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Viewing 1 to (121 Total) (((((MAZZAR))))) |
Total Posts: 78
Joined: Jul 2011
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Hi Mazzar, have you found your way back onto the boards, miss you and hope you are well.
Love Mamamiafan xxx
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Posted on November 08, 2011 at 5:57 PM
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120 Replies
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Total Posts: 174
Joined: Nov 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Hello! I am so sorry I haven't been on the boards. I have been seriously ill with my lungs, I missed you so much. Love u.
Mazzar
xxxx
Posted on November 16, 2011 at 9:51 AM
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Total Posts: 78
Joined: Jul 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Mazzar, you are back, I just knew that there had to be something wrong. I have been so worried about you and thought that it was probably something to do with your lungs. I have been checking regularly to see if you were back. At least you are back, what has happened you poor thing?
Have missed you
Love and hugs, Mamamiafan xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted on November 16, 2011 at 11:44 PM
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Total Posts: 174
Joined: Nov 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Hello, we went on holiday in the summer & my lungs were happy but then when we got back I went downhill again. So I have been in hospital & it has been decided that I have severe brittle asthma. I am so tired all the time & just breathing wears me out. I have to rest a lot so I can't do as much as I would like to do or need to do for that fact. How are you? Are you still seeing your therapist?
Love Mazzar
xxxx
Posted on November 18, 2011 at 1:16 PM
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Total Posts: 78
Joined: Jul 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Poor you, I have been looking on the internet for information about severe brittle asthma. Have they said if they think it might improve ? Have got so much to tell you but at the moment I am so overjoyed that you are back and relieved that you are home, that I will leave that for another post. I am still enjoying the fact that you are back, it genuinely bought a smile to my face, I was shaking when I was opening your post as I couldn't quite believe it that you were back on the boards. You have a nice rest and just know that everyone is delighted that you are back.
sending you all of the hugs you missed while you were away.
Love Mamamiafan x
Posted on November 18, 2011 at 11:40 PM
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Total Posts: 174
Joined: Nov 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Thank you my darling. I am taking it easy. It was a relief to get a diagnosis but it is a lot to take in & I need to learn how to live with it. Thinking of you as always.
Love Mazzar
xxxx
Posted on November 21, 2011 at 9:53 AM
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Total Posts: 78
Joined: Jul 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Hi my Mazzar,
Have they said if your condition will improve over time, ? As I said I have so much to tell you but so much has happened over the last few months I don't really know where to start and also don't want to tire you by you having to always check the computer. I told my Dr you were back and she was genuinely pleased I think she understands how important the communiy is for everyone on them I will update you on how I am when I think you are getting a little stronger.
Love Mamamiafan xx
Posted on November 24, 2011 at 7:11 PM
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Total Posts: 174
Joined: Nov 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Hello, lovely to hear from you. I am struggling with a chest infection now, the kids & hubby have had colds. I thought I would escape but I guess my immune system is too low to fight it off. I don't want to end up back in hospital so I am doing all I can to avoid that! No one can say if it will get better & no one knows why it has changed to severe from well controlled for all those years. Please tell me how you are doing sweetheart. How are your family? Love you.
Mazzar
xxxx
Posted on November 24, 2011 at 8:09 PM
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Total Posts: 174
Joined: Nov 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Hi sweetie, how are you? I imagine you are busy at school right now with it nearly being the end of term. What are you doing for xmas? Do you have snow where you are? We don't, not yet! I have managed a whole week staying out of hospital! I am pacing myself so I don't have to go back at all! Thinking of you as always.
Love Mazzar
xxxx
Posted on December 06, 2011 at 9:49 AM
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Total Posts: 78
Joined: Jul 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Hi Mazzar
Well done for managing to stay out of hospital, perhaps you are getting a little stronger I am very busy at school. It is very challenging but also very rewarding. How is your eldest daughter, has she left school now ?
My two eldest are both working. My daughter is still nursing and my son finished his course in the summer and has a full time job.
As far as my recovery is going its moving but in a bit of a strange direction. I am able to tolerate different things now that I couldn't before,still finding them a challenge but managing a lot better, but my Psychology came to an abrupt end as my Psychologist got a new job. I was absolutley devastated and am still finding it hard coming to terms with it, my Psychiatrist had to give me a short course of additional meds to help me as I was so distraught. I can only explain it like a bereavement except its harder to accept as I know that my Psychologist is out there somewhere but I have no way of ever seeing her again or speaking to her. She helped and understood me so much and I miss her dreadfully. I feel as though I am half way along a journey that has suddenly come to an end and I'm unsure of which way to go. I am going to a case conference at the end of next week, there will be 5 people there plus me and we are going to talk about whether I will be given any more support. The day she told me she was leaving (she did at least give me 4 weeks to prepare myself) I had told her that I really felt that we were getting somewhere and that I felt that by the time my therapy was ended (next April) that I really felt that things would be ok - then she told me at the end of the session that she would be going. I held it together until I came out then locked myself in the cloakroom and cried for half an hour. When I saw my Psychiatrist 2 weeks ago it was the first time I had gone back to the building where I used to see my Psychologist. I just completly lost it, was in floods of tears and ended up having a full blown panic attack. I was really scared and couldn't breathe so I can't even imagine what it must be like for you having to go through breathing difficulties all of the time.
