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Viewing 1 to (11 Total) a message for everyone. . . |
Total Posts: 30
Joined: Oct 2011
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is there anyone else out there who is going through the same thing as me?
Having an ED, but just not being able to take that step to recovery? I always find myself back at square one...
I just need someone to talk to...is there anyone there?
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Posted on July 03, 2012 at 4:28 PM
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10 Replies
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Total Posts: 5
Joined: Jun 2012
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re: a message for everyone. . .
I think i'm in the same situation as you! I just want to recover, but I seem unable to take those first steps. Have you spoken to your GP?
Posted on July 04, 2012 at 10:07 AM
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Total Posts: 30
Joined: Oct 2011
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re: a message for everyone. . .
Hiyah,
Im so glad someone else feels the same way! I know I need to recover, but I feel likes its impossible to.
I told my GP that my eating habits were'nt exactly normal, and that I had problems. But I reassured her that I was ok now and healthy again. I think i was trying to reassure myself than her!
Since then, which was probably last year my ED has slowly been creeping back. There was a time where I was ok, almost "normal" again. But lately i feel as if I am waaay back where I began.
Have you spoken to your GP about it? Whats stopping you from taking that step to recovery? For me a have this HUGe fear over what other people think,
Hope to hear from you soon, it makes me feel a lot less lonely
x
Posted on July 04, 2012 at 8:59 PM
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Total Posts: 5
Joined: Jun 2012
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hi!
Me too!
I spoke to my gp and tried to be as honest as I could. I'm waiting for referral to an eating disorders clinic "soon" but I don't know how long i'll have to wait- fingers crossed!!
I'm not entirely sure why i'm really struggling to recover- I just feel so guilty! I told my parents and they are being really supportive but it’s tough for them to understand, especially my dad. I don’t want to worry them, especially as my dad health issues and is now disabled and in a lot of pain. I feel unable to fully reveal the extent of my problem because I don’t want to scare them. Also,some foods seem to trigger me, so I'm afraid because I know they will need to be reintroduced in recovery
Have you always been concerned about what others think? In what way do you feel they think of you? talking to you makes me feel so less lonely too
x
Posted on July 05, 2012 at 6:36 PM
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Total Posts: 30
Joined: Oct 2011
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re: a message for everyone. . .
It's really good you talked to your GP, at least they know, I hope you won't have to wait too long!
What do you feel guilty about? I'm sorry to hear you're in a position of being scared. I am the same! All of my family know I have "issues" with my food, and everytime someone brings it up, or makes a comment I feel completely embarrased, But I just cant seem to shake of my care of what they might say if I put on weight again.
So that's what I fear the most, and when I do put on weight, but i cant shake the thoughts!
I think I have always been concerned about what others think of me, I'm not sure why though.
Its so good that your parents are supportive, at least they know. But i get what you mean when u cant tell them the full extent of your problems. I'm the same,
I dont think anyone knows the full extent of EDs except the victim themselves. Nobody can fully understand what mental and physical anguish we go through, but at least we can talk about it here.
How was your day today?
Hope all is well with you,
x
Posted on July 06, 2012 at 4:21 PM
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Total Posts: 5
Joined: Jun 2012
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re: a message for everyone
hi
I just guess I feel that I don't deserve the food. I know what you mean about the embarrasment. Every time someone comments I just feel so awkward.
Those thoughts are the hardest to shake. I try and think of all the reasons I want to get better and list them in my head when I feel like that- all the things I can't do but want to, all the things I would love to see or do- trying to put it into perspective. Have you tried this? I guess nothing is 100% effective, but this seems to help!!
I think thats true, too- that only the sufferer really knows everything- but you're right, here we can talk more freely here
Honestly... I hadsuch a bad day today! I droppped the ball totally and freaked out and it was dreadful. But I'm trying to use it as an incentive to get better- maybe I won't feel so bad again if I ate more. How was your day? I really hope it was better than mine!!
How long ago did you see your GP? How have you felt since the appointment?
Hope everything is ok for you
x
Posted on July 07, 2012 at 11:14 AM
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Total Posts: 30
Joined: Oct 2011
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re: a message for everyone. . .
Hiya sweetie!
really sorry for my late reply! ive been having problems with my computer!
anyway how have you been? Did u have a good weekend?
