Member Since
September 24, 2011

creideasspiorad

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re: For Emily (Emz93); Aimie (Destiny); Emma (Daisychains); Joey, Juliette and Everyone.

Hi everyone.

Sorry for the four - five month break. I am really rubbish aren't I. I am now in the swing of things at work which is a nightmare because as soon as I get comfortable everything else falls downhill. Shifts are hard work but I am getting the hang of them

I am really struggling with my eating. I am really struggling with making myself eat. I did not have my counsellor for the whole of August and I think I lost a lot of weight because all of a sudden my counsellor is wanting to talk about food etc.... It is irritating as I just want to be left to be but at the same time I so desperately want to get better. My counsellor was a little shocked when I told her that I have never had help with my eating and the reason for this is not because people haven't tried to get me specialist help it was because I was not thin enough. My last session with her though I was really mean... I was nasty with my words and I feel guilty for that and yes I have sent her a rather long email about why and sorry but I still wish I have never said it. I even apologised after I said it. She wants me to eat though and she will try to help me eat which is always a good thing I guess. I am just struggling to keep myself going and to keep myself being what i think is the perfect person.

Adele weldone on the show jumping. I would imagine you are already competing in regionals now. Did you ever get the shoulder plate out?

Daisy that is awesome news....how are you finding your MA? I wanted to do one but I never was good enough degree wise. lol. I only got a 2:2 because I failed one of my modules sorry but it was my first exam and I was going through police issues at that point. Easy to fail I guess. It is also good that you have gone to get more help and that you are recognising this.

Destiny I hope that you are ok hun.

Hello Kitty I remember your username.....I am hopeless with knowing who is who though so please forgive me. How are you?

CS

Posted on September 29, 2013 at 1:14 PM

re: Feeling alone

Have you spoken to you doctor? Also your mum prob wants to help.. Maybe you can sit down with her and let her know that yes you think it is back and that you don't know what to do could she give you some time, support and help.



Keep going hun.



CS

xxx

Posted on May 17, 2013 at 5:25 PM

re: In need of some support here :(

I get what you mean .

Something else I do is listen to music or if I am out and about I carry a small cuddly toy that will fit in my handbag that I can touch when I need comfort or the need for safety... but it does help. lol.



I am on antidepressants however it took a few different ones to find the one that made me feel ok and not ill ..maybe talk to your gp about trying a different type?



The move may be stressful but exciting at the same time and as you have said a new start for all involved. Make it a new start and try not to let your ED start to rule you over the move etc.... it will be hard but you are strong enough to cope with it.



Don't worry about forgetting about this place I often do myself



Little rainbow - you too sound soo strong How are you hun.





Love to you both



CS

xxx

Posted on May 17, 2013 at 5:20 PM

re: Old user (dancingdanielle)

Im ok....get the few occasional wobbles...but more good days than bad so I am getting there.


That's awesome...I am just about to start a new job in the mortgage industry so am looking forward to that.

How are you in yourself?



CS

xx

Posted on May 17, 2013 at 5:09 PM

re: In need of some support here :(

Firstly....keep fighting.

Secondly...keep talking about it.

Thirdly....remind yourself what is amazing about you.



At least this is what I find helps for me. Not saying its easy though. Being in a family isn't either and being a single parent is even harder but guess what you are still functioning at these....the greatest strength anyone can hold and have. You are a strong person more than you give yourself credit for and it is maybe something you can remind yourself every morning.



What do you like about yourself? it can be something small or something huge....so for example for me its my hair....I have grown to love the soft red/auburn/ginger/strawberry blonde hair that I have, the colour depends on who is looking at the hair....I am inclined to say it is red. Then think about something that someone else likes about you? it could be a comment from your children or a friend or just general observations about your from someone else.



