Giving up

Hi lexy,

I don't know if you remember me but you answered one of my posts a while ago. I have been looking at your posts on all the other message boards and it has made me realise that you are one of the most supportive and generous people on here. The advice you offer tends to be brilliant, and you seem to have endless supplies of sympathy for everyone. When you feel like giving up, you should remind yourself of all the wonderful advice you give to others and try to apply it to yourself. I know that is easier said than done, but you need to recognize that you are an incredibly kind and valuable person. What you are doing to your body and your mind is just a sign of you expressing your lack of self-worth. Having an ED myself that learning to appreciate yourself can seem a near impossibility, but I hope that I and everyone else on these boards will be able to provide you with the support that you are able so generously and selflessly to give to everyone else. xxxxx Roxie

awww *hugs* thank you sweetheart =)

your message was soooo sweet, and of course I remember you!!

hopefully things will get easier with time.

let me know how things are going,

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

heya lexy! i think we've spoken b4!

dnt apologise 4 not replying, u need 2 get urself in a happier place, n u always offer such gr8 advice n ur always there 4 pple, but u need 2 take care of urself 2! im sory ur goin thru a bad time, n hope u start 2 feel beta agen very soon! remember u r a beautiful, individual person hu deserves 2 b happy in life, jst think of all the advice uve given others n apply 2 urself! ED's r neva easy n we all hav our bad times, but u can beat this n come thru it! uve already shown wat a strong, genuiene, kind person u r, n i no u can do this lexy! ur worth nething, keep telling urself that! hope things start 2 improve, always here if u wana chat

ldz luv beth xxx

heya suga...

sorry 2hear ur struggling.i truly do hope it gets betta soon..

dont give up,u shud b immensely proud of how much uve helped ppl on here wiv ur kind words and advice...

dig deep n u will find yourself again, but until u do, evry1 uve given strength 2wil b giving it bak 2u n thinkin of u...

give us an update wen ur feelin stronger, u will beat it...

heres a quote i learned 2day,made me feel quite good...

"hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly"

stay strong gawjus

cafrin x

Sweetie, don't apologise. You have been replying to alot of posts, more than me! Sometimes I don't have the words to say either because it's so hard.

I know you're struggling honey...but you will get there, I promise. I'm always here for you and I have so much faith in you gorgeous.

Take care of yourself love, here for you

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Hey lexy, I've never been to this part of the message boards before!

I'm sorry that you are struggling at the moment. And don't worry about being negative because everyone goes through negative times and that's why we are here.

I just want to thank you so much for all your comments that you have ever given me, as I have taken each and every one of them and cherrished them all. You are an amazing person Lexy, there aren't many people out there who could give advice as well as you do even when they are struggling themselves. I know I couldn't!

What exactly are you struggling with at the moment? Maybe I could be of some help? I'm going through a bit of a rough patch too with my new eating plan and being threatend with hospitalisation! Hope your feeling better soon.

I'm always here for you. Hope I have been of some help?!

xxxxAimiexxxx

hey guys,

beth - I think we have too =)

thanks for your message *hugs*

how are things going for you at the moment sweetheart??

cafrin - awww, that's sooo sweet gorgeous!!! =)

thank you soo much *hugs*

soph - thankyou sweetheart. =)

as I'm sure you already know, the same goes for you gorgeous

*hugs*

aimie - it was you I was thinking about when I wrote this post.

I know how difficult things are for you at the moment, and I feel really bad that I can't find the words to say to make everything better, but you know where I am if you need me, yes?

*hugs*

hope you are all okay,

take care,

lexy -xxx-

Hi Lexy,

I understand why you haven't been saying much to my posts on here now, it's okay, don't feel as though you need to reply. I will still post on that message that is titled for you, so if you want to reply you just can.

I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now *hugs*

-xxx- lillies

hey sweetheart,

thanks hunni =)

I'm sorry - I do feel really bad - I'll explain what happened today in my next post to you =(

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

Hello lexy,

I havent heard from you in what seems like ages, so just wanted to check you were okay?

I hope you're feeling better soon. I hope you don't struggle for long, and that you will soon be more yourself again! :)

Speak soon

xxxxAimiexxxx

hey sweetheart,

I'm not doing great - my therapist rang my mum yesterday to say she was worried about me and my mum is now coming to my session on thursday - so scared!! =(

hope you're okay?