I know! when people make comments, especially infront of EVERYONE else its really embarrasing! and I never know what to say to them, i just go bright red. :/
How have the ED thoughts been? ignoring them is a good start
Yep! i do the same thing! i think about what my life would be like without my ED...and i realised i would be a lot happier, less scared and more keen to try new things.
how was your day today? sometimes i freak out, but maybe its a sign for me to slow down and realise somethings wrong. I agree! I feel whenever i eat more, im way more happier and less ratty. Its the ED again controlling us. Try and eat a bit more, you may just see a difference in your behaviour ;) i certainly do in mine!
i think i saw my GP last summer. I dont know how I have felt since. We didnt go into a lot of detail about it, but I know that my "habits" are marked down in her book. I feel like ive been "ratted out" in a way, like my biggest secret has just been revealed to the whole world, as opposed to one doctor. I don't know why i feel that way.
What about you?
Hope all is well, take care!
littlerainbow
x
Posted on July 11, 2012 at 1:47 PM
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Total Posts: 5
Joined: Jun 2012
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re: a message for everyone. . .
Hey angel
so sorry my reply was late!! I had a really tough wekend - things were really bad and I felt such a faliure, but I tried what you suggested and tried to keep busy ad things are a bit better now
I am trying to eat a bit more- tomorrow, me and mum are going to try and sit and i'll eat a breakfast - hopefully!
Thats exactly the way I felt- ratted out and guilty, but then I realised I can't live like this- WE can't live like this anymore, and that being "ratted out" maybe wasn't so bad! If you want my advice, go back to your GP. I know its soooo hard- i cried, mum cried, I forgot everything I wanted to say BUT I wrote it down before and gave her the letter before I left. That helped so much. Could you write a letter?
How supportive are your parents? Could one come with you?
I hope you had a good day today, hope you are doing and feeling well!
look after yourself!!
x
Posted on July 15, 2012 at 6:44 PM
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Total Posts: 30
Joined: Oct 2011
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re: a message for everyone. . .
Dearest friend,
I am really sorry for not replying. I have been struggling immensly with my ED these past months and had resorted to shutting out everything. Obviously to no avail, I have returned to the comforting confines of this website
How are you? I have missed our conversations. How is everything? Have you been on track with your ED?
I havn't. I've gone the other way, a slight relapse. . Better than my square one situation , but stil bad! I know I have put on a bit of weight, Stupid, stupid stupid. I feel disgusted with myself.
I honestly do not want to go back to my GP. I would take my mother, seeming as she is the only one who really knows the true extent of my mental issues But the thing is whenever she asks me about whether I still have issues I can only lie. I say everything is ok, but I say that for two reasons: one to reassure myself that I'm ok, and two because I do not want to break her heart. When my mother found out I had been restricting myself she was so heart broken and upset. Going to the GP would be too hard for me to face. I dont think I would want my mother to hear me say that I still have issues.
My aunt knows I have eating issues. (And my entire family, but nobody ever says anything apart from my aunt). It is embarrasing, and I always feel so humiliated.
Anyway, enough about me. Talk to me about what's going on with you? Did you have a good day today?
take care!,
xx
Posted on August 29, 2012 at 7:55 PM
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Total Posts: 105
Joined: Apr 2012
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re: a message for everyone. . .
Hello - yes me too.... I KNOW that I NEED to recover as I am damaging my body so much, but I am really struggling.
Terrified that I will have "failed" in some way ..... it is a real catch 22 .....
Glad to know I am not the only one frightened of recovery....
A x
Posted on September 02, 2012 at 5:58 PM
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Total Posts: 30
Joined: Oct 2011
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re: a message for everyone. . .
Hi artanddance
Struggling indeed! It's a constant daily battle that I fear I will have to face for the rest of my life. I know what you mean about knowing we have to recover, but we just cant seem to make that move. People don;t realise it is much harder than it seems, they think you can get over it overnight, but oh no! it takes a very long time, years perhaps!
The ED seems stronger than our general good moral conscience, and the question i always ask myself is how to overcome it. I have considered going into recovery alone, without my family knowing. . . but i dont know where to start. And I am terrified really. So I would rather do it alone.
Hope you are well today Take care of yourself!
littlerainbow
x
Posted on September 03, 2012 at 10:31 AM
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