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Viewing 1 to (10 Total) Obsessed with therapist? |
Total Posts: 42
Joined: Sep 2011
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Hi,
I haven't really posted for support in a while, as I have been in full recovery from my ED for three years (though still in therapy dealing with other associated problems - as a survivor of abuse in the looked after child system). So I'm not sure if this is really the most appropriate forum for me to be posting in - it's just the one I'm familiar with and feel comfortable in I guess.
I just wondered whether anyone else was feeling they might be overly dependent on their therapist? I have really come to view my therapist as fantasy mother figure - and having never had one of them, those feelings are pretty damn strong!
To me, those feelings feel out of control at the moment and I feel it would be better to end now rather than let them stay as big as they are (which would make the loss when we end feel just unbearable). Her view is that these feelings can be worked through in time and I need to trust her to help me manage this just like we've managed and overcome other things.
Has anyone else experienced these very very strong feelings towards their therapist - can anyone offer me any pearls of wisdom?
Caitlin x
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Posted on April 20, 2012 at 5:49 PM
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9 Replies
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Total Posts: 38
Joined: Aug 2011
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re: Obsessed with therapist?
Hi Caitlin,
I think you are so brave to be able to identify what's happening and to confront it with your therapist. I have been through different things to you but I know how it feels to view your therapist in that way. I think its fantastic that she has said she'll work through it with you and I think its probably a good idea to trust her to do that. In the past I have been labelled as 'too dependant' on people and have never been given the chance to sort it out, I think it could be a really good opportunity for you to process and move forward from past issues. You are such an inspiration in your successful recovery from your ED, thank you so much for still posting on here.
Hugs, X
Posted on April 22, 2012 at 8:00 PM
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Total Posts: 56
Joined: Mar 2012
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re: Obsessed with therapist?
Hey Caitlin,
I can't advise you on what's best to do as I haven't experienced what youre going through, but massive congratulations on being free of your ED for 3 years
I don't know what's best for you, and I'm sure you don't either but I think either way you still need a therapist to help you work through your past issues so please don't come out of the system all together.
Here if you want to chat x x x
Posted on April 22, 2012 at 8:20 PM
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Total Posts: 301
Joined: Jul 2011
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re: Obsessed with therapist?
Hey Caitlin, I've not really been in that situation but I think that you have to trust her. If really she's helped you with all this other stuff and made things better, then there's no reason why she can't help you with this as well!!
I think the problem is with mental health issues, that they all start off because no-one listens or it's like no-one cares or wants to know and then, once you're thrown into therapy finally someone is ACTUALLY listening and actually wants to help. And that's weird but really nice. So it's no wonder that you come to feel a connection with this person even tho' it's a professional relationship. Afterall you're telling them everything and letting them in like no-one else you know.
I don't know how to overcome it, but I think it's only to be expected. Just remember these ppl are professionals and no doubt they are trained to help you to keep the relationship so. So don't worry, I think things will be just fine!!
hugs xxxx
Posted on April 23, 2012 at 1:09 PM
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Total Posts: 42
Joined: Sep 2011
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re: Obsessed with therapist?
Dear Abi, Bernie and Adele,
Thanks so much for getting back to me. I agree that - given she's offering me the opportunity to work through these feelings with her - I'd be foolish to turn my back on that offer.
It's hard though because I feel so very ashamed and embarrassed about feeling that way about her - she's almost the last person I want to talk to about that! I've been staunchingly independent all of my life because I've had to be, and it took such a very long time to let myself trust her and depend on her in any way in therapy - it feels very alien to now be needing to work on feelings of having become too attached. This came up in part, I think, because we had agreed that in most ways the work was ready to end, but not without dealing with this aspect of the relationship first. Sigh.
Abi>>> Thank you for your very kind words, and it is reassuring to know that others have felt this way towards their therapists too. Are you in therapy at the moment?
Bernie>>> Thank you for your post and for the congratulations - it does feel wonderful to have left that part of my life behind. How are things for you?
Adele>>> Yes, I think you're right - these feelings are very definitely fuelled by the fact that she is the first person in my life who has seemed to care. Since embarking on therapy, I have learned to open myself up to other loving relationships so I do have others in my life now (and in particular my wonderful partner and his lovely family) - but she was the first and that feels SO important to me. I know you're having a struggle getting the help you need, and I hope that you are able to find something appropriate soon xx
I wish you all well in your own journeys... it's damn hard work at times, isn't it?!