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

please dont give up stay strong i know it doesnt seem like it but stay strong it only gets harder before it gets better you only have to over come it and then it will be be better

xxx

I am going to give up, I want to give up, I can't cope with this, I've reached a very scary almost normal weight, well what I consider normal, and I can't handle it, I also failed one of my uni modules when I'd done so well on the rest of them, when I thought it was all finished I could focus on my recovery and it was doing well, this came, and kicked me when I am down, so now I am stuck down and am finding it hard to pick myself back up, I know i've got to stick to my plan but i've made such a large gain in only a few days, it does'nt seem fair, my body just holds onto everything its got, I am so annoyed, upset and just want to give in...

Sorry, I've never felt so down but I didn't know where to turn...

Dee

Oh wow!!!!

You have a session on Thursday? So do I! Lol. What a strange coincidence.

Don't be scared lexy, be brave and strong like the wonderful person you are, and you will get through this. Good luck for Thursday.

I'm doing okayish. Just keep on obsessing with blooming calories. It's driving me crazy. But slowly I'm starting to see my body for what it really looks like. Well some parts anyway. We have a mirror right next to the shower inmy bathroom. And when I am getting into the shower I usually look at myself and say how fat and ugly I am. But this time, I saw like loads of my ribs sticking out. It was awful. How could I not have noticed before?

xxxxAimiexxxx

thanks sweetheart =),

take care,

lexy -xxx-

Deedee please dont give up, think how far you have come.I know it is scary to get back to a normal weight. I realised I had an ED when I was underweight and could not, WOULD not, let myself get to a normal weight. Take it slow, take it one day at a time.

Have you got anyone you can talk to about this?Even if they dont fully understand..even if its just someone who will stay quiet and listen, or just hug or hold you while you cry? I hope you are gonna be OK.

please take care. x

hey,

deedee - please try not to give up gorgeous. you are doing so well, and you can and will beat it sweetheart! *hugs tight*

aimie - hmmm ... kind of was a bit of a nightmare lol, but never mind - got my feelings out! how did it go?

take care everyone,

lexy -xxx-

Heya lexy,

Mine went okay. The lady was pleased with how my eating plan was going and said she would be happy if I carry on how I'm doing. She hopes I start putting on *! I cannot see I'm going to be able to put that much on. My stomach is soooo small! I just feel very well not too much, but quite overwhelmed with guilt. And I keep thinking I don't deserve food. And I should never look forward to food because then I am weak. Part of me wishes so hard I can go back to starving myself. Hardly eating anything everyday. It didn't feel nice exactly. But it made me feel better about myself.

I hope you are doing allright and things start to get better for you! Be strong and be brave.

xxxxAimiexxxx

hey sweetheart,

I may be admitted for my depression ...

glad you're doing okay,

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

Coem on lexy, I know you can do this. You are so strong. You are such a brave and wonderful person.

Do you know why you feel so depressed? I have been praying for you. I hope you feel happier soon. Even if you do get admitted, it might not be as bad as you think! Just hang in there okay? We all love you!! Maybe hospital will make you better though, so it could be seen as a good thing!

xxxxAimiexxxx

thank you so, so much sweetheart!!

I think I feel depressed because of the bingeing to be honest, but I couldn't say for definite.

I'm hoping not to go in as it means that I may be in for my 18th birthday ...

how is everything going??

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

Lexy hun....I hope you don't mind me butting in like this *blushes*

I read that you may be admitted for your depression?

Sweetie...you can do this. I promise you...that there will come a day when you will wake up smiling because you can beat this.

Every day is a new day full of opportunity....so if you binge...thats ok because the next day is brand new and another day of trying

I know it's hard to fight...I know it is gorgeous. Please hang on and keep going. Have you talked to your family about how you are feeling???

Hunni...you are so  strong and beautiful and I know you can do this. The amount of courage and bravery you have is huge and you can kill that voice in your head.

Sorry...I've got a little emotional about this...cos it saddened me to see that you may be admitted :(

You are so amazing Lexy...please hold on and take each day as it comes.

Take care lovely...only a post away if you need me

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you are never, EVER butting in!!! you mean so much to me and I always love talking to you.

awww sweetheart! please don't worry about me - I'm sure I will get through it.

I have kind of talked to them but not really.

how are things going for you gorgeous?

take care,

lexy -xxx-

Lexy, hope things are getting better for you. They are getting worse for me.

I hope you havent been admitted yet. I may be being admitted to hospital soon because my weight doesn't seem to be increasing. I'm scared :S

Stay strong Lexy, you  are strong, you are beautiful, and you are great. You can do this!!!!!!!

xxxxAimiexxxx

hey aimie,

sorry to hear things are getting worse for you.

I don't know what to say, sorry,

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

Lexy,

Since i joined the boards you hve always been there for me.

Please remember that you are as strong and amazing as you make everybody else feel. You have helped me to understand many things about my ed that no doctor or emdical professional could have. You have made me smile when you've replied on the boards with comfort nd encouragement.