Anyway I am hoping that something will be sorted out next week. I still see my ED therapist monthly but know that that will be coming to an end soon and am anxious that I will have the same reaction as I had when my Psychologist left, attatchment issues are my main problem at the moment I think and I must guard against using meal times as a form of control.
What are you going to be doing for Christmas ? Hopefully people will be running around after you and looking after you although I should imagine that you would find that quite frustrating !
I will look forward to hearing all of your news and hope that you stay well enough to stay at home.
Love you loads my Mazzar,
Love Mamamiafan xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted on December 07, 2011 at 8:11 PM
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Total Posts: 174
Joined: Nov 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Oh my darling friend, I am so sorry you have been through so much. How are you feeling now? The panic attack sounds frightening as I know what it is like to struggle for breath. I feel like I am drowning, such a terrible feeling. So so sorry. I am holding you tight. When do you break up from school? We break up next Friday, cant wait! We got my disabled D into a virtual sixth form & she starts in Jan. It will give her some motivation & structure which has been sadly lacking since she finished in the hospital school this year. I love you lots & you are always in my thoughts.
Mazzar
xxxx
Posted on December 09, 2011 at 11:04 AM
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Total Posts: 78
Joined: Jul 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Hi Mazzar, I notice you hav'nt been on the boards and hoping it doesn't mean you are back in hospital again with your asthma. Are you ready for Christmas ? All of the presents are bought but still need wrapping and distributing ! The case conference went ok and I will be going to some group therapy sessions, not exactly ideal but at least its something and should be helpful. I didn't feel I could cope with another one to one therapeautic relationship and thought it a bit risky to attempt and they seemed to agree (to be honest I don't feel it was going to be offered anyway from what we talked about.) I had a really upsettig experience afterwards which I won't go into but it was to do with my inability to handle my emotions. Suffice to say I got some extra meds from my Psychiatrist to help me to relax over the next few days. I ended up speaking to my ED therapist today about how I was feeling as I was at my wits end and didn't feel the people at the clinic knew me well enough as a person to know best how to advise me. I felt calmer after speaking to her, but stil ended up crying when I went to the clinic to get my prescription. I think its because of the link that the building has with my Psychologist who left, I'm really not dealing with that very well.
Your daughters virtual school sounds interesting, is it all done on line or do tutors come out from time to time. I must admit I have never heard of a virtual school. Will she get virtual school reports
I hope you are ready for Christmas and you have been getting lots of rest, you will need to take it easy over the Christmas period and try not to over do things - ok - nagging over ! I do hope you are home and able to read this. I hope you have a restful christmas and are able to spend it with your family,
You take good care Mazzar
Love you loads
Love Mamaiafan xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted on December 20, 2011 at 4:10 AM
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Total Posts: 174
Joined: Nov 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Hi my love, big hugs coming your way. I do hope you are coping with everything & that the meds are helping? I am at home & infection free at the moment but that change in the blink of an eye! I am hoping to go to my sisters holiday home for xmas. I will have to take all my meds & breathing machine but it will be worth it. There will be 15 of us but I wont do much. My sis, Mum & Aunty are going to do the cooking. Yes the virtual school is great & one of our local authorities best kept secrets! There is tutor support once a week or more if we need it. I don't know about the reports but they will probably be virtual! You take care my friend, keep trying & don't you overdo it either as I know you can't sit still. Love you so much.
Mazzar
xxxx
Posted on December 20, 2011 at 1:08 PM
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Total Posts: 78
Joined: Jul 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Hi Mazzar,
Hope your Christmas is going well and you are managing with your breathing. Sending you lots of Christmas love and hugs
Love Mamamiafan xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted on December 25, 2011 at 11:47 PM
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Total Posts: 174
Joined: Nov 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Hello sweetheart, how did your xmas go? I hope it went ok & you coped. We had a lovely time at the holiday home but it was nice to get home too! We went for a look round the sales yesterday & got a few bits. My breathing is ok, learning to live with it now. thinking of you as always.
Mazzar
xxxx
Posted on December 28, 2011 at 10:53 AM
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Total Posts: 78
Joined: Jul 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Hi Mazzar, I'm so pleased you managed to spend Christmas with your family and that your breathing was ok. Christmas was fine until the tues night, I had managed to follow my meal plan plus a couple of extras and was fine until my sister and her family went home in the evening I felt I was in a catch 22 situation. I sat with the feelings in the end and didn't act on them but was miserable then for the rest of the night. I rang the Beat helpline and they said I shouldn't be so hard on myself and suggested I went out for a little while to take my mind off things. I took my daughter to the shops, didn't buy much but the change of scenery seemed to do the trick.