It can be hard to believe these comments or find something at first but the more you find something and keep it in mind and keep telling yourself it the more you will believe it and hold on to it. It might sound stupid I laughed at the person who told me and said yeah right but it wasn't until someone said to me that the endorphins released in the brain when someone pays you a compliment is only half the level of the person who is given the compliment and a third of the level when you accept that compliment. It doesn't mean you have to believe it though but just accept it and say thank you can make all the difference. I tried this for three months and kept failing but after the three months I started to accept every compliment and I took notice of the ones that were consistent....such as your hair is gorgeous (said by more than one person) and I started to believe them.



What would you say to someone else in your situation???? maybe write it down so you can refer back to it when you are struggling.



It might be tough but you can fight anorexia.



Take care...routing for you.



CS

xxx

Posted on May 16, 2013 at 4:35 PM

re: Ednos

I suffer from EDNOS and it I hard...but like africansail said taking one day at a time helps....or even on some days one minute at a time. I am working hard and I would say I am having more good days than bad. My EDNOS has taken different forms.



I found holding onto the positives helped....writing down the nice things people said about me even if I didn't believe them and keeping them for when I was having a bad day. Patience and Kindness also helped although it wasn't always that easy to do. Practise makes perfect though and its finding things that you find comfortable to do such as going out for a walk taking up a hobby etc.... little things. I found that shying away or hiding did not help. Talking about it to people can help, even if it is just on here.



Wishing you all the luck in the world.



CS

xxx

Posted on May 16, 2013 at 4:21 PM

re: Would like some advice please

Hi yellowzebra,



Have you considered speaking to your GP about your behaviour? Or is this the first time you have opened up about this?



GP's are generally the window and door to other services.



You mentioned that you have bipolar and it Is relatively stable. Sometimes other mental health conditions occur alongside an ED. I for one suffer and am medicated for depression but I also suffer from an ED.



EDs are coping mechanisms although they are unhealthy ones they can be overcome.



Sometimes talking to another person can help.



Hope you are ok and here if you need to talk.



CS

xxx

Posted on May 16, 2013 at 4:11 PM

re: For Emily (Emz93); Aimie (Destiny); Emma (Daisychains); Joey, Juliette and Everyone.

Oh my!!!!!



Truth be told...I have been so busy I forgot about the support I have gotten from here....which is a shame because I have been struggling. Although this does not mean that I have not been thinking of you all on here.



Adele hun....love to you.....how have things been I am so sorry I have not been on for a while.



Goloving how are you? Keep talking hun it will help....how have things been.





Ok with me???????? I my eating has been difficult and got worse the more stressed I got. I cannot remember where or what you guys know so I will start from the start. I was made redundant back in March and it has been go go go to find another job and keep my counselling going whilst finding non existent money to pay for it. I had loads of interviews....up to four per week which was amazing and I was very lucky but week after week I never heard back from them. I had a mock interview at a job agency and this has affected my confidence so I kept messing up time and time again.



I went for a patch test three weeks ago for those that have never heard of it its a test that shows if you have any allergies or not....you have to attend hospital three times in the week that they put the patches on and you are not allowed to bath or shower for the week they are on. The Thursday of this week I had an interview (I had already been to two others on the mon and tues) I had my greasy hair scrapped back and I had doused myself in perfume in case I didn't smell all that great. Because of this I had already decided that I would not be offered the job and so I reverted back to my own laws of interviewing that completely threw out the rules that I had been given from the mock I mentioned above.... Well guess what....20 min after I left the interview I got offered the job....I start the training this Monday. So very happy. Just goes to show being yourself in an interview goes a long way.........



So that said I still have two months of having no money and to run my new and own personal car so I can attend work until payday....It cannot come quick enough.



Thing is now I am battling off a cold and I will not be seeing my counsellor until.....well who knows until I have been given my shifts at work and then I can work around them. It is all a massive mayhem at the moment but I the soonest I will be able to see her will be three weeks time maybe even four. which is a long time.....I am just going to have to work hard and put things into place that I have learnt from her and have some faith in my own abilities and that I can do this.



I am still going to that group that the doctor suggested and it has helped and is helping to a point which is good.



Went to a wedding last weekend which was amazing and all the planning paid off for the bride and groom and they are now touring around America for their honeymoon.





