Tackling Eating Out

Eating Out is an area of difficulty that affects many people fighting against an eating disorder. One of our Ambassadors has written a page on how you might tackle eating out.

Eating out is supposed to be a social, pleasurable occasion, but for most people with an eating disorder it is a stressful experience which is usually avoided. As eating out is not just about the food, but can be part of interacting with friends, meeting new people, holidays, shopping etc; it is quite important to include tackling this issue as part of your recovery. The ideas below hope to give you some pointers as to how to go about this. At the end is a “plan of action” written by someone recovering from anorexia that you might find useful.

Step 1: Identifying the problem

Why do you find eating out difficult? The reasons behind this are not the same for everyone. It might be that you don’t like eating in public (e.g. others actually seeing you eat), find foods not bought/prepared yourself “unsafe”, struggle over making a choice when presented with a menu or find you have developed antisocial habits around eating.

Given the range of eating disorders, it is probable that each person reading this will identify with several of these ideas, and you may have others to add to the list. Try writing down each of the problem areas, identifying WHY it is a problem if you can, then you can work on them one at a time.

Step 2: Setting targets

When you are given an essay to write at school, there is usually a set title but it is up to you to work out how to answer the question. Learning to eat out again is similar – you need to set yourself a target to aim at, so that you know where you are heading, and then work out how you will get there. For instance, you might want to be able to go out for a meal for your sisters birthday next month, have pizza with your friends or eat a picnic in the park on a school trip. It is best to write down all the ideas you have, and then work out which you think could be manageable first.

The easiest way to reintroduce eating out is to start simply and work upwards over time. Don’t expect yourself to be able to go to a 3 course roast lunch at a pub first – start with having a drink out in a café and then work upwards. Try to work out a ladder of steps you could work up gradually, perhaps going out once per week. You might want to repeat each step mid week to consolidate your progress – lots of people find this helpful.

Step 3: Anticipating difficulties

By now you will have some idea of the problem areas, and where you want to get to. Now is the time to put the two together. Imagine that you are going to try the first step on your ladder – what could go wrong?
Now write down as many solutions to each one as you can think of. Try and think of ideas that you would be willing to have a go at. Then choose one from each category to try out. If that doesn’t work, reformulate the problem with new solutions, using what happened as a guide to achieving success.

Remember that if you are having treatment for your eating disorder, your therapist/doctor can help you plan for eating out. Use them as a resource as much as possible.

Good Luck!

Example of a plan to conquer the difficulty of eating out

Below is an example of a plan that could help you to tackle eating out. It isn't the only way that you could do this but it's an idea that you can maybe use or change and make work for you.

Step 1: Problems

Don’t like people seeing me eat – I’m worried they will think I’m greedy.
I find it hard to choose from a menu as I’m anxious about the nutrition of the meal.
I’m scared if I go out and eat a proper meal I will binge when I get home.

Step 2: Targets

To eat lunch out in town with my parents when we go shopping at the weekend

Week 1 – Go to a quiet café with a family member, sit in a unexposed corner and have a drink.
Week 2 – go to the same place, but try eating a snack brought from home and buying a drink.
Week 3 – Try doing the above in somewhere busier, or at a more exposed table.
Week 4 – Go somewhere I now feel comfortable and have sandwiches.
Week 5 – repeat week 4, maybe with some different sandwiches.
Week 6 – Try a hot meal out.

Step 3: Difficulties

Not being able to choose from a menu
• Get a menu in advance and choose at home (perhaps with a second choice)
• Ask someone to help you choose, or to narrow down the options

Taking too long to eat
• Agree a time frame in advance, and get someone to prompt you if too slow
• Model your speed on others in the restaurant

Finding foods out “unsafe”
• Choose something similar to what you would have had at home – e.g. whatever is on your “meal plan” for the day.
• Remember everyone else is eating the food without disastrous consequences
• Remember it is the illness that is causing these thoughts

Feeling people are looking at me and think I’m greedy
• You are not that important!  :-) People will be engaged in their meal, not looking around.
• Remember everyone in the restaurant is eating similar food –are they greedy?
• If you have to have “extras” due to being on a weight gain plan, remember the food is medicine – needed in the short term to become well, and is not being eaten for no reason. 
• If possible, get someone you are with to have a similar meal.

More recovery info

We hope that this has been helpful to you. If you would like to look at more information that our Ambassadors have written on recovery please click here to go to our recovery section.