help...weight gain

hey sweetheart,

well done for getting your head around the eating bit (as far as you can anyway). how did you do it as I'm really struggling?!

to be honest sweetheart I didn't have the problem of weight gain for too long as although I did become underweight I then started bingeing and so put enough weight back on to be considered in the normal range quite quickly, but I have found that my weight has stabilised over the past few weeks and I promise you that it won't keep going up forever sweetheart.

let me know how you are doing,

take care sweetheart,

lexy -xxx-

hey sugar fanx 4replyin..

to be honest i just forced myself 2eat 3meals a day n made sure sum1 was by my side at all times 2stop me binging n stop me sneakin 2the toilet.lol.is gettin beta n i keep a self help book called bulimia nervosa and binge-eating by peter j cooper.... rele good ways 2 stop urself bingeing and stuff...

im doing pretty well..stil feel rele guilty after eating and gettin all those negative thoughts but i am gettin ther...how about u my love?iv been readin alot of ur posts...u seem propa sweet :) wots ur story if u dnt mind me askin?

and yer i went undaweight 2 as afta evry1 found out about my bulimia i totaly stopped eatin and as swn as i started eatin went up rele quik...im normal agen now...jus scared it wont stop.lol

fanx agen 4replyin

ope all is well,lemme knw how u r doin 2

cafrin x

hey sweetheart,

awww, thankyou!! that made me smile

glad you're doing okay sweetheart.

of course I don't mind you asking! erm ... well it started with me not eating during the day but then bingeing at night, then when I started looking at unis I started starving myself as I though that people at uni would not like me unless I was thin. also I was struggling at school and at home and this seemed to be the only way to show that I couldn't cope as I've never been too good at talking about how I feel. now it has gone back to starving during the day but then bingeing at night and I am gaining weight and feel really fat.

may I ask your story?

let me know how things are going,

take care sweetheart,

lexy -xxx-

heylloo agen,how u doin?

u can of corse ask my story...

duno how it started rele,but 1day i started jus makin myself sick afta meals then i went 2uni n it got rele bad bein sick like 10 times a day n i quit uni cos i cudn handle it n i moved in with my boyfrend.n i didn hav nuffin 2do inda day wen e was in work n i was rele down in general so jus binged n binged then was sick n started taking like 40 laxativs a day... then my boyfrend found out n i cudn sneak off 2da toilet n stuff so id binge all day then starve all nite started takin more n more laxativs n water tablets..then 1 day i jus snapped n kept faintin so had 2move bak in wiv my parents n becoz i was so watched by my docta n my family i cudn do anyfing so i got petrified of food n jus stopped eatin n my weight dropped even further....n then 1day my boyfrend got me these books n i was rele down wudn get out of bed unless it was 2walk jus 2burn off some calories n i jus read them n something jus kinda "clicked" n i jus ate n didnt feel petrified n i waited n waited for a relapse n luckily it hasnt happend yet (touch wood)

im still seein doctas n avent got my periods bak...im doin ok tho stil doin meal plans n tryin 2get 2grips with weight gain n acceptin my body an all that stuff but its gettin ther..

and i bet u r not fat,i bet ur gawjus n u shudn fink anyfing else, i can tel by the way u make the effort with evry1 that ur a beautiful person...bit of cheese for u ther :p

so do u make urself sick or anyfing or exercise or is it jus bingin??r u in counsellin or anyfing??sorry to be nosy i jus intrested in uva ppls experience ya knw..

hows things goin 4u?lemme knw,n if u eva need 2talk or get anyfing off u chest,im ere :D

sorry this post so long.lol

take care

cafrin x

hey sweetheart,

glad to hear you have not relapsed yet. *hugs*

awww, thank you hunni! =)

I do quite a lot of exercise, have tried to make myself sick on a few occasions and have also taken laxatives, but both were only for very brief periods of time.

I am having counselling, individual therapy and family therapy at the moment.

things aren't going great but I am coping.

let me know how things are going for you,

take care,

lexy -xxx-

When I was in hospital the doctor told me at first if you haven't been eating your body will put on different weights each week, it will fluctuate and vary depending on water retention etc and also he said my metabolism would be all over the place!! so that would affect it, but as you put on weight this all gets better and I've been through this all before and it does!!

