aims i no they arent wot i reali wanted :S

thank u, i try to talk on here, jsut to get my feelins out, but im not even on here as much as i used to b :/

how r u doing? hows uni going?

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hi lovely...i'm sorry for not replying sooner!!!been really stressed with work and stuff SORRY!!!

well done for getting through half term and getting your work done :)

its great that you are gettin the hang of yr subjects more :) u can do it!!!

good luck with the exams- u can do it!!!!

sorry that yr teacher is still rubbish and that the SW hasnt replied :( that must be hard. hugs!!! well done beautiful for maintaining your weight :) i'm proud of you

i hope the counselling place get in touch soon. you really deserve support and i can tell you're trying really hard to keep goin :) i really mean it whan i say well done

always here for you. you are amazing. keep fighting :)

praying for you :)

the perfectionism is a tricky 1... all i can say is to keep reminding yourself that those expectations are extremely high and that academic stuff isnt everyting. HUGS

always here for you...sorry i didnt reply for so long though :(

im reall proud of you but i know its really hard for u still. youare amazing and an inspiration

all my love,

juliette

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hey hunni,

its ok, i understand tht uni must b hard work, i get enuf as it is!

i got my statements of entry yesterday - made it all real, they r gettin so close! :( i also hav 2 at teh same tym so my tutor sed ill hav to take one in the afternoon having spend lunch in isloation! grr, why do they plan exams for the same tym :(

thanks, i hav no idea wot my weight has done now, my head is a mess n tho i try to not let my thoughts affect my eating it probs does, i cant reali tell how much tho :/

i hav a difficult yet amazing wknd to get thru, i am gonig to watch new moon wiv 2 friends then eating out whch im scared abt :/ they r sleepin at mine, then 3 of my friends r gettin baptised on sunday mornin n my old youth worker is coming back fortht which is so exciting :D but also im still upset i havnt hread from her in so long :( a school friend was ment to b coming to the baptisms of mine n as she isnt christian this is a reali gud opportunity to bring her to church but today she sed she cant make it cos her family r round but she sed she wud n im just upset, i despriately want her to come :( then theres a lunch afta tht as well whch is scary :( im reali scared my youth worker will work out my eating isnt the best, n hav to tell someone, but i fink im doing ok, i jsut dont no :(

yeah i spose, thanks, its jsut so hard, i try to tell myself itl b ok even of i only get a C or woteva but its not reali :/ it jsut confuses me, i tell myself ive done well n give tell myself to hav low expectations yet i want the bset :S

thank u, ur so amazing n always help me, how r u doing? how is eating?

always here n prayin for u, ily

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Hi :)

thanks hun for understanding :) i really woul like to get on beat more ... i feel really guilty-like i'veabandoned you all. i stillthin of u all lots and lots :)

eeeek hugs hun! sorry u have to do the isolatin thing :( you can do it though! i agree though...they shouldnt put exams on at the same time...its daft!

oh hugs hunny :( how come your head is such a mess is it all the SW/exam/family stuff? BIG hugs. i'm really proud of u- you are amazing.

oooh have fun watching new moon!! good luck with th eating out- remember u r stronger tan the ED :)

i hope you have an amazing time at the baptisms and the sleep over :D

hoe things with the youth worker go well :) she probably wants to keep in touch- but there's so much red tape now...and its hard not to break the law around these things lol. i'm not allowed to be in touch with the children in my class last year...

sorry that your friend couldnt make it to church :( could u maybe invite her to yr youth group? keep trying :) there will be lots more opportunities to get her to come. do your church do an alpha course? if they do u could ask her alng to that? they r really good :)

i realy hope that this weekend isa positive 1 :) it is a chance for you to have fun and feel close to God and your frinds :) the meals are a challenge- but you can do it lovely!! ibeieve in you. remember the story of peter and Jesus walking on water.

good luck again with seeing your YW. try to take it as it comes...if she does work out that yr strugglin, it migh be a positive thing for u to get a little bit of extra support?

i'm really proud of you tho- i can tell you're fighting so hard to beat this. i tink you are amazing to be going through all of this and still be thinking so much about how u can help your friends :)

i know the perfectionis and grades thing is really hard. i feel like that too and ts hard going back to academic work where i get graded again...

