Inspiration and ideas for recovery

An inspiring story

The is the story of a girl, or what's left of a girl, with a dark secret; she longs to be free. Continuously she searches for an answer, an escape, but it seems as though her voice is never heard. She often disappears into her own imagination and flies away to a fantasy world where life is beautiful, as is she. She knows where her life is headed and her entire existance is harmonious. But then reality hits and the pain is unbearable, the guilt overwealming, the sadness unbreakable and the strength of it's grasp immortal.

This girl is a lost soul and her life is a jigsaw. All she needs is someone to rescue her and put the pieces back as one. In this other world she is special, she has the ability to make a difference. Perhaps she already possesses these qualities but it is so hard for her to see, as this terrible shadow is cast upon her presence, her being. Despite the misery it has caused her loved ones and herself, she is reluctant to let it go. She has turned to it in times of need, used it as a cry for help, and the question she constantly asks herself is "Who will I be without it, what will fill the void?" She is participating in an everlasting war with her own troubled mind.

How can she trust what other tell her and put faith in their words when she has been living by her own rules, following her personal beliefs for all this time? She feels as though she is invincible, that she can survive without the bare necessities of life. Truth is, she cannot. She forever perceives herself as an outcast and believes in the abscence of something greatly important deep within her, but she is only human, no matter how unusual she feels she is. For too long she has felt so alone, lonely, isolated, and it seems as though her body is too large for the small person trapped inside, just dying to break free. But although she is suffering, enduring more hurt than she can bear, she battles on, as exhausting as it may be. She is a fighter. She is strong. She can beat it and she will beat it. Her name is Anna.
 
I hope this helps other sufferers struggling with coming to terms with their eating disorder and recovery, but know YOU CAN BEAT IT!!!!!

By Anna-Louise

Challenge your thoughts

We have started this off for you - why not carry on and try challenging some more of your negative thoughts?

Tips for recovery and helping someone to recover

• Keeping busy after meal times is very important, go out for a walk with someone, talk about something else, but not anything to do with food!
• Everyone is individual and will have their own habits and should never be compared to anyone else.  Sometimes it can do more harm than good.
• If you believe you will never recover, then you won't, but if you believe that you will recover, then you will.
• When you reach the stage of wanting to recover you may find that you go through stages of positive and negative thinking, depending on how you are feeling at that particular time.  It may be useful to write down how you are feeling when you are in your ‘negative’ frame of mind. Then, when feeling positive again, you can go through the list and challenge each of these feelings separately.  Whenever your negative frame of mind takes a hold you can then refer to the list to help challenge these thoughts.  You also know that you have written them, so you couldn’t argue with what they say!!
• Learning about nutrition and what the different food groups can do for your health.  You are eating to stay healthy, food doesn’t have to make you fat, think of it as medicine!!
• Families should get involved and learn to understand what the individual is going through but must remember not to get too involved so that they are not seen as interfering. Don’t pretend to understand and make comments like ‘oh you won’t eat that’, you never know they might just have been in the mood to experiment before you told them that they couldn’t!!
• Try and get them interested in different foods by taking them shopping so that they can decide what they are ‘allowed’ to eat.  Make sure you don’t put small portions out just because you don’t think that they will eat it all, give them the chance to eat like everyone else does.  Don’t make them feel different.
• Putting on weight can really help you to start to understand things and if you can use the above tips to help put on a bit of weight then you might find that you can start to challenge the ED on your own.  That is the only way you can put it behind you for good.
  

By Heather (beat Ambassador)

Lauren's story

This is a powerful piece of writing from Lauren who has found the strength to tell her eating disorder that she is going to fight. Lauren says "I would like to help all the other people that are trying to battle with an eating disorder and don't feel like they are winning. I want them to know that you can!"

To Golem (the evil voice that lives in my head),

For a little while you looked cute and fluffy. A cuddly, happy being that helped me to cope with difficulties in my life. You made me promises that you kept. You told me that you could make me thinner and that that would make me happier. For a little while that was true and I enjoyed your company.

But that didn’t last long. Soon, nothing I did was good enough for you. My achievements no longer satisfied you. I couldn’t face the thought of losing you and I still trusted you, so I worked a little harder to please you. I was looking at you through rose tinted glasses and was willing to sacrifice everything for you, even my own happiness, because I believed that you would make me happy again, like you had before.

Still that wasn’t enough for you. I started to see a different side to you. You didn’t look so cuddly and attractive anymore. I decided that I no longer wanted to be friends with you. I wanted you to leave me alone. I tried to tell you politely to go away and when that didn’t work I tried to run away and hide from you. But the harder I tried to move away the closer you lingered to me. You said you just wanted to watch over me, but now I know you just wanted to continue you’re bullying and trickery. I wasn’t always strong enough to fight your persistence so sometimes I let you boss me around and I obeyed your commands.