After 2 weeks now of being out of hospital I've put on some weight and I have loads more energy and feel better, the weight gain scares me a bit but I try and think it is for the best I really don't want to be this thin as I can't do much and each bit of weight I put on will help me towards a better future.

I know I need the weight on me to fill out my cheeks and under my skin where there seems to be not much except bones and I hate this!!

I think you have to think about all the positives about what gaining weight will give you, like chairs will be more comfy to sit on.

At first I found I was full a lot but I think some of that was fear, now I can eat a lot more, I am starting to enjoy eating again, I may not be hungry at every meal but I know I can eat it, I went to a hypnotherapist and he helped, he told me that when I was saying I wasn't hungry I didn't mean that I just meant I didn't want food or wasn't starving.

I also gave complete control to my mum at first, she cooks all my food and decides what I eat atm as at such a low weight my brain still doesn't work quite right but I am getting better and I can choose my food a bit more now, even if its just which * or * were having with a meal, she alsso gets me to eat in the day which is so much better, it was so hard at first but now I don't want to eat at night, I am in the routine of eating in the day, I know its a long progress of getting better, but I went to hospital 3 weeks ago and now I feel like Ive made lots of progress and I am ready to get better.

With me it just clicked one day and I think it might be the same with other people?! I just felt I could do it and I go help, I looked in the mirror and saw what I have done, I can't be 'normal' overnight but I think the recovery route teaches us a great deal and makes us stronger..

xxxxxxxx

heyyyaaa lexy...

how u diddlin chiken?

how come it aint goin 2well....anyfing else affectin ur progress or is it jus da disorder in general?

neway...tel me bawt urself...how old r ya?u in scwl or anyfing?

fings r goin pretty well,seen my docta yday,had a bit ofa chat bawt depression n stuf,elped alot

take care of urself sugar...chin up

cafrin x

heya emma..

fanx 4ur reply..

its gud 2hear how positiv u r, it sounds lyk ur doin rele well,well done :D

yer,it just clicked with me too,tis weird how that appens,i fink u hav 2 hit the bottom before u realise how bad its got,did u feel that?...

my weight has started 2slowly even out inda last week or so n hadnt gained much inmy last weigh in...so feel alot better about evryfing...

u soud lyk u ada pretty ruff tym,glad u seen the light tho

let me knw how its goin 4 ya....make sure u stay strong.

luv cafrin x

hey sweetheart,

you sound so positive!! =D

I wish I could feel as positive as you sound. =(

I'm feeling awful. I know I shouldn't be as I have done a lot this week that I have had credit for but am just feeling so down. I don't know what is wrong with me!

I know this sounds horrible, but I couldn't give control to my mum, EVER. you are such a strong person hunni.

let me know how things are going,

take care,

lexy -xxx-

Hey Lexy and Cafrin, thanku for the nice messages!!

Yeah I think I had to hit rock bottom before I felt I could better, I never thought it would get so bad and I tried to get better but I just kept getting worse and my mum was saying that she had read an article where a girl had said it was when she gave control to someone else that she started to get better.

My mum is really support and does help me, but this is the 4th time in the past 9 years that my weight has been really low but this is the worse time so she has been through it before, and I do feel bad putting her through it but she really takes care of me and the therapists help us both.

I didn't think I could give control to her but I had to as I knew I couldn't go on as I was and having nothing to do in hospital and not being able to do work really made me have to think about my life and that I did want a future!

Now I want to get on with my life but it's frustrating as I can't, I also find it hard to think of other things to do other than uni work!! Does anyone else find this that they feel useless doing nothing or just watching tv or reading!!

