menotme

re: Carers' Discussions

Hi Sunflower,

Other members of the forum are better placed to share their experiences with timelines, although I am aware that it's different from person to person.


King College London have a great resource on EDs.


Its important to be able to look after yourself. I know from personal experience that if you're unable to look after yourself, you can't look after anyone else.

You will go through a range of emotions while trying your best to support your sister. It's important to understand that you can only do what you can, and that is enough. You have your own life that you must take control of. Do what you can, encourage your sister to do what she can and let the professional services do what they can. It's hard work, but stay positive and try to stay strong.



Be kind to yourself and take care.

re: Not a carer, trying to understand things from a a carers perspective.

Hi Flo,

As Merryweather said, every case is different and each individual reacts differently to the situation.


I feel if anyone has a serious mental health condition, whatever it may be, it may have an impact on those around them. It can be very hard, distressing, upsetting and stressful to see someone you love suffer. However, life is fraught with difficulties.

Without going into too much detail, in my situation, it all became too much and had a very negative impact on every aspect of my life. I understood it was the ED that was the root of the problem.


Try to remember that no matter what happens, your parents love you and want to see you return to full health. At times, your journey, which those around you are part of, might be difficult. There will be ups and downs, tears and laughs, stressful times and happy times. That's just life.

I'm sure your parents will have done a lot of reading and understand that you and your ED as two separate things. They will understand it's not you, but your ED that makes you "deceptive and manipulative". Try not to worry about these things and focus on your recovery.

I guess all I can say is, if you can find the strength and the courage, seek out professional help, stay strong and be positive as you continue your journey of recovery.


Just as Merryweather said, "you alone can do it, but you can't do it alone". Try to communicate as openly as you can with those whom you trust.



Take care and keep fighting.

re: How an ED affected my relationship

Hi Merryweather,



Thank you so much for taking the time to respond.



Now, with some perspective, some time and a lot of therapy, I feel much more at ease with things.



She couldn't contribute emotionally or intellectually to a fulfilling and satisfying relationship because she was being suffocated by her ED. In the end, everything had been taken away from her and from us, we were broken. It would always have been very hard for us to continue on under those circumstances. So, it's for the best we're apart so she can focus 100% and completely on her recovery, that's the most important thing.



From a selfish point of view, it's also been better for me that we've separated. I've been able to focus on my own mental wellbeing, my needs and my life allowing me to make good progress in dealing with everything that happened. I'm so much more happier and calmer than I was at the start of the year.



Last I heard, through her flat mate, she's happier than she's been in a long time. That's very encouraging and positive to hear.



I hope she keeps fighting.



Thanks again for taking the time to respond. I really appreciate it.

re: My daughter has bulimia

Hello,



I'm sorry to hear of the situation you find yourself in. I think it's really important that you find ways to stay strong and seek out all support you need from any quarter you can find. From experience, I know that If you can't help yourself, you can't help anyone else.



It might be worth while calling the Beat helpline.



Take care.

re: Lack of Empathy and Increased Pressure

Hi Adele,

First thing I'd say is that it's only you who knows what's best for you and only you can decide what to do.

From personal experience, it's not possible to see a positive and clear route forward when you're stuck in the middle of things. It's at times like this when it's most difficult to get a different perspective on problems.

You can't focus on your recovery while dealing with the additional pressures you are currently dealing with at work.

but You're proposing a solution:

You can't leave work, take time off or raise your concerns with your manager so, you're seeking support through the use of ADs.

It's a small business, you seem to be understaffed and taking on additional responsibilities. Will the medication reduce the pressure associated with this?

If it wont reduce those pressures, might it help you deal with those pressures better?

Stay positive, stay strong and keep fighting.

re: Lack of Empathy and Increased Pressure

Hi Adele,



I don't know the structure of the company you work for but generally speaking, you should have access to an occupational health nurse or department. These departments, in my experience are very helpful and supportive.



So, if you have an occupational health nurse, speak to them today. If not, speak to your HR department manager. I understand how difficult this will be but, you need to find the strength to raise your concerns with them. This is the first step in a process that will formalise the position you find yourself in and allow the company to give you support you need.



You have obviously been putting in a lot of hard work which you should be applauded for. Try to step back from everything that's been said to you to date. First and foremost, you need to be given space to communicate how difficult you are finding things while fighting your ED. In doing so, you'll be able to communicate the problems you have identified in your department and team.



I would be very surprised if people around you think you are "weak and pathetic". It's very easy to fall into that kind of negative thinking when you're under the kind pressure you are and dealing with your mental health issues.



Be kind to yourself. You're doing a good job and you're trying hard. All you need is some help just like everyone else does.



Take control of the situation and seek the space and support you need from HR or your occupational health nurse.



Stay positive, stay strong and keep fighting.

re:

I to am losing friends but you need to tell yourself this, if your friends aren't by your side in your troubled time then they weren't true friends to begin with and sometimes its just pure ignorance of not understand a ED.

re: worried about my daughter

Hi Roseyrosey,

When we find ourself under an enormous amount of pressure we all behave differently to how we might otherwise behave. So first of all, be kind to yourself, you're in an enormously difficult position.

I'm sure everyone who reads this will understand that you only want to help your daughter. I'm also sure that you're going to have to deal with the consequences of opening the letter but, right now you might want to ask yourself what you've learned from this.

Have you helped yourself? Have you helped your daughter? Are you in a better place knowing what you now know? It's only for you to judge whether you're in a better position.

I'm not in the best position to offer advice or insight into help you're daughter but, what I would say is, try to stay positive and focus on what your daughter needs from you. Try to keep all methods of communication open while building trust and respect.

Maybe, when she finds the strength inside, she'll communicate openly and honestly with you. Maybe she's struggling at the moment. Maybe when she's ready to ask for help, she'll ask you.

While it's very, very difficult, you can't do this for your daughter. What you can do is make sure you're looking after yourself. You can't help anyone else if you can't help yourself. I personally find talking to my therapist helps me work things through.

Stay positive. Stay strong.

How an ED affected my relationship

Hello,

This is my first post. I'm still trying to come to terms with the devastation my girlfriends ED brought in to our relationship.

We separated in February because her Eating Disorder destroyed her before seeping into every part of of our relationship. I supported her for a year without knowing what I was fighting. Unfortunately, when she asked for help, I had been ground down and broken by her Anorexia. It triggered the darkest depression and almost took away everything I had ever built for myself.

The last time I heard from her, she told me not to contact her. She will never know the pain, heartbreak and destruction her ED brought into my life. She will never know how difficult she made it for me to move on.

I don't blame her for what happened. It's just such a terrible shame we never got to share the fun, happy and intimate relationship we both deserved.



I don't know who she is anymore but, I hope she keep fighting and the girl I fell in love with reappears.