But finally I have seen you for what you really are. An ugly, deceitful, evil liar. I even call you Golem. This letter is simply to tell you that I hate you with every inch of myself and I am going to ignore you until you p*** off and die (hopefully a very painful death). I hope it makes you sad to think that not a single person in the world is going to miss you or mourn your death. I know that my family and my real friends are going to celebrate it! It has taken me a long time to pluck up the courage to say this to you because part of me didn’t want to upset you and lose you. But now I see that you were never my friend and from the moment we met your plan has been to kill me. You are nothing more than a murderer.

I know that you are going to try and convince me that I don’t really mean these words and I think you genuinely believe that you can get me back on your side again. I want you to know that I will never listen to you again. The pain you have caused me is unforgivable. My only wish would be that you were solid so that I could kill you myself. Rot in hell.

Lauren

Tips to recovery

I found and am finding recovery very difficult I have good days and I have bad days. My bad days are when I feel depressed and I feel like I'd not want to live anymore and find it very difficult to eat. My good days are when I don’t think about that I am eating and I just focus on my day ahead me, and think to myself I am here be grateful. But of course I have anorexia it is most likely I think and worry about food at least once a day most of the time more. But this is all part of recovery.

Tips:

• Always try and keep busy, don’t sit/stand still for more than 10 minutes unless watching TV
• Never weigh yourself or look at the scales when your being weighed.
• Make more of an effort when you go out to give you more confidence.
• Keep telling yourself you look fine.
• Tell at least two of your closest friends as mine gave me support and watched over me at lunch to make sure I wasn’t skipping lunch.
• And never give up because one day you will beat eating disorder trust me

Paige

What I can do now I'm almost recovered

• Have a job –as a barmaid where I’ve made many great friends
• Be at University and have managed to progress to 2nd year
• Drive and have my own car
• Socialise! From being cooped up 24/7, now I’m hardly at home
• Go on holiday - last year I went to Paris 3 times with my best mates
• Smile and laugh without feeling guilty
• Go shopping
• Have boyfriends
• Listen to music and dance
• Concentrate !
• Have my imagination back
• Am more confident – spoken at various conferences
• I can walk, run, skip and jump !
• Drink alcohol
• Read books (before I could only concentrate on kid ones)
• Sit for a long time without going numb
• I’m not cold all the time !
• Am able to eat in restaurants
• Can touch food !
• Have gotten rid of ensures
• Can go horse riding
• Stay at home by myself
• Able to eat in front of other people
• Can think more clearly
• Able to stand up for myself
• Can see the disadvantages of anorexia and am trying my best to stay in recovery
• Am an ambassador and can support people by telling them the positives of getting your life back.

By Rachel

Real Life

One of our ambassadors has written a piece on how she feels about the future and how there is hope. Download it below.

Recovery discussions from live chat

"im feel bad tho cus i binged n purged first time in 5 months yesterday im so angry at myself"

"i understand you being angry with yourself but don't let it set you back. Try to work out what caused it to happen and figure out how to deal with it differently next time"

"aww dont be so hard on your self, not doing it for 5months is amazing!"

"i feel such a faliure tho - i felt so low n wen i do i make stupid descions... i dunt even kno y i lost so much control it just took over n i feel so discusted i hav let myself down n my family"

"dont be so hard on yourself, try and think of the things your achieving (cnt spell) like not purging in 5months rather than the negitive things"

"Hey don't be so hard on yourself, maybe you need to be a bit kinder to you. You haven't let anyone down, you are recovering and it can be tough."

"im so lost, dno who i am anymore!"

"i kno i just feel the past 2 days ive completely lost my way in recovery and lost the fings keepin me strong"

"How about having a good write down of all the things you like, the things you enjoy etc, things that you don't like....soon you will get a picture of who you are."

"ye tht sounds cool - i hav a foto album of me b4 n durin the ED took over n pics of me wid great frends doin all the stuff i love n then hav a book ful of all my fave songs n films tht make me happy n just positives ive achieved - even like winnin one race in primary skool or getin a special stiker for spellings - i looked at them last nyt wen i was down"

"Im very positive too at the mo thanks! do you mind me asking has something in particular helped you?"

"i find that after you get past a certain point you realise that weight isn't everything"

"um just i fink therapoy has finally made me see fings for reality n tht n i guess - well dun
 for feelin positiv -  thts gd u feel ok abiut it cus it is ok to gain weifght and tht ur able to control it a bit more"

"i think the scariest bit of recovery was imagining life without the eating disorder"