Member Since
July 30, 2011

Hayley1990

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re: Eating disorder and other diagnosis'ssssss

Hello smiling
Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. I know a few people who have several diagnosis including myself.
I found out I had other problems which contributed to my ED. At first it felt awful and I remember being in tears over a letter/report the psychiatrist gave me, but now I'm able to understand why I do or don't do things and I'm learning from it. I'm much healthier now because of it.
Don't get caught up in the labels. Everyone's experiences are different. Learn and take from it what you can and take the now more specific advice from the professionals. Knowing about these other diagnosis can and will help you.
Hope you have a good day.
Hayley Jo

Posted on January 22, 2014 at 10:06 AM

Fiona. xxx

Hello Fiona

I just wanted to pop my head in and say hello on the off-chance you still pop on here occasionally

I'd love to know how you all are?

Things here are scarily good ED wise. I can actually eat without feeling awful. I have put on a lot of weight, but I don't feel that compulsion to lose it in the same way.

Work isn't great. I love my colleagues, but being a saleswoman really isn't for me. That said, it is well-paid and I am learning a wide-range of skills. I can literally walk up to anyone now and start a conversation, most often without being anxious.

I do still SH, but much less often and never to the extent of hospital. I have to go dress shopping for work, and bridesmaid dress shopping with my sister, and I am quite proud of my arms. I'm not 100% comfortable having them on show, but I'm not trying things on with an arm firmly behind my back anymore!

xxx

Posted on September 29, 2013 at 5:14 PM

re: To Fiona. x



GP is massively concerned about my confidence again now and wants me to see him more regularly. I’ve insisted on him prescribing me some prescription stuff, and he said he would do some blood tests next week for me to see if there is a problem at all with my thyroid or anything because I don't believe him.

It does seem a little incongruous though- I’m getting brilliant feedback from customers (more so than those that have worked there years) and colleagues get into and stay in my personal space way more than I feel comfortable with. No one avoids sitting next to me on buses or anything, but why would work lie? None of my friends or family have mentioned anything and when I have felt like I smell a bit after the bus I have directly asked people who said I was just paranoid. My GP would have no reason to lie to me either though – I went in quite matter of fact telling him I smell and wanted to deal with it.

I have changed soap, changed and doubled washing powder/fabric conditioner, using prescription antiperspirant, changing diet, stopped using perfume, showering twice a day and scrubbing at every opportunity. I was already freshening up at lunchtime as I always have. Not too sure what else can be done.

Wondering if it could be what I’m eating.

My hair has to be a certain way, I have to wear heals, I have to wear a ridiculous amount of make-up, I have to wear a skirt. I was already doubting it was good for me as I was feeling so judged already. I once reached into a cabinet and my collar rode up and I got a telling off about it. I don’t feel I really excel at the job either because it is so target focused that the customer’s best interests get overlooked – I just don’t work like that.

But I’m so scared of being sacked for smelling – it was already so hard to find a job without explaining this.

I desperately don’t want to go to work tomorrow and how they can expect me to concentrate for a test tomorrow or be more confident with customers is beyond both me and my GP.

Feel absolutely awful. Been dwelling on it all weekend.

Posted on April 07, 2013 at 9:44 PM

re: To Fiona. x

Hi Fiona,

Just thought I'd let you know I've got a new job not a clue what I'm doing yet - but they've managed to get me into a suit! It's big and scary and my head hurts!

Hope to hear from you.

xxx

Posted on March 12, 2013 at 8:11 PM

re: Should I be here?