Caitlin xx
Posted on April 23, 2012 at 3:37 PM
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Total Posts: 38
Joined: Aug 2011
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re: Obsessed with therapist?
Hi Caitlin,
thats brilliant that you've decided that you'll persevere with it with your therapist. I know what you mean about it being such a strange relationship, you talk to therapists about things you have never told anyone and you trust them and rely on them - its no wonder we end up feeling like they're our closest friends.
I've had many therapists over the years but I had one therapist for 5 years or so I knew that because it was a professional relationship (NHS) there was no way I would ever hear from her or know anything about her again. That was 5 years ago and I still cry about the loss sometimes, it is so painful.
I guess lots of people who havent been through it would struggle to understand and would probably see it as weird or dangerous, that's the reaction I've had from other mental health professionals but I agree with Bernie that surely its only natural. When you've had limited or poor parental relationships as a child or when your trust has been broken by people you've cared about it makes sense that you would cling on as hard as you can when someone comes along who actually does care and listen, even when you know its their career to do so.
Big hugs, hang in there X
Posted on April 23, 2012 at 4:36 PM
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Total Posts: 56
Joined: Mar 2012
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therapist
I think thats a very wise decision to make, she knows how to help and trusting in her can only make things better. And you absolutely should not feel ashamed or embarassed about feeling that way, Abi's completely right that it's not a surprise when you havent had the support that you need and deserve. I hope things get better for you, ultimately you have made the most amazing achievement with beating your ED and you must always remember that.
Its great that you have such a supportive partner and his family - my Mum had a really hard childhood, met my dad at 17, and his family became her family very quickly. She made it her career to bring us up and not expose us to anything like she experienced, and she reflects on it as it making her a better and stronger person now. She feels sad that her family has had to miss us all growing up but at the end of the day it was their decision and their loss. Likewise it can make you a stronger person, and judging by what youve been able to achieve you are an incredibly strong person. Dont beat yourself up for your feelings towards your therapist, and dont lose sight of what youve achieved.
Im doing well, feeling very positive and have a very supportive partner too, still early days but the more time goes by the better Im feeling.
xx
Posted on April 23, 2012 at 9:26 PM
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Total Posts: 42
Joined: Sep 2011
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re:
Hi both,
Thanks again for your replies. I'm really struggling with this just now. I see my therapist three times a week, so we've been working intensively on this and understanding the feelings of loss and grief underlying them, and I swear I feel more in touch with my pain than I ever have been.
It hurts SO much, and I feel like I've lost all of the ways I used to have to avoid these feelings. In the past, . I've worked through all of those things and now it's just about facing the pain head on, I'm struggling! I get stomach pain when I'm upset, and that's overwhelming today in addition to the emotional pain and I had to come home from work.
What's hurting is the realisation that all of that longing and yearning that I feel - - - that emptiness may never be fulfilled. I do have some comfort from the experiences I am having with my partner and his family - and in the knowledge that we will have our own family in the future - but right now, I just feel like I've done ten rounds and the punches are still coming. I am SO jealous of others' lives and others' families -
I try very desperately hard not to feel sorry for myself normally, and therapist have both said that I mustn't see this like that and that I need to give myself the time to grieve the childhood that I lost... I don't know... I just want the pain to stop.
Anyway, sorry to go on - feel like I'm struggling at the moment - thanks again both for your replies and hope you're both ok.
Caitlin x
Posted on April 26, 2012 at 3:52 PM
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Total Posts: 38
Joined: Aug 2011
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re: Obsessed with therapist?
Dear Caitlin
Massive hugs, it sounds like you really need some. I wish I could help. I recognise that feeling of emptiness and the realisation that you can never go back in time and erase your grief about the past. But therapists have given me hope. I think there is a way forward and that you can have happiness even when the building blocks weren't right at the start of your life. Stay strong, you will get through this and learn to let people in and let yourself feel loved and cared for.
Thinking of you
love Abi X
Posted on April 27, 2012 at 4:50 PM
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Total Posts: 42
Joined: Sep 2011
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re: Obsessed with therapist?
Thanks Abi. Please don't get me wrong - I am happy with my life, I have some loving relationships now with my partner and his family and life is much MUCH better than before. I feel very very sad about the grief I feel about not being able to have the relationship that I wish with my therapist (and in turn my birthmother) and we're working through that grief at the moment. I go through black moments when it really hurts but I'm back on fighting form today!! Thanks for support xx
Posted on April 27, 2012 at 6:41 PM
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