My Intro

Hi, my online name is Fluffinator. I'm 17, and am currently studying Biology, Psychology and Sociology AS levels. Assuming I achieve good grades I hope to progress to A2 levels. The reason I joined this site is I've been seeing therapists from the age of 12 for my anorexia, finally had a good therapist for the past 2 years but now I can't see them anymore, so I am at a loss of what to do and feel terribly sad to not see them again. I'm hoping this site can give me some support until I find a good therapist, and hopefully I can help others I meet on here, as well and maybe make some friends. :)

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Below is a lovely long description of my life that I wouldn't blame you for not reading!

My parents divorced when I was five, my Mum and Dad married and had me young, and the pressure of having a child at that young an age was too much. My Mother took custody of me and I next saw my Dad when I was eight to find out he had remarried.

I started skipping breakfast and no one noticed. When I was nine I also skipped lunch and no one noticed. I felt ugly because I had to wear glasses and my Dad once laughed at me for wearing them. I did ballet from the age of three and had recently been to see a photographer after a show to take pictures for my portfolio. He told me I needed to lose some weight and shouted at me whenever I did something wrong. I didn't tell my parents about my problems at school or the photographer because I didn't want to hurt or worry them. Looking back at it today I know my parents love me very much and would have dealt with those problems if they knew.

When I was twelve my Mother remarried as well. When my parents divorced I lost my sense of stability at home so was unwilling  to step outside my comfort zone and explore the world more and be more brave, I was also bullied a lot at school and the teachers were unwilling to help. I was the social outcast and had no one to talk to about my problems, so I would pull pieces of my hair out and count things from size, colour and from,left to right to feel better. As a result I've always had pretty low self-worth and esteem.

Secondary school wasn't any better, if anything it was worse. During the last few weeks at school my hand was deliberately broken in a classroom door by my group of people in my classes. To add to that my step-father had become abusive. I ate less and less. Social services took me to my Grandmother's when my step-dad banged my head off a wall for the last time. My Mother decided to stay with my step-father, and my step-mother didn't feel happy about me coming to live with my Dad, she asked one of her friends to tell me one day ''to stop ruining their marriage with your lies''.

I didn't speak to my Dad for a few years after that. I re-took my GCSE English at college and got a boyfriend. I made a few friends and was starting to gain weight. That year itself had difficulties but I still persued for the sake of my education.

After my seventeenth birthday I visited my Dad and began speaking to him again. In September I began my AS levels and was very nervous to suceed. On the first day I had a panic attack because I was so nervous, and in the second term got kicked out of one of my psychology classes and told off for having a panic attack after a teacher shouted at me in front of the class for being ten minutes late, and shook me when I didn't answer her because my throat was too tight.

Soon after, I got meningitis and missed a lot of classes. My teachers were angry and tried to put me on a disciplinary stage, and some teachers even refused to admit me into class. I was so miserable after failing a Biology test one day I overdosed and my boyfriend made me throw it all back up. A few weeks after that my Granma took me to the doctors because she was concerned about my weight loss and purging,  I was told I would receive contact from the adolescent services nearby for counselling but no-one did.

My exams start next week and I've started seeing tutors to make up for the lessons I missed. I'm hoping if I put the effort in I can scrape a pass grade for all three subjects!