So yeah the last few months have been stressful and crazy and difficult. But I am still alive and fighting....just. It isn't easy and now that I have a job I can put my energy into fighting my ED.







How are all of you?



CS

xxx

Posted on May 16, 2013 at 3:44 PM

re: Old user (dancingdanielle)

Hey lovely,

How is it going? so glad to hear from you. What are you up to now?

CS
xxx

Posted on May 16, 2013 at 3:23 PM

re: A Nervous Newcomer

hi,

I have never had CAT but I am aware of it. I have a degree in Psychology but never pursued the path that most would associate with the subject....I am not that clever. although the option is sort of available to me and I am able to still get in there just if I go the long way around.

Are the sessions getting better? It will always be hard at first because you are being taught new ways of thinking and this is difficult when you are used to the "disordered" thinking that has lead to you having an ED.

Keep fighting.

CS

Posted on March 26, 2013 at 1:24 PM

re: For Emily (Emz93); Aimie (Destiny); Emma (Daisychains); Joey, Juliette and Everyone.

Hi all,



Just a quick note since I have not posted for the last twenty days although unfortunately it is not all good news. lol. I am ok just busy with trying to deal with and find a new job as a result of redundancy as well as finding a car to buy as the car I had was a company car. The last twenty days has been stressful and it has gone really quickly. My food has been up and down. I am slipping but the control is still there to try and keep myself from falling back into the depths of EDNOS although it is really difficult. No to mention the personality disorder is playing up and causing havoc...I am working with my GP and counsellor though to keep a hold on who I am out of all these issues.



On top of this I turned twenty five yesterday and I have a baptism lunch on Sunday which I am struggling to get head around. Not to mention that this weekend is also Easter.



I have lost the plot and so I have not been on because I fear I cannot support you all through your difficulties as well and this hurts me to because I want to be able to help you.







Adele - it is good news about the plate being removed it means that you are healing and will soon be able to work properly again. As of the osteoporosis of the spine....unfortunately anorexia can cause this the same way as it causes loss of periods in the female. Bones need calcium to grow and stay strong....without calcium they can become brittle and break more easily. Because we cut out certain food groups and dietary needs because we fear that we will gain weight eating them, we cut out the main sources of calcium. I am really sorry that you have been diagnosed with osteoporosis; I hope that you are ok.



Aimee - how was the weekend away? was it as good as you hoped?



GolovingZo21- its ok to struggle as it is a sign that you are fighting so never be sorry for struggling and not being on here as a consequence. Have you been to see your GP about the low moods they might be able to help with those...I know mine has managed to help a little bit. It will end though and the old you will return but a whole lot better and stronger because of your experiences...do not give up hope....I have seen the other side at least I have seen glimpses of it in my own life...so it is there.......you can get to it. Struggling is the biggest part of fighting...in an odd way struggling is a good thing...it means you are starting to recognise the ED voice and you are starting to hear the little voice that is yours....keep fighting keep going.







How have you all been this week?



CS

xxx

Posted on March 26, 2013 at 1:17 PM

re: What am I supposed to do now? GP will not listen...

Hi Gemz,

Urghhh that is difficult when a doctor cannot help and yet is the better doctor in the surgery you are at.

I am in recovery...maybe even recovered. I come onto these boards when I feel myself slipping, in a way it is a good thing that I can recognise that I am not going down the right route and can ask for help.


When my ED took hold I unfortunately fell short of help and only had my GP. I live in an expensive part of the UK and a postcode lottery said that I had to be a lot worse than I was to get specialist help. So my GP and I had to battle the ED ourselves and this was difficult but I have managed it...I have just got to keep it at bay now. I relied on the B-eat boards and helplines to get me through and my GP tried to help as much as she could. I was lucky to have my GP on side and this I know does not happen to everyone.



I went to Uni and I had a GP who just didnt understand or care and this was hard to carry on with the recovery process. However, another GP in the practise got me some psychiatry and psychotherapy support and this helped take the pressure off a little. It annoyed me that unless I was very unwell I was not the criteria for specialist support. Do not get me wrong the support I did receive was brilliant even if they struggled with the concept of an ED, but it was ok I used and took from it what I could...even though the treatments where medication and directed at depression.



