Why don't i see it?

Hiya,

My name is Jenny and I am a recovering anoreixic! I have had anoreixia for about 4 or 5 years so when I had to start weight gaining it was really really difficult. I know u dont think your underweight or too skinny and I know that it can be REALLY frustrating when all you hear is that "your too thin" or " you need to gain weight" when people without an ED dont understand how hard it is! What i found really hard was when my mum used to say "when your gaining weight u can just eat what u want" but the fact was I did'nt want to eat or gain weight.  But the truth is that if u want to get a life away from ana no matter how hard it is you need to fight and push ana out of your like.I know u think that you powerless and I totally understand this feeling but I feel that your motivation will come in time.My motivation was some people I met from my new school they gave me back confidence in mysef and showed me what it was like to be fun and young and to have a good time and I knew if I wanted to do these things that I would have to be healthy.Plus ana was shutting me off from the rest of the world there is so much out there but ana cuts us off from the rest of the world and keeps its sufferers in a world of calorie counting and sadness.

I know right now u feel * but hun this is the illness fooling your mind! I know this is hard to think about cos in the sufferers eyes this is what they see I saw it too on my body but you have to carry on it will get easier and one day u can be happy and healthy and that you wont think of yourself as fat u will just be heathy and happy!

There is so much out there in the world and food is just a small part of it!

I wish you all the best and I am always here if u need to talk to me,

Love Jennyxxx

Just realised I meant to say "push ana out of your life not like lol" I cant type tonight lol

hiya darlin,

There is more to life then ana. Dont let her beat you babe. You can get through this. I did. Im a recovering anorexic for 1 year now. I still get my bad days but i recovered and so can you. I know how hard it is to say no to ana because the voice is soo strong but listen to your heart not the voice in your head. There is allways a light at the end of the tunnel and you will see the light just try to ignore the voice and take all the support and help around you. The anorexci dont own you. Fight back at her. You can do it.

Shout at ana as much as you want. She wont like it but keep on doing it and after a while she will start to fade away. Keep fighting darlin!

And what you said about keeping on to your friends. Keep talking to them bab. They proberly want to help you and want you to talk to them. Youve got alot of support on here and from your family and friends.

im here if you ever want to talk.

Keep fighting darlin and you will beat that horrible ed!!

All my love

Take care

Staceyxx

Hey Jenny, thankyou so much for your reply-i find that sometimes i need reminding of some things, as you will know, ana makes you forget them. I got drunk the other night and confessed alot of stuff to a guy mate-we havn't really spoke since, but hopefully now he will be more aware that even though its been along time since i underwent recovery-i am still not always o.k.

I hope you are o.k and recovery is being kind to you.

xxx

Hiya!

I am glad I helped you and yeah I totally know what u mean sometimes u just need someone to remind u and give u a boost again!

Are you upset that this guy isn't talking to you or have'nt u had the chance to speak?

I know what u mean I am almost there my body is healthy but I still stuggle with some thoughts sometimes and I need to keep fighting them cos I am deturmind one day I am going to be totally free of ana!

I hope your ok too!!!

Love Jennyxxx

We haven't had much chance to speak-i'd like to thank him though for being so nice to me, but he was so drunk too i don't know how much he remembers of what i said. Maybe that was why it was so much easier to talk to him! Hope you're doing o.k, it's great to hear that you're healthy again-everyone on here is entitled to that. One day we will be talking to each other about ana in the past tense, our experiences and what we have learnt from it-the present does not last forever. Both of us have a future beyond ana.

xxx

Hiya!

I am sure we will! Ana will be something that has happened to us in the past but now we are so much stronger!

We are entitled to be happy like u say.Having a bad week this week with ana but still battling though like u say a life without ana is worth it!

I am sure the lad likes u regardless of whether he was drunk or not maybe u should just speak to him and say thanks for helping me and see if he knows what ur talking about?

Hope your ok,

Love Jennyxxx

I'm sorry to hear this has been a bad week. Just remember a bad week means that it has been a bad week for ana tto. It shows she doesn't like what's happening and is making you feel bad. But you shouldn't, because if you didnt have her you wouldnt feel like this. By going through this you ultimately are weaking ana. So keep going! You're doing really well, to keep battling!

xxx

Ah thankyou I am gonna try my best! I feel FAT tonight though cos I went out eating at a resteraunt! I know its rubbish and I just need to keep battling on through your so right I am weaking ana! How are you hun?

xxx

Feeling particulary fat this week too, but ive gained quite alot. Which is good as it means my chances of being able to take my dance course are higher. But its difficult to handle. I have however managed to catch ana out; before i knew how much i'd gained i didnt feel as fat as i do now i've had the weigh in. Therefore i know my perception is distorted as you do not just balloon out in the space of a couple of days. I'm going on holiday on monday where all of our meals will be out-i'm very worried about it, but i'm going to try really hard just to enjoy it. Bikini-eep! Luckily i have a nice and baggy kaftan for when i'm out of the pool! Are you feeling any better today?

xxx