Hope everyone is doing ok xxxx

heyyaa emma n lexy..

how ya both doin?good weekends i hope.get up 2much?

o my god i just cant sit down 2do anything,it drives my family mad...i think 4me its mre 2do wiv concentration,if i keep myself busy i dnt get so down and i hold back a relapse i fink if ya get me?

did u find it hard to give control 2 ur mum??i hated it,at first she had 2sit in the bathrwm wen i went 2the toilet...not my best moments.lol.i wasnt allowed 2b on my own,she'd make my whole days rota...not jus myt fwd but wot i did inda day n evryfing,was rele intense but deffo worked.

i finf the best fing 2do wen i cant sit around is go 4a walk or a bath, straighten ur hair,do the washin up or sumfing lil,my new faves puttin fake tan on 4da summa :P jus do summink lil,stops ur mind wanderin n makes u feel lil bit beta...wel me neway...

hows it all goin emma? have ya managed 2stabilise ur weight or isit stil droppin?i fink ur positiv attitude will deffo win ova ur ED jus stay positive..

and lexy...hows it goin 4u sugs?hows the binging?u been put on a meal plan yet?i found that rele helpful wiv my binging...

write back

ope all is well

cafrin

x

hey sweetheart,

I'm not doing great. Felt incredibly low the past couple of days and didn't manage to get myself to college today. been in bed most of the time. I feel absolutely exhausted.

I'm still binging, but not as big binges as they were.

I was offered a meal plan, but I refused it, I didn't feel ready for it, and didn't want my mum to be with me at every meal.

let me know how things are going for both of you,

take care,

lexy -xxx-

Hey cafrin,

yeah I am putting on weight now, I have been out of hospital for 2 weeks, I only went for a week but it seemed like a very long time!!

When I came out we agreed with the doc that my mum would cook for me as I was too underweight to look after myself, and I have to put on weight each week to keep the doc happy and so that she doesn't refer me to an eating disorder clinic.

I get really frustrated being in the house though, I just feel useless, I have done most of my uni work now but I won't be able to get a job till I have put on at least another stone so I think I will be jobless all summer and I don't want to have nothing to do!

I get really restless too, like my mate came over today and we just sat about all afternoon and I just wanted to be doing something and I felt like I didn't want to put on loads of weight.

I know how think I am but I feel like sometimes it does go up so fast and I haven't been getting as hungry so I don't enjoy eating as much!

hope ur all doing well xxxxx

heya girlies....

how ya both doin?gud i hope...

how ya doin lexy?...

ur last post was rele negative...fings improved at all?...i hope so...those days wen u havent got the energy to get out of bed are awful...

u can do it though,you have a very positive attitude..

and well done on lowerin ur binges...u shud be rele proud..

hows life non ED wise?

lemme knw how ur gettin on x

heya emma...

nah i aint allowed a job either...is a bit boring watchin everyone carry on with their lives...but we'll all get there :)

fings aint been 2gr8 2b onest, ad quite a few down days lately, heads been a bit messy but my boyfriend cheered me up even if i did take it ALL out on him...but im gettin ther now

i knw wat u mean bwt not feelin like eatin, my eatin plan makes me feel like eatin is a chore...

im sure u havent put on any weight chick...i knw wat u mean tho sumtimes i fink i can even c myself gettin fatter as i eat.lol.

uni eh?wat course u doin?wat year u in?

lemme knw how ur doin

cafrin x

Hey Cafrin, I feel a bit better now we are in May and I have some things to look forward to! I have put on weight this week and I still feel bloated, I don't know where my appetite has gone but I don't seem to get as hungry, maybe as I am eating more!

How come you can't have a job? How do you spend your time? Do you have much work experience?

Sorry about all the questions!

I was at uni but it was 3 hours from my home and I got ill there so I came home and because the course was art I am able to finish my first year at home and I have an extention to hand in my work!

But I am not able to go back next year and I don't think the course was right for me as when I am under a lot of pressure and stress, I don't eat and I never want to get this ill again. So I am going to take some time out and find a job hopefully and see if I like it! I just want to be kept busy and feel like I am doing something useful!

Do you have a strict eating plan then? I have basic stuff that I have everyday but I try and change it a bit like what *I have and different dinners so I don't get stuck eating the same every day.

