i dont understand!

hey littleladyd

i totally understand how you feel babe. its always easier to talk sense to others than yourself, so i'm gonna try and put this logically and listen to it myself too!

eating disorders are all in the mind right? so that means everything you think is associated with your ED. u have to realise that you can't listen to yourself because all you're listening to is that voice in your head that is there confusing you and talking nonsense.

try to speak to somebody, and ask them truthfully to tell you if they see any difference in you. sometimes, i feel really bloated, and fat and disgusting, and the scales dont change or even go down!!!! its unbelievable, but i've realised that if often happens after i've eaten something i was uncomfortable with or if i'm really stressed.

remember that even though your weight is stable, it will still be at the ultimate low end of healthy (if it's there at all) and so you have to stop telling yourself that you are fat because you are EVERYTHING BUT!!!!!!

i hope you're coping ok? hope this helps a little bit...try to stay positive. you're eating to get your life back and be happy, smiling and healthy

love caitlin

xxx

Hey again hunni,

I just wanted to say that you have to try and relax about how you think your body is. Exactly like what caitlin said, try not to think about what you imagine yourself to look like and if it helps avoid mirrors.

But remember this: your body hasnt changed and it wont change over night. When you eat something that maybe youre not used to anymore or if you eat something after you have been restricting your body has to digest it properly and it might feel uncomfortable or upsetting but to any other person you will still look thin and no different.

Please remember im here to talk if you need it,

Lizzie xx

thank you so much for your comments. im having loads of problems with my digestive system at the minute...it isnt working the way it should and im on loads of medication for it. my stomach bloats out alot and i feel lyk im getting fat but the scales stay the same or go down slightly. i have to gt it into my head that im not gaining weight! its crazy. do either of you see different in photos to what you see in a mirror? its really freaking me out ad i dont know which one is the 'real' me

xxxx stay strong girls

hey hun

I TOTALLY know what you mean with the photos/mirror comparison.  At the end of the day though, NEITHER is the real you!!!!  I have a really good friend who is a cameraman, and he told me this...

"Stand in front of the mirror and move your left arm outwards...what happens in the mirror?...you're RIGHT arm moves outwards, so the whole thing is backwards!!!...when it comes to cameras, they are taking a 3D image and making it 2D, of course it can't be accurate!  Photos also can put on as much as * to your body, and take so much off your height."

Whenever I am looking in the mirror I remember this, and when I look at photos too.  You can ONLY rely on what other people tell you ok?  That is all that matters.  And that doesn't mean that when ONE person says, "oh you're not so skinny" (as some sick people will), that you are fat?!!!!!!!  Listen to the people who matter to you...

I am having digestive problems too...my stomach bloats outwards and makes me feel fat.  I've actually stopped using my scales now, because I can't deal with them I won't get better, but when I did I was the same as you...I guess all you can do is try and relax, and realise that your body won't get itself better unless you eat.  All of this is because you screwed it up by starving it, now you have to refeed it and it's just gonna take time to sort itself out...

I hope this helps in some way...

Take care and keep fighting!!!

Love Caitlin

xxxx 

To be honest i just loathe myself so much that i cant look photos, i find it too disturbing. I also hardly ever let people take photos of me because when i see them i just cant believe what i see, its like my mind is messed up. Sometimes i just dont look at photos of me because i know they will upset me loads.

I hope your digestive system gets a bit more normal soon. Hopefully this will strive you to get better. You can see the damage ed has done to you and it will get worse if you carry on, anyway, i hope you are ok and get well soon!

Stay Strong, Lizzie xx

thank you so much both ov u! im having a really hard time at the moment and just known that people are here to listen to me means so much. im sick of attempting to talk to people who clearly dont understand how i (we) feel. life is hard for us and sometimes i feel like people just dont realise that. i have irritable bowl syndrome now because of this so i dout it will ever get better but i supose i cant let that make my ed any worse. i hope you two are feeling better than i am at the moment

here for you if you need me

love sarah

xxxxxx

Hey Sarah

Oh hun...I hate to hear when people are having a bad time...I just wish I could take all the pain away and give you whatever strength I can get...

People can't understand how hard life is because for them food is just not an issue and they can never understand how it feels for it to be...try to remember back before your ED and how you thought about people who had one.    I don't really know what irritable bowl symdrome is...but it sounds nasty.  Is there nothing they can do?  I really hope their is, it would just make it so much harder otherwise...but if you're strong enough to put yourself through an ED I always think you're strong enough to do anything you set your mind to.  If you can defy human nature...you really can do anything!!!!!

