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Hi topham2401, and also creideasspiorad, i hope you are both well.
I am also in a similiar situation, convincing myself that I am ok, when in reality the opposite is true! and I cry all the time now.
But I have to say, please dont give up. we sure have the power to get ourselves back on track.
The hardest part is finding that inner strength, but I hope we can all find it.
let me know how you are doing ,
keep your head up, x
Posted on May 16, 2013 at 9:39 PM
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I have only recently rejoined this site, mostly because I have been feeling really down about my ED. ://
Ive had anoerxia since i was a young teen and now im in my 20's. All of my family know about it, and I feel so ashamed and embarassed about it everytime I see them.
My health is always up and down, and because of my ED, im having to cope with health issues, which makes me feel worse.
I feel so alone :'( I cant talk to anyone about it, coz i feel no one really understands . My mum asked me whether I still have "eating issues" and I just lied to her, not because I wanted to carry on being an anorexic but because I didnt want to upset her.
And everytime I do say something she always just gets angry at me.
Not sure where to get help?
Posted on May 16, 2013 at 9:34 PM
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Hi artanddance
Struggling indeed! It's a constant daily battle that I fear I will have to face for the rest of my life. I know what you mean about knowing we have to recover, but we just cant seem to make that move. People don;t realise it is much harder than it seems, they think you can get over it overnight, but oh no! it takes a very long time, years perhaps!
The ED seems stronger than our general good moral conscience, and the question i always ask myself is how to overcome it. I have considered going into recovery alone, without my family knowing. . . but i dont know where to start. And I am terrified really. So I would rather do it alone.
Hope you are well today Take care of yourself!
littlerainbow
x
Posted on September 03, 2012 at 10:31 AM
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Hello everyone!
How are you all today? Bunnylove I am sorry to hear that, but how is everything else going for you? I wanted to thank you for your post! It made me really happy, your words really cheered me up :') I remember your words everyday now!
Artanddance! wow, thank you for the inspiration! its so amazing to know that you have 2 wonderful children, i hope to be able to conceive one day, so my fears are just that less heightened now!
I hope you all have a wonderful day, take care!
littlerainbow x
Posted on September 03, 2012 at 10:25 AM
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Hello char2712!
How are you? How as your day?
I can relate to everything you said. I too should have been having the time of my life in my teen years, but it was all wasted and buried under my ED. No happy stories to tell, no happy memories...which I will always regret.
I suffer from anorexia, coming up to 7 years now and all the damages its caused my body (which can be embarrassing, so I dont wear revealing clothes!) I am soooooo scared I won't be able to have children. It's the worst feeling ever, and I know what you are going through. All that fear, dread, regret, frustration, sadness bottled up inside.
Is there anyway you can check your fertility with a doctor? Or at least discuss your fears with a doctor? I know you're asking for advice, but what would you like to do? Do you want to go to your doctor? Is there a partner/friend you could discuss it with?
Keep well, chin up ok! 
Posted on August 29, 2012 at 8:09 PM
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Hiya,
I hope you are ok? How was your day today?
I can completely relate. I am also struggling soooo much with my ED lately. Initially I thought I was getting back on track, eating more and trying to relax about my food. But then all of a sudden I found myself back tracking. And now here I am today. It's so frustrating I can imagine when you feel like you're on the right path, then somehow you manage to go back again.
We are here for you, even if you wish to let off some steam, rant, or just get things off your chest, I'm all ears
Keep well!
Posted on August 29, 2012 at 8:00 PM
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Dearest friend,
I am really sorry for not replying. I have been struggling immensly with my ED these past months and had resorted to shutting out everything. Obviously to no avail, I have returned to the comforting confines of this website
How are you? I have missed our conversations. How is everything? Have you been on track with your ED?
I havn't. I've gone the other way, a slight relapse. . Better than my square one situation , but stil bad! I know I have put on a bit of weight, Stupid, stupid stupid. I feel disgusted with myself.
I honestly do not want to go back to my GP. I would take my mother, seeming as she is the only one who really knows the true extent of my mental issues But the thing is whenever she asks me about whether I still have issues I can only lie. I say everything is ok, but I say that for two reasons: one to reassure myself that I'm ok, and two because I do not want to break her heart. When my mother found out I had been restricting myself she was so heart broken and upset. Going to the GP would be too hard for me to face. I dont think I would want my mother to hear me say that I still have issues.
My aunt knows I have eating issues. (And my entire family, but nobody ever says anything apart from my aunt). It is embarrasing, and I always feel so humiliated.