I now have a private counsellor to help tie up a few loose ends...she is completely aware of eating disorders and PTSD as well as depression, and other mental health problems. She has been amazing with me and stuck with me throughout the last year. She genuinely cares about me and her other clients rather than the money although money obviously is important as she needs it for her livlihood. She is a bereavement counsellor but bereavement covers a whole network of things other than a loss of a loved one as I have worked out. I do not know why I chose her because my bereavement is not of a loss of a loved one but she is really really good and she has contact with my GP (my say so) so if something worries her she can talk to my GP and my GP can do something about it.



Is it possible that you can find a private therapist??????



How are you?



CS

xxx

Posted on March 08, 2013 at 2:10 PM

re: Still AN?

Hi Nikki,



I have got and had anorexia's mental frame of mind, and behaviours and at points anaorexia with purging type. Because I was never of the Low BMI weight they could not diagnose me with anorexia instead I have had to settle for EDNOS.



Just because you are at a healthy BMI and weight, to which I commend you on well done for being able to get to this point, does not mean that you are not eating disordered or that you did not have anorexia or that you are not having the issues now. You have worked hard to get to this point....maybe speak to the eating disorder team specialists and see what they say...they might agree but they are willing to support you.



I am unsure of the response you where after and I hope that I have been able to help out a little.






CSxxx

Posted on March 06, 2013 at 4:24 PM

re: What am I supposed to do now? GP will not listen...

hi Gemz,



I really hope that you are ok...my advice go and see a different GP in your surgery..I feel that.not all GP's understand Eating Disorders or i feel they dont understand mental illness



Take Care

CS

xxx

Posted on March 06, 2013 at 4:16 PM

re: Pregnancy and recovery

Hi,

I have not been pregnant so I do not know how useful I would be . I am proud of you for keeping strong and asking for support.

I wonder if you have been able to speak to your husband about your worries? Also speaking to your health visitor and explaining the thoughts you have been having and that all this is a struggle for you now which you are feeling pretty rubbish about because you have been free for over 7years. By the way a massive congratulations for being in recovery or am I allowed to say full recovery for so long I am really proud of you.



Congratulations on the pregnancy you must be nearing six months now or you are six months as you where three months you said in your last post. How are you managing?



Take care.



CS

xxx

Posted on March 06, 2013 at 4:11 PM

re: How am I allowed to feel?

hi,

just wanted to say thanks for the sideline...its made me smile today and I havent smiled for a few days.

Adele you are a shinning star that touches the people you meet and speak to...do not speak so baddly of yourself...positive Adele thoughts only wink I know you have some somewhere you just need to route them out of the positive place in your head. If I had posted the above post what would you have said to me?

CS
xx

Posted on March 05, 2013 at 1:33 PM

re: Is it possible to recover?

surround yourself with positive people....

Posted on March 05, 2013 at 1:25 PM

re: For Emily (Emz93); Aimie (Destiny); Emma (Daisychains); Joey, Juliette and Everyone.

Hey,

Ok I am back on track..... I think. lol.

Aimee how are you?

Adele.... My GP tells me that I do not suffer from depression but she treats me with antidepressants and I wonder what it is that she knows that I dont. When I ask her she says the medication are not typical antidepressants but they have antidepressants written all over them and about them on the internet and the type they are...hmmmm unless they are placebo but I am unsure if this is true....got me questionning them now. However, my medication helps with the incessive mood swings I experience and is often used to treat Dysmythia a type and form of depression and is often under diagnosed, however I do not have this either because it has not been mentioned according to my GP. Have you tried seeing another GP at the practise? I too am the same, however, ED's and depression often go hand in hand and if you have an ED (generalised term) most doctors see this and think that depression is a separate concept and often will say your are ED'd not depressed when in fact you can and could be both. argh this isnt coming out as it is supposed to...because you suffer from an ED Adele this could be masking the depression from the onlooker. Thats a better way of saying it. Dont give up hope and keep talking.