someone told me to focus on how much work i put in and to allow myself to have off days where other things gt in the way of wo. i suppose it is all about balance and leaning to praise yourself when u do well (i know its rally hrd though)

you are so lovely ) i love chatting to you hun:)

i'm ok...had a hard week but doing ok :) my parents re coming to see me tomorrow and i'm looking forward to it :) eating has been iffy- restricting and then binging :/ but i think i'm geting on top of it now :)

always here for you sweeti. how r u doing?

wishing you all the best for the weekend

Praying for you :)

God bless,

hugs, smiles and love from julitte

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hey hunni,

i no wot u mean, i dont hav the tym to post as often as id lyk anymore, u havnt abanonded us, just come on wen u can

mostly ova my eating, my thoughts r conflictin too much, ive lost a tiny bit, still healthy but it shows tht im not doing as well as i thought :/ i know i need to try n sort it out agen, im just scared n i strugglin wic thoughts tht theres no point cos ill only slip agen :S also jsut family, college work makes fings hard especially wen i get depressed :(

new moon was amazing :D i reali enjoyed it, i coped ok wiv eating my meal out but i didnt manage anyfin in the film n we didnt hav stuff in the night which helped. but then cos id let myself eat loads out i didnt eat tht much at the baptism lucnh :/ the baptisms were reali great tho :D

it was reali gud seein my youth worker agen :D was hard to leave tho but it has helped me :)

we did a youth alpha last year but not this one, hopefully we will do another nxt year :) we always film the baptisms so im gunna borrow a copy to show her :) r youth group is possibly too christian for her atm, i hav taken her to a big youth event in town a few tyms which she does seem to enjoy :)

thank u hunni :) its just hard, i keep gettin fings sorted but i slip back, always. i neva go back as far as i used to but i still struggle a bit :( i just get scared this will always b a part of me, even if tht part is tiny n doesnt affect me amssively, im jsut scared itll always b there :(

how did it go wiv ur parents? hope u had a gud tym? :) well done for trying to keep ur eating under control :) keep going, i no u can do this :)

i luv talking to u too :) im prayin lots for u :) hope everyfing is ok?

God bless

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hi danielle :)

thanks :) i will be on more when its the holidays im sure :P i might even get on to chat!!!

hugs hunny!!! hope you manage to put the weight back on. so sorry that you are struggling sweetie. keep fighting tho- you can do it :)

it must be hard for you with all the family stuff :( BIG hugs!!!

well done for having the meal lovely :~) im proud of you! maybe next time you will be able to eat a little at home too? but i think you did really well :)

New moon is great isnt it? i went to see it with 2 girld from my house...to a tiny old cinema with only 1 screen...and an interval!!! with a man stood at the front selling snacks like in a theatre! it was so funny!

so glad the baptism was good :D

how is your old YW? is she happy wherever she is? how are you now that she's gone again?

good luck with yr friend :) her enjoying the youth events is a good sigh :D

i think you're doing really well ...each time you slip, you pick yourself up and carry on; that takes alot of courage and strength :) you can do it hunny!  i think that gradually, bit by bit, it will go and you will be free.

it was lovely to see my parents again although i got really upset after they had gone because i realised how homesick i was. it would have been ok if i could have cried; but i couldnt and i ended up self -harming. im ok now though and looking forward to going home for christmas (scared about the eating side tho) 

how are you hunny? keep going- you can do this!!!

are you looking forward to christmas?

it feels odd this year...not being part of preparing for christmas. at home there was a christmas market that i usually help at and it really puts me in the chrismas spirit but theres not much here because i keep over sleeping on sundays and not getting to church :/

i was in school all last week and was helping the year 3s to decorate the tree while year 4 were practicing for the christmas oriduction- it was sooooo lovely! that made me feel happy :)

always here for you sweetie :) thinking of you. you can do this- you will beat the ED.  love and hugs from juliette

xxxx

hey hunni,

so sorri its taken me so long to reply, i jsut havnt had the tym for beat recently which i hate, i always come on wiv no tym or eneergy to reply, sorri

im guessin ur on ur hols now then :) wen do u go back? ooh hopefully if i eva get on chat ill see u there :)

