I am completely new to using beat, though have struggled with my eating disorder for just over 4 years, gradually getting worse. I am now at my lowest and have lost all motivation for change. I have been seeing a specialist nurse for 3 1/2 years and did go to a few treatment groups, but I found it really difficult to speak about myself infront of others, so just sat there mute. I now have 1:1 follow up sessions as I'm not ready to make changes yet, they are getting concerned and will probably 'make' me start small changes if my weight doesn't stabilise



I compose songs and have done for years, recording cds for charity and using this method to release pent up emotion. I guess it has got me through some difficult times, as I'm still here, but I am really struggling at the moment, not just with my eating but with everything! Here are the lyrics of my new song: "A Road to no where"



I feel like the weight the world's on my shoulders

and I have absorbed the hard times, that should have been theirs.



I feel like just giving up, but I know it's not an option,

I'm not that selfish, though I wish I was.



I'll jump in my car, turn the radio up

and drive on a road to no where.

Put my foot down, take my hands off the wheel,

then close my eyes, so I'm not there, cuz I don't care.



Some people tell me to just pull myself together,

It's simple, like a pair of cheap curtains, but



Those people who say they know exactly what I've been through,

you ignorant losers, you don't have a clue.



So, I'll jump in my car, turn the radio up

and drive on a road to no where.

Put my foot down, take my hands off the wheel,

then close my eyes, so I'm not there, cuz I don't care.



This is my life, and yeah I take it for granted.

It is my right, so i'll take it or leave it



Gonna jump in my car, turn the radio up

and drive on a road to no where.

Put my foot down, take my hands off the wheel,

then close my eyes, so I'm not there, cuz I don't care.



Lisa X