Back to work next week, I'm enjoying the time off and going to see my friend and her baby in the morning which will be nice, she was born in April and the last time I saw her was July so she will have grown quite a lot !
I hope you had some nice suprises for Christmas, I had some lovely fluffy pyjamas off one of my daughters which I have snuggled into this evening (I feel the cold really badly but they are really snug and warm!) Did you see Downton Abbey at Christmas ? My hubby got me series 1 and 2 for one of my pesents, I will enjoy rewatching them
Anyway, must go
Lots of love and hugs as always
Love you my Mazzar
Love Mamamiafan xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted on December 28, 2011 at 9:05 PM
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Total Posts: 174
Joined: Nov 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Hi there, glad you had a good xmas & I am so proud of you for coping on Tues when you felt so bad. You did all the right things to help yourself which is such a positive. Your pressies sound gorgeous, I also got warm pj's & a big fluffy dressing gown. I also got some yummy bath treats. I agree about a change of scenery. I get like that & need to have a little walk outside or pop into town just to get out. Enjoy your time off work & your time seeing your friends little one. I bet she will have changed when you see her. Anyway keeping you in my thoughts & heart.
Mazzar
xxxx
Posted on December 29, 2011 at 2:59 PM
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Total Posts: 78
Joined: Jul 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Well I am already snuggled up in my new pyjamas again and its only early evening. Enjoyed seeing my friend and her baby this morning and went to the DRs this afternoon. She said she could understand why the person I am speaking to at the moment is being how she is but could also understand my frustrations and that I will need to discuss how I am feeling when I attend my assessment for the group therapy sessions. I can understand that the person I speak to is bound by proffessional standards. Perhaps it was because I had such a strong relationship with my Psychologist that I find it hard to speak to someone with a different approach and who doesnt really know me very well. I still really miss my Psychologist. It doesn't seem to be getting any easier, in fact the more I speak to this other person, the more I miss her
What have you been up to ? It will be strange going back to work next week but good to see everyone again. I'm enjoying my job but still finding it a challenge working on a one to one basis.
Going to the cinema tomorrow night and taking youngest for an eye check up in the morning so no lie in tomorrow !!! Have you been able to go to the cinema since you've been in hospital or is it difficult with your breathing machine.
As the boards may be slower because of the weekend and the New Year I will wish you a Happy New Year now, its our anniverary again isn't it, you have taught me so much my Mazzar
Love you loads and hope you have a healthy new year
Love Mamamiafan xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted on December 29, 2011 at 6:55 PM
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Total Posts: 174
Joined: Nov 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Hi there, how are you doing? I hope you are coping. How was the film? My youngest is going to the cinema tonight to see Mission impossible with her friends. We are going out for a drink but won't be out till midnight, I can't stay awake that late! I am sorry that you still miss your old Psychologist. It is hard isn't it? Have you told the new person how you are feeling? I think you should as they will understand. We build up such trust & a relationship with the people who help us that it is only natural to miss them. I am thinking of you hun. Glad you had a nice time seeing your friend & the baby. Have a nice weekend, when are you back at work? I must admit it will be nice to get back into routine too.
Love you, big hugs
Mazzar
xxxx
Posted on December 31, 2011 at 11:51 AM
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Total Posts: 78
Joined: Jul 2011
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re: (((((MAZZAR)))))
Hi Mazzar,
I'm having difficulty building a relationship with the new person as I will only be speaking to her until I start the group therapy sessions and although we get on ok I only speak to her over the phone and also she isn't a Psychologist she is a psychiatric nurse so although she has an understanding, she seems to come over as being quite brusque. I am feeling a little unsettled as I know my sessions with my ED therapist are numbered and I k.now how I reacted when I finished my Psychology sessions so am beginning to get a little jumpy. The thought of going through it all again and not having any support is worrying me as although I think I know what I need to do, I can't always rely on myself to act on my thoughts.I expect I will get through it as I have no choice but its hanging over me and I know theres nothing I can do about it.
I hope you had a nice evening out on New Years eve and wasn't too tired the next day. I spent the majority of the evening ferrying my children around but saw some lovely fireworks at midnight and was out chatting with the neighbours until 1.00am !
I have bitten the bullett and have booked a mini break France at Easter, my youngest is really excited ! She has never been abroad and I need to sort out a passport for her. Mazzar, I try to keep really busy and find lots of things to do, but can you understand why I have such a reliance on my support network outside of my family/friends ? Is it because they 'get it' when I am having problems dyou think ?
Love you my Mazzar, hope to hear from you soon
Love Mamamiafan xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted on January 01, 2012 at 11:16 PM
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