Hi Alexxis,
It's good you can recognise you maybe aren't so in control with your eating. You don't have to be underweight or have been for specific treatment to validate your posting - you can have just as many issues at a "healthy" weight. What you are doing doesn't sound healthy. Do you think you could go to your GP and explain what you are doing? If not, why not?
I began to properly accept help about a year and a half ago now. I was pushed to the edge after about 10 years of thinking I ultimately had control. About a year ago I met a psychiatrist and read notes from him, my GP and the hospital. I refused to speak about my eating, and I was a healthy weight, but they still knew. I don't have a specific diagnosis - all speculative.
It was a hard step to take, but some really lovely professionals helped me. If I wanted to speak to them, they were there. If not, they were there.
If it helps, please do keep posting.
Best wishes,
Hayley Jo

Posted on February 26, 2013 at 4:35 PM

re: Occupational health clearance for Uni

Hello Mumsie,

I hope you are well. I'm Hayley and I graduated last summer.

I have never been IP but I think it would be on an individual case with the person you care for and student wellbeing? The University will have a duty of care: I was required to hand in a 'fit to study' note when they could see that I was really struggling. They were concerned that it was the stress of the course that was making me worse. They did broach the subject of me deferring a number of times, and I admit I was tempted, but I was quite firm that I wanted to stay and they respected my reasoning.

It is worth having a word with them. Does the uni have a MHP? I saw mine quite regularly and we put in a DSSR (a sort of disability plan) and she was a link between Drs and my tutors. The crisis team would ring her as well as my GP and she would smooth things over without my lecturers knowing too much. She helped me manage my studies and was fab to chat to when I was getting overwhelmed and teach me techniques to keep myself a little safer.

I think the most important thing is what the person you care for thinks, can she be responsible and manage her studies, or would it be better to take some time out? Does she want to? Fortunately I received a good grade, but I only just scraped it with so much extra stress and effort. Spending time in hospital when I should've been presenting work to clients wasn't my finest moment!

Best wishes,

Hayley Jo

Posted on February 19, 2013 at 5:54 PM

re: Advanced CRB and mental health?

Hi Lucy,
Thank-you so much for that info, that's perfect news smiling
Hope you are well.
xxx

Posted on February 13, 2013 at 2:04 PM

Advanced CRB and mental health?

Hello everyone.

I have been offered a job interview for working with people with mental health difficulties. For this position I would be required to have an Advanced CRB check.

What I was wondering is whether or not they would be able to see that I have had any difficulties myself from an Advanced CRB? I have had an ordinary CRB before and know that that is ok, but I don't fully understand what the advanced bit would show.

I wouldn't want them to know anything about this, but if they have a way to find out then I'd prefer to let them know myself!?

Any help, info or advice would be much appreciated.

Many thanks.

Hayley Jo. xxx

Posted on February 12, 2013 at 3:08 PM

To Fiona. x

Hello ((HJ+F))

I do hope you are ok. How are your d's doing, and how is your eldest coping with her job?

I'm not coping too well. This unemployment thing is really getting to me. I must've applied for over 100 jobs now and no luck so far. Only 2 have been in design, the rest are the sort of job you could go for at 16. It's so boring and I keep getting preoccupied with thoughts that I shouldn't be having. I keep going to volunteer and then thinking how I can't and feel negative.
I'm sure shop assistants think I'm bonkers as I keep going to buy things and then not. Maybe I will be able to save up the JSA for another house deposit as I only have to pay a little bit of rent to my mum!! Things are still problematic with my old landlady so I can't afford to move out.

Sorted the food yesterday. I'm having different to everyone else so my future sister in law sorted things out for me - I feel much better now it is sorted. She has asked me to make some decorations too.

I suppose a lot of grads are in this position, and I didn't LOVE my job, but I'm just a bit upset that I didn't have the option of resigning, and I couldn't get anything lined up as I would've. I just wish employers would see the potential in me I went to one interview and they were so rude. I felt like I failed in design, though I know I haven't. Another interview I lost out on , but they forwarded my application to other departments.

Ho hum.

I haven't purged/restricted in a while now.

Hope you are well.

xxx

Posted on February 10, 2013 at 7:03 PM

re: Fiona x

Hi Fiona,

I've been unemployed for 2 weeks now and I feel so lost and overwhelmingly inadequate already. I'm not even sure I can claim benefits because technically I chose to leave, though the situation didn't really allow me to stay. They are having to review my case.