Anyway, enough about me. Talk to me about what's going on with you? Did you have a good day today?
take care!,
xx
Posted on August 29, 2012 at 7:55 PM
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Dear friends babysteps and artanddance,
I hope you are both well and happy. I must apologise for my late reply. I have been struggling with my ED this past month, and shut out everything. Obviously to no avail since I am here again.
Artanddance, how is everything for you lately? How's work? I hope you're keeping up ;)
Babysteps, how are you? Is life ok?
I know what you mean about the struggle with having to gain weight again. I myself am battling it out with my inner self! On the one hand the good version of me is saying you must gain weight if you want to be healthy again, especially since my body is telling me to get my act together quick. But the bad me, the ED struggles. . .
This is the only place I can fully express exactly how I feel. We are all going through the same anguishes, mental torture and physical. I have recently been suffering physically and it's upset me quite a bit, I try to be happy, but because I know the root cause of it, inside I cry.
But on a lighter note, I hope that you both have been having a better time than me!
Wishing you all the happiness and peace,
littlerainbow,
x
Posted on August 29, 2012 at 7:43 PM
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Hiya sweetie!
really sorry for my late reply! ive been having problems with my computer!
anyway how have you been? Did u have a good weekend?
I know! when people make comments, especially infront of EVERYONE else its really embarrasing! and I never know what to say to them, i just go bright red. :/
How have the ED thoughts been? ignoring them is a good start
Yep! i do the same thing! i think about what my life would be like without my ED...and i realised i would be a lot happier, less scared and more keen to try new things.
how was your day today? sometimes i freak out, but maybe its a sign for me to slow down and realise somethings wrong. I agree! I feel whenever i eat more, im way more happier and less ratty. Its the ED again controlling us. Try and eat a bit more, you may just see a difference in your behaviour ;) i certainly do in mine!
i think i saw my GP last summer. I dont know how I have felt since. We didnt go into a lot of detail about it, but I know that my "habits" are marked down in her book. I feel like ive been "ratted out" in a way, like my biggest secret has just been revealed to the whole world, as opposed to one doctor. I don't know why i feel that way.
What about you?
Hope all is well, take care!
littlerainbow
x
Posted on July 11, 2012 at 1:47 PM
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Hiya babysteps,
hope you have been well. Sorry for the late reply, have been having problems with my computer! How has work been? I hope you're alright now
I've been ok, better than last week. I still struggle with the thoughts, but ive been eating a bit more . Whilst the ED is angry with me, my heart is happy that I am fighting the ED
How is the placement going? You can do this, dont let the ED win! .
How was your weekend? Mine was ok, just did a bit of shopping, still tired! one of the side effects from ED, im constantly tired!
Anyway, take care!
x
Posted on July 11, 2012 at 1:35 PM
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Hiya hun,
I hope you're well. Really sorry for late reply, have been having problems with my computer. How are you today? I hope things have been looking up
I care. it's lonely, I know how you feel, So I'm hear for you
In terms of health problems just that I have bad circulation, not good and its a daily reminder of how this illness has affected me.
Try not to worry yourself! try and be happy! Ive found that being happy really effects my eating habits. Life's too short to spend it unhappy, So give us a smile!
How has work been this week?
Take care!
x
Posted on July 11, 2012 at 1:31 PM
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Hi,
I hope you are well. How was your day?
I dont have BED, I have anorexia, but I thought I would still offer my support and if there's anything you want to talk, Im willing to listen!
All the best,
littlerainbow
x
Posted on July 06, 2012 at 4:36 PM
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Hi,
I hope you're ok. How was your day?
I can completely relate to what you said! I too feel exhausted, and its all the time, which makes work a lot harder!
I too cannot feel trapped inside my own thoughts! Like the anorexia is another version of me dictating my life, I struggle to ignore it.
Artanddance how are you? You say that it can be beaten, how?? I would really really like to know since I cant seem to beat it. everytime I try to, I lose
Yes crying can be therapeutic sometimes!
Hope you are both having a good day
littlerainbow
x
Posted on July 06, 2012 at 4:33 PM
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It's really good you talked to your GP, at least they know, I hope you won't have to wait too long!
What do you feel guilty about? I'm sorry to hear you're in a position of being scared. I am the same! All of my family know I have "issues" with my food, and everytime someone brings it up, or makes a comment I feel completely embarrased, But I just cant seem to shake of my care of what they might say if I put on weight again.
So that's what I fear the most, and when I do put on weight, but i cant shake the thoughts!