well i did lose a little bit even tho id just started eatin betta. one of the older girls n now a young leader in my youth group came up to me a couple of weeks back n asked abt my eatin cos she had noticed id lost weight, she did no abt my past struggles so it wasnt totally random but it did scare me. she came round to alk wiv me tht week but ive hardly seen her since. i managed to pray tht week too tho n i hav bin eatin betta which is gud cos i wudnt cope wiv christmas otherwise. tho im still reali scared cos ive gotta get the balance rite, n im at my grandparents which is worst cos tehy want to spoil us wiv foods.  im reali scared abt how ill cope ova christmas :(

yeah not lookin foward to going to my grandparents, ive got aunties n uncles n cousins there n loads of random relatives to visit n stuff so im not lookin foward to tht :(

thank you :) mayb, we shall see. yeah it is reali gud, lol tht sounds interestin, how do they chose where to put intervals in the films they show! lol

erm well i miss her alot but im doing ok, am findin it hard tht she hasnt written to me for months tho :( but yes shes happy n doing well :)

thanks, the tyms i fall back now arent as bas as they used to b but sometyms i get scared tht ill neva fully recover n tht ill always have to fight to keep myself eatin properly :(

im guessin ur home now so how is it going eating wise? i hope tht seein ur family agen will help :) how come u cudnt cry? how hav u bin coping wiv ur s/h recently?

erm i am totally unexisted abt christmas :( id jsut rather it didnt happen this year :( im scared abt food, scared abt family, going away n not having internet for a few days, so no support or entertainment :( im kinda excited abt the presents but teh rest of it makes them not worth it :(

oh i hope u feel more christmasy soon, i hope tht u get some tym to go to church once ur home n on ur hols

aww im glad u had fun in skool :) kids r luvly to b around at christmas cos they get so excited!!! :)

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxx

Hi lovely! dnt worry, I know exactly what u mean about not having anough time and energy
Yes im on holiday till the 11th now hopefully I can be on chat a few times!
It must have been hard that someone noticed that youd lost weight ...but it shows that lots of ppl care about u hun
Im so proud of u for praying and managing to eat better. I hope christmas is good and not difficult for you. I know im stressing about it- especially looking through a food magazine yesterday with the idea I’d do some christmas baking and nearly freaking out. I know what you mean about balance...its hard to eat enough but not so much that it scares you...try to eat what you would eat normally  and maybe allow yourself an extra of what you like as a treat? Arrrrgh im getting stressed over family things too. I think most of them think im ‘better’ and im trying to fool my parents to think that too so christmas dinner is gonna be really hard and im scared too.  I wish christmas wasnt so food focussed!!!

Anyway...im panicking myself so ill stop.

Could u maybe have a little bit of time to yourself after the meal to sort yr thoughts out? Like going into another room for 10 mins or so? Unless you are best staying with ppl and distracting yourself?

Glad yr YW is happy and well. I bet she is thinking about u lots even if she doesnt write. HUGS!!!!!

Keep going hun. You will get better one day- recovery is all about having easy times and then tough times...but im sure the tough times will get less as you learn to fight it. keep going- you can do it!

Home is hard eating wise and I am trying my best to keep it a secret how much im struggling but also not to eat so much that I freak out... its sort of working... im eating more than usual but not as much as I ‘should’ im scared what I’ll weigh when I go back to uni!!!!!!

Seeing family and friends is sooooo nice though when food isnt part of it. I dnt know why I couldnt cry- I hardly ever can...thats sort of y I cut...cos its a way of crying...does that make sense? Anyway...the last couple of weeks at uni were not very good s/h wise. I I feel soooooooooooooooooooooo tired all the time and according to my mum I look like death warmed up cos im so pale      eeek!  So ye... anyway im ok : )

Sorry to hear that yr not excited about christmas. I’ll b praying for u. I hope u have a good time. Sorry that u probably wont get this before you leave : (

Hope you get lots of llovely presents and have a really good time.