Maybe write everything down...absolutely everything and pass it to your GP. They cannot ignore the letter. Ask for a double appointment too it will give you that extra time to try and explain things.

Good luck.

CS
xxx

Posted on March 05, 2013 at 1:22 PM

re: Should I be here?

Hi Alexis



Thank you for posting back and letting us know how you are doing....my first reaction to your post was....oh my....I think that all of us on here know what we should be doing we just have to battle the other voice as well and that is all the more difficult. Being in recovery from EDNOS and I have been told that denying the cravings is something that just makes the ED worse...so if you want the sweet thing have it but a small amount. Difficult I know to do and it is difficult to stop the need to keep over eating as soon as you start. Have you thought about putting some distraction stratergies in place for the times you want to b/p? some people find that reading a book, meeting up with or calling friends for a chat or just going for a walk because getting out of the place that has the huge amount of food for you to binge on helps the person not become tempted and the walk can help clear the head so you can put a plan in place for when you go back. Different things work for different people. Eating meals and stopping eating just before you are full is really good but in the long term you may find that meals become more of a struggle. Right now though....do anything that works and helps you...



I totally get the family thing...I too have never spoken to my family about my ED. I know that they have been aware its hard not to know because believe it or not no matter how much we try to hide it there will always be tell tale signs and these will be more noticed by the people who know us really well. We never discussed the issue and I often ate a lot less than they did, and my purging techniques never went unnoticed even if planned the purge when they had all gone to bed my mum still knew...my way of allowing them to help me though was by allowing mum to prepare my meals....it was really tough but I knew they had to feel like they could support me. My mum also is one to blame herself and this made me feel more guilty over what I did.



It got to a stage where I needed/wanted help and so I spoke to my GP. luckily for me my GP knew me well and had been my GP from the age of three so we had a good rapour and she did everything she could to get me help but nothing worked....I then left for uni and stayed in contact with her when I came home on a professional level and I must say uni took its toll and no GP up there could or even wanted to get me specialist help however, they got me genalised help, the same as my GP could do where I am now. Having someone to talk to though was really really good...even to a psychiatrist who kept me on as a patient of hers even though I was not a person that needed her type of support...instead she pushed for psychotherapy for me and saw me for three years before I came up to the top of the waiting list. There is help out there.



Keep talking. Keep fighting.

You doing so well.



CS

xxx

Posted on March 04, 2013 at 1:40 PM

re: Should I be here?

Hi Alexxis,



I am 25 years old and I have been on these boards for a while. The binge purge cycle you have gotten into you have admitted is difficult to stop and in an odd way I agree. When I first started using these boards I suffered from EDNOS, I still do although I would like to think I am in recovery. I struggled to stop with the purging (I used other purge techniques to you) but I was not underweight and was a healthy weight for my height medically. I like you did not see it as a problem even though other people around me could see that I had an issue with food. I felt that if I was thinner then I would be happier and people would stop hurting me and this I realised was not the case when I got attacked during my uni studies. This then lead me to binge and eventually I am back in to the restricting I still am not happy. I struggled to get help at first and it is only in the past year that I have been able to afford private general counselling, to takl through what started my need to control food.



What I am trying to say is that you are not alone with how you are feeling. Anyone who has a problem with food diagnosed or undiagnosed are welcome on these boards. It is very easy to hide an ED and talking about it as you have done is the first step of taking back control over the ED. At the moment the food issues you have currently have control over you because you cannot stop the binge purge cycle.



You seem like a really intelligent person and there is help out there....have you tried going to see your GP...if you feel they are not supportive then see a different one...keep asking for help until you are able to get some. I struggled on the NHS because of where I live so private works better for me and my GP and my T has contact with each other if one or the other are concerned about me. You can also call B-eat helpline and see if there are any support groups near where you live that you might be able to get to...sometimes just knowing that you are not alone just helps.



Welcome to the boards.



How are you today?



Take care and here if you want to talk more. We all are.



CS

xxx

Posted on February 26, 2013 at 3:15 PM
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