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Viewing 1 to (11 Total) Anorexia - when will you leave me? |
Total Posts: 18
Joined: May 2012
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Words cannot explain how much I am struggling right now. I am exhausted all the time - how I'm getting through my nursing placement I don't know. I am not doing things that are going to get me healthy - quite the opposite.
I feel so trapped by my eating disorder.
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Posted on June 27, 2012 at 7:30 PM
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10 Replies
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Total Posts: 105
Joined: Apr 2012
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re: Anorexia - when will you leave me?
Hello
I feel just the same - struggling to get my head around the changes that I NEED to make to get better - you are not alone.
How much help are you getting? Are you being seen at a clinic, in counselling or by your GP?
This CAN be beaten you know (I went MANY years with a very healthy attitude to food and only a crisis a couple of years back set me back).
Love and support
A xxx
Posted on June 28, 2012 at 12:46 PM
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Total Posts: 18
Joined: May 2012
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re: Anorexia - when will you leave me?
I was discharged from an ed service at the end of April and am being seen every month at my GP, but I have a feeling the next time I go they're going to want to see me more frequently and possibly refer me back :/ not sure how I feel about that!
I feel very lonely right now so it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who is struggling so much!
How are you doing? Are you getting the right support?
Take care
x
Posted on June 28, 2012 at 7:53 PM
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Total Posts: 105
Joined: Apr 2012
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re: Anorexia - when will you leave me?
Hello again
Sounds like you could do with the support of the ED team? I have been at ED OP clinic for a year now - was making good progress but slipped back of late so it is good to have their backup and support. Good that they are "keeping tabs" on me - gives me an incentive. Also seeing my GP regularly.
This illness has it's good days and it's bad days - it is an almighty struggle to adopt healthy eating patterns (whether AN like us, or BED or BN). We just to accept the "blips" and focus on the good days when we have managed to adopt more healthier patterns and gradually the good days will outnumber the bad ones.
I do find talking to people helps me a lot. A good cry is also therapeutic and no failing!
How have you been today? I haven't had the best of days but tomorrow I am confidant I will do better as I have the children at home with it being a weekend.
Love and hugs
A xxx
Posted on June 29, 2012 at 8:10 PM
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Total Posts: 18
Joined: May 2012
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re: Anorexia - when will you leave me?
Hey thanks for replying.
I sort of got the impression that the ed service would never have me back (but I guess they can't really do that) because I have the tools to get better, I'm just not using them right now.
Your service sound very helpful. I'm glad they are supporting you, and your gp
I'm seeing a new gp (mine recently left after seeing her for 6 years!) in about a month. Bit worried about seeing someone new and I'm worried about what she's going to say/do! I should probably make an appt sooner in all honesty.
Anyway, I hope you have a really good weekend I'm around if you needed to chat.
Take care
x
Posted on June 30, 2012 at 10:02 AM
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Total Posts: 30
Joined: Oct 2011
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re: Anorexia - when will you leave me?
Hi,
I hope you're ok. How was your day?
I can completely relate to what you said! I too feel exhausted, and its all the time, which makes work a lot harder!
I too cannot feel trapped inside my own thoughts! Like the anorexia is another version of me dictating my life, I struggle to ignore it.
Artanddance how are you? You say that it can be beaten, how?? I would really really like to know since I cant seem to beat it. everytime I try to, I lose
Yes crying can be therapeutic sometimes!
Hope you are both having a good day
littlerainbow
x
Posted on July 06, 2012 at 4:33 PM
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Total Posts: 18
Joined: May 2012
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re: Anorexia - when will you leave me?
It is hard. Silly work! And silly ED! Had a long day of standing outside in the rain/cold showing people around the uni I'm just due to leave. Probably wasn't the best idea!
How are you doing?
I'm still struggling. Things are only going one way! Work isn't really affected right now but I'm worried it will soon. I have to get through this last placement and get qualified!