You're so strong for going through this, just please accept other people's love and beleive them when they tell you how fabulous you are.

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Girls...Amiee and Lexy

You are so strong and beautiful and courageous.

You can beat this...and we are all here to support you. Hold your head up high and be proud of who you are.

This ed is not gonna bring you down.

You are both amazing..stay strong and keep smiling lovelies

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rose - awww hunni!! thankyou sooo much! *hugs*

how are things going for you at the moment?? hope you are okay??

soph - thanks gorgeous =)

I don't know - I have this voice in my head that says 'everything will be better if you are smaller' - I hate it and at the moment I hate myself.

how are things going for you?

take care both of you,

lots of love,

lexy -xxx-

I doing ok sweetie...don't you worry bout me :)

Had a blip a couple of days back...just kept purging everything.

Can you imagine the voice? I mean...can you imagine what he/she looks like? Cos I've found that helps sooo much...helps me to separate it from who I am inside.

Because that voice in your head...it's not you hun. And technically this is your life...so why should you listen to something you don't want to?

Hope this helps...I know how easy it is for people to say stuff, but it's so difficult to actually do.

Maybe put on some of your favourite music...so you are calm and you can think of how you would reply to it. My reply to my clown is 'well actually I've done really well. My family will be so proud of me...and I will get to leave the care of the clinic. And I did really enjoy that!'

My therapist once told me..if you want to eat something...because you enjoy it...then you should. If it helps to move away from the kitchen afterwards...thats good too.

Take each day as it comes gorgeous....I'm right here for you :)

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hey sweetheart,

of course I'm going to worry about you!!

thank you soooo much it means so much to have you guys here for me when I'm pushing everyone else away *hugs tightly*

not really, but I'm going to write a letter to my therapist in a bit and try and get some of the thoughts and feelings out as I don't seem to be able to say them.

take care gorgeous and let me know how you are doing =)

lexy -xxx-

Hey Lexy,

I'm sorry,I feel like I'm really barging in this message *feels stupid*

But I'm kinda recent and I know you've said Hi and welcomed me so thank you

You give so much to everyone on here, you just seem like such a nice person! =)

And so i'd like to be here for you to talk to with an open ear. Because...I just would!

You know you said about the letter? That's exactly the kind of thing i would do! Because what i feel at a particular moment can be written down. Sometimes I do then in the morning I look at it and i feel totally different.

I can just tell it was the bulimia in me talking. Because sometimes i'll look at what i've written and be like: *don't be so daft* lol! But nothing stops me thinking negatively when I do.

Sounds really stupid, but there we go!

So yea - letters are good, and probably a really good way for you to tell your therapist things that you can't bring yourself to say :)

It's certainly nothing to put yourself down about, you know, as in thinking that you should be able to talk about things.

It took me SO long to actually say i had Bulimia. If i talked about it at all i would just say *it* or something else!

I used to get angry with myself for crying. I would tell myself that i shouldnt cry. That i should be the happy person people want me to!

Take care and let me know how things are going :)

Thanks Lexy

xXx Berny xXx

hey sweetheart,

thanks so much for your message *hugs* =)

I tend not to tell people anything about my ed or the other issue I'm having problems with at the moment that I don't like talking about with anyone.

things aren't going great, but I'm holding on,

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

Lexy, sorry to hear things aren't great.

Thanks for replying =)

I don't talk to people either. I keep things very closed which probably isn't a great thing. You know where all here if you ever want to talk about the things you're not talking about.

Stay strong Lexy *hugggless*

xXx Berny xXx

hey sweetheart,

my mum has guessed I've been restricting again =(

I'll always reply ... even if I don't say much lol

let me know how things are going for you,

take care,

lexy -xxx-

Lexy hun..sorry to interrupt the convo...I just read your last post.

Have you talked to your mum about this? About you're restricting again?

I know you don't like to talk much....but the only way I have done so well is because I've talked to my family, tols them when I'm finding it hard around food. And my boyfriend. I tell him everything too. Sometimes I feel they don't trust me but that is just the ed telling me that. I knwo they will support me whenever.

I know I don't know your mum or anything....or friends or family....but I know how amazingly brave and courageous you are. Have you tried talking to anyone sweetie?

Take care love...always here for you....you know that :)
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hey sweetheart,

you're never interrupting.

my mum guessed and is trying to make me eat more when she can.

I know I'm not really letting her help me though ...

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

p.s. I'm sooo glad you're doing well beautiful =)

Hey Lexy,

Has your Mum said anything to you/talked to you? I'm guessing you don't talk to her much about things?

