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Here at last Hi there, my name is Rosie (Rose) I am new to this site. I don'tknow why I have not been here before because I have really needed the support over the years. I think an friend suggested this website to me a few months back, but I have just forgotten over and over! I have been in and out of hospital as I suffer with bulimia. I hate having an ED as I feel it has ruined all friendships and I have had a bad relationship with my parents. I also have physical illnesses which probably have been caused by my ED. I have suffered with ME since I was about 7, and then the ED kicked in soon after. I just felt so unwell. Then was diagnosed with a pain disorder last year. i am trying to make friends, but I still feel like they don't want to know me? It's just a weird feeling. Maybe I am just paranoid. I was doing really well up until around beginning of December last year and I seem to have relapsed. I worry about telling my parents because They've been helping me out. I have been off work for ages, and I feel like I am letting them down too. I recently got a kitten to give me some comfort and companionship, from my parents who thought it would be a good idea, but because I am so ill I feel like I can't look after her. Though, I want to keep her as Ive fallen in love. I feel invisible. I feel people don't seem to care. It does make me wonder about Life in general. My best friend has other issues so I find it hard to talk to her as I worry just incase I upset her. I have met some people who I think relate to me with all my illnesses but it really makes things complicated when all I want is to talk to them, I worry that sounds selfish. Anyway, I am hoping that this place will let me get the help and guidance and friendship I need for when I am struggling, need a boost of moral and feel good about myself. I hope I have not rambled on too much. Thank you. Posted on January 11, 2013 at 4:24 PM
i'm sorry Hi i am so sad to read your sad post,have you told your partener how you feel? i have anorexia and i have just recently told my husband how i have been feeling it has taken me forever to open up about my disorder but once i opened up to him i found he really started listening and understanding more and even started reading books to try and encourage me and to let me know im not on my own.i have had anorexia since i was 15 i am 27 now but i never told anyone until last year when i colapsed and ppl started putting things together and worked it out i still wont talk to anyone only my husband i really hope things get better. dawn Posted on January 07, 2013 at 9:34 PM
re: Changing Your Focus hi kirsty you sound so positive i wish i could be but i too am in a job i hate i get bullied by the people i work with and it just contributes to my eating disorder.i have alot of issues from younger days which i havent adressed but i feel so scared about going to get help. i feel ashamed and a failure because i have a wonderful husband and a beautiful son and my behavoir is affecting them. i am so scared for my future i just dont know what to do any more. i wish i felt like you,good luck with everything its nice to hear positive thoughts. dawn Posted on January 07, 2013 at 8:36 PM
sick???????? hello anybody, i feel so lonely but i am surrounded by people i get 1 step forward but go 2 steps back all the time. it would be such a relief to speak to someone who knows how im feeling any comments would be much apretiated. Dawn Posted on January 07, 2013 at 8:22 PM
re: Back again Hi kate i'm dawn i'm lost at the moment too. your message really got to me because i feel the same way as you.i dont know who to go to,i feel like i'm getting worse. it is comforting to know there is people that feel the same way. i just wanted to say im here if you want to talk maybe we can help eachother. i havent had any professional help i'm too scared to speak to anyone. Posted on January 06, 2013 at 9:51 PM
I'm stuck in a black hole with no way out Help i'm really stuck right now,i'm really new to this site and i feel like im falling into a black hole full of too many thoughts about food.i know myself that i have had depression/anorexia for a long time but i feel like the anorexia is taking over me and within the last year my family have really noticed, i dont want this i'm really lost and with no one to understand how i feel i'm too ashamed of myself at the moment.if there is there anyone who can help me? Posted on January 06, 2013 at 9:06 PM
re: old member no where to turn Hello, i am touched, I am very sad at the moment, its been 9 years since being diagnosed and now that i have been discharged from an eating disorder service so i could go on and focus on alot of past issues i feel my ed is back stronger than before, , i am facing years of therapy , i have since moved from home and am now in supportive housing and waiting to move on again, but i feel so unhappy its like all i hid away is now out open, and i feel worse, more vulnerable which leads to feeling betrayed, Thanks Em Posted on December 26, 2012 at 8:47 PM
re: old member no where to turn I didn't expect anyone to reply, i thought there was no way back here, i feel alone. I am struggling to cope with work and any changes expected of me, i set goals but now putting them on hold, i am getting help. Em Posted on December 16, 2012 at 3:47 PM
re: Feel like giving up Bunnylove do you remember me Em xx Posted on November 30, 2012 at 8:18 PM