I think I have always been concerned about what others think of me, I'm not sure why though.
Its so good that your parents are supportive, at least they know. But i get what you mean when u cant tell them the full extent of your problems. I'm the same,
I dont think anyone knows the full extent of EDs except the victim themselves. Nobody can fully understand what mental and physical anguish we go through, but at least we can talk about it here.
How was your day today?
Hope all is well with you,
x
Posted on July 06, 2012 at 4:21 PM
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Hiyah,
Hope all is well. I kind of have a similar thing to you, but i dont think as much.
My siblings used to diet, and I too have cousins with ED's.
perhaps your family dietary habits could have had an impact on your ED,
I hope this helps, just something I guess you could perhaps relate to!
Have you talked to your family about your ED? or perhaps your GP?
Posted on July 04, 2012 at 9:06 PM
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Hiyah,
Im so glad someone else feels the same way! I know I need to recover, but I feel likes its impossible to.
I told my GP that my eating habits were'nt exactly normal, and that I had problems. But I reassured her that I was ok now and healthy again. I think i was trying to reassure myself than her!
Since then, which was probably last year my ED has slowly been creeping back. There was a time where I was ok, almost "normal" again. But lately i feel as if I am waaay back where I began.
Have you spoken to your GP about it? Whats stopping you from taking that step to recovery? For me a have this HUGe fear over what other people think,
Hope to hear from you soon, it makes me feel a lot less lonely
x
Posted on July 04, 2012 at 8:59 PM
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is there anyone else out there who is going through the same thing as me?
Having an ED, but just not being able to take that step to recovery? I always find myself back at square one...
I just need someone to talk to...is there anyone there?
Posted on July 03, 2012 at 4:28 PM
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Hello Duchess, how are you? Im really sorry for my late post, been quite busy these past weeks.
I completely feel the same way, and its reassuring to know that someone else also feels the same way; alone. I too feel as if I cannot speak to anyone about it, like a big secret ive carried for around 8 years.
all my family know i have "problems" with my food, and they all im sure notice my weight going up and down. its never stayed the same, which i feel is the embarrasing part.
My main fear about putting on weight is how I will feel. I dont think Im ready mentally. My other biggest fear is the comments that people will make IF i put on weight. ever since my ED its changed my body, i still till this day have to deal with the side effects... and that makes me sad. do u have any health problems since your ED?
perhaps its a good thing people are noticing, because at least this way you could receive the care and attention you need for your health...? How are you coping with the ED thoughts?
take care,
littlerainbow
Posted on June 25, 2012 at 9:49 PM
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Hello there,
I hope you are well? How has your weekend been?
Welcome to beat, i also registered a few years back and then left only to return again.
Whilst I do not suffer from the same ED as you, I know how you feel. I've been suffering from anorexia for about 8 years or so and its hard. Hard to deal with all the emotions, the deceitfulness, the hiding, the excuses, the tiredness and exhaustion, but most of all the voices.
I'm happy to support you or even just be someone to turn to, with an ED one can become extremely lonely.
Have you gone to a health specialist, or a therapy group? It might be a good start to try and educate yourself about the harm that an ED can cause or get yourself checked. Therapy can be a good way to talk about your feelings, (i know its hard to though!) and get the burden off your chest. Talking about it can really make a difference, and admitting it to people is the first step to a recovery-hopefully!
We just have to fight the ED, and at times it may seem that we are losing, or we feel like giving up, but we need to learn to STOP and say no. We have our weaknesses, but dont forget we also have our strengths, work with those and have faith in yourself that you can become healthy again. health is wealth!
Perhaps you may want to tell your partner about your ED, that may seem crazy, but it is more difficult to deal with the secretive behaviour than telling them. Im sure your partner loves you and will support you no matter what. And im sure you will feel as if a burden will be lifted, but its up to you. Honesty is the best policy. At least think about telling them, and how you would feel after...?
Take care, stay strong!
Posted on June 16, 2012 at 4:23 PM
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Hi, if anyone could offer me advice, i would really really appreciate it!
Having struggled with an ED for 8 years I have made my own steps to recovery. Ive been eating more, not starving myself at all or restricting my food intake. However the only problem is when i do, there's this voice telling me to stop. I have this fear of gaining weight, mostly the fear stems from what my friends and family will think, and that triggered my ED all over again and I went back to square one! I was so upset.
I want to be healthy and gain weight, but im scared to, Please, anyone could you help me?
fellow ED sufferer,
x
Posted on June 15, 2012 at 11:28 PM
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