Self Esteem

Self-esteem can be described as the way we feel about ourselves, how we value ourselves or how much we like ourselves.

This definition comes from The Self-Esteem Directory

"Self-esteem is a person's unconditional appreciation of her/himself. It matters because people who do not value themselves feel unworthy. They can then treat themselves and others badly, usually unintentionally. Low self-esteem is often a major factor in abuse, depression, crime, loneliness, low achievement, addiction, mental illness and unhappiness."

The unconditional aspect of self-esteem is really important.

If we accept ourselves without 'conditions' we can accept praise or criticism without it badly affecting our sense of self-worth.

It also means we have realistic expectations of ourselves with a clear view of our strengths and weaknesses.

We are no longer dependent on other people's view of ourselves. This is why self-esteem is so important for learning.

If we can trust ourselves we can take the risk of making a mistake.

Unconditional appreciation of ourselves means accepting ourselves as we are, including our body, our feelings and our abilities.

It means going beyond 'image' and recognising our fundamental worth as a human being.
In other words, recognising our ability to love, experience joy, communicate and be creative as well as acknowledging that we can be lazy, destructive or cruel.

By appreciating both our negative and positive aspects we take responsibility for ourselves and grow.

Low Self-Esteem - these are some of the feelings and attitudes involved

• dependency
• feeling helpless and needing approval
• hostility towards others
• feelings of apathy, of being powerless, isolation, not worth loving,
  withdrawal
• too keen to please and follow others
• depression
• anxiety
• preferring to give in
• poor general health
• tendency to criticise and be negative about other people
• if you feel negative about yourself, you tend to think everyone else does too

Self-esteem cannot be permanently raised by changing your appearance- it is simply tackling the problem at the wrong level, on the outside, rather than the inside of the person and how she/he really feels about themselves.

We downgrade our self-esteem by

• emphasising what we did not achieve rather than what we did
• spending more time talking about our mistakes, rather than what we got right
• trivialising our skills, knowledge or gifts
• giving more importance to other's criticisms than compliments
• giving credit to others not ourselves
• putting ourselves down

Re-energising Self-Esteem

• be good to yourself and treat yourself as special try to remember you are worthy
• talk to others you trust about the things you find difficult and allow yourself to express difficult and negative feelings life is just wonderful!
• We all have our dreams and the right to dream them
• Identify what you're good at and give yourself praise for it
• Try to remember other people have needs too
   
  Self-Esteem is the most precious gift you have - treasure it and yourself.

References
The Self-Esteem Directory The Self-Esteem Network, 32 Carisbrooke Rd, London E17 7EF United Kingdom
'Girlpower' Resource pack Sheffield Centre for HIV & Sexual Health 22 Collegiate Crescent Sheffield S10 2BA United Kingdom
Working with Eating Disorders and Self Esteem, Dr. Alex Yellowlees Folens Publishers 1997