please reply before i go I am so sorry, i am saddened that no one replied to mu message, i was hoping to be able to come back but sadly i don't think that a good idea, but before i give up i am giving it one more go, Em x Posted on November 30, 2012 at 8:04 PM
re: Not doing well :( Taking each day as it comes...stopped drinking and hiding and have been going to the gym...so trying to get that life balance back...one day at a time Posted on November 22, 2012 at 7:59 AM
re: A mother who needs serious support in relation to my beautiful daughter I read your post and it gave me goosebumps! I had a difficult relationship with my mum for many years and I hid my eating disorder from everyone I loved..including myself....try putting your thoughts down on paper it helps, send her a letter or just write your thoughts down and leave them in that day, if that makes sense. Your daughter will probably lash out at everyone she knows will tolerate it no matter how much it breaks your heart, she may crave attention from other places and people. Eating disorders take control of your life and thoughts and she will get through this and you will get your daughter back one day. I wish you all the luck in the world x Posted on November 19, 2012 at 8:29 PM
Not doing well :( Hey I'm back....and struggling! Have realised today for the first time that I have replaced my control of food with alcohol...Not good Have spent the last 6 months dealing with a broken heart and battled my head over food, just didn't realise I was drinking so frequently....I'm a healthy weight for the first time in ages and I'm struggling with it...head takes me back to those ed thoughts...any of you guys relate to this? x Posted on November 19, 2012 at 7:59 PM
old member no where to turn i don;t think anyone where will know mw now, been nearly 2 years since i stepped away from this board i thought maybe i would try and come back, guess am feeling iscolated and alone with my illness. Em Posted on November 16, 2012 at 8:28 PM
Hi Hi I have finally signed up to beat after struggling for over 2 years with my problem! I have been feeling so ALONE for like ever but when I started reading some of the other peoples messages of their struggles; I realized that I may not be entirely alone. I know a lot of my problem is to do with control. I have come to realize now I am 18, I want to be healthy( in other words eat 3 meals with snacks and exercise) thanks Deborah xXx Posted on August 04, 2012 at 12:13 AM
re: Re: Anyone out there? Thankyou so much for the kind words. I have moved with my son, following a painful seperation and my son and family and friends are now aware of my eating problems which have spiralled in the last three months. For 3 days I have been eating infront of work colleagues and a meal every night with my son, I am trying to deal with the breakdown of my relationship and my irrational thoughts is proving hard but it's like being on auto pilot. I feel that is it ok to just eat to get through this bit and then work on the rest? I dont want to go to my GP, it was hard enough to tell my family, who actually knew I'd always had a difficult relationship with food. I know the trigger is stress and ED thoughts are strong when there is something else happening that I have no control over....it's so confusing and I am taking a day at a time. The Ed thoughts are in the background constantly. How did your child react when they found out? The guilt of putting the most important person in the world through this is horrid. My son is amazing xxxxxxxxx Posted on May 22, 2012 at 8:47 PM
re: Re: Anyone out there? Ok so Im really new to all this and my lack of eating has just cost me a relationship. Every day is heartbreaking and my son is so worried Im trying every day to eat infront of him. Im so ashamed that my problem is affecting him. Posted on May 16, 2012 at 11:29 PM
Re: Anyone out there? Hi everyone, Im new to all this and want to know if any of you successfully self-manage? This is the third time in my life (im 37) that I have suffered with eating difficulties. I know the trigger is stress but how do you recognise its taking hold of you and does anyone else have these thoughts? Any comments would be gratefully received. Posted on May 13, 2012 at 8:58 AM
re: Carers' Discussions Thanks everyone for all the support. We had a great morning too, I couldn't do anything right. I've spent the week on my own with my daughter, husband away for a week, and all went quite well. This morning, I've apparently got it all wrong, and haven't a clue. Other than that, guys, all fine here. Posted on May 01, 2012 at 11:09 AM
re: very confused and frightened hello, thought id update you on my appointment yesterday with my e.d councillor. She is trying to refer me to the secondary care team and she is primary care and 1 hour a week with her isn't enough support. the secondary team would be a psychiatrist, a support worker who would see me more frequently than 1 hour a week, and a dietician. if i manage to be referred before next tuesday ill stop seeing my e.d councillor. I feel happy with this as i can see that this would be much better for me than the support I've currently got, and also very relieved that this doesn't mean that i have to be in hospital. i feel more positive that with this support i may be finally manage to tackle this, although i know I've got a long road ahead of me. hope you're ok. keep in touch. Angel xxx Posted on April 18, 2012 at 11:14 AM