Do you have any plans for the weekend? Hopefully it will be nice and sunny xxxxxx

heya guys,

emma - you'll get there in time gorgeous! =)

its good that you have managed to get all your uni work done sweetheart - I know it doesn't feel like it as you now have nothing to do, but I have the opposite problem where I have just let it all pile up!!

cafrin - hey sweetheart,

things are a tad better I guess. managing to get myself out of bed and out of the house, but mainly only for counselling/therapy. am just exhausted.

life's okay. friendship's are a bit rocky, but never mind.

let me know how you are both doing,

take care,

lexy -xxx-

heya laydees.

sorry ive been a while replying iv been away,

hope your both well...

emma,

how r ya sugs?

i can get a job but only part time as my depression is pretty bad...

nah my eatin plane aint that strict anymore...3meals a day, no eatin after8, i can eat watever i want within reason, not just salad like i did 4a while, have 2hav some substance...

its gr8 that uve put on weight, well done... the appetite will come back,jus rite now, eatin is a chore not sumfing 3enjoy,ull get ther...

gud bank holiday?

lemme knw how its goin chick..

cafrin x

hey lexy,

how u doin babe?

u sounded bit mre positiv in ur last post, gud 2see... atleast ur starting 2get out n about, 1step at a time eh?

i knw wat u mean bwt frendships, i lost alot of friends when i was at my worst, not a nice feeling...

hows everything else? gud bank holiday weekend?

lemme knw how ur doin suga

chin up yeah

cafrin x

hey sweetheart,

been a pretty awful weekend, but have still forced myself to go out and do things.

anxiety is really high for some reason =(

things are a bit tough at home and school, but I'm coping.

let me know how things are going,

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

Hey I feel better today, I went to uni to collect my stuff so I got to see my friends, but it's also good as I don't have to go back as I am leaving and they only gave me a bit of work to do!

I went to see my gran at the weekend so it was nice to go out and I am going to try and learn to knit with a book I got!

My eating is better too I think, I can decide more what I want to eat!

How come you can't it after 8 Cafrin?

I used to eat a lot at night but now I don't feel comortable doing that!

I think the friends you loose aren't worth it, the best people will stick by you, I find some people don't know what to say and are scared to upset you!

I hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine, I think it's making my mood better :D xxxxx

heya chickens....

aint the weather lush? hope ur both enjoyin it..

lexy mate....ur doing so well, try ur bestest 2stay positiv n use that strength u show on here time n time again :D

hows it all going? hows the anxiety n school n home?

the anxiety affecting ur eatin quite a bit?

lemme knw how its goin sugaaa :D

hey emma, i see the sunshine has got 2u, u seem lots beta :)

well done on the eatin, thats brill...

deffo,ppl tread on eggshells coz they dnt knw anything about it, alot of my friends didnt think it was an illness n just thought it was a wacky diet and couldnt see why i just didnt stop...

im to scared 2eat after 8 at the minute as before it wuda triggered a binge, so im working up 2a little snack before i go to bed at the minute..

knitting eh?sounds groovy when i cudnt rele go out i used 2bake bake bake....lol...funny how our nans inspire us eh?

things are ok at the minute, moving house so everythings a bit stressful, keep getting down about putting on weight, and i keep gettin paranoid about my boyfrend n stuff, my heads rather messy lately but the sun is good...

lemme knw how ur both doin my darling..

keep them chins up n keep positive..

cafrin x

hey sweetheart,

spent most of the day at the doctors, and m now on medication for my anxiety as well as my depression.

I guess it is affecting my eating pretty badly, I've been restricting all week, up until today where I binged =(

let me know how things are going,

take care gorgeous

lexy -xxx-

heya sugar

hows it diddling?

oh...more medication is never great but atleast uve got something 2 help eh?

aww darlin, maybe with ur medication u cud concentrate more on ur eatin n maybe try out a meal plan soon?

how u feelin tho hun?is the medication working at all yet?

lemme knw how its all going, finkin if ya

cafrin x

hey sweetheart,

yeh I guess. my therpaist said that I looked a lot better today than I did when she saw me last thursday.

I don't think I could do a meal plan =(

I'm feeling okay, just shattered and really stressed!

let me know how things are going,

take care,

lexy -xxx-

heya chick..

i just left u a message on ur giving up posttt....

u can do it chick

take care,always ere if ya need a chat

x

thank you sweetheart =)

let me know how things are going,

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

heya sugaa..

hey sweetheart ...

how are you doing??

let me know gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-