As much as the job did get me down I think this is worse. Being home but with nothing to go out to and being so looked down on. I've applied for lots of jobs already without any response. I'm trying to tell myself that I am too qualified or too ambitious for the most part but it's hard to keep up that way of thinking. Just finished applying for another, but I think my background in design will be a massive hinderance. Got a lovely e-mail from a personal trainer out of the blue wanting help to promote his business which will be an interesting challenge but it's probably only going to be a few hours work. I think because I'm bored and down on things it's really tuning me to what I have or haven't eaten, and the fact that I'm at home is quite difficult as this is the place that I really struggle with purging due to the layout of the house. At uni I always struggled to do it. Everyone here thinks I'm being so strong and ambitious and are amazed at my positive attitude and I really feel like I'm just having a meltdown. I just feel I have to hide it from 'real' people for some reason.

I hope you are OK!

xx

Posted on January 15, 2013 at 12:54 AM

re: Struggling to fight the ED

Hi Aimee,

I hope today is going OK for you.

I think the fact that you keep trying shows that there is hope that you can overcome this someday. For me, I know it felt like I was going around in circles for years and years but I found that something clicked when I was ready to engage in the support offered to me and I finally realised what I was doing to myself. I could tell you everything the doctors would say, but I used to struggle to associate it with myself. Keep trying and hopefully one day something will click. Until then, keep going. I think it's good to see you are aware of your family.

I'm having a bit of a nightmare at the moment having resigned from my job and moved back to my mum's. It's clearly affecting me as I keep struggling and going back to old behaviours. I'm finding having lists really helps. I don't think they are too ambitious, today my challenges are to file away some paperwork properly, apply for 2 jobs, update my diary and do some sewing. I haven't managed to get round to any of these yet today but I know I will. Set yourself little challenges and keep going, one step at a time?

I hope you feel better soon.

Best wishes,

Hayley Jo.

Posted on January 11, 2013 at 12:49 PM

re: Fiona x

Been doctors. He's really happy with everything health-wise. I mentioned about the SH and he really focused in on it, then he wanted to tell me all about coping methods and kept asking if I was happy.

Posted on January 09, 2013 at 1:11 PM

re: Fiona x

Hi F,

Thought I'd better come on here because I'm having a bit of a bad day and I feel rotten. How are you ?

Got GP tomorrow. Dreading it! Having to have a medical again because changing surgery again. So so anxious about the scales. I don't want to seem stubborn but it really scares me to have anyone else know my weight. He knows bits about me from before University, and I think the crisis team sent him some notes at one point, but I feel I don't want to be open with him. I want the dr I had a uni still

Applied for another job this morning in event planning and about to complete a freelance job once I am finally showered and dressed. Event planning lady seems quite positive but I'm not sure if she just has a positive personality!

Fiona, it really scares me how I can flip. Last night I was so so desperate. Nothing had happened that was any different to any other time.

Posted on January 08, 2013 at 2:40 PM

re: Fiona x

Hello Fiona,

Happy new year! I hope you are well. How has your Christmas been?

I am now back living at home looking for jobs. I simply couldn't afford a new flat as I still haven't received my deposit back so that made my mind up for me. It's difficult because it's quite an unusual situation so I haven't really been sure how to approach it. Luckily the people I work with really like me and think I'm great with the clients so I have a job to go back to if and when circumstances allow.

Good news with my sister though, her boyfriend is planning to propose and mentioned to me about designing her engagement ring. Yay! So exciting! As an assistant I never did a full ring from start to finish on my own, so I'm sure there will be stages that I simply have no idea, but it will be a worthwhile learning curve to design something so precious for my big sister (and portfolio!) .

Happy to be home though I am sure it will wear off very soon. I want any job so that I can learn to drive (which was a big issue down there) and possibly take up a business course whilst saving up to get back there. Not degree level or anything just a college course type thing to get me up to speed as I think it is really important with design to have a bit of knowledge in business!!