Viewing 1 to 20 (48 Total)

Here at last

Hi there, my name is Rosie (Rose) I am new to this site. I don'tknow why I have not been here before because I have really needed the support over the years. I think an friend suggested this website to me a few months back, but I have just forgotten over and over! I have been in and out of hospital as I suffer with bulimia. I hate having an ED as I feel it has ruined all friendships and I have had a bad relationship with my parents.
I also have physical illnesses which probably have been caused by my ED. I have suffered with ME since I was about 7, and then the ED kicked in soon after. I just felt so unwell. Then was diagnosed with a pain disorder last year. i am trying to make friends, but I still feel like they don't want to know me? It's just a weird feeling. Maybe I am just paranoid.
I was doing really well up until around beginning of December last year and I seem to have relapsed. I worry about telling my parents because They've been helping me out. I have been off work for ages, and I feel like I am letting them down too. I recently got a kitten to give me some comfort and companionship, from my parents who thought it would be a good idea, but because I am so ill I feel like I can't look after her. Though, I want to keep her as Ive fallen in love.
I feel invisible. I feel people don't seem to care. It does make me wonder about Life in general. My best friend has other issues so I find it hard to talk to her as I worry just incase I upset her. I have met some people who I think relate to me with all my illnesses but it really makes things complicated when all I want is to talk to them, I worry that sounds selfish. Anyway, I am hoping that this place will let me get the help and guidance and friendship I need for when I am struggling, need a boost of moral and feel good about myself. I hope I have not rambled on too much. Thank you.

Posted on January 11, 2013 at 4:24 PM

i'm sorry

Hi

i am so sad to read your sad post,have you told your partener how you feel?
i have anorexia and i have just recently told my husband how i have been feeling it has taken me forever to open up about my disorder but once i opened up to him i found he really started listening and understanding more and even started reading books to try and encourage me and to let me know im not on my own.i have had anorexia since i was 15 i am 27 now but i never told anyone until last year when i colapsed and ppl started putting things together and worked it out i still wont talk to anyone only my husband i really hope things get better.
dawn

Posted on January 07, 2013 at 9:34 PM

re: Changing Your Focus

hi kirsty you sound so positive i wish i could be but i too am in a job i hate i get bullied by the people i work with and it just contributes to my eating disorder.i have alot of issues from younger days which i havent adressed but i feel so scared about going to get help.

i feel ashamed and a failure because i have a wonderful husband and a beautiful son and my behavoir is affecting them.

i am so scared for my future i just dont know what to do any more.

i wish i felt like you,good luck with everything its nice to hear positive thoughts.

dawn

Posted on January 07, 2013 at 8:36 PM

sick????????

hello anybody, i feel so lonely but i am surrounded by people

i get 1 step forward but go 2 steps back all the time.

it would be such a relief to speak to someone who knows how im feeling

any comments would be much apretiated.

Dawn

Posted on January 07, 2013 at 8:22 PM

re: Back again

Hi kate

i'm dawn i'm lost at the moment too. your message really got to me because i feel the same way as you.i dont know who to go to,i feel like i'm getting worse.

it is comforting to know there is people that feel the same way.

i just wanted to say im here if you want to talk maybe we can help eachother.

i havent had any professional help i'm too scared to speak to anyone.

Posted on January 06, 2013 at 9:51 PM

I'm stuck in a black hole with no way out

Help i'm really stuck right now,i'm really new to this site and i feel like im falling into a black hole full of too many thoughts about food.i know myself that i have had depression/anorexia for a long time but i feel like the anorexia is taking over me and within the last year my family have really noticed,

i dont want this i'm really lost and with no one to understand how i feel i'm too ashamed of myself at the moment.if there is there anyone who can help me?

Posted on January 06, 2013 at 9:06 PM

re: old member no where to turn

Hello, i am touched,

I am very sad at the moment, its been 9 years since being diagnosed and now that i have been discharged from an eating disorder service so i could go on and focus on alot of past issues i feel my ed is back stronger than before,
, i am facing years of therapy , i have since moved from home and am now in supportive housing and waiting to move on again, but i feel so unhappy its like all i hid away is now out open, and i feel worse, more vulnerable which leads to feeling betrayed,

Thanks

Em

Posted on December 26, 2012 at 8:47 PM

re: old member no where to turn

I didn't expect anyone to reply, i thought there was no way back here, i feel alone.

I am struggling to cope with work and any changes expected of me, i set goals but now putting them on hold, i am getting help.