I hope christmas is unexpectedly good for you!
You are amazing. Remember that!
Stay strong
God bless,
Love from juliette
xxxxx

hey hunni,

oh no fair i was bak to college 2day :( tho thts kinda gud cos i was strugglin bein home all the tym but i hav 4 exams nxt week which im all stressed out abt :(

how did ur christmas go in the end? i hope it was alrite. mine food wise went rather well, on christmas eve i was readin thru a book agen tht is reali helpful,

hunni u need to fink abt whether foolin ur parents is the best fing, its ur choice but if they can help u it wud b best to tell them

i hope she still finks abt me n i no tht she has new youth now but its just hard not havin her around or there to help me, i just feel lyk im not reali part of her life anymore :(

cud u not weigh urself wen u get bak to uni or at least not for a little bit just to let urself feel more comfortable wiv ur eatin before u do? or will not knowin ur weight cause u do restrict? it wud b reali gud to try to keep a gud eatin pattern wen u go bac cos itll show u tht u can eat a bit more than normal for a bit n cope wiv it :)

yeah i no wot u mean, i used to s/h wen i wanted to cry, i managed to stop s/hin tho n startin cryin esier wen i needed to but tthen i didnnt cry for ages n i reali needed to the other day n just cudnt which brught lots of s/h thoughts back but i managed nt to, , im determind not to but its so hard :( 

 it appears i had reason to b unexcited abt it :( as i sed food went ok but family was hard n i didnt even get tht many gud presents on the day had a couple since tho but the presents didnt even make up for the hard stuff so it just wasnt worth it this year :( 

thanks so much for prayin, prayin for u too :) can u pray abt my exams nxt week plz, 2 on monday then 1 wed n fri, i feel so out of control despite tryin to revise quite a bit, im probs gunna fail 1 or 2 of them n its reali stressin me out :( thanks luv u, ur amazing tooo :D

God bless,

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Hi lovely

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey hunni,

so so sorri its taken me foreva to reply :( exams totally took ova my life n then ive just bin so busy wiv college since, it tires me out :/ hav u had ur exams yet? how did they go?

sorri the bit abt the book got all edited,

aww, i hope tht helped u feel betta, im sure uve come so far in those 2 years :)

im doing ok atm, my eating isnt as gud as it had bin recently, i had a load of meals out which freaked me out abt so just tryin to get myself back on track :/ 

i reali hope she does, its just hard to believe wen she hasnt made the effort to write to me for months, im not angry at her, i just miss her :( i do understand she has a life somehwhere else now, its just hard to deal wiv, i am coping betta wiv it all now, ive just got used to it now i spose, i still hav tyms where it gets me down tho :/

how is ur eating going atm hunni? i hope ur doing ok n feel ok wiv ur body too? :) 

i havnt s/hed for so long, i didnt fink id manage this,  i dont wanna start agen tho, i wudnt b able to break the habit agen :/ i havnt cried since but im managing mostly ok atm :)

hope fings r gud for u n ur managing wiv fings ok atm?

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxx 

hiya lovely :)

dont worry about not replying sooner :)

how did yr exams go? mine went ok... ive passed the ones ive got back (uni ones r marked quicker lol)

hope you can rest a bit now that exams are over :)

well done for trying to get yourself back on track hunny! im proud of you! and well done for managing the meals out too :) 

sorry that your YW still hasnt written and that you miss her :( its hard i know. HUGS. it will get easier sweetie :) promise :)

my eating is ok i think... back to normal for me i think... so not technically enough... but ok. im still struggling with body issues...but i feel i always will

i havent s/h for about 3 days now!!!! :D

WELL DONE HUNNY!!! im so proud that you havent s/h for so long :) im really pleased for you and so so proud :)

how r things for you sweetie? i hope everything is ok :)

always here for you!

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hey hunni,

one of my exams went reali well, 2 i fink went ok n the last was reali hard n im sure ive done rubbishly :( ooh well done hunni :D thts great :D hav u got the rest back now? i dont even no wen i get my results, i kinda dont want them :/ do u remember wot sort of tym a level ones come out?

well we kinda went straight back into work for the summer exams so i didnt get much rest! its half term next week tho, so hopefully i can hav some rest then tho im kinda scared too, i dont always cope wiv hols well :(

my eating is going quite well, i am tending to manage to eat well just feeling bad abt it :/ thank u :) i am still trying to keep on fighting n God is helping me, its just a slow process

she still hasnt written :( i still miss her loads :( but since she first left i hav got betta at being patient for a letter n understanding tht she has other ppl to look afta now, i am able to accept tht more even tho it hurts

well done for managing to get ur eating back to ur normal, tht is a gud start :) keep fighting hunni, u can do this :) i dont fink u always will hunni :)

YAY :D well done, thts amazing :D im coming up to a big landmark wiv my non s/h run, i shall announce it soon :D

i am doing ok atm :) how r u?