My Mum doesn't know, and I am SO scared of her finding out. I've been really worried the past few days that she may have noticed something.

I haven't been good recently that's for sure but I'm ok.

Take care,

xXx Berny xXx

hey sweetheart,

she spoke to me a min ago just before I came on here and is worried about me at the mo, but then so is half the street.

let me know how things are going,

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

Hey Lexy, I'm really sorry to hear that.

And I'm also really sorry because I'm just feeling really blank and I don't know what to say.

Hopefully things will get better when the summer comes. I don't know why they might, thats just my pathetic excuse at hope! haha!

Take care, I hope things look up for you soon, let me know how things are

xXx Berny xXx

hey sweetheart,

things just seem to go from bad to worse lol,

hope you are okay,

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

Hey Lexy, I know you're probly getting bord of hearing this but sorry for butting in.

Anyway I'm realy sorry to here that things arnt going great for you atm. Please, please keep fighting.

I know it sounds strange as you dont know me that well but I only joined about a month ago and being a bit different I didnt know what response I would get, but you were the first person to speak to me and you made me feel so welcome. Thanks for that btw.

So please try and keep you're chin up and persevere; not just for me, anyone here, your family and friends, but also for yourself. A person so nice, approachable and determined as yourself has so much ahead of her.

Be strong, Aiden

NB this is my new account- you welcomed me under th acount "dnpptrsn" if you don't remember.

don't say that!! you can do it lexy! :-)

xXx Berny xXx

Hey Lexy sweetie....have you talked to your mum about it?

Because when something is so obvious then maybe it's best to talk about it and work something out.

I'm worried about you hun

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hey guys

aiden - of course I remember you!! =) I thought that I hadn't heard from you in a while.

how are things going for you??

thank you very much for your message. you are not 'different', you are individual, but so is everyone, and thats how everyone should be, and proud of it too!!

berny - thanks sweetheart.

still struggling to see that right now.

soph - please don't worry about me sweetheart, I will be fine I'm sure.

my mum guessed about the restricting, but I lied to her about dinner tonight.

I've been getting really bad stomach cramps causing me to double up in pain and was told yesterday that I have IBS =(

hope you are all okay??

take care,

lexy -xxx-

lexy,

I'm so sorry I havent spoken to you ina while, things have just been really hectic and stuff :( So sorry...

I may have to go to hospital soon, because I'm not putting on weight at home. I'm a little scared.

Are you still going to be admitted?

I hope things will get better for you, you deserve to be in peace.

xxxxAimiexxxx

hey aimie,

dont worry about me

you can fight it hunni, I know you can!!!

take care,

lexy -xxx-

I dont know if you remember helping me but you did and Im upset to hear about how bad things are getting for you lexy.       You gave me encouraging words so here are mine:

You can beat this. You need all the help you can get. It will take time but wont it be worth it?! That freedom, happiness and the control over your life will be fab!

You wont balloon up, you will still care about your weight after this but not so it controls your life. You need to be in control of your life so start doing what YOU really need to do, -recover!

You can do this and i believe in you. All these people that have answered do otherwise they wouldnt be helping you. You can do this. Imagine freedom and happiness, it will keep you strong.

You can do this! Promise you will try, i know its hard because im going though the same but in the words of Lexy:

"take care gorgeous and let me know how you are doing =)       you can fight it hunni, i know you can!!!"

So take care gorgeous and let me know how you are,

Lizzie xxx   *hugs*

oh sweetheart, thank you so much!! =)

I'm a little all over the place, but this was a good day for me to get your post as im thinking about recovery today, and positively for that matter.

I am ballooning up unfortunately, but thats only because im struggling with bingeing.

i cant remember the last time i had a proper meal ...

anyways, sorry for the ramble and thanks =)

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

Hey hunni, im glad your thinking of recovery

Im sure that you havent become a balloon and try to think about how well you are doing. Think about all the good things you have achieved and try not to focus on the negatives! Be happy again hunni, i know its hard but you have to stay positive and just take care,

Always here for a chat, Lizzie xx

Lexy...keep going...keep fighting....keep strong.

You can do this hunni

You really can

If I can then anyone can....and I'm right behind you 100%

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hey sweetheart,

I'm trying really hard to focus on the positives in my life at the moment. It's kind of hard though lol.

how are things going for you?

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

Hey hunni, you have to keep positive.

You have to be positive otherwise recovery is impossible. Focus on everything you have achieved. We all have 'off' and depressing days its part of life but we have to get through them. Stay Strong,

How are you finding everything?