How are you???? My phone broke with my food diary and I didn't panic, and now I keep forgetting to write in it until the day later, which I think is pretty good given I have done it for so long. It seems less important somehow because I didn't really care too much. Bit scary but would be helpful not to feel I have to do it! I'm half and half about doing it now. And I also managed a meal out last night with my friends and their kids. I found myself covered in * and * from a gorgeous little girl but managed to share food with my best friend, and keep up with everyone! Seems so strange how things just seem to have fallen into place a bit and I haven't even really tried. I think everyone is expecting me to have a breakdown any day now with everything that has happened, and I know I'm hopeless at understanding my emotions and knowing how to react, but I actually think this time I'm actually fine. Sorry for the essay of a message, it was only meant to be a hello but I think I'm procrastinating a bit from updating my CV!!

xxx

Posted on January 03, 2013 at 1:41 PM

re: Fiona x

I feel I can't cope.



Quit my job but they told me they don't want me to leave because I'm good at it and they can see so much potential. They're giving me time to change my mind.



I don't know what I want.



x

Posted on December 21, 2012 at 7:46 PM

re: Fiona x

Hi Fiona.

Bit of a change of plan. I'm home.

Me, my dad and brother went to my flat to get my stuff . My mum's house is bursting as my sister has just moved home too.

Quite an extreme situation.

Now I'm looking for new flats. But the one bedroom flats are so expensive so all I can afford down there are houseshares (still most of my wage gone) which is now freaking me out, and I was going to do 6 months, which was my house contract, and pack it in, but now I need another contract it will likely be another 6 months.

I think I might ring my lecturer or the job centre and see what I can say if I pack it in. Reason for leaving: ???

Eee. But I am home and safe and got my mum and work is being so good with it. The designers were brilliant and turned quite parenty which I needed at that point! xxx

Posted on December 19, 2012 at 8:25 AM

re: Fiona x

Hi Fiona,

Same as ever - working in a job I hate miles away from everyone. I don't like it here. I don't like the place or the people I work with or the job.

I'm really struggling with clients at times and I'm feeling really trapped.

I think we will just have to see how long it takes until I hop on a train one day and figure it out from there.

Hope you are well? xx

Posted on December 12, 2012 at 1:43 PM

re: Fiona x

I miss home so much but I'm stuck here, in a job where I am not using my degree or doing what I love on minimum wage miles away. Feeling so stuck.

Posted on November 14, 2012 at 12:40 PM

re: Fiona x

Just a slight rant Fiona, I need a massive cuppa just now.

Just been to the doctors. I was thinking it would be a case of go in, fill in a form, out. But no. I went to the local one and they wouldn't accept me because of my address (despite it being within catchment area), so I then had to walk miles to get to the one that accepts people who live here - that isn't on a bus route - to fill in a form and have to make an appt with the nurse for a health check. It was a massive surgery and so hospitally. I really really miss my Uni GP

I arranged the health check for today. So there I was miles away from home panicking on the phone to my friend waiting for this appt. Next questions were about operations, then about long term things. So I said what I'd had, and added mental health issues, and she asked more questions and I just said I don't know and that it's all on my notes. I know they ask all these questions but she was so on my case and so nosey. Had to do a urine sample too - so thorough for just registering!! I felt so unco-operative but at the same time they'll soon have my notes.

Not much of a day off but at least my doctor is a little closer than 250 miles away!

Hope you are well!! xxxx

Posted on November 07, 2012 at 4:12 PM

re: Fiona x

Hi Stormy,

Thank-you for your kind words. I hope your d manages to turn things around. This time last year I was a complete mess but now things are very different. I hope something 'clicks' for her soon and she manages to do all she needs to during her year out, and that it helps.

Best wishes,

Hayley Jo.

Posted on November 06, 2012 at 10:31 PM
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