Telling your family

Shall I tell my family?

Decide what is right for your situation. You may just want to tell one family member at a time or tell them altogether. You may feel that you would prefer to talk to another member of the family first rather than your parents/carers and ask them to help you tell others. It is usually a good idea to tell brothers or sisters but it’s important that you don’t make them uncomfortable by asking them to keep it a secret.

Telling one or both of your parents/carers about an eating disorder can feel like a really big step to take. It can be extremely scary, but it can also feel like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders. We cannot tell you how your parents will react, but here are a few ideas which may help you.

Prepare and plan ahead

Talking about yourself may be something you find difficult - talking about an eating disorder may be even harder. Perhaps have a leaflet at hand, as this shows you have already done some thinking and are trying to move forward. Practise telling your parents with a friend – it may help to reduce your anxieties.

Choosing the right time

Most families have times which feel more 'right' to talk than others. This might be when they are having a sit down after being out somewhere or you are alone with the person you want to talk to.

What do I say?

You might want to say “I’m not sure how to say this, but I think I have an eating disorder” and explain what that means. Try to tell them when it first started. Perhaps talk about other related problems, which could include physical complaints such as tiredness as well as feelings and emotions. Let them know that you need their support and maybe make a list beforehand of what you would like them to do or not to do to help in your recovery, for example, help in finding treatment or giving you lifts to see a counsellor or doctor.

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How will they react?

There may be a whole range of reactions from your family. They may appear shocked or defensive. There may be tears, angry outbursts and they may say things that they didn't mean or later regret. They may feel responsible for your illness and say things like ' Where did we go wrong?’ or ‘Why did this happen to us?' This may be where you find you cannot give explanations about your actions, which can be difficult and painful. Your parents/carers may also want to talk to someone about their feelings and concerns around your eating disorder. They can call the adult line or e-mail for help, support and information.