Loads of Love Lizzie xx

soph - im scared.

ana is taking a hold again, but the thing is I like the fact its taking control. I'm scared its going too far.

lizzie - im not finding things too good at the moment.

hopefully things will get better,

take care both of you,

lexy -xxx-

Hunni, please dont give up now. It wouldnt be fair to yourself. You cant give up now. Everyone goes through bad patches, dont let ana rule you.

Ana wants you to be dependent on her again. She wants to control you like a puppet on a string. She wants you to live a life of torture. She wants you to live a life of pain. She is there to control your life. DONT LET HER!

Everything you have worked for; freedom, happiness, a life, friends, control......... will have gone to waste. Dont let her take over again.

You have the strength and the courage deep inside you to carry on. You can do this. You do have the strength, find it and use it to help you get better. Channel all your negative thoughts into positive ones.  Dont believe the mirror, dont believe ana, dont listen to her trickery. Do what YOU want to do. YOU deserve to choose how you are going to live and what your future will be.

Im not trying to scare you or make you upset by this post but please, please do what YOU really want to do. Just try and be happy. Stay strong and i wish you the best of luck, Lizzie xx

Hey Lexy

I've read loads of your posts...and I HATE to hear you struggling against this EVIL EVIL illness...

I just want to let you know that I'm thinking of you and wishing everyday that you can get better...I'm posting you all my strength in this message ok?  Don't be afraid, kick the s**t out of it!!!!!!  YOU CAN DO IT!

Stay strong gorgeous...Love Caitlin

xxxx

I want to be dependant on her again - thats why im scared.

I know its so wrong.

Hey hunni, i know its hard but in your heart find the strength to do what you think is right x

Lizzie xx

Lexy babe

Why do you want to be dependant on anorexia?  What does it do to make your life worth living?  In this state you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by sorting your life out and eating healthily to make your body healthy.  It's all about having respect for yourself.  I know that is SO hard to do, because I HATE myself, but tell yourself this....You're so worth recovery Lexy hun, please just keep fighting.  I told you, I'm giving you ALL my strength and positivity that I can manage....it's hard...

Love Caitlin xxxx

Hunni, i know its hard but try to keep your mind away from ana. Do something which can help you relax and try to take your mind off your worries towards ana. Have a relaxing bath, watch a movie, do something creative or even write a diary to get some of your feelings out of you. They only make you feel worse dont they? Or you could go out for a walk to help you think about your feelings.

Please eat and try to be happy, you are really worrying me. Try to stay strong, always here for you hunni, love you as always, lizzie xx

hey sweetheart,

please don't worry about me.

My feelings are all over the place. I've been distracting myself all day, and now I've stopped I feel completely overwhelmed by everything.

how are things going for you beautiful??

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

im not the best but hopefully things will get better. Ive just been looking back at the advice i gave you and its made me think a bit!

How are you coping? Lizzie xx

hey sweetheart,

emotionally im coping better, but my eating has got much worse

hope you're feeling better today?

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

Hopefully things will look up soon! I hope im feeling better today too, but life goes on i suppose. Things are really hard at the moment with family arguments making me more depressed. i cant wait for therapy tomorrow (i never thought id say that!) but my therapist is going away for a whole month so i dont know how im going to cope or who im going to see, if anyone. Food just seems to get worse...the list just goes on!

life sucks at times doesnt it! Glad to hear about you feeling better in yourself though but try and keep eating hunni, it will help with the emotional stuff too! All my love lizzie xx

hey sweetheart,

I hope so.

I keep being told I look ill

I'm not underweight though so ...

sorry its short ... its late and ive had a bad day,

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

Hey hun x

Sorry i havent spoken for a while but life keeps getting worse. im really sorry though. Anyway, i hope that things do start to look up for you because you really do deserve to be happy. how are you coping? Luv Lizzie xx

Lexy, are you ok hunni. We havent spoken in ages and im really worried about you. Is everything ok babe?

Take care and stay strong, Lizzie xx

p.s. im always here to talk xx

hey sweetheart,

things are okay. I'm just a bit all over the place, and I'm trying not to think about how crap my eating is lol.

how are things going for you???

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-

Hey babe x

I know what you mean. Things are awful for me too. And when i went to the hospital yesterday they didnt really seem to understand at all and when we booked another appointment they have done it for in two weeks, i dunno how im going to survive that long, it was like an insult its like they think im getting better and i feel even worse in myself! I dont think they understand how much i need their support... So, yeah, im not fab to be honest. 

Hows your weeked? All the best hunni, lizzie xx

hey sweetheart,

my weekend is stressful lol, and its putting my eating completely out. I just dont seem to be able to manage it ...

sorry,

take care gorgeous,

lexy -xxx-