Take care
x
Posted on July 07, 2012 at 7:12 PM
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Total Posts: 30
Joined: Oct 2011
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re: Anorexia - when will you leave me?
Hiya babysteps,
hope you have been well. Sorry for the late reply, have been having problems with my computer! How has work been? I hope you're alright now
I've been ok, better than last week. I still struggle with the thoughts, but ive been eating a bit more . Whilst the ED is angry with me, my heart is happy that I am fighting the ED
How is the placement going? You can do this, dont let the ED win! .
How was your weekend? Mine was ok, just did a bit of shopping, still tired! one of the side effects from ED, im constantly tired!
Anyway, take care!
x
Posted on July 11, 2012 at 1:35 PM
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Total Posts: 105
Joined: Apr 2012
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re: Anorexia - when will you leave me?
Hello there
Sorry late reply from me too - been "snowed under" (got to sell my house on top of everything..mm!!!)
In the past I have "beaten" my AN when there has been a big enough "incentive" to do so. My parents threatened to take my horse off me as I wasn't strong enough to ride - that worked for a while. Moving away from the parental home to university helped too. Although I still had AN for the first year, but year 2 I had started to see the value of living student life to the full and I was able to make a recovery for a good few years.
Marital problems and feelings of worthlessness crept back in again late 20's but then I had a child and I focused on her and all that I really had to live for. I had to be strong for her.
I honestly believe that had I not gone through a really bad divorce that I would have continued to have a healthy attitude to food. It can be done. I am hoping that once I get my act together and re-organise my life, I may get back on track again.
That said, I, too, am struggling right now.... finding it very hard to accept the fact I need to put weight on... that is just how this illness affects us but others don't see it at all...
Hope you are both okay
A xxx
Posted on July 11, 2012 at 4:33 PM
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Total Posts: 18
Joined: May 2012
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re: Anorexia - when will you leave me?
Hey guys!
I keep forgetting to reply on here - I only remember work stuff now really, ED related I think.
Eating has been very up and down this week. I am still managing to maintain but it's a struggle. I know I need to get my act together.
One of the things that has triggered me this week is the mixed messages I get from people.
Last week at dance my friend told me I looked really good and I had really 'bright' eyes. Although it's a compliment it's not particularly helpful.
At work my mentor is sort of aware that I have issues or that I've had them in the past. I don't think she thinks it's a present issue, which is ok with me really, I don't want it to be something that everyone knows about. She has said on several occasions that I look healthy - which is an odd thing to say. I like to fake tan because otherwise my skin looks grey/yellow. But again, it's a mixed message. I'm not blaming her, but it makes me feel a bit odd. I don't know how to describe it.
I also had quite an awkward moment with another student yesterday. We were talking about *(?!) and she was like, oh, I don't know how you do it Emma! I was like uhh...*awkward silence*. I mean, what do you say to that without giving away that you have an ED?!
Anyway, I'm sorry to rant. How are you guys doing now?
Take care
x
Posted on July 14, 2012 at 10:19 AM
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Total Posts: 30
Joined: Oct 2011
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Dear friends
Dear friends babysteps and artanddance,
I hope you are both well and happy. I must apologise for my late reply. I have been struggling with my ED this past month, and shut out everything. Obviously to no avail since I am here again.
Artanddance, how is everything for you lately? How's work? I hope you're keeping up ;)
Babysteps, how are you? Is life ok?
I know what you mean about the struggle with having to gain weight again. I myself am battling it out with my inner self! On the one hand the good version of me is saying you must gain weight if you want to be healthy again, especially since my body is telling me to get my act together quick. But the bad me, the ED struggles. . .
This is the only place I can fully express exactly how I feel. We are all going through the same anguishes, mental torture and physical. I have recently been suffering physically and it's upset me quite a bit, I try to be happy, but because I know the root cause of it, inside I cry.
But on a lighter note, I hope that you both have been having a better time than me!
Wishing you all the happiness and peace,
littlerainbow,
x
Posted on August 29, 2012 at 7:43 PM
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