Jane’s story

Here you can read Jane’s story. Jane supported her daughter Nicola, a Beat Young Ambassador, through her recovery from Anorexia.

Sometimes, on really dark days, you don’t believe that recovery will ever be possible.

You are frightened to enter her bedroom in case she won’t wake up. If she does, how much pain will the day bring her (and you)?

Will you be able to work together today? Can you be the right role model and the coaching and supportive “dolphin” that you want to be, to help her to feel better about herself and to be able to eat something nutritious? Should we be focusing on the calories so much?

Five years down the line, thankfully we are in a more comfortable place, although never complacent, and I know that, although “in recovery” from Anorexia, my daughter still has some very difficult days with food and feelings.

During those years we have had many “ups and downs” in relation to her life choices and health, our own mother- daughter relationship and engagement with different in and out patient services. I have felt guilty and inadequate at times:

“Was it anything to do with the divorce?”

“Did I miss something?”

“Should I have been stronger – was I colluding with the anorexia?”

“Was I reading the right books, attending the right groups and talking to the right people and then acting on what I had learnt appropriately at the right time?”

“Was I right in questioning her treatment at some Eating Disorder Units?”

For example, from my experience, I do very strongly believe that re-feeding and therapy should go hand in hand from the outset and that an assessment for section under the Mental Health Act should normally be a very last resort and not the only option for eating disorder patients.

At times, I was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. I tried to always find a little bit of “me time” somehow in order to cope, and managed to keep going at work most of the time, which helped. I used the Beat telephone helpline from time to time with questions and to “offload” and occasionally attended the local Beat linked self help group for sufferers and carers, which regrettably did not continue.

Recovery from eating disorders is very individual, as treatment should be. In our case, it has worked better on a gentle and gradual basis. Too much too quick has not worked. It is also about focus on holistic growth, helping your loved one to develop in self confidence and self belief and to support future plans; it is not just about the weight gain - although good physical health of course is always critical too. For my daughter it has also worked best when she has been able to trust and therefore work with the professionals and when she has been able to take control of her own recovery, with me there “in the wings” as a prop or support when needed.

I am now involved in supporting the work of Beat as a Carers’ Ambassador and I am very excited about all the developments with the website and Carers’ Forum. I have done some work with the media and delivered a “pop up” surgery, speaking with members of the public and medical professionals about eating disorders and the role of Beat. I have also undertaken training to assess eating disorder services against the Beat Assured criteria.

Fortunately, I am now also in the position that I don’t wake up thinking who or what I shall be battling with in the day ahead, and I know that if she doesn’t get up it is because she had been so busy the day before, studying, working or being involved in healthy sporting activity and not that she just does not want to wake up or is physically unable to do so.

I hope you get to that place too.