ERRGHHH

Hi,

I feel a bit like that too. My mum is trying to help me to get better, but every so often she cooks a 'forbidden' food and then she keeps trying to make me eat it, and sometimes i give in and eat it, but then i have to burn it off afterwards, and i feel so fat and disgusting, and i hate my mum for cooking that meal.

I have nobody to talk to, apart from on here. I have pushed everyone away because i am constantly in my own world of food and calories, and i think of nothing else. I never know what to say to people or how to act. I am completely on my own, and i hate it. I never get invited anywhere, and nobody ever talks to me.

take care,

-xxx- lillies

heya lilies.

i remember this time last year when i as feeling exactly the way you are now. I used to thinki about food and calories 24/7. i couldn't sleep at night because i was adding up the calories i had eaten and then i would get a huge telling off from the voice and then i would have to make up for it by doing over the top exercise.

now looking back now i feel so stupid for letting this "voice" ruin my life like it did, controlling me, making me depressed, and making me push everyone in my life away when all they wanted to do was help me.

I looked at some pictures of me earlier, of when i was ill and i broke down because i never realized how skinney and unhealthy i was. There was nothing of me, my eyes had dropped. and my skin was pale. I was inrecognizeable.

but since i had come out of hospital i have made amazing progress and instead of dreading food, i get on with it because i have come to terms with the fact that we all need food to survive and the ED has no right to say wat we can and cant do so you have to become so strong and fight it all of the way because you will get rid of it. I dont have anything controlling my life now, and i have never slept better. I wake up in the morning happy, and ready for a new day, leaving the past behined. I am happy, healthy me, i dont have anorexia and i am not being controlled.

i am back to the once happy, bubbly and healthy me, and you will be too soon. You've got to find the willpower and faith in yourself, and as much as the ED does'nt want to get betterm deep down, you do.

keep going gawjus x

becky xxxxx

Hi,

Thanks for your lovely message. I also can't sleep at night, because i am counting up calories

I haven't got any pictures of myself when i was really ill, because my mum didn't want any memories of how close to death i was, and to be honest, i agree with her.

All the time i think of nothing but losing weight, even when i am trying to revise. It does my head in and makes me feel so depressed.

take care,

-xxx- lillies