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxx

hiya beautiful! how r u?

im so glad that 3 out of the 4 exams went ok and 1 went really well :) sorry to hear about the last one tho :(  chin up tho! you should be proud of yourself for getting through them!

i think you should get your results early march hun... i think thats when i got my january results. you can check on the exam boards website tho too i think :)

hope your half term is going ok and you;re managing to relax and have fun. we dont have half term but today is a day off because its placement day and they do have half term... so i had a lovely lie in and am hoping to do work and catch up! i hope i do cos i dont want to waste a day off! i got the rest of my marks back and i did ok... so thats all good :)

i'm so proud of you for managing to eat even though it makes you fel bad. it must be so hard and i really am proud of you hun!!! keep going cos u can do this!!! like u sed, God is helping you and it will be a slow process... but it'll be worth it!!!

sorry that your YW hasnt written but well done for learingin to be patient and accept it. it is hard, but it does get easier with time.

ooohhh im so so prooud of you for your long no s/h run! how long has it been??? you are amazing! are you ,anaging to find other coping strateggies?

always here for you hunny!

i'm ok thanks. just looking for a house next year and not getting very far :( but im sure something will turn up. i'm sharing with two girls who are both lovely so it should be good as long as we dont have to move into a tent on the beach ahahahahaha! (thats our plan B if we dont find a house)

always here for you!

hope your doing ok

lots of love

juliette

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hey hunni,

thanks :) ohh, thts so soon now!!! i reali dont want them tho, i just wish i cud forget they happen n not eva hav the results :/

glad the rest of ur results were gud :) hope u enjoyed ur day off! i hav quite enjoyed this half term, i managed to go out quite a few days so tht helped me cope :) i reali cant b bothered to go back now, early mornings :(

i lost a little bit of weight agen, but i managed to recognise tht it wasnt gud n hav tired to eat better this week cos of it :) i thought i had been eating well but clearly not, so im jsut gunna hav to see how fings go.

thanks :) so last friday, the 12th was my big mark, it was 6 months wivout s/hing :D i was so proud of myself, i fink its also the longest ive eva gone since i first s/hed :D i neva thought i cud eva manage this so it is possible to break free!

aww, i hope u manage to find a house soon! im sure ull find one in time :) haha, well thts a gud plan B, tho u might need to find a nearby field for wen the tide comes in ;) ur so lucky to b at a uni near the beach!!!

im doing ok, big week this week! its my bday on saturday so i hav to get thru 2 cinema trips n a meal this week but im up for the challenge, im doing well atm so i fink i shud b fine wiv it all :)

ooh n i fink ive found myself a gap year for afta a levels :) i wanna go into youth work but to get into uni courses for it u need some experience so im taking a gap year n id found this chirstian charity which is london based which do skools work n they run gap years n so id b working wiv them n hav a placement church n stuff n it looks amazing n God confermed its wot i shud do last night n i got so excited :D so hopefully ill b off there in a year n half :D

how r u doing?

stay strong beautiful

Danielle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hi beautiful!!!!

good luck with the exam results sweetie!!! i hope you get what you want :)

im glad u had a good half term hun :) i know what you mean about early mornings lol... its horible :P

well done for recognising that the weight loss isnt a good thing :) im proud of you for trying to eat better!!!

wow!!!! WELL DONE DANI!!!!!! 6 months is a fantastic acheivement!!! i'm soooooooooooooooooo proud of you!!!! keep going :) you can do it! you are amazing!!!! you're an inspiration! :D

we found a house!!!! right opposite the other one :) so we are literally 2 minutes away from the sea :D its a lovely house... quite quaint cos the floor and ceiling slope :) AND we all get double beds :) hahaha! i'm soooooo looking forward to it now :) no more camping on the beach in a tiny tent lol

oooohhhh!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOO YOOUUUUUUUU!!!! did u have a good time? i hope u enjoyed the cinema and the mean :) glad yr up for the challenge hun! you can do it!

oooh the gap year placement thing sounds amazing! hope you get onto it!!! you will love it :)

im doiing ok thanks hun... just recovering from a mystery illness lol... was not well atall but on the mend now :) how are you? did u get anything nice for your birthday?

keep fighting! you can beat this! thinking of you!

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