I've had quite a good day, I guess.  Went shopping with a friend who came to visit, but it was also really weird because I just want to be normal,   Anyway, yeah, obviously I had to eat, I didn't have as much as I should have had, but I still ate, and you know when people see you eat they don't think about WHAT it is, it's just the fact you're eating they think you're fine...GRRRRR this really annoys me!!!!!!!  Sorry...rant over.

Hope you're ok...

Love Caitlin xxxx

Hey Sarah

Oh hun...I hate to hear when people are having a bad time...I just wish I could take all the pain away and give you whatever strength I can get...

People can't understand how hard life is because for them food is just not an issue and they can never understand how it feels for it to be...try to remember back before your ED and how you thought about people who had one.  I used to say, "GOD I wish I could be anorexic, but I just couldn't because I would get too hungry, how can you be scared of food?" etc.  I don't really know what irritable bowl symdrome is...but it sounds nasty.  Is there nothing they can do?  I really hope their is, it would just make it so much harder otherwise...but if you're strong enough to put yourself through an ED I always think you're strong enough to do anything you set your mind to.  If you can defy human nature...you really can do anything!!!!!

I've had quite a good day, I guess.  Went shopping with a friend who came to visit, but it was also really weird because I just want to be normal, but at the same time she hasn't seen me for ages and I kinda want her to notice...that's sick isn't it!!!  Anyway, yeah, obviously I had to eat, I didn't have as much as I should have had, but I still ate, and you know when people see you eat they don't think about WHAT it is, it's just the fact you're eating they think you're fine...GRRRRR this really annoys me!!!!!!!  Sorry...rant over.

Hope you're ok...

Love Caitlin xxxx

Hey Sarah

Oh hun...I hate to hear when people are having a bad time...I just wish I could take all the pain away and give you whatever strength I can get...

People can't understand how hard life is because for them food is just not an issue and they can never understand how it feels for it to be...try to remember back before your ED and how you thought about people who had one.  I used to say, "GOD I wish I could be anorexic, but I just couldn't because I would get too hungry, how can you be scared of food?" etc.  I don't really know what irritable bowl symdrome is...but it sounds nasty.  Is there nothing they can do?  I really hope their is........

I've had quite a good day, I guess.  Went shopping with a friend who came to visit, but it was also really weird because I just want to be normal, but at the same time she hasn't seen me for ages and I kinda want her to notice...that's sick isn't it!!!  Anyway, yeah, obviously I had to eat, I didn't have as much as I should have had, but I still ate, and you know when people see you eat they don't think about WHAT it is, it's just the fact you're eating they think you're fine...GRRRRR this really annoys me!!!!!!!  Sorry...rant over.

Hope you're ok...

Love Caitlin xxxx

god what a nightmare sorry my comp screwed up so that posted MILLIONS of times...

xxx

Caitlin,

sounds lyk a really positive day for you then . i know exactly what you mean about the eating thing though... people see you eat one thing and think there is nothing wrong with you then don't understand at all. IBS is nasty and there isn't a lot they can really do for me. i want to be normal too itsreally annoying me, at times i want o gain weight and feel like i look horrible and skinny and think that life wouldbe so much nicer if i gined then other times (most of the time) i feel like im too big and need to lose its crazy. it's difficult with boys and things becuase i don't want to get close to anyone because i have no confidence in my body... nobody would even take a second look at me right now anyway. i hope you can get though this too because its really making our lives a living hell.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

stay strong!

Hey hunni, like i said in my other post to you please try to eat because you dont want your health to get worse. This ed has taken control of you. Dont let it.

Be strong and fight all you can. You are NOT getting fat and i know how you feel about boys and body confidence. i really struggle with confidence, let alone being confident with my body and how i look. Life is full of horrible things but remember all the happy ones to help you get through these bad times,

All my love, lizzie xx

lizzie you are my star seriously you always make me feel like i can try that little bit harder. i hope i can be there for you too. we can get through this i no we can!

take care hunni

sarah

xxxx

Its getting really hard for me but whenever i come on here and talk to you and a few others all this positive stuff comes from me, i dont know why but it makes me feel happy that i can help you hunni x

You are an amazing person too, i mean it. You are fab! xxx

i hope your stayn strong and taken some of your own advice i know how difficult that is at times, its much easier to give it than take it from yourself. you have to remember that you need to do things for yourself too and that you can because your a strong person who deserves so much more than this.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Beginning to have doubts hun x I hope all is well for you xxx