Em

Posted on December 16, 2012 at 3:47 PM

re: Feel like giving up

Bunnylove do you remember me Em

xx

Posted on November 30, 2012 at 8:18 PM

please reply before i go

I am so sorry, i am saddened that no one replied to mu message, i was hoping to be able to come back but sadly i don't think that a good idea, but before i give up i am giving it one more go,

Em x

Posted on November 30, 2012 at 8:04 PM

re: Not doing well :(

Taking each day as it comes...stopped drinking and hiding and have been going to the gym...so trying to get that life balance back...one day at a time smiling

Posted on November 22, 2012 at 7:59 AM

re: A mother who needs serious support in relation to my beautiful daughter

I read your post and it gave me goosebumps! I had a difficult relationship with my mum for many years and I hid my eating disorder from everyone I loved..including myself....try putting your thoughts down on paper it helps, send her a letter or just write your thoughts down and leave them in that day, if that makes sense. Your daughter will probably lash out at everyone she knows will tolerate it no matter how much it breaks your heart, she may crave attention from other places and people. Eating disorders take control of your life and thoughts and she will get through this and you will get your daughter back one day. I wish you all the luck in the world x

Posted on November 19, 2012 at 8:29 PM

Not doing well :(

Hey I'm back....and struggling! Have realised today for the first time that I have replaced my control of food with alcohol...Not good Have spent the last 6 months dealing with a broken heart and battled my head over food, just didn't realise I was drinking so frequently....I'm a healthy weight for the first time in ages and I'm struggling with it...head takes me back to those ed thoughts...any of you guys relate to this? x

Posted on November 19, 2012 at 7:59 PM

old member no where to turn

i don;t think anyone where will know mw now, been nearly 2 years since i stepped away from this board i thought maybe i would try and come back, guess am feeling iscolated and alone with my illness.

Em

Posted on November 16, 2012 at 8:28 PM

Hi

Hi I have finally signed up to beat after struggling for over 2 years with my problem! I have been feeling so ALONE for like ever but when I started reading some of the other peoples messages of their struggles; I realized that I may not be entirely alone. I know a lot of my problem is to do with control. I have come to realize now I am 18, I want to be healthy( in other words eat 3 meals with snacks and exercise) thanks Deborah xXx

Posted on August 04, 2012 at 12:13 AM

re: Re: Anyone out there?

Thankyou so much for the kind words.
I have moved with my son, following a painful seperation and my son and family and friends are now aware of my eating problems which have spiralled in the last three months. For 3 days I have been eating infront of work colleagues and a meal every night with my son, I am trying to deal with the breakdown of my relationship and my irrational thoughts is proving hard but it's like being on auto pilot. I feel that is it ok to just eat to get through this bit and then work on the rest? I dont want to go to my GP, it was hard enough to tell my family, who actually knew I'd always had a difficult relationship with food. I know the trigger is stress and ED thoughts are strong when there is something else happening that I have no control over....it's so confusing and I am taking a day at a time. The Ed thoughts are in the background constantly. How did your child react when they found out? The guilt of putting the most important person in the world through this is horrid. My son is amazing xxxxxxxxx

Posted on May 22, 2012 at 8:47 PM

re: Re: Anyone out there?

Ok so Im really new to all this and my lack of eating has just cost me a relationship. Every day is heartbreaking and my son is so worried Im trying every day to eat infront of him. Im so ashamed that my problem is affecting him.

Posted on May 16, 2012 at 11:29 PM

Re: Anyone out there?

Hi everyone, Im new to all this and want to know if any of you successfully self-manage? This is the third time in my life (im 37) that I have suffered with eating difficulties. I know the trigger is stress but how do you recognise its taking hold of you and does anyone else have these thoughts? Any comments would be gratefully received.

Posted on May 13, 2012 at 8:58 AM

re: Carers' Discussions

Thanks everyone for all the support. We had a great morning too, I couldn't do anything right. I've spent the week on my own with my daughter, husband away for a week, and all went quite well. This morning, I've apparently got it all wrong, and haven't a clue.

Other than that, guys, all fine here.

Posted on May 01, 2012 at 11:09 AM

re: very confused and frightened

hello, thought id update you on my appointment yesterday with my e.d councillor. She is trying to refer me to the secondary care team and she is primary care and 1 hour a week with her isn't enough support. the secondary team would be a psychiatrist, a support worker who would see me more frequently than 1 hour a week, and a dietician. if i manage to be referred before next tuesday ill stop seeing my e.d councillor. I feel happy with this as i can see that this would be much better for me than the support I've currently got, and also very relieved that this doesn't mean that i have to be in hospital. i feel more positive that with this support i may be finally manage to tackle this, although i know I've got a long road ahead of me. hope you're ok. keep in touch. Angel xxx

Posted on April 18, 2012 at 11:14 AM

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Here at last

i'm sorry

re: Changing Your Focus

sick????????

re: Back again

I'm stuck in a black hole with no way out

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re: old member no where to turn

re: Feel like giving up

please reply before i go

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re: A mother who needs serious support in relation to my beautiful daughter

Not doing well :(

old member no where to turn

Hi

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